10Title: A Perfect Performance
Pairing: Bree/Katherine
Disclaimer: Desperate Housewives and its' characters are sadly, no invention of mine! Lyrics belong to The Fray, Over My Head (Cable Car)
Spoilers: Set after the Season 4 finale.
A/N: First Desperate Housewives fic, and therefore the first time I've tried to get inside the head of Bree. Don't hate me, and feedback is welcome.
i. it's coming down to nothing more than apathy
Three days.
That was how long it had been since Bree Hodge last saw, heard, or spoke to her neighbour and friend; Katherine Mayfair. She had tried to call Katherine's home phone number, her cell phone, and had even been to her home to knock on her front door, no fewer than five times.
Had it been a normal week on Wisteria Lane; Bree would have been concerned, worried. However, in the aftermath of Katherine shooting dead Wayne Davies after he'd held them both hostage, Bree surmised that Katherine would need time to herself. This was something that Bree fully understood; it was the way that Katherine coped. Had the roles been reversed; Bree doubted that she'd have been willing to face her neighbours without being alone for a while first.
Save for individual bouquets' of flowers sent to each of the women thanking them for backing her to the police; Katherine had not attempted to communicate with any one of them. Nevertheless, Bree felt that three days of self-pity was more than enough for anyone, and so she entrusted Benjamin to Orson for the night. Separated they may be, but Bree would not deny him contact with his son. She was a fair woman after all.
Deliberating over whether it was appropriate to take over a basket of freshly baked scones, Bree decided that it was pointless as she wasn't even sure if Katherine was going to answer the door. Bree hoped that if she persisted, eventually Katherine would give in, but if she had to resort to drastic measures then she was more than willing to. It wasn't like she wanted to break the pane of glass in Katherine's back door by slamming a brick into it, but if it came to it...
Desperate times called for desperate measures.
ii. i wish you were a stranger i could disengage
Locking her front door behind her, Bree headed over to Katherine's, taking her customary great strides. However, unlike usual she kept her head bowed, not wanting to draw anyone into conversation when her only concern was to see how Katherine was coping after the trauma that they had been through. It was odd; never had she envisaged becoming so close to Katherine, especially considering the way they had managed to clash within just minutes of meeting each other. They were so alike that Bree had been sure they could never be anything but enemies.
It seemed she'd been wrong.
Now, she couldn't imagine life without the fellow redhead; despite their occasional dispute. So there was no way she was going to allow Katherine to wall herself off from those that cared about her anymore; she was going to do the right thing and be a good friend. It was in situations like this that one realized who they were important to, because it was true friends who were willing to be there through the hard times.
Approaching Katherine's house, Bree found that she was slightly nervous as to what state she was going to find Katherine in. It was with shame, she imagined her friends must have felt exactly the same when she had began drinking that little bit too much before she was in a full-blown fight with alcoholism.
Well, Katherine may not have been around to support her then, but that didn't mean she was going to neglect her best friend in her time of need. Knocking sharply on the door, Bree waited patiently for a few moments with no reply. She repeated her action again, this time rapping her knuckles against the glass even harder, hoping to get the message across to Katherine that she wasn't giving up. She knew for a fact that Katherine was home; aside from the fact that her car was parked outside, there was the dim glow of a light coming from the living room window.
Deciding that Katherine might need some verbal encouragement, Bree shouted shrilly, "Katherine! I know you're in there, now will you stop hiding and open this door!"
Nothing. Banging the entire palm of her hand against the door, Bree was determined not to give up. "Katherine! Goddamn it Katherine; would you open the door!"
Still there was no sound from inside the house. Frustrated at the fact her cursing hadn't even had an impact on Katherine, Bree could feel what little patience she had slipping away from her. She briefly considered hitting the door even harder again, but knew in her heart that it would do little good. If things carried on this way, she would have to resort to brick bashing.
Decided to give it one last try, Bree went for a different tactic and knocked more gently. "Katherine? Sweetheart; please open up. I just want to see that you're ok. It's only me... no one else."
There was still no movement, no sound of the door swinging as Katherine opened it. Continuing to reassure Katherine in case there was any chance she was listening, Bree spoke in the same low tone of voice. "I've missed having you around. It's been strange not having anyone to try out recipes with. Laugh with. Argue with," Bree added teasingly, hoping that Katherine was on the other side of the door taking onboard her words.
