I own absolutely nothing except this story. The all mighty Tite Kubo owns bleach, Ulquiorra and Orihime. Believe me, if i owned it, there would be A LOT of satisfied ulquihime fans. (*cough* and ichigo haters *cough*) So, even though i don"t own Bleach, *cries for a minute* ahem,...i am proud to give the span of my insanity. hope you like!~

"So Close… Yet Always So Far Away..."

Summary: 17 months after the winter war, Orihime wakes up from a horrible, recurring dream she cannot stop. But what happens when that nightmare allows her to have a secret dream whenever she pleases? With the very person she misses the most having conversations with her as if he were actually there? And what about what happens after she wakes up every time she has it? (Go ahead and kill me, but summaries are WAAAAAYYYY harder than they look!)

"Turn the lights off in this place, and she shines just like a star…

Turn the music up in here, I still hear her loud and clear…

Like she's right there in my ear…

I just can't pull myself away.

Under a spell I can't break…

She's the sweetest taste of sin…

The more I get, the more I want…"

~Ne-Yo "Closer"

CHAPTER 1

His wing continued to fade as he stood still, unable to believe Ichigo's decision to not finish him off. "…And here I was finally… starting to find you guys a little interesting…" he said calmly, not really to anyone in particular, but unmistakably looking at me.

His eyes were clear, yet emotionless. No. That was a lie. They were brimming with so many things. My stomach ached painfully as I stared into their deep, emerald pools. How strange though. Ichigo and Uryu, neither seemed to notice how his eyes burned with a green flame. Why not? Was it only me then?

Slowly, he raised his hand to me, reaching out. I stared, shocked slightly at his blunt action. Never before had he done such a thing.

"…Are you scared of me…Onna?" he said softly, his eyes not even flinching away, trying to keep my gaze.

So many things raced through my mind as he said that. Scared? Of him? Why would he ask such a thing of me? I looked into those intoxicatingly green eyes, searching for a reason why he would feel I did.

All I saw in them was a reflection of so many different things. Confusion, agitation, pain, slight fear, sadness, regret. But most of all, was the regret. The way his eyes shown with it made me feel as if I'd drown in it's depths. I felt my eyes burning as I looked at him, the tears threatening to come, but for some reason, they did not. I suddenly felt tired and weak. I wanted to say so much to him, to run to him and throw my arms around him, to stop what I knew would happen soon enough, but I could not will my body to move.

I stared back into his sorrowful eyes, trying to let him see exactly what I could not voice. His eyes darkened somewhat as he continued to look into mine. I tried to force my voice to work, force myself to ignore the immense pain beginning to grow in my chest as I stared into that drowning shade of emerald. There was only one thing I could speak though.

"I'm not scared…" that was all. I felt like slapping myself for not saying something different, for not doing anything else. His eyes slid shut slightly, the lids covering most of that brilliant fire I saw.

"…I see…" he said softly. I saw the confusion grow in his eyes, but I also saw something I had not seen before. If I had not been looking at this particular espada, I would have thought it would be love. The idea made my chest constrict painfully. No. Even if I was looking at this espada, I could tell it wasn't love. It was close though. Oh, so close. I could see the confusion mixing with it as he held my gaze possessively. He was aware I could see it. He was trying to show me how confused he was about it. Even he didn't know what it was he was feeling.

I could feel the pain in my chest thrumming against my throat as I saw his confusion and fear at what he was feeling, and the anger of not realizing what it was. I could see the sorrow and regret of not being able to know of it sooner and for causing me so many difficulties and such pain. So many things he was showing, yet he was familiar with none of it.

I saw more and more of his body fading away, his body slowly turning to black ash, blowing away in the wind. I felt the fear growing in my body, climbing up my throat, choking me. I looked at his outstretched hand, still reaching towards me. I wanted him to understand I knew what he was feeling, that I did not care about anything else but this.

My fingers searched the empty air as I tried to grab his hand. As I wrapped my hand around his, I felt nothing solid. Instead, I watched as his pale white skin turned to that dreadful black ash. I felt it slip through my fingers as I tried once more to grab him, but failed yet again, his entire arm disintegrating as I reached forward. I looked into his eyes, horrified at what was happening in front of me, yet his eyes showed no fear. Instead they held a calm sense of sadness and regret. He looked away as the last of his body faded into nothing.

He was gone.

Not a single shred of his existence was left. All I saw was black clouds fading farther and farther away. I closed my eyes tightly as I fought off the panic. I failed at that as well. My mind felt as if it was cracking open. I tightened my hand around the soft ash in my hand. His hand. I held his hand in mine. I brought my hands together to cup around the last fragment of the espada I had. The pain in my chest continued to grow as the panic continued to rack my sanity. Suddenly, a great gust of wind hit me from the direction it had been carrying the fallen espada, blowing my hair away. I closed my eyes to block the sand as it blew in my face, cascading across my cheeks and lips and neck. After a few moments, it ceased.

I looked down to see my hands empty. And my clothes covered in black. My stomach dropped as I realized I had not been hit with sand.

The wind had blown him back towards me. Slowly, I raised my trembling fingers to my cheek, brushing against it. When I pulled it away it was tinted in a black smear. I did the same to my lips. The exact same result. The tears finally fell down my cheeks, cascading to mix with the blackened dust. I rubbed my lips together, relishing the feel of the ash on them as I fell to my knees, sobbing brokenly as my sanity left me. Even after he had disappeared, he had been the one to steal my lips…

I shot up in my bed, the tears falling like a waterfall. I felt the pain even now, tightening around my heart torturously. Heart. I remember he had been so confused with that word, not being able to understand my feelings toward the concept. The very thought of him brought more tears to my eyes, and all I could do was cry.

