11author's note: I listened to Jimmy Eat World's "Dizzy" too many times this morning. So here's a short drabble I wrote because apparently I felt like torturing Hubert. Poor guy.
you close your eyes and kiss your hand then you blow it
but it isn't meant for me, and I notice
dizzy
He can't quite place what his feelings are, or remember the moment at which his irritation became curiosity, or kindness, or longing, or love. She's a blur in front of his eyes, uncontrolled and free, and as he watches her run circles around him, he's struck again by his utter inability to understand how she has so easily captivated him, taken over his every thought. He has been fighting the feelings for so long, now, but it is always easier to give in.
She frustrates him; she is blissfully unaware of his feelings, or at least he guesses, because his every attempt to make some kind of hint goes sailing over her head. She laughs in the face of his repeated attempts to be kind, dances cheerfully away to bother someone else, and he watches her with regret, wishing he could speak better, wishing he was worthy of her. He wonders to himself if he has ruined his chances - assuming he ever had any to begin with - and thinks that he will be left with this silent, one-sided heartache for a long time.
But every now and then, when their group is traveling silently together, she paces along steadily by his side and takes glances at him that she thinks he doesn't see. She always seems to end up beside him, and sometimes the way she smiles at him seems different, sweeter, as if she reserves a special kind of smile for him alone. When they fight, he is always looking out for her, and after it is over she always comes sprinting back to his side, clapping him on the shoulder with a shout of thanks. And he wonders if he is imagining it, but sometimes he swears that she acts just a little less wild in his presence, when she knows he is watching, as if his opinion means something to her, as if his judgement is important.
There is something there - something more than blissful ignorance, something more than this awkward kind of friendship that they share - and the mere implication that she might someday hold his hand, or listen willingly to his confessions of love, or press her lips softly to his cheek, is enough to make him dizzy.
But for the moment, she is too far out of his grasp for him to reach, and his feelings remain hidden in his heart as he resigns himself to simply dream of a future with her by his side.
He snaps out of his reverie long enough to see her stop chasing Sophie in circles, panting, and as the humanoid rushes off to hide behind Asbel, Pascal laughs and blows her a kiss. And as he watches, Hubert's biggest regret is that the kiss she blows isn't for him, that there may never be one for him at all, no matter what he thinks or says or does.
