15Gone
You may tire of me
As our December sun is setting
Because I'm not who I used to be
He knew his Meister better than he knew anyone else. Some days, he believed that he knew Maka so much better than he knew himself. There were dark corners in his soul that he'd never explored, that no one had ever explored, except Maka. She knew him better than anyone, and he knew her.
That's how they were both able to see this coming.
She'd reverted into herself completely, not speaking, not talking, nothing. It worried him beyond comprehension, but she was still there, still in his link, still in his head, so he didn't worry too much. As long as Maka could still be felt in the back of his sense, then he tried not to overly worry about his Meister-sometimes-Girlfriend the best he could.
Especially since, some nights when she'd disappear into her room after dinner, he'd wake up in the darkness of the early morning, and see her crawling in next to him, her hands wrapping around him, her face buried into his chest, fingers clenching him like he was ready to run from her. Those nights, he'd only hold her tighter than she held him, and he'd murmur to her until she fell asleep, everything she needed to hear from him.
'I won't leave you.'
'I'm yours, Maka, I always have been."
"As long as you want me next to you, I'll be there.'
He'd talk until her breathing evened out, and she'd fallen asleep, her head buried against him, her fear still palpitating through their bond while she slept.
Those nights, Soul doesn't sleep, he just closes his eyes and tries to deal with what he knows is coming.
On the back of a motorbike
With your arms outstretched trying to take flight
Leaving everything behind
He can hardly remember the last time he saw her smile, and mean it.
It was when they were 18, about a year ago, after they'd graduated from Shibusen. After the party, that had gone deep into the night, he'd walked his very drunk Meister home, her face flushed and giggling, while she held onto his arm.
That entire walk home, she'd talked to him. About how Shibusen had offered her a job, while still being a Meister; of course because she was too good at that to even think about giving it up. Soul only stared at the stars while they walked, a very content smile on his face.
They were going to be fine.
Then Maka had tugged on his hand, and stopped walking. He'd looked down on her with a confused look on his face.
She explained how she wanted to go to the beach, more than anything else in the world at that moment, she wanted to go to the beach. She wanted to stand in the ocean, and feel the eternity that came with the water, she wanted to stare at the coastline, and try to understand how close the rest of the world really was.
She wanted to feel infinity.
Because Soul was Soul, and because he'd never been able to deny his Meister anything, the next day they were taking off, flying through the streets of Death City on the back of his bike. It was an eight hour drive, but Maka promised that she was okay with that, if he was okay with that.
Of course he was, it was for her.
The closer they got to the beach, the more excited Maka seemed, her voice high pitched with happiness, and when they finally felt the mist caress their skin, she squeezed his waist tighter, and her face split in glee.
When the ocean was finally in their view, she threw her arms back, her hair flapping around her face, offering herself to the sun, the water, the waves, and she just smiled.
While he sat on the sand, watching her run into the water, her eyes scanning the horizon for whatever she was searching for, he realized exactly what had happened. Maka was in love with him, completely and fully, just as he had been in love with her for years. Her fear had held her back, and she was afraid to give herself to him.
But, when she turned around from the water to smile at him, tears in her eyes for reason he'd never understand, he only smiled back. No smirk, no snark, he smiled at his Meister.
She was his. Finally.
Even at our swiftest speed
We couldn't break from the concrete
In the city where we still reside
Now, he glances at his Meister, and his lover from the corner of his eye, and he sees the fear on her face again. It's subtle, like everything else about her, and it's hidden, but he can still feel it, a slimy sensation between their bond.
He's tried to talk to her about it, but getting Maka to talk is an art form he has yet to master. He knows her soul, he knows every twist and corner of her thoughts, he knows everything, but he can't get her to talk. He would give anything at this point to hear her speak, hear her scream, hear her turn on him, because even with her abuse, he'd have proof she was alive underneath the skin he knew so well. She was slowly slipping away from him, and he didn't know how to pull her back.
She turns to him then, her eyes dull, and she asks if they can go to the lake. He only tilts his head, and asks why.
She just says she needs to go, for whatever reason the lake is calling her.
Because Soul is Soul, and because he's never been able to deny his Meister anything, he gets up, grabs her hand and walks her out to his bike. He turns the key, and she wraps her arms around him, holding on tighter than normal. He drives them out of Death City, and starts making his way towards Carson City, towards Lake Tahoe.
It's late, the moon is starting to crest over the horizon, its bloody teeth grinning at them as Soul goes as fast as he can, attempting to outrun the demons that haven't reveled themselves yet. It's barely a half hour before they're at the late, and Maka gets off the bike slowly, walking in the darkness towards the water. Soul sits on the sand and resigns himself to watching, staring at her as she threw off her shoes, socks, and jacket, and stands up to her knees in the water, staring at the end of the lake, the moon shining off of it, giving her an almost surreal appearance as she stood there, letting the water lap at her legs.
