"Ebony & Gold"

A Bleach story

By: CrimsonGaze

A/N: Yay, another chappie!

"Speech"

Thoughts/Memories

Emphasis

Chapter 018

"Cooling Down"

"Second squad captain?"

Soifon didn't respond, she kept her stare fixed on the ground, a few steps away from her feet.

"Captain Soifon?"

Unohana, standing next to the small captain placed her hand on her small shoulder, snapping Soifon to attention. She looked around the large room, confusion written all over her face, as if she hadn't even realized where she was. The 4th squad captain smiled sadly and nodded towards the captain-commander. Soifon opened her mouth to say something, but realized she hadn't been listening to her commanding officer at all.

"I ordered you for short leave. A week should do, am I correct?" the elder man said calmly, not blaming her for her absentmindedness.

"There is no need-" the petite captain tried protesting.

Yamamoto tapped his walking stick against the floor. "Dismissed." he stated, concluding the captains' meeting, leaving Soifon no chance of finishing her protest.

The small captain sighed heavily and accepted her forced holiday, deciding she could make good use of the time to improve her strength.

"How are you feeling?" Retsu asked kindly, surprising the small captain again by landing a hand on her shoulder.

Soifon shrugged. "I'm fine, I don't really understand what the big fuss is about.. Covert ops die all the time in battle."

"I thought she was more of a special case.." the motherly captain said calmly, squeezing Soifon's shoulder.

"..."

"As I thought.."

"I.. should go." Soifon stated, retreating herself from the older woman. She bowed her head slightly, respecting how her college was clearly offering her a shoulder should she need it. Soifon appreciated the effort, though she felt no need for it. She had already done her part of grieving.

She walked out the large room and out of the central yard, making her way towards her own division. She walked on the outer catwalks of the 2nd squads main building, making her way towards her office. On her way she was greeted by her hassle of a vice-captain, the man literally twice her size spewing cookie crumbs in her hair as he spoke. Soifon swallowed hard, she was not in the mood for this right now.. admittedly it would be great to vent out all of her frustrations on Oomaeda but that just wouldn't be very fair on the lummox. Instead the small captain settled to sighing heavily, swallowing down her anger as she tightened her hands into fists and continued her way past the man, into her destination.

The office was neat as ever, only thing different about it was now the memories assorted with it.. Soifon would never see or hear her young protégé here again, sadly, this was the place they spend most of their time together. Soifon shook her head calmly, shaking the thoughts out her mind. She needed to finish a few reports before retiring to her holiday and thinking about.. Koizumi, just distracted her. She took a deep, calming breath and picked up her pen. After this day, she'd have a whole week to think about her, now, she just needed to concentrate on something, anything but the red headed girl.

"How are you feeling?" the woman asked, concern in her voice.

The boy, slightly surprised by her question, shrugged lazily and leaned heavily on the railing, standing on the porch. "Fine I guess.."

The tan woman nodded and came to stand next to him. It had been only a day since the battle and everyone had their spirits down due to what had followed the fight against the Arrancar.

"It was just.. wrong." Ichigo shook his head. "There was nothing I could do.."

"No one had a chance to do anything, don't blame yourself.." Yoruichi stated, self loathing wouldn't be doing anyone any good, and it certainly wouldn't change things from the way they were now.

"Soifon was there.." Ichigo countered. "She's a captain, she's supposed to be strong, right?" he said, raising his voice slightly as he was starting to get aggravated. Even though the boy hadn't known Koizumi that well, he was still deeply hurt by her loss. This was the first time since he became a shinigami that someone he had actually know had died.

Yoruichi looked away from the boy, knowing he was just venting out his anger. The boy wasn't really blaming Soifon.

"She has a Bankai, right?" he continued and slammed his hands hardly against the railing. "Why didn't she use it?"

The Shihouin heiress shrugged. "She probably didn't have the time.." She felt almost like scolding the boy in front of her, he just depended on Bankai too much.

"It takes long for her to prepare it?" he asked and made a disbelieving grunt in his throat.

"I wouldn't know." Yoruichi smiled. "I've never seen her Bankai."

Ichigo blinked in surprise. "I thought she was your pupil?"

"She hadn't achieved it before I left."

"Oh.." Ichigo sighed, not really knowing what to say. "Can I ask you a question?"

"You already did." Yoruichi grinned playfully.

Ichigo smiled. "She's.. close to you?"

"Yes." she nodded.

"I'm sorry.." the boy said and turned around. Leaning his lower back and elbows against the wooden railing, the blond boy apologized. "I'm sorry.. for you know? Making it sound like her fault.. It's just that-"

"-I understand." Yoruichi cut her off. "Seeing someone die in the battlefield is always hard.."

Ichigo nodded calmly and pushed himself up. "Well.. it can't be changed."

"I should go." the slender woman stated.

"Seireitei?" the substitute asked, smirking slightly.

"You know it." Yoruichi answered, also flashing a grin of her own though inside she felt rather nervous of seeing the woman she was still hoping to seen.

Soifon was getting ready to head home, she still had a few things she needed to check before leaving, one thing was to make sure Oomaeda was equipped to be in charge for the coming 7 days. She sighed, she wasn't the least excited about the idea of the large man running her squad, though she knew the vice-captain was not as stupid as he allowed himself to be seen. "Oomaeda." she called for him, the large man lazily appearing before her. "You got the necessary papers?"

