16Old Gendo's Game
By Lord Raa
Disclaim-me-do: You can tell when it's summer in the UK because the wind that blows the rain into your face isn't as cold.
Part three
Satan wore a broad smile on his face as he approached the room where Kozo Fuyutsuki was billeted.
"Hi there, Professor. How's it going?"
The grey-haired man looked up from hugging his knees; his bruised face was a deathly pallor.
"Oh, what happened? Did you annoy Jeff?"
"H-he's a g-g-giant s-s-s-s-s-spider..." Fuyutsuki stammered.
"Yes, I know. That's why I sent him to torment you," Satan beamed. "Oh that's right, your wife mentioned that you're an arachnophobe. You're lucky Jeff's a tough northern lad. Otherwise you'd be buggered."
"..."
"Don't be like that, Professor, it's no fun if you're like that. Tell you what, I'll let you have a walk to meet some of the other tormented souls. Come on."
Up in the Kingdom of Heaven, Rei was concerned about her new mission. While as a devoted and loyal servant, she would do anything for the Supreme Being, she was a little unsure of what was expected of her should anything happen during her time in the mortal world.
The blue-haired angel sighed.
"Is something troubling you?" a calm, pleasant voice asked.
Rei looked up. "Oh, hello, Jesus. I was just thinking about my mission from God."
"Oh?"
"I have been asked to watch over your brother. To make sure that his father doesn't go overboard with trying to make him happy," the Angel explained.
"What is the problem, Rei?" Jesus asked with a concerned look on his face.
"Well, it's... it's a little embarrassing to talk about it. Especially to you," Rei blushed.
Jesus sat next to Rei and gently took her right hand. "Rei, I cannot help you if you don't tell me what the problem is."
Rei nodded, suitably reassured by the Son of God. "What if Shinji and I fall in love?"
"I don't think that God would be angry with you if you fell in love my brother, Rei. I know that you are a kind-hearted soul and you would do everything you could to make him happy."
"But what if he hates me?"
"My brother does not hate anyone, and he certainly couldn't hate you," Jesus smiled. "Besides, your plan is to stand in the shadows, keep those that would harm him at bay. Now, what is it that is bothering you, Rei?"
"God hinted that we might fall in love, but didn't confirm or deny it. She also suggested that it would be ok for him to have several girlfriends. You know, at the same time."
"And you think that Shinji is that sort of person?"
"I don't know, but God said that we had to do everything we could to make Shinji happy."
The Son of God's smile grew. "When the time is right, all shall make sense, Rei. We trust your judgement on this matter and we know you'll do the right thing."
Rei nodded. "Ok, thank you, Jesus."
"So what's your plan for my son?" Fuyutsuki asked Satan.
"Your son? You never conceived a child. Shinji's my child."
"Fine, your son," the grey-haired man conceded. "What are you going to do with him?"
"Well, his mother asked me to make sure he's happy," Satan replied. "I'm guessing that boys his age still like looking at girls' naughty bits."
"You can't send a demon up to seduce your own son!" Fuyutsuki protested.
"I can't? Why not?"
"Because it's wrong!"
"Oh, right, as the Prince of Darkness and Ruler of Hell, I'm bound by human ethics, aren't I?" Satan mocked. He leaned in and snorted loudly in Kozo's face. "Time for a swim, Professor."
"A swim?"
"In the lake of fire. Along with these stock brokers," the Devil smiled. "I want you to complete 100 laps."
"What if we don't?" an Ivy League educated voice demanded. "You can't make us do anything."
"Yeah, you're not even real!" another sneered. He turned to high five his Wall Street colleagues.
"I get that a lot," Satan nodded. "Usually people start believing in me three seconds after I fill their bowels with rival gangs of scorpions."
Screams of agony reverberated around the cavern where the lake of fire sat.
"So then, 'gentlemen', and I use that term because you're not ladies. At least, I haven't turned you into women yet. Are you ready for your endurance swim now? The lake is about 10 miles in circumference. That's about 16km for those of you who are metric."
"Metric? The metric system's one of your tools, isn't it?" one of stockbrokers sneered.
"No, I had nothing to do with it. Personally, I was fine with ancient measurements, but that's because I grew up with them." Satan picked up his victims and casually lobbed them into the lake. "Remember: 100 laps, you can't leave until they're done. Or unless I want to talk to one of you."
"Do you really want to talk to those stockbrokers?" Gary asked as the suited men struggled to keep their heads above the swirling fire.
"No, but I might want to torment the Professor after a while. Besides, this gives them the hope that they'll get out of there early."
"Hope is a great weapon," Gary smiled. "Now, I've got a problem with a new arrival."
"Well, let's take a look, shall we?"
Satan arrived at the new arrivals desk to see a stocky man with grey hair glowering at everyone in sight.
"Cower mortal!"
"You'll have to do better than that," the man sneered mockingly. "Sure, you've put a lot of effort into the surroundings, but you've skimped on the costumes."
"Oh really?" Satan asked, forcing a smile. "And just where do you think you are?"
"I'm in some student's dorm somewhere. This is just a prank."
