A/N: I have no experience of cutting myself or how long it takes before you die or how it feel to bleed to death, so if I got any of them wrong it was an honest mistake

Warnings: Character Death

Spoilers: Yes...

From the Private Journal of Bunchh

June 29th

You may have the best intensions in the world, but that still won't help if the people you're trying to help are either too stubborn or too blind to see it.

That's what I've realized lately, after seeing Anton and Steffan performing their own dance of death. It's gone so far that they won't listen to advice from others, least of all would they listen to each other.

For all this time I've shown a happy surface to others, but beneath that I was deeply miserable. It's painful to see them going about doing their dance and it seems that they'll go on till they reach the point of no return. I think that it would take something big to get their attention on what matters again.

I looked around in the room, it was full of red and pink colors and flowers – all things I love. By the bed stood an urn which now was holding pink roses and an assortment of other flowers, but it would later hold something else.

I went over to the closet and opened its doors and gazed upon the dress hanging in there. The dress was, except for the golden bodice, made from a thin flowing fabric – multiple layers in the skirt – in soft pink and white colors. I shrugged off the dressing gown I was wearing and took down the dress from its hanger, and then I donned it and watched my reflection in the mirror after I'd closed the doors again.

I'm really going to do this, I thought as I met my own gaze.

Dressed, and with the wide skirts billowing around my legs as I moved, I returned to sit by the vanity table. I picked up the necklace resting on the table and fastened it around my neck. Looking at my reflection again I decided that I was done accessorizing.

Calm, with the plan all worked out in my mind, I went over to sit on the bed. On the round table next to the bed sat a crystal decanter to the half full with brandy and next to it a glass, narrowed at its mouth and getting wider to form a full round by its base by the leg, also holding the amber liquid. I reached out and lifted the glass off the polished surface and brought it to my lips. Maybe it was because I wasn't good with alcohol, or possibly it was because of the amount I'd been drinking already, but drowsiness was creeping up on me. I put the glass back down and slowly heaved myself upon the bed leaning back at the many pillows piled at the headboard, feeling their softness cradle me.

I reached out my hands and gathered the flowers from the urn and after having held them to my face for a moment inhaling their sweet scent I spread my arms and the flowers landed to decorate the plentiful of skirts covering a great part of the bed. Then I reached for a sharp little knife resting on the table next to the glass and brought it to the soft blue skin of my wrist. I watched it break through and thick crimson leaked from the slit, and I placed my arm so that my hand was hanging over the edge of the bed and the blood that had begun to run down my arm to the hand was trickling down into the urn where the flowers had been sitting.

I picked up a recording device that was lying next to me on the bed, and after I'd activated it I began to dictate my message, my final words, to them I loved.

"Forgive this little deception, my prince. I didn't really want the attomons," I began. "I just needed to hear you say 'mortal'…" Hmm, didn't think the draining would take its toll this fast. Feeling dizzy… "… To know that I could – could still take care of myself… this way."

I sighed, feeling the end getting nearer for every second, though not evading it.

"Quite comfy, really…" I paused for a few seconds while I strained to stay conscious till I'd finished. "Drowsy. Must be the fifty-year-old brandy. Couldn't resist.

Now, Anton, don't you dare! I know what you're thinking! You leave my DNA alone!" After all, he is a scientist with preservation in mind. "Remember, 'Nothing against another's will.' Don't bring me back… Please! I'm Hoob's handmaiden, now." I laughed, feeling lightheaded, though the sound came out ragged. "And from now on the dawns and sunsets… Will be something outrageous, don'tcha know!"

Increasingly hard to hang on to consciousness, and even my breath seemed to come hard and my voice was growing all the fainter, talking had got harder as well.

"Steffan, precious boy… Roses just keep coming… To arms already… Full of them. Fill your own arms… Find a way… I love you." My eyelids heavy, I took an as deep breath as I had strength to do and then continued. "And… You, too… My prince. Thanks for giving me so much to do. It was such… Fun… Wasn't it?

Everyone… Make love, tonight in the orange chamber… Make it a… Celebration of love! Don't be too disappointed in your Bunchh… For leaving so early. Such a long… Time… Before the world… Will want to laugh… and play again. When one's moment passed… Graceful exit… Only… Stylish… Option…"

Fumbling, I shut off the recording and my arm fell to lay limp across my belly and the device fell out of my hand onto the deep red bedspread. Heavy eyelids falling I took one last look at the room I was in - the red, the pink and the other colors I associated with happiness surrounding me – a faint smile gracing my lips and my consciousness slipping away.

XXXXXXXXX

Now, for you who may wonder; I didn't do this solely because I wanted them to wake up and straighten things out, but also because I was tired and wanted to move on to get some well needed rest.

… Farewell, darlings

A/N: Okay, this is obviously writen post-mortem, as it's pretty hard to write when dying(i'm guessing)... but imagine she's writing this sitting by Hoob's side :)

A/N 2: This was quite a hard piece to write, 'cause of the subject it was dealing with - suicide. But just because something's making you feel uncomfortable it doesn't mean that you should just ignore it