14Author's Note: You have been forwarned that this is crack. Anyone attempting to find plot, theme, and/or reason will be sadly disappointed, and most likely their brains will implode. That said, this story of incredibly short crack pieces is based off of lunch room conversations with my friends who like Naruto and my friend Carolyn's doodles. I dedicate this to Carolyn, who created Carrot-Pein in the first place. Enjoy.
The Chronicles of Carrot Man
By MadnessinmyMethod
A Prologue Rich in Beta Carotene…
My name is Konan. I like paper. Scratch that. I love it. Have you ever smelled fresh sheets of paper? Good quality stuff. Run your fingers over the smoothness and just thought, "Wow." I have.
I also have a rather interesting life beyond my paper obsession—it happens. I'm in love with a carrot man who I'm pretty sure is certifiably insane. But I love him, so, you know, it all works out in the end. You've probably heard of my veggie man. He's rather famous. Like I said, he's crazy, so his does stuff from time to time like blow up villages and sacrifice virgins underneath a full moon. His name is Nagato, though most people call him Pein.
And he's a vegetable. No, not the kind that sits on the couch, watching television, eating anything but what they're named after. He looks like a carrot, I swear. See I started taking up drawing a little awhile ago. I have… more of an abstract style, I guess… I don't know terms. Very sketchy, straight lines. So I was drawing my lovely carrot man, since I'm obsessed with him as much as I am with paper and then… oh god, who was it again… Deidara, I think, came over to make fun of my attempts at art.
Apparently he only thinks sculptures count—they're hideous by the way.
Anyway, while Deidara was harassing me, I noticed that my sketch of Nagato looked like a carrot. A real live carrot. Carrots are alive right? I'm not a big plant person, so I should probably ask Zetsu, but he usually gets offended that I cut down trees to make my own paper—I'm a nerd; I warned you!
And you know what's funny is Nagato is actually quite fond of carrots. I don't get it, but say about fifty percent of his meals are carrots. Don't ask me how he lives off of that… actually that probably explains his slim figure…. Maybe I should start eating carrots.
They do say that carrots are good for your eyes… epiphany! Now I understand why Nagato eats all those carrots! For his eyes!
Well, anyway, my name is Konan as I said before. Welcome to Ataksuki. If you need anything just call.
