551So...a lot of time has passed. And I am terribly terribly sorry for not updating this in years ^^; A lot of stuff has happened in my life and my scenery has changed a lot, to the point where I wasn't sure if I could still even write as fluidly as I did before. But to the people who were worried for me before, I wanted to say, thank you for all the love and advice you gave me 3
I'm in a very happy place in my life right now 3 And I've also become a stronger person.
In regards to this fic, first, I was so sad when KNB's manga and anime BOTH ended, and sad to watch the fandom slowly become replaced over time. Honestly, looking back, I'm spent an amazing time of my youth with you all, writing stories, chatting about the upcoming episodes, and I'm thankful that time was spent here.
Despite not having written anything in years now, I couldn't help but love writing.
I also read the reviews that you all left even when I was away for so long.
Thank you so much for showing this work love.
I want to honour these feelings by continuing to write until I finally finish this series.
So, although it's way overdue, here's it is!
冬：Reflection
Angrily rubbing her head, Akakibana eyes darted for the nearest wall to smack her head into.
Unfortunately, the only thing around was a small empty playground. She scowled before thinking about her throbbing head, swirling with emotions that raged on within her, and sighed. She needed a break. She dragged herself over to the swing, slumping her shoulder onto its metal chain, and stared into the burning gaze of the afternoon sun.
She wasn't sure why she'd been randomly getting upset at people she barely knew. Aomine and Kise… they don't know how lucky they are. They were both born with extreme talent and were able to reach heights someone like her could never touch. They were national champions. The best in Japan. And, within their elite group, they had each other.
"…I guess being perfect doesn't make you happy either huh," she murmured to herself. And suddenly she thought about Akashi. She wondered if he knew about what was going on with the team. Surely it'll be tough for him as the captain if his top players were slacking off.
She laughed at her own thought. It was Akashi Seijuro. He would have a solution, he always did. If anything, she should be worrying about herself. Right now, she felt like a train derailed off its tracks.
Even though she was supposed to be a model student and daughter, she snapped at her mother, was snippy at Midorima, and even randomly made an outburst at Kise and Aomine.
Normally, she would've been ashamed to death but now… there was simply a sense of exhaustion.
She watched as the sun started to wane down the hill. Winter was coming. It would be dark in a mere hour. Yet, she didn't want to go home yet. Not to that stuffy place.
"Akakibana-san?" An ever calm and soothing voice called out from the shade.
She lept up from the swing and swung her body around in surprise. "K-kuroko-kun!" She gaped, clutching her poor heart.
"Yes." Kuroko said with a polite smile as he walked towards her, hair still slightly damp from sweat.
"Did you just finish basketball practice?" She asked, eyeing the duffel bag he slung on his shoulder. He nodded in response before gesturing at the adjacent seat on the swing. "Oh, of course," she blurted, moving her bag away so there was room for him on the other swing.
"And what about you Akakibana-san? Are you doing okay recently? I heard from Midorima-kun that you've been absent for a week."
Akakibana blinked, surprised that Midorima would even mention her. She suddenly remembered his awkward attempt at wiping her tears and giggled. Midorima was a good guy. "Yes. I'm doing…alright." She replied, slightly shocked by her own response.
Huh… even though she felt like her world was falling apart, cooped up in her room, wondering if it was better to just never go back to school, somehow, she was still…alright.
"That's good." Kuroko smiled, gently kicking himself afloat on the swing. His gaze was distant, almost forlorn. It was unexpected to see Kuroko like this. It somehow felt as if he became more transparent than usual.
"Um…"Akakibana began. "Did Kise-kun end up going to practice? I saw him by the gates while leaving school."
Kuroko paused for a moment and shook his head. "No, practice was almost over by then. But, Kise-kun said he'd go next time." He smiled as she breathed a sigh of relief.
Maybe she was wrong then. Maybe she was mistaken when she thought he looked somewhat sad.
She grinned. "Oh then how about Aomine-kun? Did you know, when I saw him on the rooftop the other day, he said the most chuuni thing I've ever heard, stuff like –"Akakibana slowed as she saw Kuroko's expression slightly dropped. "…like he didn't need anyone's help to play basketball."
