21***Thanks everyone, I'm so glad you've enjoyed this fic. I hope this last chapter doesn't disappoint. I'm going to end this story here, we'll see if anything in the next season inspires me to pick it back up, but in the meantime consider it complete. ***
"I have a few more questions and you said you wouldn't leave until I'm done," Rachel said nervously.
"Fine." Quinn cautiously stepped back to her spot at the sink next to Rachel. She thought briefly about how important conversations with Rachel always seemed to happen in the bathroom.
Rachel gave Quinn a small smile. This is crazy! Can I really pull this off? If Finn ever found out, he'd be unbelievably furious and hurt... Suddenly, her nervousness disappeared. Rachel realized she had much more experience than she did last year... maybe even more experience than Quinn. It occurred to her that during last year's kiss, she'd hardly gotten a chance to touch Quinn. She had let Quinn do all the exploring. Her smile broadened. I'll get Quinn out of my system and Finn will never know.
Quinn felt raw. Why did I promise I would stay until Rachel was finished? She tried to gather her strength. That became more difficult to do when Rachel placed herself directly in front of Quinn, practically backing her up against the sink.
"If what you've told me is true, then this shouldn't bother you, Quinn. Please answer my questions under the previously agreed upon rules." It was more a command than a request.
Quinn opened her mouth to speak but couldn't find the words. Rachel placed her hands on Quinn's forearms. Again, Quinn was speechless. Rachel began caressing Quinn's arms, fingers rubbing circles on the inside of her wrists. Quinn tried to pull away but then Rachel firmly grasped her hands. Rachel's eyes told her that this was how it was going to be. She was too stunned (and a little turned on) to argue.
When Quinn stilled, Rachel let go of her hands and returned to caressing Quinn's wrists, her forearms, her upper arms. One hand tracing circles and swirls, and then the other doing the same. First one, then the other. Rachel let this go on for a few minutes. She saw how the sensation affected Quinn, how her breathing had shallowed, how Quinn barely managed to keep her eyes open.
Rachel finally spoke, "The whole point of this conversation was to find out why you continue to make me feel this way, Quinn. Why, when I'm alone with you, do I feel butterflies? Why, of all the people in this school, is it so important for me to be friends with you? Why am I so attracted to you?"
These questions shocked Quinn. Rachel was admitting things that Quinn would never admit in a million years. This coupled with Rachel's attentions to her body brought a lump to her throat.
"Yes or no questions, Berry" Quinn managed to breathe out. Hold it together, Fabray.
"Am I the only one who feels this way?" Rachel asked, almost rhetorically. She knew the answer. It was just a matter of making Quinn know it, too.
"Yes," Quinn whispered. She gasped as Rachel's hands moved off her shoulders and trailed across her chest, fingers just barely grazing her breasts as they settled at her stomach and then waist.
Rachel smirked at the lie. Moments ago she was devastated but now she was in complete control and she liked the feeling immensely. She looked up at the very beautiful girl in front of her and pressed herself against her.
Quinn's eyes fluttered closed as she bit back a moan. Quinn knew this shouldn't be happening. Last year, she had told herself never again, it would never happen again. But Rachel was making it impossible to resist.
"Do you enjoy feeling my body?" Rachel asked, increasingly confident. She was a woman acutely aware of her sexual power. It made her feel brave, like she could do anything. And Quinn's unwitting responses were so tantalizingly sexy. She noticed everything, like how Quinn was biting the inside of her lower lip, how Quinn alternated between opening and balling up her fists, the beads of sweat that began to form on her forehead and upper chest. Everything Quinn did was electric and she felt it all beneath her fingertips. Rachel knew she was crossing a line and that crossing back to friendship was probably impossible, but right now all she cared about was a girl with blonde hair and hazel eyes.
"N-no," stammered Quinn hoarsely. She felt Rachel's hands again move up and down her arms as Rachel's breasts pressed against hers. She continued to keep her eyes closed as she felt Rachel lean in close to her face. Looking at Rachel now would unravel her completely.
