113A/N: So new season of SVU kick starts some inspiration, I was hovering the living room when this came into my head. Possible one-shot, possibly more you'll have to decide. I'm sure I'm not the only one who will write something from what happened on the Season Premier but I've wanted Olivia happy for so long, I don't care who with either anymore! I mean just give the woman a life!
I totally think it was Brian that had been sharing a bed with Olivia. It just was ok? Lol! I don't know I was too busy focusing on the case to focus on anything else going on in the episode surprisingly but anyway after my SVU Sabbatical I am back with this, lemme know if you want more after this chapter. If not I'll vanish right back into Fifty Shades and stay there!
It had been a long and trying couple of weeks. Olivia was beyond exhausted but she had some things she needed to do before going home and collapsing in her bed, starting with a visit to Brian Cassidy's hospital room.
"Hey." He beamed as she walked through the door, he still hadn't got the feel of her lips attached to his out of his mind.
"Hi." She responded a little dejectedly which put a frown on Brian's face. He watched as she sunk into the seat beside his bed making no effort to touch him or be close to him as she had every other time. In all honesty Olivia's heart still pounded every time she saw him, seeing him two hole's in his chest and hearing the monotonous beep of the heart monitor in the ambulance would keep her awake for nights to come, of that she was sure.
"What's wrong Liv?" He asked her softly as she seemed to be lost in her own little world staring at the tangerine wall of his room. "Liv?!"
"Huh? What?" She brought her attention to the man in front of her.
"Are you ok?"
"Yeah just exhausted." She smiled limply but he knew there was more to it than what she was saying and he wasn't going to let her get away with avoiding talking about it.
"Seriously Liv, I mean I know we've been strangers for the past thirteen years but it wasn't even twenty four hours ago that you were kissing me." He stated making a small smile appear on her otherwise frowning face. "So come on, spill, whassup?"
"I just…" She started but broke off in fear of saying the wrong thing.
"I just?" Brian questioned.
"It's nothing." She sighed leaning forward and linking her fingers with his. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze hoping it would reassure her somehow but all it did was make her frown deepen.
"It's not nothing Olivia." He said. "Talk to me? Please?"
"You had an affair with Carissa she said she loved you." Olivia started knowing that Brian wasn't going to leave her to sit and ponder in silence with him and she really didn't fancy being anywhere else but here.
"Are you asking me if I loved her?" Brian asked carefully. Olivia just nodded making sure her eyes were downcast because she didn't want to see the look in his eyes when he confessed that to her. "No Olivia, she was a pastime. That's all. How about your last boyfriend? Did you love him?"
"What has that to do with anything?"
"It has to do with everything, you're questioning my last relationship it's just fair for me to question yours." Brian replied with a shrug, he really didn't give a damn but he was turning the tables to even out the playing field.
"No, I thought I did but we weren't together long enough." She replied with a shrug, the constant talk of David Hayden in the squad room during the last case had surprisingly not bothered her, she just saw him as someone who was once a friend and she shared bodily fluids with on occasion, nothing more to it than that.
"Then why ask me?" He asked.
"Because… what are we doing Brian?" She asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Well do I kiss you, spend time with you while you're here all for you to disappear for another thirteen years?"
"Do you want me to disappear for thirteen years?" He asked her with amusement, he could tell Olivia was severely uncomfortable with this conversation and he wanted nothing more than to play on that because he knew where she was going and he wanted her to get there already.
"No of course not." She replied. "Seeing you on the ground with two holes in your chest…" Her voice caught in her throat and Brian couldn't resist pulling her arm, tugging her into him and she let him. She climbed to sit on the bed beside him but he wasn't having it as much as it hurt his chest he pulled her down so she was lying beside him, hanging awkwardly off the edge of the bed but holding onto him. "I thought you'd die."
"I didn't though Liv. Thanks to you I'm alive."
"All I did was panic Brian. I've never been so scared in my life." She whispered shakily.
"Neither have I." He admitted. "But it could have been you and that would have scared me even more."
"Really?" She lifted her head to look into his eyes and she could see the sincerity in his eyes.