"I'll stay here all night if I have to," Bree stated. "But it's bitterly cold out here so I'd really appreciate it if you'd open this…"
There was a click, and suddenly Katherine was standing before her.
"…door," Bree finished needlessly.
"How lovely to see you, Bree," Katherine said dryly. She was swaying slightly as though she'd had one too many glasses of rosé wine, and though she'd evidently tried to hide it with makeup, Bree could see that she'd been crying.
"Katherine," Bree repeated her friend's name for what felt like the thousandth time that night. "Are you ok?"
"Peachy," Katherine replied sarcastically. "Now that you've seen I'm perfectly fine, I'm going to bed. And I'd like it if you refrained from banging my door down whilst I did so."
"You're going nowhere," Bree informed her. "At least; not without me."
iii. hanging above as the canyon comes between
Considering the state that Katherine was in, Bree was glad that she'd chosen that very night to force her company on Katherine. It was better that Katherine dealt with her emotions whilst the pain was still raw, rather than bottling her feelings up for endless years as she had already done regarding Dylan. It had gotten her nowhere before, and Bree knew that if there was one thing Katherine should learn from this is that it still wasn't the answer.
She had led Katherine up the stairs, linking their arms in an unfamiliar gesture of friendship. Bree wasn't used to being so tactile, but she didn't want her fellow redhead to fall down the stairs. When she'd entered the house, the empty bottle of wine perched on the coffee table had confirmed her suspicions that Katherine had spent the evening drowning her sorrows.
"Here," Bree attempted to hand Katherine a glass of water as she curled up in bed. Nonetheless, her offer was ignored as Katherine remained non-responsive and merely pulled the duvet higher over her head.
"Katherine," Bree tried not to sound too exasperated, but she was finding it difficult. "Trust me when I say you need to drink this or you'll feel even more horrible in the morning."
"Maybe I want to," Katherine mumbled from underneath the bed covers.
"But why would you… don't be so ridiculous!" Bree chastised.
"I'm a horrible mother, a horrible person. So why shouldn't I feel horrible, too?" Katherine spoke forcefully from beneath the duvet. She sounded completely and utterly distressed, leaving Bree pretty certain that she was crying.
"You are not a horrible mother or person," Bree argued. "Look at what you did to protect Dylan. To protect me."
"Dylan doesn't even want to be here," Katherine gave a sob. "She's at a friend's sleepover because she can't bear to be anywhere near me!"
"Oh sweetheart," Bree pulled the covers down to reveal Katherine's tear stained face. She slipped an arm around Katherine, pulling her into a makeshift hug. It was somewhat awkward considering the position that Katherine was lying in, but she managed in eventually. "Dylan is at a friend's sleepover because she's a teenager… that's what teenagers do! I remember after the whole sordid business with Danielle and Matthew Applewhite... you heard about that I suppose?"
Katherine's small nod confirmed Bree's suspicion. Nothing remained a secret on Wisteria Lane; even if it had happened in previous years. Especially if it happened in previous years.
"Danielle was out having fun the next day. Some teenagers find it easier to deal with traumatic events in that way. It might take a while for her to feel comfortable talking to you about it," Bree explained.
"Really?" Katherine pressed for reassurance, eyes wide and facing Bree.
"Really," Bree reiterated, giving Katherine a gentle smile. "And in the mean time; you've got me."
Katherine smiled slightly, brushing tears off her cheeks as she did so. "You surely have better things to do than put up with me. You don't have to pretend to care Bree; it's not like Adam bothered when he packed up the rest of his things and left."
"I'm not Adam. I do care; no pretending about it. You saved my life, Katherine," Bree said softly, her voice filled with raw emotion. "I'm not going to forget that." With a steady hand she gripped Katherine's shaking one, and pulled Katherine's head onto her lap. Gently, she ran her fingers through Katherine's hair, a small attempt to comfort her friend. So badly wished that she could take away Katherine's agony; the pain of losing her biological daughter, of being the victim and consequent survivor of domestic violence.
Shakily, Katherine moved towards Bree, leant against her shoulder. "Thank you," she whispered, her breath tickling the hairs on Bree's neck, causing her to involuntarily shiver. "If anything had happened to you... I don't know what I would have done. You mean everything to me."
