3Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts
A/N: You know what today is.
Rusted Wheel
A thousand suns have passed over me, each less vibrant than the next. For today, it's the unwanted warmth of the summer sun. Ferocious warmth that beats down upon the window panes and sears my already too hot skin. It sends my throbbing temples into uncontrollable frenzy.
The room is hot, stale with the lingering taste of failed aspirations that once held dominion over me. They've long been tossed to the side, found their niche and home in the bottom of a putrid, empty bottle with no label. And in this bottle, lies a woman. She tells you lies, whispers and coils around you as she rocks you to the tune of a desperate lullaby. That little devil in the unlabeled empty bottle … she'll keep your secrets. Push down the problems until you're unconscious, sputtering in a pool of your own vomit. Falsify your happiness, until your nothing but an empty husk.
Underneath the cover of night, I manage to slip into her deceit. She's there when I can no longer hear the scrape of your key against the frame of our front door. She tells me that it's okay; you just went away for a little while. I'm dreaming again. I'll see you again, hear you again, and breathe you again. You'll come through that little white door, skateboard in hand, cursing loudly under your breath as you stumble into the foyer area. Your scuffed up shoes will fly across the hall, knocking loudly against the wall. Another summer rain storm, hm?
I'll be in the kitchen perusing over worn textbooks, pouring over page after page of information that just won't sink into my mind. Something will be cooking on the stove … something that I managed to throw together to satiate both our appetites. I don't have the time to properly to cook these days, but I have to make sure you're fed at least.
The memories will blur… she's lying to me again. She's doing it so I don't realize the truth. You won't come through that door to me. You won't pull me away from that thick old tome I'm so intent on reading. She's telling me to pour acid down my throat and sometimes I'm happy to oblige. It'll screw with my mind; make me think you're here again. But it's what I need, what I want.
You'll lead me away; pull my hands away from the folded edges of paper. You won't hear my protests, pushing fervently at me until we make our way down the hall. All these questions, they'll fly from your lips as you spin me around and push me down onto the plush duvet and discourse of sheets we didn't have time to fix before we left this morning. I'll laugh and reply as you take no time stripping me down to the bare essentials, as I do the same. We don't have much time. I've got to head out to class in about an hour and you, out to work. Quick and fast, I'll be toting love bites that will guarantee questionable looks from my professor.
That was the last night … this is the last night that I see you.
I don't need her to blur the rest of these memories for me. They found your skateboard cracked straight down the middle in front of our complex. It wasn't your fault, God, it wasn't your fault. You didn't know, you didn't know, you didn't know. I should have been there; I should have taken you. It was raining so hard that night and I couldn't get home fast enough … and you just wouldn't wait. Always stubborn, always independent…
…She'll stop me from thinking about the trial and everything else that happened afterward. She has that much control over me at the very least. I'll remember the look on the bastards face as they took him away. She'll let me know that much … that we were able to do something for you, even if I can't bring you back.
Her voice will tell me it's time to dream now. It's time to leave the confines of my reality and slip into the stupor that allows me to believe that you're still here. That if I wake in the night, I'll feel you curled at my side, arm thrown over my chest and the tips of your hair tickling the edge of my nose. I'll smell your scent, the earth with a hint of summer sun and rain. Something unique only to you. I'll hear your voice chastising me for not studying hard enough, or asking to quiz me on these stupid medical terms. Your smile, your hands, your breath ghosting along my skin as you whisper nonsense to me.
Hush, it's time to stop now…
I'll fall asleep, knowing that I'll wake up to blue eyes.