"I don't want what we have this time to be one night like last time Olivia, if that's what you're asking." He said quietly, he was done prancing around the obvious elephant in the room.
"So what?" She shrugged.
"Do you want it to be just one night?" He asked already with a feeling about that answer.
"No." She smiled limply settling back into the pillow. "No I don't want it to be just one night but what about work, what next?" She asked weakly, she felt like she needed a good cry about everything that had happened over the past few days and here wasn't the time or place.
"Can we not think about it right now?" He asked.
"We have to soon." She murmured.
"Soon yes, but not now." He replied. "Right now I just want to enjoy holding you like this."
"Do you think something could work?" She asked sighing into Brian as much as she could.
"I know something could." He replied. "You couldn't keep your hands off me the other night."
"Feels like a lifetime ago." Olivia replied surprised at the fact it wasn't even two weeks ago.
"The first time was." He chuckled before wincing.
"Careful." Olivia said softly trying to move from the bed.
"No don't go. Just stay."
"Ok." She smiled turning over slowly and carefully to look at him.
"This is nice." He said rolling gently so he was side on so he could face her.
"Yeah." She smiled though her eyes shone with unshed tears.
"Liv." He sighed taking his hand to her cheek so he could stroke her softly. "You're upset."
"It's been a trying time." She sighed, her voice echoing sobs.
"I know." He replied. "Don't hold back, it's just you and me Olivia. No one else here." He told her quietly. It was a strange concept but he thought if Olivia could show weakness in front of him then maybe she would be able to open up to him too, which was something he wanted. He wanted her to be able to be open and honest with.
"I can't." She whispered though the tears were brimming right at the edge.
He leant forward and kissed her softly. She didn't push him away or pull back, most surprising she leant in and kissed him back, heavily.
"You can." He promised his lips still only millimetres away from hers. She leant in and kissed him again, this time deepening it just a little. Cassidy felt her hot, wet tears on his cheeks as they kissed he pulled back and managed to throw his arm over her so it looked like he was holding her though there was very little he could actually hold in his current state. With his other hand he held her hand, she squeezed his tight as she tried to hide her tears. He kissed her forehead lightly.
"It was so horrible." She admitted hiccupping quietly, she'd never been one for full out sobbing but that she would do later in the quiet of her own apartment.
"I know."
"Don Cragen is like a father to me, he was escorted off in handcuffs, he was in a jumpsuit… I for a moment…"
"For a moment you wondered what if he was guilty." Cassidy said quietly. Her eyes flicked up to meet his and she nodded. "There's nothing wrong with that Liv."
"He's been my Captain for more than fourteen years." She said harshly.
"I know."
"He's been the only constant in my life since Elliot left." She continued.
"I know." He reassured.
"I knew he wasn't guilt but there was just a small part of me… what if he'd become one of the monsters we fought so hard to put behind bars."
"I know Olivia, that's ok. That's normal. There were times I wondered if I was one of them, if I was as bad as Bart."
"You could never be." She said quietly.
"I know that but deep inside, I wondered, could I be? I mean your partner thought I was, he was convinced I was playing both sides of the fence." Cassidy explained.
"I don't know if I'll ever trust Nick again." Olivia shuddered, she knew there was broken trust between her and Nick, and because she wasn't familiar with him like she was with Elliot she wasn't sure how long, if ever, it would take to get it back.
"You will. He was trying to continue to be a good guy Liv. He was never on any radar until SVU began snooping around. He would have been had he not been a perfect cop. He's a good guy and he has your back." He told her.
"I know." She nodded and swallowed hard. "I need to get home."
"Oh no you don't, you're staying here and keeping me company." He replied trying to grip a little harder to her in a teasing manner, in his current state Olivia could beat the shit out of him if she wanted too… actually in any state Olivia could beat the shit out of him. He didn't doubt that one bit.
"I have to work tomorrow. I'll come by before work."
"No, just stay Olivia. You're exhausted, these drugs have me exhausted. Just stay." Brian replied.
"Ok." She smiled kicking off her shoes. "I'll stay." He kissed her gently and allowed her to snuggle down into the bed. This was something he was going to treasure for the rest of his life.