"Well, let me see here. You're Keel Lorenz and you're dead."
Lorenz blinked. "I'm dead?"
Satan continued, ignoring that comment. "However, you're not supposed be here – I can't see any hint of wrongdoing in your life. You're in the wrong afterlife."
"Oh, so get on with sending me to Heaven then!"
"Yeah, yeah, this sort of thing takes time."
There was a silence as Lorenz grew increasingly impatient. "Well?"
"Hole in the ground."
"What?"
"I thought we were playing word association. You said 'well', so I responded with 'hole in the ground'. You mean we're not? Oh dear," the Devil said, shaking his head sadly.
"I was talking about sending me to Heaven!" the stocky man growled.
Satan's face became angry. "You are not in a position to demand anything, flesh-sack!"
"But you said that I was in the wrong place!"
Peals of demonic laughter sounded out, causing the some of the new arrivals to empty the bowels and bladders.
"Did it not occur to you that I might be lying to you as part of your torment? You have a bad attitude, Lawrence," Satan warned. "It has resulted in you finding out what it's like to have a plague of locusts hatch in your bowels."
"AAARRAGGGHGHHGGH!" the grey-haired man screamed as he fell to the floor, clutching his abdomen.
"Now, let's see what you actually did, shall we?" the Prince of Darkness asked rhetorically. "Embezzled money from the charities you were on the boards for. Talked on your mobile phone while in the movie theatre. Ran a busload of nuns off the road – that did cause quite the stir when they arrived.
"Then there's the child pornography."
"Those charges were dismissed!" Lorenz countered, slowly rising to his feet.
"Only because you bought the court off," Satan chided. "Oh, it seems that you know Professor Kozo Fuyutsuki."
"I do?"
"Yes, you stole from his company and framed him. They were only days away from getting enough evidence to create a bulletproof case. Nice work on that, by the way," Satan smiled. "Very creative. Too bad I'm going to have to tell the Professor about what you did. You also planned to sexually harass his wife."
"So, what's wrong with a little fun?" the damned man asked.
"Nothing, but given who the Prof was married to, you did kind of screw yourself over. Which give me a good idea," the Devil said. He snapped his fingers and conjured up four demons in overalls with pneumatic drivers. "Ten in, ten out."
"What?"
"These demons are going to insert 12-inch long screws into all of your joints and then remove them. Ten times, but they're going to allow the screws a chance to cool down from the friction in between insertions and removals. Oh, and there is good news and bad. Good news: there are only four screws. The bad? Those screws are two inches in diameter."
The drivers started to spin up and Keel Lorenz screamed in agony as his toes were torn from his feet, causing Satan to smile evilly. "Now, if you guys will excuse me, I've got some business to attend to up in the mortal world."
Shinji Fuyutsuki was trying to make sense of the revelations that the man claiming to be his father had made. While he didn't have many clear memories of his mother, those that he did have of her were all positive and wholesome.
So to hear that his mother was actually God and the man that had impregnated her was Satan himself was quite strange.
Shaking his head, the young man walked to the pedestrian crossing and waited for the signal with a number of his fellow students. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of red hair.
Turning, he noticed that it was Asuka Langley Sohryu, the student from overseas.
Asuka had long attracted a great deal of attention, not only for her striking looks, but for her academic skills and tendency to use violence as a means of correcting aberrant behaviour.
Woe betide any male who tried to sneak a peek up her dress.
Shinji reflexive took half a step away from the redhead out of fear for his safety. He had seen Touji and Kensuke after they'd tried to get photos shortly after her arrival.
He sighed softly, wondering if she knew he even existed. Not that he thought he would ever be in Asuka's league – she was so beautiful, so smart, so athletic, so... bouncy.
'No,' Shinji decided, 'I can't think why she'd ever agree to go out with me.'
Asuka looked over her shoulder and noticed that there was a vaguely familiar face not two metres from her.
'I think he's in my class. At least he's keeping his distance, it's hard work being an object of desire,' she thought before taking a deep breath and preparing to slap any wandering hands away from her during the walk across the street.
Ten seconds later, the lights changed and the chirping started, signalling that it was safe to cross.
The crowd was about to disperse upon completing their crossing when a motorbike lost control and mounted the kerb just where Asuka was.
Shinji saw that Asuka was in danger and reacted. He leapt forward, sweeping the redhead off her feet and rolling onto his back to cushion her fall.
After a moment, Shinji opened his eyes. "A-are you alright?"
"You can let go now," Asuka said, referring to the fact that Shinji's arms were wrapped around her waist.
"Oh, sorry."
The redhead stood up and dusted herself off. Looking around, she could see that other than the rider, no-one else had been inconvenienced by the accident. She frowned. 'That's odd.'
Turning to Shinji, she saw that he'd managed to land in a puddle, staining his shirt. 'He could have just pushed me out of the way, I'd still have been saved, but then I'd be the one who's all dirty. I hope he's not expecting me to fall in love with him for that.'
"Would you like some help getting up?" Asuka asked Shinji.
"I'm alright," Shinji answered slowly getting to his feet. "Sorry for grabbing you like that, but I didn't want to see you hurt."
