"I love you Sammy."

Those words rang in Sam's ear as he downed more of the whiskey he was holding. Those FUCKING words and that stupid smile…they never left his mind. Tears fell from his eyes unchecked as he thought about those scorch marks on the ground and that face, so still and lifeless.

Sam let out a blood curdling scream as he fell to the ground, looking around the room, hoping this was all a bad dream. When the realization dawned, yet again, that all this was reality, Sam drank more of the whiskey, hoping to drown his sorrows.

The door to the room opened and Dean tentatively walked in. He hadn't been able to get through to Sam in months. Ever since that damn Arch angel had died, Sam had been inconsolable, drinking and crying; sitting up in a room and screaming at his memories. Dean was going to give it one more shot before calling Castiel.

"Sam enough is enough." Dean said, worry painting his features.

"NO! I say when is enough." Sam slurred, taking another drink.

"Sammy, you're killing yourself." Dean took a step towards Sam.

"THEN LET ME DIE!" Sam responded, throwing the now empty bottle at Dean's head.

Dean moved his head just in time for the bottle to shatter when it came into contact with the wall, shards of glass flying everywhere.

"Sammy, you don't mean that." Sam shrugged at Dean's words.

"You don' kn-know that." Sam was hiccupping now, eyes drooping as his sleep deprived brain tried so hard to pass out, but Sam was nothing if not stubborn.

"Sammy, please don't do this to yourself…I can't watch you killing yourself over a douchebag angel." Dean had apparently said the wrong thing since the next thing he knew, he was being pinned up to the wall, a very drunk and angry Sam inches away from his face.

"FUCK YOU!" Sam couldn't think of anything else to say as he punched the wall near Dean's head. "Fuck you!" Sam let Dean drop to the ground.

Dean looked at Sam with tears brimming at his eyes. Even when Jessica had died Sam wasn't this bad and Dean wanted to say something, but decided against it. With a sigh that could break the hardest of hearts, Dean turned and walked out of the room, leaving Sam to open another bottle of whiskey and continue drinking.

0000000000000000

Dean closed the door behind him and walked down the stairs to where Bobby was waiting for him. Wiping the tears from his eyes he looked at the older hunter and shook his head.

"It's getting worse." Bobby looked saddened by that.

"Castiel." Dean called, looking over at the aging hunter and hoping the angel answered his calls.

"Yes Dean?" Dean sighed in relief as he turned and looked at Castiel.

"I need your help." Said Dean.

"And what can I do for you Dean?" Castiel was truly curious.

"It's about Sam, he's killing himself."

"I will see what I may do." Castiel said and with a whoosh he was towering over the younger hunter.

Sam looked up at Castiel and glared, bringing to bottle to his mouth and noticing it immediately vanish.

"Give it back!" Sam stood, trying to look intimidating, but only looking more pathetic. "I said GIVE IT BACK!"

Castiel shook his head and took a step back, hoping to deter Sam from becoming violent. "I'll grab another then."

With a wave of his hand Castiel got rid of all the liquor in the room and sighed. "Sam this is not the proper way to grieve."

"HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW?" Sam looked pissed.

"I have grieved for my brother as well." Castiel stated matter of factly.

"Yeah? Well Fuck you anyway." Castiel sighed at that, Sam was being petulant.

With a wave of his hand and a huff, Sam tried to run from the room only to find Castiel blocking his way. Sam tried to push Castiel away, only for the angel to hold his ground. When Castiel didn't move Sam resorted to punching him, and finally exhaustion took hold and he fell to the ground in a mound of tears.

Castiel disappeared and reappeared with Dean, who kneeled next to Sam and held him close, allowing his baby brother to cry. Dean didn't know why Sam was taking Gabriel's death so hard, but knowing Castiel he would be able to shed a little light on things.

An hour later found Sam finally asleep for the first time in days and Dean begrudgingly moved his brother towards the bed, laying him down and covering him with the blankets, hoping the stubborn ass would sleep for a day or so.

Walking out of the room Dean met up with Castiel and Bobby in the living room and sighed. "He's finally sleeping." Castiel nodded and took a seat next to the old hunter.

"I want to know why the reaction was so delayed." Bobby asked, looking around at the two occupants who seemed in thought.

"It was not delayed. He used his grief to hunt down and kill Lucifer, once that was finished, Sam had nothing to focus his grief on, so he turned it inward and it has been eating at him since." Dean looked like he understood.

The moment they had watched Gabriel's video telling them how to stop the end of days, Sam had been a different person. He wasn't the Sam that everyone had known, this Sam was out for blood, and it showed the moment he had tracked down and faced Lucifer head on.

"I'm only here for his blade." Sam said, wanting a piece of Gabriel back.

"I will give it to you, if you say yes." Sam didn't even hesitate and held out his hand.

"I want the blade first." Lucifer looked to think it over, but it would take an angelic force to kill him with any arch angel blade, so he handed the shining metal blade to Sam, who held it close to his chest and nodded his head.

Dean had walked into the room at that time, looking at Sam nodding, holding an angel blade to his chest and looking about ready to cry.

"SAMMY NO!" Dean was inconsolable as he ran towards Sam, they didn't have all of the horsemen rings, they wouldn't be able to do anything; but it was too late, as Sam had already said yes and Lucifer was already in the process of changing vessels.

Sam fought hard and finally he did win before looking at Dean sadly and plunging Gabriel's blade into his chest, and ignoring the pain, kept pushing, hearing Lucifer scream in the back of his mind.

Light came pouring out of his eyes and mouth, making Dean look away and with a burst of Grace, Sam lay on the ground, sword protruding from his body and the scorched marks of Lucifer's wings marring the floor, making Sam look like the Angel he was.

Dean walked over to Sam's still body on the ground, and tears streamed out. He had no strength left to cry or scream or…

And just as suddenly Sam opened his eyes and gasped, before looking down at his chest and blubbering like an idiot. "Get it out." He had said, but Dean wouldn't do that, if the injury hadn't somehow killed him, then removing the blade would.

Castiel was nowhere near able to perform any mojo so Dean pulled out his cell and called an ambulance.

Three surgeries and three months later and Sam was released, but his attitude didn't perk up, in fact it deteriorated. In the hospital he was mainly on pain killers and focusing on his physical therapy, but after Sam took to drinking, ignoring his meds, drinking some more and all he did was cry and drink, barely sleeping here and there.

Heaven had been chaos, but the moment Lucifer died, apparently god had made an appearance, brought Sam back to life and gave Castiel his mojo back, and now he was taking charge, weeding out the bad apples, but to Sam's dismay Gabriel was never brought back, and even Dean had to wonder why.

"So why is Sam taking this so hard?" Castiel sighed, knowing the question would eventually be asked.

"He was Gabriel's mate, and they had a completed bond." Dean looked like he might vomit so Castiel elaborated. "They did not engage in sexual congress Dean, when would they have had the time? Their bond was deeper than that. They were bound Grace to Soul and now that Gabriel is dead Sam will follow at a slower and more self-destructive pace."

Dean didn't want to hear it, Sammy wasn't going to die, if he was going to die, he would be dead already cause god wouldn't bring Sam back only to watch him die like this.