"You like it when I take the initiative, just like last year, don't you?" whispered Rachel into Quinn's left ear, tongue flicking her earlobe.
"I... um... no." Quinn was flustered. She licked her lips, breathing heavily, hands gripping the sides of the sink behind her, her will battling with her arousal.
Rachel slowly moved her face away from Quinn's left side to her right. Quinn had turned slightly towards her so that Rachel's lips lightly brushed Quinn's right cheek, at which Quinn quickly turned away as if burned.
"Do you want to kiss me?" Rachel whispered in Quinn's right ear, this time moving her hands up Quinn's stomach, just under her breasts.
Quinn's body screamed yes. She ached for Rachel's hands to touch her everywhere but somehow she was able to squeak out an unconvincing no. Her eyes still clenched shut, she heard Rachel chuckle.
Rachel's left hand lingered just below Quinn's breasts, every now and then brushing up against them with her knuckles. With her right index finger, she traced a line along Quinn's jaw line, down her throat, across her collarbone, as if mapping a route, threatening to go lower but not quite going below the neckline of Quinn's top.
"Is this as painful for you as it is for me?" Rachel asked, her voice cracking, at last betraying to Quinn what this was doing to her, how much she wanted this. One small move and she could have Quinn moaning her name. It would be so easy and resisting was becoming torture.
Quinn could only shake her head helplessly, still trying to deny her feelings. The crack in Rachel's voice stirred something deep inside her, though. She opened her eyes and saw Rachel staring at her with intense desire. Rachel pressed into her again more tightly and Quinn couldn't suppress her moan this time, her hands grabbing Rachel's waist as her knees buckled.
Rachel brought her hands to Quinn's breasts, feeling the hardened nipples through Quinn's clothing. She leaned up and with her lips almost against Quinn's, she whispered, "Liar."
Quinn closed her eyes and threw her head back in surrender. Rachel immediately responded with kisses along Quinn's jaw line and down her throat, following the path she traced with her finger. Quinn's hands moved to Rachel's back and Rachel furiously pinched and kneaded Quinn's breasts. Quinn wanted Rachel on her mouth but every time she got close, Rachel pulled away, concentrating on Quinn's neck and shoulders.
It's not as if she didn't want to kiss Quinn. Rachel wanted to kiss her more than anything. She had one more question, however, and she wanted the truth this time.
"What did it mean, Quinn?" Rachel breathed between kisses down Quinn's throat, ignoring the yes or no rules.
Quinn was trembling as Rachel was kissing and licking just under her chin. Quinn wanted her; she needed her.
"Ev... everything," Quinn cried, gasping, "...everything." And with that she roughly grabbed Rachel's hair and pulled her into a punishing kiss. Rachel kissed her back with equal intensity and it spurred Quinn on. She flipped their places so that Rachel was now backed against the sink. Quinn released Rachel's lips and bit her way down Rachel's neck. From Rachel's gasps and mewling sounds, she knew Rachel didn't mind. Quinn's hands moved down to the back of Rachel's thighs and lifted her up so that she precariously sat on the edge of the sink.
Rachel wrapped her legs around Quinn almost instantly. Feeling Quinn pressed against her like that drove her wild. Quinn gave her a brief smile and then leaned in for the deepest and softest kiss Rachel had ever experienced. She felt one of Quinn's hands groping her thigh, the other hand across her back holding her close. She groaned in pleasure every time Quinn pressed into her. Quinn kissed her like it was going to last forever. Then Quinn stopped.
Rachel's heart sank. But instead of pulling out of their embrace, Quinn placed her hands on either side of Rachel's face, lightly kissed her on the lips, then put her forehead against Rachel's, silently looking at her. Rachel could see the tenderness and desire in Quinn's eyes. She could also see the fear and uncertainty. Rachel brought her hands up to Quinn's face and kissed her gently on the forehead.
"We could stop..." Rachel offered, still panting slightly. "Pretend it didn't happen..."
Quinn smiled sadly. That's what's going to happen, she thought, but said nothing. She wanted to enjoy this moment with Rachel. Just one more kiss before I...