The admittance shocked Bree, Katherine's vulnerability in plain sight. It had happened once before at the Fundraiser after the... unfortunate incident whereby she poisoned Katherine, after feeling stupidly threatened by her. She had felt disgraced by her very own actions at the time, but now it wasn't shame that ran through her veins. There was something else, almost as if she were flattered by Katherine's words.
"Well, what are friends for?" Bree forced herself to smile, unsure of how to react. Katherine's praise made her feel good about herself, there was no doubt about that, but it didn't feel right to make it known to Katherine. It sounded silly even in her own head, but that was just the way it was.
"I didn't even think we were friends. Not really," Katherine made her admission, looking down into her lap as she spoke.
Bree paused before answering, understanding what Katherine meant. "We've had our disagreements, but there's no reason why we can't put them behind us. Especially after what's happened."
A small smile up at her allowed Bree to see that Katherine agreed with her.
"You should probably get some sleep," Bree told her, feeling a little awkward. Being in the bedroom of her vulnerable friend and neighbour attempting to comfort her wasn't something that came naturally to her. After all, it wasn't a situation she found herself facing every day.
"I really can't thank you enough," Katherine said softly.
"You don't have to thank me," she shrugged off the gratitude. "Of course, if you wanted to show your appreciation by sharing your recipe for your Lemon Meringue Pie with me, then that would be fantastic."
Bree's attempt at lightening the mood worked, Katherine smirking in response. "I haven't ingested nearly enough alcohol to do that."
Sarcasm in Katherine's reply allowed Bree a sigh of relief. This was something that she felt comfortable with; a sign that the Katherine she knew was still in there, somewhere.
"I don't know whether to be pleased or not. Obviously I'm disappointed that I'm not going to be discovering your secret, but it's good to hear that you've not drank yourself into an absolute state."
Katherine smiled, almost sadly. "Bree, you know enough of my secrets to last a lifetime."
"You've got a point," Bree swallowed. "But try to forget them for the moment, and get some rest." The conversation had turned into unfamiliar territory once again, and she wasn't sure how to progress it towards something of an ending so that she could go home. Spending time with Katherine was fine, but she didn't know how to make her feel any better that she already had, and the best thing she could probably do right now would be to let Katherine get a decent night's sleep.
It seemed, however, that Katherine had other ideas. "Will you stay?" she asked, a vulnerable edge to her voice that Bree was certain she had never heard before.
"I don't think that would be appropriate," Bree refused, failing to prevent her cheeks from reddening at the thought of spending the night in the same bed as another woman.
Katherine looked close to devastated when she inevitably noticed the expression on Bree's face. Frantically, Bree tried to make herself look more relaxed, not wanting to hurt Katherine's feelings, knowing that she could take little more pain. "I tell you what," she said kindly, "Why don't I stay with you until you fall asleep, hmm?"
The smile on Katherine's face allowed Bree to breathe a sigh of relief. Disaster averted. "That would be nice."
"Ok then," Bree said, upbeat. She squeezed Katherine's hand, showing her support. "Let's get you tucked in."
"Thank you," Katherine repeated for the second time, and tentatively, she placed a chaste kiss on Bree's cheek.
As awkward as the almost intimate contact between them felt, Bree found herself grateful for the kiss. The touch of Katherine's lips against her skin had made her heartbeat quicken, like the fluttering of butterflies in her chest.
Powerless to control her own body, Bree reached out, drew Katherine into a slightly shy hug. Still continuing to clasp her friend's hand, she whispered, "Don't mention it."
iv. everyone knows i'm in over my head, over my head
It had taken nearly an hour for Bree to get Katherine to sleep, and by the time she finally had, she herself was utterly exhausted. She could feel her eyes fluttering shut, and so with every effort she possessed, she hauled herself up to begin what felt like a long, arduous journey home; even though it was only yards away. There was a strong temptation rising within her to just fall asleep here and now, pretending in the morning when Katherine awoke to see her that it had been an accident.
She shouldn't though. Really, she shouldn't.
It was time for her to leave, but Katherine looked so peaceful, her chest rising and falling beneath the duvet, her auburn curls covering the entire pillow beneath her. Even with her eyes shut her eyelashes were still long, and her mouth parted slightly open made her look pure, innocent.
