13art of life
chapter eight
My relationship with Ryouko has always been complicated.
... to say the least.
At one time we were something like brother and sister, at least in her mind; she called me "oniichan" until I finally told her to knock it off, because as I got older I hadn't wanted to think of her as my sister. I've always wanted more from our relationship than that. And I've spent a good majority of the last twelve or thirteen years of my life trying to figure out what the hell to say to her, how exactly to tell her that my feelings have gone beyond familiarity, or even a simple crush.
Unfortunately, I'm terrible with words and she's quick to throw a punch, so all of my confessions have ended before they even began.
We've made progress, though: a few months back, in the middle of summer, she'd blurted out her feelings for me, and after I'd gotten over nearly two full minutes of stammering and stuttering and trying to decide whether or not it would have been appropriate to make a joke, I'd simply taken her by the shoulders and kissed her, hard. It had been our first kiss, and it had been appropriately clumsy and lacking in any kind of sweetness, and she'd of course punched me as soon as it was done. But the punch hadn't hurt, and she'd been blushing, and it hadn't seemed that a confession of my own would be necessary.
Living together under the same roof is a challenge, especially now that we've thrown romantic feelings into the mix. We've kissed only a handful of times since the summer, though, and I'm unwilling to push her for more than the one brief (and furious) makeout session we had one night, just in case she decides to change her mind. Our fights have become a lot less violent, but I still don't doubt that Ryouko could kill me if she felt like it.
Which, most of the time, I'm pretty sure she feels like it.
It's early evening, and everyone is still in our house save Ayumu and Hiyono. I'm perched on the windowsill of Ryouko's room with the glass slid up so I can smoke, and since I'm already on my seventh cigarette of the day - my average is two, and that's only when I'm stressed from school - I know something's wrong. And so does she. Her door is closed but if I listen closely I can hear the faint murmur of the twins talking to the others in the living room, probably explaining more about their time with Kiyotaka and Kanone, which I have no interest in hearing right now, not when -
"Kousuke."
I don't turn my head. "Yeah?"
"What is it?"
Ryouko can read me like a book, but that doesn't mean I don't try to bullshit my way out of it. "Nothing. Just - thinking."
"Kousuke," she says again, a little more urgently this time, a little more serious, and in her tone there's just the barest hint of a threat. Don't even think you can fool me, it says. "What?"
I pull in a drag, hold it, and exhale. "That shit they said about the Hunters. About them coming for us… them apparently wanting to exterminate us because of our powers. It's just - it's - you know."
"Bothering you?"
"Yeah. Bothering me." I frown at the tip of my cigarette, glowing dim in the dull light of her bedroom. "It's bad enough to be chased around and not know what you did to piss off a group of grown men. I didn't think it'd be any worse to know why they hated us so much. But to know that it's bad enough for us to consider going into hiding…"
"Mm." There's a pause; I glance at where she's sitting cross-legged on her futon, a textbook in her lap and her hair in her eyes, but I highly doubt she's doing any kind of meaningful studying right now. "It's understandable," she says, slowly, "isn't it? We're… unnatural, honestly. With our powers, we could cause real problems, if we wanted to. If we lost control of ourselves, or if we were forced to use them…"
"I get that." I take another drag. A minute later, I turn my head to look at her, really look at her. "Are you worried?"
She lifts her head. "A little."
"I think - "
"But," she interrupts, and ruby eyes fall on me, "not about that. About you."
"... me?"
"You're smoking more than usual…"
"Well, yeah. I mean - yeah. Look, it's not like I'm scared out of my mind or anything, but for them to say that we have to leave, and quit school, and start living somewhere in the countryside to avoid being killed - and for God-only-knows how long, too - " I shake my head. "Why now? Who ever thought it would be a good idea to give us these powers, anyway? What kind of - of test subjects are we turning out to be? For all we know, the people who wanted to monitor us, and these bullshit awakening things, are long dead, and here we are, left to pick up all the pieces and deal with the consequences without any support - "
"Kousuke." This time her voice is soft. She closes her textbook and stands, leaving her futon and crossing the room to meet me at the window. I stub my cigarette out in an ashtray, frowning at it, not wanting to meet her eyes with mine again… but I can't help it. She's so close, and I think she's more beautiful now than ever, so I look at her and don't move. "Stop," she tells me, with a shake of her own head. "We won't be able to answer these questions tonight."