Kuroko's swing tottered still. "So he said that." He uttered.
Akakibana gulped. It seems she accidentally stepped into a landmine. So Kuroko was upset after all. It was about Aomine. "Ah, but I mean!" She fumbled, trying to lift the mood. "He probably didn't mean anything bad—"
"I think…Aomine-kun doesn't love basketball anymore." Kuroko suddenly cut off. He had his eyes closed shut. Akakibana clenched her hands, unsure what to do. Instead of saying it to her, it felt as if he was trying to admit something to himself. She caught his hands gripping the metal chains on the swing, slightly trembling.
It seemed that Aomine…was someone precious to him.
"Is…that so." She said. "That… must be hard." The mood suddenly turned cold. Internally, she was slapping herself. Kuroko of all people opened up to her but this was the best she could say?! Yet, what else could she say. The issue seemed so complex that she didn't want to throw out some shallow positivity at him.
He stared at her momentarily. "It is." He said. "And, I'm not sure if there's anything I can do for him."
Akakibana winced. Man, this conversation was getting darker and darker. It hurt her to see Kuroko, albeit still somewhat blank-faced, look upset.
"I'm…" she began, not entirely sure where her words would lead her. "sure there isn't."
He looked back at her, somewhat surprised. She stared at her reflection in his eyes, equally surprised.
She sighed. "I… don't think you can force someone to like something… or dislike something." She continued, wondering if this was even a good idea. "I mean, you can lead a horse to water… but you can't make it drink!" She attempted as Kuroko's eyes continued to look bemused.
She gritted her teeth. This was too pressuring for her!
Yet, her words flowed with conviction, as though pouring out from within her. "That's why, I'm more concerned about you Kuroko-kun. You'll continue to play basketball right?"
He blinked back at her. "Yes. I never intended on quitting."
"Then that's good!" She beamed. "Kuroko-kun is Aomine's partner right? So you're like his water, his place to return! If you're still there, he'll always have a place to belong to."
Kuroko looked at her with slight surprise, before letting out a soft laugh. "…Akakibana-san, you're trying really hard to make that metaphor work aren't you?"
Akakibana blushed. Did Kuroko just tease her?! "W-we'll I-I-mean-!" She fumbled, back to her blubbering self before Kuroko couldn't hold back his laughter anymore.
He gave her a thankful smile. "I'll keep that in mind."
She blinked back at him. Woah his smile looked so…beautiful! She suddenly felt like she understood how Momoi felt as she clenched her shirt and breathed, trying to calm herself.
"But it seems like it's true." He said, slightly relieved. "You do seem like you're better. In fact, it feels like, I'm seeing more of you than before." He mused, his gaze clear and steady, as if seeing into her soul.
Yet, she didn't feel uncomfortable like the way she did when Akashi came over that day. Instead, it was somewhat comforting. "Is that so…" she said as her gaze turned downward to her feet, digging her shoes into the gravel. "In that case, could you I tell you something else?" She began.
Kuroko pursed his lips, "of course." He smiled.
She closed her eyes, head tilted up at the waning dusk as she heaved in a cool, sweet breath of wind. She told her story.
The story of a girl who wanted to be perfect. Yet, in the face of the being who embodied her ideals, the only thing she could do was run away, replacing her fear with love.
[=]
"Akashi-kun was a bit much." Kuroko frowned, taking a sip of his vanilla milkshake.
As the night broke, the two ended up relocating into a nearby family restaurant.
She sighed in agreement. "Right? I mean, who just comes into someone's house and says random stuff like I'm disappointed in you. Who is he?! My dad?!" She huffed, realizing in retrospect how ridiculous that entire situation was.
"But, it's also a bit surprising." Kuroko mused. "Akashi-kun doesn't generally tend to have expectations of other people."
Akakibana winced. That was also the part that bothered her the most. It sounded as though, he had hopes for her. That…he cared about her.
Well, technically they were "dating" and technically he did kiss her but care? She somehow wasn't sure if she would dare categorize herself as someone he cared for.
"So in the end, did Akakibana-san actually like Akashi-kun?" Kuroko asked so bluntly that she almost choked on her burger. She coughed, trying to recover as he passed her some water to chug down.
