14Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, nor any of the songs by Tom Lehrer.
A midnight breeze flitted through the open window, briefly caressing Edward's face as it danced around the small room. He straightened on the bed, his muscles tensing as he stretched, and turned his head to regard the bulky mass of steel that lay against the wall. The moonlight streamed through the window, illuminating the reflective metal.
The armour stirred, it's helmet looking up from the scuffed wooden floor to meet Edward's gaze. "Brother?"
"I'm scared," he whispered.
"Me too, Al."
Alphonse's gaze returned to the floor. "But, you don't freeze when we fight the Homunculi, Brother."
Edward bolted upright. "What do you mean, Al?"
Alphonse raised his arms to examine his palms. "When you fight, Brother, you don't let your fear get in the way." His hands tightened to fists as he continued. "When I fight, my fear gets in the way. I always freeze and can barely dodge their attacks."
Edward laughed and folded his arms. "Al, the only reason that I can fight without my fear getting in the way is because I have a coping mechanism."
Al's helmet shot up to stare at Edward. "Really, Brother?"
"Of course, Al," replied Edward.
Alphonse's voice filled with hope. "Can you teach me it? Please, Brother!"
Edward nodded, then grinned. "Definitely, Al. Let's get started!"
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Alphonse shuddered in despair as he watched Edward's body hit the wall behind him and crumple to the ground. "Brother!" A cold, cruel cackle echoed around the street. He turned to face the malevolent grin of a young, androgynous boy.
Envy laughed as he flexed his arm muscles. "Now that the pipsqueak's down it's just you and me, tin man."
Nervous, Alphonse glanced back at Edward's limp form.
"Oh," crooned Envy. "Scared are we? Can't get along without big brother?"
Al glanced back at Edward's body once more as it began to stir. He had to do as Edward had told him. He had to overcome his fears. Alphonse straightened and set his armour into a fighting stance.
Envy giggled. "Well, isn't this just-"
Before Envy could finish Alphonse leapt at him and began... singing.
"There's antimony, arsenic, aluminium, selenium, and hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium, and nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium, and iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium, europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium, and lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium, and gold and protactinium and indium and gallium, and iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium!"
Blows punctuated each lyric, raining down on Envy, who barely managed to counter them. The homunculus staggered backwards, wearing an expression of complete and utter confusion. "Wait, what the hell!"
Alphonse's attacks intensified as he sang faster.
"There's yttrium, ytterbium, actinium, rubidium, and boron, gadolinium, niobium, iridium, and strontium and silicon and silver and samarium, and bismuth, bromine, lithium, beryllium, and barium!"
The last lyric was accompanied by a satisfying crunch as one of Alphonse's blows connected with the back of Envy's neck. The homunculus slumped and fell backwards onto the ground, unconscious.
Alphonse relaxed. A voice coughed behind him.
"Great work, Al!"
Alphonse rotated to face Edward. "You think so, Brother?"
Edward stood up, nodding. "You did it in only two verses, Al. Pretty soon you'll be able to do it without vocalising."
Alphonse turned to regard the beaten homunculus. He had done it. He had overcome his fear.
The Elements Song, by Tom Lehrer.
