64Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. Chapter Eleven is here and only one more to go. Yay! I hope you enjoy. Please let me know what you think. :)
Broken Hearts and Realization
Charlie Brown prayed that he misheard Lucy Van Pelt. There was no way he heard her correctly. She wouldn't kiss him like that, still be wrapped in his arms, and then say she wanted to end things with him. He leaned his forehead against her's, cupped her face with his hands, and pulled her back to him. The kiss didn't last though. Lucy pulled away creating space between them.
"I want to break up." She whispered.
"Lucy..."
He cleared his throat, trying to get the roughness, caused by desire and pain, out of his voice. Why was she doing this? She initiated the kiss. She wasn't cruel enough to pull him in and then rip the rug out from under him. An image of him lying flat on his back looking up at a grinning Lucy, holding a football, flashed in Charlie's mind. That was ten years ago, she wasn't that same person and neither was he. They had grown up.
She looked as miserable as he felt. Charlie reached for her again. He put his hands on her hips, gently he pulled her to him. Leaving one hand on her side Charlie placed his other hand on her cheek. Lucy refused to look at him. His confusion was mounting and he wondered yet again what might have brought this about. Franklin popped into Charlie's mind but he couldn't connect the dots.
"We belong together, Lu. Stop trying to fight that fact."
Lucy shook her head. It looked like she was trying not to cry. Putting her hand up she pushed away from him.
"I love you." He told her.
It felt good to finally say it in the way he meant it, but it only seemed to cause her more pain. Lucy wrapped her arms around herself and took another step back.
"No," She responded, "you don't love me."
"Yes, I do. I have for a while. Why can't you see that I..."
"No." She said more forcefully. "We don't belong together."
Her tone was matter of fact. Charlie wasn't sure if it was because she thought he wasn't getting it or if she was trying to convince herself.
"Yes, we do." He matched her tone.
Lucy sighed. "I'm not going to argue with you, Char. I've made my decision."
She turned toward her car at the same time that something caught Charlie's attention. Out of the corner of his eye he saw movement. Looking in that direction he saw Schroeder. Walking to his car Schroeder was clearly watching them. Frustration ran through Charlie and he scoffed. He couldn't believe they were still arguing about Schroeder. He took a deep breathe and it came out shaky.
"Of course. I am such an idiot. It's always going to be about him isn't?"
Lucy had turned back to him as he spoke. She looked confused until Charlie pointed directly at Schroeder. Rolling her eyes her attention focused again on Charlie. She stepped closer and started reaching for him before catching herself. She stepped back again.
"It's not about him. It hasn't been about him for months. This is about what I want." She sounded calm.
"It's always about what you want, Lucy." He sounded less calm.
He knew they should stop. They didn't need to be having this conversation when they were both so emotional. They would just start saying things they didn't mean. Besides, she was right about one thing. It hadn't been about Schroeder for a while. Yet, he somehow kept getting in between them. Maybe he would always be between them. Maybe there would be no future for Charlie and Lucy.
He shook that thought from his mind. He had fought too hard and too long to give up now. He could't give her up now. So, they couldn't stop yet. Not until they got it all out in the open would they have a chance to move forward. They would move forward. He drew her into his arms.
"I don't understand your need to continue to push me away."
"I don't understand your need to continue to push me. We were fine before. Before you decided it wasn't good enough to just be my friend, my best friend. Before you started lying to me. Maybe I'm not the only one who has been pretending."
Lying? Charlie wouldn't say that he had ever lied to her, maybe omitted a view things but never out right lied to her. At least not that he could remember.
"What have I lied about?"
"Violet Gray." Lucy's voice had an eerie calm tone.
They hadn't moved apart from each other. Lucy needed to look up slightly to glare at Charlie. His faced morphed into one of pure confusion.
"What does Gray have to do with anything?"
"Gray. Gray." Lucy spun away from him, took a few steps and then spun back around. "Stop pretending."
