Hope's Diary

Monday

Dear Diary,

I am at my wit's end. My dear wife Alyssa is pregnant with our third child – two pregnancies which have brought us two beautiful children named Faith and Optimism. But during all three of her pregnancies my wife has eaten nothing but dog food!

Today I put some dog food on a white plate (sighing wearily during the process) and then served it up along with a glass of water. The revolting smell emitting from that brown gloppy disgusting mess was making my eyes water. She gulped it down in no time at all and then I threw the dish out. Yuck.

Tuesday

My father is getting suspicious that I am using my family discount to buy almost a quarter of his entire production of dog food (he runs a successful dog food company), especially since we don't have a dog!

She now eats 24 cans of dog food a day.

Wednesday

Snow came by today, he was astonished by the sight of hundreds of empty dog food cans stacked on the kitchen counter. I didn't know what to say. He stayed for a quarter of an hour, then quickly fled when he saw my wife eating some more dog food. I sighed wearily once more.

The stench of dog food permeates the house, making me constantly nauseous.

Thursday

DOG FOOD!

Friday

I cannot stand the stench of it any longer. After the third pregnancy I am getting a divorce.

Saturday

I... Will... Not... Eat... Dog... FOOD!

Sunday

They haunt me. In my dreams, I see them. The panting dogs happily barking at me to eat dog food. I can't eat the dog food. It is disgusting. No, they cannot make me eat dog food.

Dogs... Food... Wife.

I am so weary. Dog food. More dog food. Cans and cans and cans of dog food. My children are barking. No, it is the dogs. Dog food. My wife eats it. I can't stand it.

Monday

Today, I ate some dog food. Surprisingly tasty!