Laughter suddenly erupted outside the bathroom door, which slightly opened then closed without anyone entering. Rachel saw the panic on Quinn's face and they quickly pulled apart and began straightening their clothes in front of the mirror, both glancing at the door waiting for whoever it was to come inside. After a tense minute with no one entering, Rachel began to relax. But she saw that Quinn was nowhere close to relaxing. Her whole body had stiffened and there was barely disguised disgust on her face. She wanted nothing more than to reach out to Quinn, and did so, but when Quinn raised a hand as if to stop her, she knew that their conversation was over, that Quinn had made her choice.
Quinn couldn't form a coherent thought. Anger, frustration, disappointment, relief, so many feelings at once flooded through Quinn. She prayed more than anything that whoever had been outside in the hall hadn't seen anything. She glared at Rachel unsure at what to do.
Rachel turned to face the mirror to compose herself. She was still extremely aroused, but also disappointed and hurt beyond belief. How could something that means so much not be enough? She was tired of being the only one who put herself out there and guilt over Finn was beginning to creep up on her. She knew what she had to do.
"Thank you, Quinn. I know what this is now even if you don't," Rachel said, as she fixed stray strands of hair. "This... this really could've been something... but I won't force you or coerce you; I obviously can't reason with you." This next part was harder to say. "Besides, I got the closure I wanted: one last kiss and now I can marry Finn and move on. If all you want is friendship then... I can do that."
Quinn felt like she had lost something. A familiar emptiness filled her. This was it. This was how it's going to end. And I'm not going to do a damn thing. She looked at Rachel. Rachel looked miserable but resigned, like she finally accepted the way things were. Somehow that hurt even more. She's going to get married! We would be so wrong! Quinn screamed at herself. Friends. Being friends is better than screwing up each other's lives. She hesitated but then moved toward Rachel and pulled her into a hug, one where their bodies pressed intimately against each other. She quietly breathed in the scent of Rachel's hair.
Rachel knew a goodbye hug when she felt one. She wanted to cry.
"I guess I'm just too young to reason with," Quinn said softly.
Rachel pulled back a little to look at Quinn. She was confused but then recognized the reference to the song she had been humming when Quinn first walked into the bathroom. That embarrassing moment seemed like ages ago.
"Or too grown up to dream," added Rachel sadly. She would never be able to listen to that song again. Rachel pulled out of the hug first. It hurt too much to touch Quinn now.
Quinn felt cold inside at how easily she could bring down her mask. It was so much easier to pretend than to be real, she thought bitterly. She hadn't meant to bring up the song but in hugging Rachel, she found herself thinking about those lyrics as fitting.
The silence was awkward. Neither girl seemed ready to walk out, wanting to postpone the inevitable a bit longer. They looked into each other's eyes. Rachel was all emotion. Quinn's face looked cool and detached but inside she was broken.
"I guess I'll see you later," Rachel said, echoing last year's parting.
Without a word Quinn walked to the door, her back to Rachel. Her hand on the handle, she stopped and turned her head slightly.
"Rachel..." Quinn paused for a long time. "Maybe... maybe if things..."
"I know," helped Rachel, and she turned back to the mirror to watch Quinn's reflection. I got what I wanted, didn't I? Closure? At least we'll be in different cities and I won't have to see her every day... to long for her... She couldn't tell for sure but thought she saw Quinn blink back a tear.
Rachel looked down before saying, "Bye."
"Bye," Quinn replied, and then left. As she walked down the hall and exited the school, Quinn thought things like 'it's better this way' and 'no regrets.' It was useless to try to forget it ever happened but she told herself there was a whole life ahead to look forward to, new people to meet, and looking back on might-have-been's and used-to-be's would only hold her back. Quinn began to re-think those train passes. Maybe visiting Rachel is not such a good idea after all. She told herself all these things as she drove away and ignored the sobs racking her body.
**** The song, in case you don't know, "Slave to love" by Bryan Ferry.