"What the crap are you talking about?" Charlie asked growing angry.
"I know you've been kissing her." Lucy shouted.
Charlie stumbled back. He felt like she had slapped him, he wondered if his face conveyed that feeling. Everything was out in the open but Charlie didn't know how to move forward. He was shocked that she knew. It wasn't like he and Violet had talked about keeping it a secret but it had remained a secret. Charlie knew that Violet hadn't been the one to tell Lucy. She would have warned him.
In the next second the dots finally connected. Violet had been waiting on a pizza when Charlie showed up at her house. Franklin delivered pizzas. He must have seen them. Charlie felt angry about the fact that Franklin went straight to Lucy instead of coming to him. He took one look at Lucy's face and the anger drained from him.
"I can explain." He told her calmly.
All of the fight visibly drained from Lucy as well. She shook her head.
"No need." Lucy pulled her car door open. "I'm bowing out gracefully. If I have to lose you to anyone I'm glad it's Violet."
Getting into her car, Lucy pulled the door shut. Shooting forward Charlie pulled the door open. He leaned down so that he could look at her.
"Let go of my door, Charlie."
Her meaning was clear, let go of me.
"Wait, please listen. I don't want her. I want you."
"Then why were you kissing her?" Lucy asked sadly.
How could he explain his and Gray's weird relationship without hurting Lucy more?
"I..."
"Please, just let me go." Lucy pleaded.
He wanted to convince her to get out of her car. Convince her to listen to him. Convince her to stay, to be his, but he didn't know how. So, he let go of the car door and, even though it killed him, watched Lucy drive away.
He was wrong. There would be no moving forward.
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She made it out of the parking lot before the tears started to fall. Eventually, she had to pull over because the world was too blurry. That is when the sob broke through. She had finally admitted to herself that she was in love with him and now she was broken-hearted. The confusion of the night swirled with the other emotions. She barely made it outside before the contents of her stomach reappeared.
When nothing else would come up, Lucy got back in her car and drove home. She didn't get out for a long time. It hurt to move. Instead she took deep breathes.
What am I doing? Why am I crying over another boy?
Clarity entered in and she began to laugh. Even though she was now crying over the correct boy, she realized how ridiculous she was being. How ridiculous she had been for the past twelve years. Getting out of her car she went into her house.
After taking a shower Lucy crawled into bed and called the last person she wanted to talk to at the moment. On the third ring Violet answered the phone.
"Hello." Violet sounded groggy.
Lucy pulled the phone back to check the time, 11:15.
"Why were you sleeping? It's not that late."
"I like to go to bed early. Why are you calling?"
Sleepy Violet was always grumpy but Lucy was happy for that. She didn't want reasonable Violet. She was ready to fight and she needed Violet to do the same thing.
"Charlie and I broke up." Lucy answered.
"I thought you were only fake dating."
"That's how it started but it felt pretty real a few hours ago until we had a fight."
"Schroeder?" Violet asked sounding bored.
"No, surprisingly our fight was about you."
"Me?"
The bored tone is gone and Lucy can tell Violet is paying attention now.
"I know the two of you have been hooking up."
The silence on the other end is deafening. Then Lucy can hear a lot of noise.
"I'm coming over." Violet response before the line goes dead.
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Charlie's phone clock read 1:30am. He kept checking it to see if maybe he had missed a call from Lucy. He called her as soon as he got home but that was two hours ago and she still hadn't responded. Now, his eyes went back and forth between his ceiling and his phone. He replayed the conversation over and over again in his head. Trying to figure out what could have went differently. He was tempted to call Franklin but knew it was a bad idea. Charlie couldn't trust himself to say the right things. He would probably tear into Franklin and that wouldn't help anything.
He thought about calling Violet, even if just to warn her, but knew that was an even worse idea. He did text her though.
Lucy knows about the kiss. Franklin told her. She broke up with me. I didn't know how to explain. Thought you should know.