She turns back to him then, her eye wide, and shining over with some unknown sentiment, as she walks back towards him. He glances up at her as she kneels down in front of him, and pulls his mouth to hers. He didn't pull away, but he doesn't grab onto her either, he just kisses his Meister, and wishes this wasn't happening.
She wraps her arms around his neck, and pushes herself towards him. He brings his arms to her waist, and pulls her on top of him.
She's not demanding, she's not dominating, but she's not pliant either, she's running the show as slowly as she wants, because he's never been able to deny his Meister anything.
Maka demands his shirt be removed, and it is, she demands that he gets on top, and he does. He worships her body, her desire, hoping it will be enough this time, praying that it will. His calloused hands trace up her sides, his sharp teeth scraping against the skin of her breast, before marking her darkly, just in case. Her moans are breathy, her hands in his hair while her hips grind against him, short skirt riding up, leaving her exposed to her Weapon.
Her demands turn to pleads, her voice soft. She begs him to love her again.
His heart clenches as she asks that of him, his voice buried in her skin. 'I never stopped.'
She doesn't answer, she just pleads and pleads. The begging sounds wrong coming from his Meister's mouth, Maka never begged, she never lowered herself like that. So Soul removed his jeans, and pulled down her panties, and slid down his boxers. He kissed her while he entered her; wanting to make her moan so she would stop begging, so he could pretend that the tears weren't on her face. He holds himself above her on his arms, his hand wound into her hair, while she wrapped her legs around her Weapon, meeting him thrust for thrust, moans breaking through her sobs.
He wants to stop this, he has to stop this, they're going to destroy each other if he doesn't stop this. But he can't, not when she's lying underneath him and begging, sobbing for a release, for proof that he does love her. He moves quicker, and she responds eagerly, her nails digging into his back. He attaches his mouth to her neck, marking her again. The bruise he leaves is dark, and he prays that it takes a long time to fade, that it will sit on her skin for days, reminding her that he's there, that he'll always be there.
She moans his name, and he can feel her tensing up underneath him. His heart is breaking, but he holds on, his own stomach flooding with heat as Maka's moans get louder, closer together. When he watches his Meister unfold beneath him, he loses it himself, and presses his mouth to hers, swallowing her moans, trying to swallow her cries, her fear, her desperation. If he could swallow all the darkness from her as easy as he could a soul, he'd do it in a second.
He follows his Meister quickly, and she holds him as he tries to return to normal. He'd been hoping for a change, for something that would peek through the darkness of their bond, but as he rolled to her side, arms coming to hold onto her, refusing to let her go, he feels nothing.
He failed.
You may tire of me
As our December sun is setting
Because I'm not who I used to be
He wakes up with the sun the next day, and he already knows.
The sand beneath him is cold, all of him is cold. He doesn't even have to turn around to know she's gone. He knew before he woke up.
She wasn't in his head anymore. There was no bond.
He sat up slowly, looking at the lake, the intense pain that flooded his mind numbed by the realization that she was actually gone. Looking to the side, he saw his sweatshirt, but on closer inspection, his shirt was missing.
He laughed then, because everything hurt, and nothing was ever going to be the same for him again, but he laughed regardless, because he didn't know what else to do, because crying on the lakeside wasn't something he was going to allow himself to do.
He reached for his jeans, and pulled them back on, before reaching for the sweatshirt. He heard the crinkle of paper, before spying the small square of notebook paper that had fallen from the folds. He spent a while just staring at it, unsure if he even wanted to know what it said, but because Soul is Soul, and he couldn't deny his Meist-…her anything, he unfolded the paper.
Soul,
I'm sorry. I got scared, and it was too much more for me. I shouldn't have done this to you though, but I'm too much of a coward to have done anything. I wanted to thank you, for everything you've done, and for loving me, the way you did, even though I don't deserve it.
I didn't want to hurt you. And I'm sorry I did.
Please though, please don't try and fix this. It won't help. I just, I need to leave. I don't know anymore. I think I'm going to find my mom. Maybe she can help.
Soul Evans, I am so sorry for what I did to you.
She signs it with an 'M', and to him, it's probably the most intimate thing she could have written there. Carefully, he refolds the note, and puts it into his pocket, protecting it from the rest of the world, protecting her vulerablity from anyone else. He stand up then, and pulls the sweatshirt over his head, and looks at the lake, wondering why it had taken a body of water to make her decide.
She was gone, and there was no knowing if she'd ever be coming back.
He already knew he'd wait though. He'd known that last night as she kissed him, because Soul was Soul, and he'd never be able to deny Maka Albarn anything.
After all, she'd never written 'Goodbye.'
Alright, first off, the song lyrics hidden throughout this are from Brothers On A Hotel Bed by Death Cab For Cuties.
Secondly, I want to thank every single read who's passed through these fics for Soma Week, and all the different new followers on my tumblr, and every single person who reviewed.
Thank you all so much for going alone with the ride, and everything I put you through. I love you, all of you. Thank you.
HAPPY SOMA WEEK!
-Eris