It had been over seventeen months since the incident, over a year and five months, and yet I was still so broken over what had happened that day in Hueco Mundo atop the dome. He had fought so desperately, so determined, despite the fact that Aizen had no use of me at that point. To this day I still had no idea why he did so. The same with how he had acted. He had not wanted ichigo to take me away from Hueco Mundo.

I continued to cry, unable to stop as all the memories of almost a year and a half before returned. I just wanted to see him again. It was a sinful thing to think, especially after my friends had risked their lives to save me, but it was true. I missed the stoic, calm, emotionless espada. The way he would talk, the way he would act, and even the slight little flaws I'd notice about him every now and then. I missed them all. To hear his voice once more, to be able to finally close my hand around his like I'd wished, was all I wanted. I even wanted to hear him call me "Onna" again, despite how I had hated it before. Now that time had passed, and all I had now were the memories, I had come to realize the significance of that word. Replaying his voice in my mind over and over each day, so I would not forget it, had made me notice how he had said it. It was the only word he had regularly used that had emotion in it. It had been his way of addressing me, almost like a loving pet name you used towards only one, like "sweetie pie" or "pumpkin". The thought of it being his way of showing emotion towards me always made me blush.

The tears would not stop. I kept clutching at my heart, hoping the pain would either subside soon, or be strong enough to knock me out. Why was it even Ichigo couldn't hurt me this much? This wasn't even really his fault; it was just my emotions in disarray. I was shuddering now, my back arching painfully as my body was racked over and over. I just wanted the pain to disappear already…

"This is the fourth night this week. This is not the only time this has happened either. Now, would you mind explaining to me what it is that has upset you so greatly, Onna?"

My heart stopped. I didn't even know what to think, what to do. That voice. That name. It hit me as if I'd been slapped across the face. I couldn't move. Even my tears had stopped, unsure whether to continue or to disappear. I stayed frozen on my bed, my arms still wrapped around my legs, my head on my knees. My eyes were open as wide as they would go, my heart jack-hammering in my chest.

I couldn't believe I had heard it. It was impossible. I had to have imagined it. Yet, despite these thoughts, my ears still searched the silence, waiting for the slightest noise. My breathing was the only thing in the room, erratic and raspy.

I waited for something, anything to make a noise, my mind silently screaming for it to be true and false at the same time.

"…I am addressing you, Onna. Why do you not answer?"

I stiffened automatically, my body shivering at the familiar memories. Yet my memories had never given justice. The voice was just as deep and breathy, yet strong and enchanting as it had been then.

"…Onna… Do you not understand you are being spoken to and are expected to reply?" came the voice, calm on the surface, yet laced with agitation. Only someone who had known him as well as I would know how to note his dangerous undertones.

The air felt thick, heavy, making it ever harder to breathe. My chest heaved as I tried to calm my racing heart. My mind was split in two. One was silently begging it all to be a dream. The other was fighting the urge to gag and tie up the other, wanting desperately for this all to be true and real. I of course was trapped between.

Suddenly a single sound penetrated the thick silence and caught my attention. The sound of fabric folding over itself as someone moves slightly. It was like he was getting annoyed. Impatient even. But there was no way this was real, right?

"…It seems you are not going to acknowledge that I am here. Very well…" I heard footsteps. Soft, slow steps that drifted to me on a whim. They walked out of my room. My head shot up. My bedroom door was open, even though I always shut it every night. My heart jumped out of my chest.

"…-ra…." I rasped brokenly. I tried again, my hands quickly ripping the blankets off me as I struggled out of bed. "Ulq-….-a…!" my voice wouldn't come out right as I ran out of my room, my ears being deafened by the pounding in my head. I ran to my kitchen and stopped, dead in my tracks. In my living room was the one person I thought I'd never see again. His hand was in the air, a hole having been literally torn there. A garganta. He was about to leave. Again. No. No! He couldn't! I felt my eyes widen as I saw this. I acted before I even registered what I was going to do.

"Don't!" I screamed. I didn't know why I said it, but I did. I didn't want him leaving. Now or ever. Not again. He couldn't leave me again…

Slowly, he turned around. I felt my breath stop in my throat, but didn't register it in my mind. Those eyes. How I had missed those eyes. Dark, deep emerald, so beautiful and deadly, almost enough to paralyze you. He stared back intently, not even trying to look away from me. I couldn't' even think of what to do. I was too shocked at seeing him here. My head was spinning, I felt dizzy…

"Onna…." He said softly, nodding once. It was an acknowledgement, not a question or statement. It was really him…

"…Ul….-quiorra…." I whispered before my vision blurred. The last thing I registered was his beautiful eyes widening in shock as my knees buckled beneath me, the floor coming closer, then black.

A/N

Hey, new here unless you already knew that from my profile. In which case i'd say "how many time do i have to tell you freaks to stop f***ing stalking me!" JK! JK! HAHA! (you'll find i'm a little wierd at time... o.O')

Ulquiorra: "a little? You are kidding right?"

me: SHADDUP!

Ulquiorra: "see?"

...ok, just ignore my useless bantering...review please! hope you like!