As she stared at her friend, Bree was overwhelmed by an intense feeling of... something. Just one mere glance at Katherine made her want to stay here watching over her forever. She considered the idea that it was the mothering instincts within her, but that was quickly overtaken by the obvious. At no point had she wanted to cradle Katherine in her arms like she did Benjamin, and sing her lullabies to sleep. It was entirely different.
A slight tremor in her hand, Bree traced her thumb along Katherine's cheekbone, relishing the soft skin that brushed against her own. Shifting faintly, she brought her thumb around to Katherine's lips, running her thumb along them as softly as she possible could. Despite a compulsion to go further she didn't allow herself to really consider this, too terrified of the consequences that she would have to face if she did.
"Hmm..." Katherine moaned in her sleep, and sharply, Bree drew her hand away. She tried not to breathe heavily, not wanting to make too much noise and rouse Katherine from her sleep.
"Bree?"
Too late, it seemed.
"I'm here," Bree said, trying to keep her voice level.
Katherine opened her eyes. "What is... I felt something," she mumbled, still with a sleepy tinge to her voice.
Deciding it was probably better to just come clean and admit that it had been her, Bree apologized, "It was me. I'm sorry, you just looked so peaceful and..."
"Probably because I was asleep," Katherine interrupted, more awake and looking anything but pleased with Bree's confession.
"I'm sorry," Bree reiterated. "Look I'll just go, obviously I'm being anything but helpful." She stood up and turned to the door, but was held back by a strong grasp on her wrist.
"For God's sake, Bree, just stay!" Katherine snapped, fully alert once again.
Katherine ordering her to stay made it a viable option, or at least, that was how Bree viewed it. This way it was out of her control; it wasn't her choice to make. Katherine had told her to remain here and so she would, be it right or wrong.
She shrugged her shoulders in defeat. "Ok."
v. without a sound we lose sight of the ground, in the throw around
Sharing a bed with Katherine was everything that Bree hadn't expected. She'd imagined it would feel uncomfortable, inappropriate, and as though she had crossed way over the line and soared off into the far distance. Instead it was warm, relaxing, and just... right. Since she had separated from Orson she had missed having someone else there at night, and so really, this was as much for her own benefit as it was for Katherine's.
"Stop thinking," Katherine's voice penetrated the darkness.
"Excuse me?" Bree replied, incredulous.
"I can almost hear the cogs turning inside your brain," Katherine mumbled into her pillow. "It's irritating and it's distracting me from getting back to sleep."
Ignoring the not-so-subtle dig, Bree said disdainfully, "I can't just switch my mind off."
"Try."
"I'm here because you want me to be!" Bree exclaimed. "If you have a problem with the way I choose to get myself to sleep then maybe I should go."
"I'd still be asleep if you hadn't woken me," Katherine turned her head in the darkness, and Bree could just about make out her eyes. "Why did you touch me anyway?"
Bree swallowed. "I told you, you looked so peaceful and..."
"All the more reason not to disturb me," Katherine stated calmly.
"I... I thought you had a loose eyelash," Bree stuttered.
"Liar."
"Katherine Mayfair, would I lie to..."
"Yes," Katherine interjected before Bree could finish. "Besides, since when did my 'loose eyelashes' land on my mouth?"
With a sigh, Bree gave up the act and admitted quietly, "Fine. You... you looked beautiful. And I don't know, I just... wanted to touch you. That's it."
"Oh."
There was silence for a few minutes, and eventually, Bree began to worry. What if she had gone too far and Katherine didn't want her to stay here anymore? Katherine wasn't that much more of a tactile person than she herself was. It was true to say that she wasn't quite as uptight, but since everything that had happened with Wayne she would understandably feel more nervous about her own personal space.
"Are you angry with me?" Bree asked, worry evident in her voice.
"No," Katherine said softly. "I'm just surprised."
"I'll go if you want me to," Bree offered, trying not to sound too upset.
"Don't be so silly," Katherine admonished. Unexpectedly, she shifted over in the bed, and wrapped an arm around Bree's waist.
Unable to prevent a sharp intake of breath, Bree tried to relax. The close contact with Katherine was making her think terrible thoughts again, and Bree tried to get her emotions under control. The last thing Katherine needed was to see her lose the plot; she was supposed to be the strong one at the moment. With Katherine, much of her mockery and sarcasm was just a bravado act put on to stop herself from thinking about the terrifying events' of three days previous to the present time.