"I appreciate your sacrifice, err...?"
"Shinji Fuyutsuki. I'm in your class at school."
"Now that you mention it, you do look familiar," the foreign girl said, gesturing with her finger. "Anyway, I'm sorry to do this to you, but I've got to go. I suppose I'll see you at school tomorrow. Until then, Shinji Fuyutsuki."
Shinji blinked. "She knows who I am..." he smiled.
Shinji returned to his home to see Gendo Ikari leaning against the doorway.
"Good afternoon, Shinji," the bearded man smiled. His expression fell. "Are you alright? You look a mess."
"Yeah, this is just-"
"From saving a classmate from getting hurt," Gendo interrupted. "I know."
"How...?"
"Because I'm keeping an eye on you, Son. Now, why don't you get cleaned up and we can talk about Asuka."
"Oh, OK, but... did you do something to Asuka?" Shinji demanded.
"No, Shinji, I didn't," the Prince of Darkness said honestly. "I know that you're different from your friends. If they were in your position, they'd be quite happy for me to mess with a girl to get her to sleep with them. You, however, want there to be genuine feelings between you and whoever you're dating.
"I respect that and, as per your mother's request, I'm going to do what I can to help you and Asuka, or whoever else you want to have a relationship with, start to connect. Besides, I can have more fun this way. Some mayhem here, sown discord there, a little deceit whispered into the ears of the powerful all leads to fun for me."
Shinji frowned, but said nothing.
"So, what do you like about Asuka Langley Sohryu? Ignoring the obvious physical attraction you have for her, I mean."
"Well, she's so smart and... well, I guess it's because she's not like the other girls at school."
"So you're saying that the other girls at your school are vacuous dullards? Statistically speaking that does fit with most clusters of human populations."
"That's not what I meant!" Shinji protested. He took a deep breath to compose himself before continuing. "Asuka's a bit of an outsider, and that's how I feel."
"But she's considered something of an idol at your school, Son. And not just the boys feel that way about her."
"Yes, but she wasn't born in Japan, so she is an outsider. And I don't really fit in do I?"
"I think I get what you're aiming for, Son," Satan smiled in understanding.
There was a knock at the door.
"Well, Shinji, are you going to see who it is?"
The teenager blinked in surprise, but opened the door.
Standing there was a woman in her early twenties with pale skin, blue hair and red eyes.
"Hi, sorry to bother you, but I just moved in next door. Unfortunately, my utilities haven't been turned on yet. Could I..." she trailed off when she saw who was with the young man. "YOU!"
"Me? Whatever could be bothering you?" the bearded man asked with an innocent look on his face.
"What are you doing here?!" the woman demanded. "Just what is your plan?"
"What's it to you, Madam? Who are you to ask such ill-mannered questions in front of your new neighbour? You come here, asking for help but immediately start screeching demands for personal information. If it was up to me, I'd slam the door in your face and shun you until you learn some social graces," Satan sneered. "But luckily for you, it's not up to me, it's up to Shinji-kun here."
Shinji looked between the two adults in confusion. "Who are you? And who do you know my father?"
The blue-haired woman smiled nervously as she tried to find a way out of this awkward situation. She was hit by a flash of divine inspiration. "I... I'm terribly sorry, but it seems that I've made an awful, shameful mistake and confused your father with someone else.
"I can only offer my profuse apologies and beg for your forgiveness."
The look of confusion Shinji wore as he tried to make sense of the situation made the Prince of Darkness smile. "Well then, Shinji, are you going to accept this lady's apology or not?"
The teenager glanced at his father before turning his attention back towards the woman who was bent at the waist in an uncomfortable looking bow.
"What? Oh yes, I'm sorry. Please come in, Miss?"
"Ayanami," the pale-complexioned woman said returning to her full height. "Rei Ayanami."
"Would you like something to drink, Ayanami-san? I'm sorry, but I can only offer you tea or instant coffee," Shinji said, moving to one side to allow his guest to enter.
"Tea would be fine, Shinji-kun," Rei smiled. She shot a glare at Satan when he spoke up.
"Aren't you forgetting something, Miss Ayanami?"
"What do you mean?"
"Your shoes, Miss Ayanami," Satan said clearly holding the woman in contempt. "It's customary to remove them when entering a Japanese home."
"F-Father, please, I'm sure she just forgot," Shinji said, offering a defence of his guest.
"When was the last time you forgot to take your shoes off when you entered someone's home?"
"I..." Shinji was stumped by that question.
"Don't fret about it, Son," the Devil smiled. "Now, if you'll both excuse me, I've got to attend to some important business."
"When will you be back?" Shinji asked.
"I can't say for sure, but it won't be too long. Toodles."
When the door was shut, Rei turned to Shinji. "I'm sorry about that, but your father...reminds me of someone unpleasant."
"Yeah, I know what you mean, Ayanami-san. So, how about that tea?"
"That sounds wonderful, Shinji-kun."
To be continued...
Nothing much to add here, other than I don't know when I'll get around to writing more of this nonsense.