Finally, needing to talk to someone, he called Linus.
When his friend picked up Charlie explained everything and Linus listened. Once he was done he waited for the other boy to responded. After a long pause he did.
"Wow. That is… Wow. That actually explains a lot."
"What should I do about it?" Charlie asked him.
"Nothing. There isn't anything to do. She'll be mad for a little while and then she won't be."
"She was really mad, Linus."
"Not because you had been kissing Violet, but because you kept it from her. Charlie, the main reason she broke up with you is because she wants you to be happy. If that means with Violet then she would give you up. Lucy has always been selfish when it comes to Schroeder only thinking of herself and not because she loves him. Schroeder was an idea, a fantasy, you are the real thing. There are only four people on this planet that Lucy would chose over herself. Me and Rerun and you and Violet. That's why she is trying to give you up. But it will blow over, because you don't really want Violet and she doesn't really want you."
Charlie let that sink in, maybe Linus was right and it would workout for him and Lucy.
"Thanks, Linus."
"Anytime, Charlie Brown."
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The ice cream had started melted a while ago, now it just sat on the counter mocking them. It was a peace offering, that was the way they had always done it, but Lucy refused to touch it, much to Violet's frustration. She was going to stay mad for as long as she wanted.
Lucy wanted to know everything. So, Violet had spent the past hour and a half explaining. She started with the night of the cookout and end with a week ago. Lucy felt sick, but also relieved. They had made out a totally of five times in three years. She wasn't really mad about the kissing though, she was made about the secret.
"Why did you keep it from me?" Lucy asked when Violet was finished.
The fight she had wanted when she called Violet was gone. She just wanted an honest conversation with her friend.
"Because it was selfish. We were kissing for no reason but ourselves. Not for a good grade, or to make our parents proud, or impress our friends. We weren't Violet or Charlie when we were kissing we were just teenagers enjoying each other. Not in a gross way either, it was our equivalent of meeting for coffee, it was like kissing was our only way of spending time together. It was something we both needed and it just so happened that we got it from each other. It could have been some other boy and I still wouldn't have told anyone about it because I had something that was just mine. I never felt I had to be perfect for him, I could just be Vi."
Lucy looked down at the table. She wasn't sure how to react. Violet was saying it had nothing to do with Charlie in one sentence and then saying it had everything to do with him in another sentence. Because Lucy knew that the ease Violet felt was all Charlie. It is who he is as person. Looking up Lucy asked the question she had wanted to ask since Violet walked in the door.
"Do you want to be with him?"
"No."
And Lucy knew it was the truth. She could read it on her best friends face. So, even though she was still confused, she got up and grabbed the ice cream. Getting two spoons she went back over to the table. They ate in silence for a few minutes.
"I don't fully understand how you don't want him. I mean you said you didn't feel the need to be perfect for him, which is a win in my book. You are the most uptight person I have ever met, Vi."
"He isn't the right person for me, Lu. We wouldn't have made it outside of secret hookups. Not when it came to the pressure of our lives. We respond to pressure the same way and that wouldn't have been good for either of us."
"That is true. I mean I should be happy, right? That neither of you want the other, but all I can think is that you, and Charlie too, might be giving up your happiness for me. It's about time I am the one that puts you guys first."
"You you think you never put me first? Lucy, put me first all the time. You always are the first to show up for me. When my crappy parents aren't around, which is always, or when I'm freaking out about a test or college application or whatever. Charlie might be your best friend but you're mine. But, I'm not giving him up for you. I'm giving him up for me. I don't want to be second choice. Plus, I want the guy I end up with to make me feel comfortable all the time, not just when we are kissing."
Lucy reached over the table and took Violet's hand.
"I love you, Vi."
"I love you, Lu."
They finished their ice cream and after cleaning up headed to Lucy's room. Laying in the darkness Violet spoke.
"What are you going to do? To convince him you are all in?"
"Chose him," Lucy responded, "everyday day for the rest of my life."