"I'm glad you're here," Katherine confessed. "Even if you are more of a block of ice than a hot water bottle."
Realising that Katherine was joking to lighten the mood, Bree understood the underlying sincerity in her comment. "I'm glad I'm here too," she disclosed.
"It feels like forever since I shared a bed with someone," Katherine said casually, but not managing to hide the loneliness in her voice from Bree.
"Same," Bree agreed. She was surprised at how open she had managed to be with Katherine so far this evening, but she supposed that it wasn't such a bad thing. After what she had done for Katherine in persuading the other women to back up her story that Wayne had been making her life hell for as long as she'd lived on Wisteria Lane (both the first and second time) it was time for Katherine to repay the favour by not turning her into the latest piece of housewife gossip. And in any case; Katherine was revealing just as much, if not more in return.
"I'm not really tired anymore," Katherine said in a low voice, her head just inches away from Bree. The close proximity between them meant that Bree actually felt the other woman's breath tickle the skin on her neck, causing her to shudder. As if that wasn't enough to drive her insane, Katherine, more daring than ever, rested her head on Bree's shoulder.
"Katherine..."
"Hmm?" Katherine's words reverberated against Bree's bare skin, and at once she wished that she'd worn a shirt with sleeves before leaving her own home.
"You're rather close," Bree stated uneasily.
"Do you want me to move over?"
"You probably should," Bree informed her, staring straight up at the ceiling and trying to focus on anything but the fact that Katherine was in her arms.
Katherine gave a light laugh reminding Bree that her confidence tonight was due to the bottom of a bottle. "I didn't ask whether I should; I asked whether you wanted me to."
Sighing, Bree began, "Look it's not a case of what I want, it's simply not proper for us to lay in this position with each..."
She stopped talking the moment that Katherine tilted her head upwards, and tenderly placed a kiss upon Bree's cheek. Frozen to the bed, Bree remained still as Katherine dragged her lips over in the direction of her mouth, until they fitted together like two matching pieces of a jigsaw.
"Hmmm, Kather..."
"Stop talking," Katherine whispered.
"We can't..."
"Why?"
In her own head, Bree considered that question. The first conclusion she came to was that it was wrong; against nature. The second was that Katherine was her friend; currently vulnerable and intoxicated. The third?
She couldn't come up with a third.
There was no time for any further contemplation, because Katherine had started to suck on her bottom lip, and her hand was snaking it's way inside of Bree's shirt, smooth against her torso. And suddenly; Bree didn't want to resist. So badly had she missed the intimacy of another's touch, and never before had she experienced contact that felt so entirely fantastic. Before she even realized what she was doing, she began to respond to Katherine's kisses, parting her mouth to allow Katherine's tongue entry, and parting her legs to make room for Katherine's hand between them.
It felt so very strange and alien to have a pair of breasts that were not her own underneath the palm of her hand, and when did she even reach out to touch Katherine anyway? She had been powerless to stop herself from reacting, but going further and actually taking part was upping the stakes even further, to a place she wasn't sure she could ever come back from. For something that she'd always considered to be immoral no matter what the circumstances, this felt pretty damn good to her.
Her clothes were pulled from her body; this was the most alive she had seen Katherine in ages. The energy that had been lacking when she opened the door to Bree earlier was back with a vengeance and frantically tearing at Bree's underwear in a way that was anything but lady-like. God, if her friends and family saw her like this; Susan, Gabrielle and Lynette, her family. Andrew. She had made him feel so badly about his own sexuality and now she was being a hypocrite in the worst way possible.
A moan escaped from her lips as Katherine's nails dragged across her hips and back downwards, spiralling around her core. Eyes squeezed shut, her breathing grew heavier until it was impossible to consider anything but the pounding in between her legs that grew stronger, until it reached the point where an explosion of colours dazzled her eyes in a fierce orgasm.
A few seconds of relaxation before it was her turn, there was no reluctance in her movements. She intended to match Katherine in every which way; almost as if it were a private competition between themselves. There was no going back, she was in too deep already, and so she may as well prolong the pleasure for as long as possible before she had to consider reality. Lowering her head, she allowed Katherine's salty taste to infiltrate her mouth through her passionate kisses. The gasps from above informed her that she was indeed performing to a high standard, and Bree's only disappointment when Katherine cried out as she came was that her aptitude at lesbian sex could not be discussed at their latest poker game.
