This is basically another episode of madness I had to type away-join the Discworld dead...

'Who are all of you then?' Reacher Gilt had walked through a door to find the afterlife looked like this...

'We are those villains who have been killed in the last few years.' This came from someone dressed like a wizard. 'I am Trymon, the first of the dead.'

A boy in assassins clothing snorted in a corner. He was playing with a very pointed knife. 'And weakest. Magic? Magic is nothing compared to the iron of a poker.'

Trymon looked aggrieved. 'There was so much magic. Anyway we both died for power.'

'I wanted power over death himself. You just wanted mortal power. That's lacks ambition and elegance.'

'I had ambition once, and then the dragon came..hehehe I could have given it up any time I like...Guards! Guards!'

Trymon sighed.

A rat-like man was staring at Gilt. 'Did you ever hire the New Firm?'

'I doubt it. Generally I don't use men to accomplish my deeds. They are distracted by hopes.'

The man nodded and smiled at a small potato he was holding possessively.

Reacher decided that things were very weird. The boy kept grinning at him. After a while he said 'My name's Teatime. What's yours?'

'Gilt. Reacher Gilt.'

'And what did you do in life to come here? Did it involve witches and blood that won't wash off, even now?' This was from a small gibbering man.

Trymon spoke again. 'That's just Duke Felmet. He's not entirely sane.'

'Malicious rumours!' The Duke giggled.

'See?' Trymon sounded weary. 'Mr Pin, Felmet and Mr Teh-Ah Tim-Eh,' Trymon glanced nervously at the boy, 'are all mad. I've been waiting years for someone to arrive who isn't sanity-challenged. Oh and Lupine over there. He just talks about dragons. All the time.'

Reacher Gilt had had enough. 'I chose freedom. This is not freedom. If you'll excuse me.'

Trymon sighed. 'No one gets out.'

Teatime's smile widened. 'I'm the best thing about the Disc. You don't kill the best character after one book. I'll get out.'

Reacher backed away slowly. 'Why is he talking as though we are in a book?'

'Because we are. We are the villains of the Disc, those who have died evil.'

Reacher gave his trademark pirate glance. 'That is an infringement of my rights as an individual. I shall not be controlled so.'

'Would it help if we became friends?' Teatime liked this new arrival. Unlike the others he appeared to be, not just a spirit, but spirited. This was one villain who wasn't content to spend eternity being sorry, or whining in a corner about the power of a book and the tyranny of Vetinari, or cherishing a potato.

Will probably be deleted when I come to my senses. If my sanity doesn't reappear then this may become more than a one-shot. Anyway normal plea to review, even if you just want to tell me you hated it.