25I've never wanted to write fanfiction for BioWare games before (because I never want to change anything :[ ), but this wouldn't get out of my head. This is probably a one-shot.
In all the years that Fenris had lived in Kirkwall, he'd never bothered to do any more than inhabit the mansion. He didn't live in it, exactly, he'd never cleaned up the broken crockery or do as much as wipe the cobwebs out of the corners. It was dark and cold and there was a window open somewhere and the breeze wound through the empty rooms like a keening shade.
"Why do you even bother?" asked Hawke. She stretched out her legs towards the fire. "Just move into my place. It's so empty with Beth and... well." She made the effort to straighten her back and square her shoulders. "With Beth and Mother gone."
"I can't leave it," Fenris said. "Not yet."
"What if Danarius never comes for you?" She quirked an eyebrow. "It's been years. Will you just sit in here waiting until the chairs rot and you have to sit on the floor?"
"He will come. He knows where I am. He must." Fenris looked away. "I don't know why he's waiting," he said, quietly.
"It sounds like you want him to come." A smile played at the corners of Hawke's mouth. "Do you miss him that badly?"
A flash of anger in those golden eyes let her know he'd touched a nerve. She hid her growing smile behind a sip of the glass of wine in her hand.
"I do not 'miss him'." Fenris growled.
"But you still can't let go of him enough to move on," said Hawke. "You can't be an escaped slave forever. Sitting up here in this huge empty mansion all alone, just waiting for the day your master comes along and takes you back. It's odd, really."
"What else would you have me do?" Fenris snarled. Hawke could see the lyrium markings on Fenris' skin start to glow, just a little. He probably didn't even know it was happening. Hawke leaned forward a little.
"I've never been a free man." He stood up, agitated, and walked to the fire. He leaned against the mantelpiece, staring into the flames.
"You've never even thought about what you want before, have you? Instead of what your master wants." She watched his slender, muscular back as he stood motionless.
He sighed, a barely audible sound against the crackling of the fire. "No. I haven't. I - I don't even know where to start."
Hawke smiled. "I don't think I can give you step-by-step instructions on how to build a life, but, ah, how about this: pick something, anything, that you want, and then work towards getting it."
He turned back to look at her, wordless.
"It doesn't have to be something big," she said, with a shrug. "I wouldn't advise you to jump straight to 'revenge on Danarius'. You could get a cat or something."
"Sounds more like Anders," he said, with what was almost a snarl. "I'm not someone to keep an animal caged. Thanks all the same."
"I think maybe you're just not ready for something that loves you and depends on you." She saw a flicker of confusion pass over his face before he turned back to the fire. She stood, and walked over to stand next to him. The heat from the flames was comforting.
"How do you think Danarius would feel if he knew that not a day goes by that you don't think about him? That he's constantly on your mind; that he colours your very existence." She narrowed her eyes. "Or do you think he knows that already?"
She reached out for him, the skin of his arm where the lyrium glowed brightest. He flinched, but did not pull away. She traced a line with a finger, barely touching him, as the glowing vein moved over his skin, twisting and weaving.
"What did he do to you?" she murmured, half to herself.
Fenris was holding himself perfectly still. She looked away from the markings, up to his face.
"Am I hurting you?" she asked.
"Would you stop if I said yes?"
She dropped her hand and took a step back.
"You weren't," he said. His eyes were wary. "I just wasn't sure."
She shrugged again and started for the door. "My offer still stands. If you're interested." She was almost to the foyer when Fenris spoke.
"You wouldn't care about what people said?" he asked cautiously, hesitantly. "About us... living together?"
She gave a decidedly unladylike snort of laughter. "Of course not. I can't imagine what people would say that they don't already. Honestly, I'm so bored there that if you don't move in I'll have to ask Gamlen to, and then he'll have his terrible friends over at all hours and I'll have to count the silverware twice daily." She gave him a sly smile. "In any case, it's up to you."
"I will... think on it," he said.
She smiled as she closed the front door of the mansion behind her. She knew he wouldn't.