Minutes later, when she'd had time to consider the magnitude of the situation, Bree realized that not being able to discuss the experience with friends was the least of her concerns. Why had she let this happen? What was going to happen in the morning? What was going to happen to her friendship with Katherine? As she considered these questions and more, silently within her thoughts, there was really just the one thing that she could be sure of tomorrow, and it didn't exactly fill her with joy.
It would be the undoing of Bree as she knew herself.
vi. i won't let it go down 'till we torch it ourselves
She was right. The morning after reminded Bree exactly why the night before should never have happened. The atmosphere between the two women was thick with regret; neither one able to look at the other as they both dressed in silence. Forced to wear her clothes from the previous evening, Bree envied Katherine who merely threw on a dressing gown, evidently going to shower the moment that Bree left her home. She desperately wanted to take a shower herself; but in her own house where she felt more able to wash away the sins she had committed. Nevertheless, running out of here without so much as a single word to or from Katherine, indicating what would happen now, was going to make the situation worse. A couple of minutes of awkwardness was going to be better than waiting hours, days or even weeks to see where she stood.
"Bree?"
She stiffened, preparing herself for whatever it was that Katherine was going to say. The way her name had been spoken suggested that Katherine wasn't angry with her for allowing things to go so far, but she wouldn't know until she...
"Are you listening?"
...listened.
"I'm sorry, what was that?" Bree enquired lightly, standing up and facing Katherine, but not quite making eye contact.
"I said thank you," Katherine said softly. "For yesterday."
Mouth dropping open, taken aback, Bree stuttered her reply. "Uh... what... what part of yesterday are we actually referring to?"
Katherine flashed Bree a smile, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. Almost like that of a second rate actress who should probably have stuck to small town theatre rather than aiming for Broadway. "You know. How you talked to me until both of us ended up falling asleep."
Bree was confused. "But..." And then; a beat. "Oh."
So that was the way they were going to play it. Act like nothing had happened between them until eventually they fell back into the sometimes easy, sometimes difficult pattern of friendship they had formed over the past few months.
Enemies to friends to lovers, and then a step somewhere in between the latter two.
Right.
"It was no problem," Bree returned Katherine's smile, just as false in order to keep up the pretence that this was just a normal, everyday situation as opposed to one in which they'd had sex the night before. It might have worked if they were trying to fool others, but if there was one thing that Bree had learnt over the years, it was that you couldn't lie to yourself.
"Well, I suppose you'll want to be getting home after putting up with me for so long!" Katherine exclaimed, still flashing her perfect smile.
"Yes," Bree nodded, but unlike Katherine she could no longer keep the smile formed on her face. Turning to leave, she raised her hand to pull the door open.
She stopped. There was no way that she couldn't so much as mentioning it.
"Katherine..."
"Bree..." Her fellow redhead replied, almost warningly. It was like she wanted her to leave without saying anything, worried that she was deviating from the script.
"Last night," Bree carried on regardless. "It wasn't anything to you, was it?"
A look of shock registered on Katherine's face, as if she had been expecting any question but that. "Was it something to you?" She returned with a question of her own.
"Of course not," Bree denied, voice a little more high pitched than usual.
Too high pitched to be believable?
"Me neither," Katherine responded. "I propose that we forget it ever happened."
"Fine by me," Bree forced yet another smile onto her face, feeling ridiculous. This time when she turned around she actually left, without so much as one look back at Katherine, too scared to see what expression she was wearing on her face. She blinked back the tears that had began to form in her eyes, not wanting any of the neighbours to see them as she left Katherine's house and walked to her own home. No matter how guilty she was feeling about what had happened; it was of the utmost importance to keep up appearances.
All that was currently keeping her from breaking down entirely was the fact that Katherine felt the same way she did. She surmised that just as she was going to rush into the shower and allow herself a few moments of self-indulgent crying where no one could hear her, Katherine was already in her own doing exactly the same thing. They were so similar; so alike. That was why they had...
No. She wasn't going to think about that anymore.
Like before, Katherine and she would be housewives. Friends.
A Perfect Performance.