"I get that, Ryouko. I do." I sigh. "But this whole thing is just - bullshit, you know? And I can't just stop being worried about you - about us, but mostly you, because if anything happened to you I'd lose my damn mind - "
"Stop," she says again, and before I can even think about speaking she's leaned up to press her lips to mine. The kiss is sweet and soft and everything it should have been the first time, save the taste of smoke, but I can forget that. I can forget about everything, about being worried or on edge or wanting to leave, because nothing else matters when she's doing this.
Mid-kiss, I decide that I don't want anything else but her to matter, for once. I want to only think of Ryouko for a little while.
When I cup her chin in my hands she blushes, but she doesn't pull away, looking right into my eyes as she places a hand carefully on one of my wrists. There are so many things I want to tell her, so many things I've always wanted to say, but I think she knows, and what would be the point of giving life to words that don't need to be said? So I bend to her and kiss her instead, once, then twice, and when her eyes close, I close mine along with them.
There is one thing I want to say, though. But that can wait. Everything can wait.
Twenty minutes later Ryouko is in my lap on her futon, one of her arms wound around my neck and her other hand lost somewhere inside my pants, and I have my fingers tangled in her hair and one hand beneath her shirt, and we're alternately kissing and muffling moans into each others' shoulders and necks. It's unexpected, but it's also beyond amazing, so I'm not even thinking about telling her to stop.
If this goes on any longer, though, we'll be in serious trouble. She's already figured out how to touch me - and grab me, and stroke me, and oh god, I can't even begin to think about any other words for what she's doing to me right now. The throbbing in my groin is hot and urgent already, and I'm certain that I'm only moments from losing it -
"Kousuke," she whispers into my ear, and I bite back a groan, because the sound of her voice is just making it worse. "Can you... do more...?"
I glance down at where she's curled in my lap, then at my hand moving beneath her shirt, and swallow hard. "Are you seriously giving me permission to - ?"
"Yes," she responds, immediately, and I guess she's too turned on to call me names. Still, having my sort-of-girlfriend tell me to do something out of one of many farfetched fantasies I've had about her is way too hard to resist, name-calling or otherwise. I untangle my fingers from her hair and guide them slowly down her body, stopping at the waistband of her shorts, and for all my dumb courage I don't know how I'm going to go through with this -
And that's when Rio barges in without knocking. Like something out of a goddamned romantic comedy.
"Oops!"
Ryouko yanks her hand out of my pants like it's on fire, stuffing both hands into her lap and blushing so red it'd be comical if she wasn't totally mortified. My own attempt to free myself doesn't go so well, not that it matters considering my fly is down and it's pretty fucking obvious what we were doing, but I manage to untangle my fingers from her bra and yank myself into some kind of decency before I even dare to make eye contact with Rio. "Er," I start, and have no idea what to say about this, "... hey."
"Ummm… sorry to interrupt…" Rio's smirk says she isn't sorry at all, and that in fact she's probably going to be pressing me for details tomorrow, details that I am sure I will not be able to give considering Ryouko looks like she wants to kill me before burying herself in a grave forever due to sheer embarrassment. "Would it be fine if Aura-san and Jade-san stayed here tonight? Eyes is already having both Sayoko-san and I as a guest, and it will take a few more hours to find a hotel room that is available - "
"Sure. Fine. Whatever." I wave a hand at her. "They can sleep on the couch."
"That will be fine." There's an enormous smile plastered on her face now. Shades of Kanone, I think, and have to resist the urge to roll my eyes. "Unless, of course, you won't be needing one of your beds tonight - "
"Rio." I narrow my eyes at her. "Shoo."
"Okay, okay." She giggles and waves a hand at us. "Good night!"
Neither of us say anything. We wait until the door is closed again, and then we look at each other, mortified. "So, uh," I finally force out, "next time we should… you know. Lock the door."
Ryouko punches me in the shoulder, yanks down her shirt, and climbs off the bed. I sigh and bury my face in my palms, because judging by that reaction, there is never going to be a next time.
So now not only do I have to give up my semi-normal life and flee so a Hunter doesn't kill me, I've potentially lost my hard-fought chances with my girlfriend.
Great. Everything is just great.