Amidst his looks of worry, she sighed, releasing a somewhat bitter smile. "Probably… not." She admitted, slightly sheepish. "I probably… was afraid of him when I first met him." She continued, remembering the day she first played a Shogi match against him, and hopelessly lost. "But, I couldn't admit to myself that I was scared… because that was an ugly emotion I shouldn't be allowed to have. So… I deluded myself that my nerves…were actually flutters of…love." She winced with each word she muttered. Although it was somewhat relieving to admit all this, it didn't make it less embarrassing. She wondered if Kuroko thought less of her.
Yet, she couldn't imagine him doing so.
"Hmm, do you think Akashi-kun likely knew?"
She nodded. "…Probably. He probably knew I was…using him." She sighed. There's no other explanation for how he behaved. "Oh but… you know, I also feel like he's using me for something you know? Like he wants to test something." She said, narrowing her brows in suspicion.
Instead of entertaining her theories however, Kuroko sighed. "Hah, it like the two of you are both quite a piece of work."
She blinked. Did Kuroko just sound disappointed with her?! Suddenly she felt like trembling again. "Um… are you upset… that I approached your friend with impure intentions?"
Kuroko blinked back at her. "Hm? No, I didn't think that."
She shook her head profusely. "No, you must be! Because using someone like this is bad. I've been a horrible person. Someone like Kuroko-kun must definitely feel that!" She huffed.
He paused, putting down his vanilla shake before he leaned closer to her from across the table. His eyes, ever as steady. "Someone like me? What sort of person do you think I am?"
She pursed her lips. "Ah… a… good person."
Kuroko stayed silent, suddenly piecing together the commonalities in her words. She described herself to have ugly emotions, to be a horrible person. Ah.
"Akakibana-san. I don't think I'm a good person." He flatly stated.
She paused. "You're right. You're a great person!"
His didn't react. She quickly shut herself up for cutting him off.
"Am I?" He said, continuing with a steady gaze. "I became a regular on the basketball team by using the opportunity Akashi-kun gave me. I was a third-string and went right into first-string, bypassing all my seniors who ended up quitting because they wouldn't have a chance to be a regular anymore."
Akakibana hesitantly closed her fist. "B-but you didn't mean for that to happen—"
Kuroko looked at her, recognizing that she likely understood. "Akakibana-san." He began as she slowly met his pure blue eyes. "I suggest you do some more thinking what a "good" and "bad" person is."
He slowly stood up from his seat and began gathering the burger wrappers on their trays.
Akakibana looked up at him, unsure of what to say.
Kuroko suddenly paused as he stacked his tray under hers. "Ah, but, regardless of what type of person you think you are. Akakibana-san, I like the you I see, and I'm sure that everyone, Tomie-san, Midorima-kun…even Akashi-kun—I'm sure they feel the same way too." He said with a faint smile.
Akakibana looked somewhat dumbfounded his statement, yet, somehow, felt a warmth spreading to her.
As she helped him clean up the table and place the trays in their designated bins, she realized that this was probably the most relaxed she's been in weeks. No…months?
After the two bid their farewells, with Akakibana mouthing several thank yous, the night sky seemed to twinkle on her way home.
When she opened the door, her mother barged into the entryway, demanding where she had been. "Inori! It's really unbecoming of you to be home so late! What were you thinking?" She demanded as Akakibana parried off her mother's words. Somehow, they seemed to be affecting her less and less. "Well, in any case, are you alright?" Her mother asked as Akakibana finally met her gaze.
She smiled. "Yes…I'm alright!"
Even though she was like a train with its rails derailed, she was alright. Her world seemed beyond this her mother or this house. It felt as infinite as the vast night.
Because out there, were people who knew her, who cared for her. Like Midorima-kun, like Kuroko-kun, like…Tomie-san, and …Akashi-kun…
She wasn't ready to admit that about the latter two yet somehow, her heart felt a bit full.
It was a pitch-black night, sparkling with flecks of gold.
I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! If you are still around, I really want to emphasize how thankful I have been for sticking with this series.
Do expect frequent updates!
Thank you again!
-Skye