"Yeah, yeah.. everything is here, schedules, training programs.." he answered in his laid back attitude.

Normally Soifon might have scolded him for it, but now she just didn't have the energy for that. "Good.. I'll leave things to you then." the captain said, brushing her way past him. "Don't let me down." she warned, showing him a threatening sideways glance over her shoulder.

She exited the office and made her way on the catwalks. She wasn't particularly a "holiday" person. She rarely had any time for herself, the last six months or so she had spent every minute of her allowed time with Yoruichi. This made her scowl slightly, she had absolutely no idea what she should do. She shrugged mentally, deciding that heading home would be a good start.

Soifon made her way to the courtyard, she walked near the wall, brushing her fingers against the coarse concrete. She felt slightly out of place, somehow she felt like she was leaving for good, even though she was going to be away for only a week.

"Hey." a voice suddenly spoke to her.

Soifon was getting slightly irked now, this was the second time this week when someone was just able to sneak up to her and surprise her. She wasn't that surprised by who she was approached by, only a handful of people would be capable of such a feat. "Hello." she nodded, hating how her voice sounded so fragile at the moment.

Yoruichi looked at her lover, or former lover, she wasn't quite sure where they stood now. The woman before her seemed so timid with her movements that it reminded her of the Soifon she first met a little over a century ago. The fact was a bit unsettling. "How are you feeling?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" Soifon sighed. "I'm fine." she stated harshly, probably trying to convince herself more than the beautiful woman before her.

"I'm worried about you."

"Why?" the small captain asked coldly, Yoruichi's rejection still bleeding like an open wound in her heart.

"I.. miss you." the woman admitted and took a small step forward.

"Now really isn't the time for this." Soifon sighed heavily, her chest suddenly starting to feel rather tight.

"Soifon.." Yoruichi sighed, feeling the struggle going on inside her little bee.

"I.." Soifon started and bit her lower lip nervously. "I need some time alone.."

The Shihouin heiress swallowed the anxiety down, and cast her eyes down at her feet. Soifon seemed so lost.. like a little kid. She was cold, this wasn't how she had expected things to turn out. She realized now, that she might have been too cold when she had turned her lover down, she was starting to feel like she would never get to hold her little bee in her embrace..

Soifon looked away. This was painful, too painful. She hadn't prepared for any of this to happen. She had anticipated that Yoruichi might come to see her but this was too suddenly, she hadn't had the time to prepare herself for this. The small captain didn't know what she could say.. It was obvious that Yoruichi was telling the truth, there was no question about that.. but would she still want her if Soifon would come clean with Yoruichi. Somehow the small captain doubted that, if Yoruichi found out exactly how close she had been to the young shinigami, she felt like she'd lose her forever. She didn't want that.

"I ah.. I understand." Yoruichi nodded finally.

"I.. miss you too." Soifon confessed and lifted her eyes from the ground. Her stormy gray eyes met with fiery gold, instantly making her look away again. There was so much in Yoruichi's eyes that she just couldn't handle at the moment. She wanted for her to come back home, she wanted her lover to comfort her, to tell her everything was alright.. even if it was a lie. On the other hand, she felt extremely guilty for these feelings. It hadn't even been 48 hours since Koizumi died. She had been the last person to lay her eyes upon her naked body, the last person to touch her.. Giving someone else the privilege to do so now would be a violation against the redheads honor.

"Then..?" Yoruichi asked.

"I still wish to be alone for awhile." Soifon said, feeling bad to turn down her lover.

The goddess nodded. "How long?"

Soifon knew Yoruichi wouldn't wait for her forever. She just needed time to settle her feelings, time to let herself cool down. She knew she loved Yoruichi and as much as she hated to admit it, she had never loved Koizumi.. she had only used her, like the young one had once accused her. She had been right. "Tomorrow.."

"Tomorrow?" Yoruichi asked. "What about it?"

"Could you.. come see me?" Soifon asked a bit unsurely. "Tomorrow evening?"

The way Yoruichi smiled after hearing Soifon's question made the captain's heart melt. "Of course." the heiress instantly agreed. "I'll see you then." she smiled again and took a step forward. She reached for Soifon's hand and took it, the contact making electricity run through her veins.

Soifon blushed despite herself, rewarding Yoruichi with a smile of her own. "Yeah.." she sighed quietly. Maybe, just maybe, things wouldn't be as difficult as she had thought.

Late at night, Soifon laid on her bed, unable to fall asleep. Many things coursed through her mind, most of them revolving around her self loathing at the moment. She wanted Yoruichi. She loved Yoruichi. She missed Yoruichi. Now they probably had a chance to be together again but then there was the issue of her betrayal.. She wasn't so sure Yoruichi would want her if she knew about Koizumi.

Telling her Goddess the truth scared Soifon to her very core. She never wanted to see that kind of expression on her beautiful face, never again. Once had been enough, and then, she hadn't even fully betrayed her. She could only imagine how terrible it would be now..

The small captain shook her head slightly and turned to one side, exhaling a deep breath of aggravation. She closed her eyes again, trying to get some well earned rest but her mind just refused to shut down. She sighed, she probably deserved this.

Koizumi's face refused to leave her alone, the cold, shocked expression.. her last expression. It haunted Soifon, she felt guilty for her death and why shouldn't she, she really was responsible. She was Koizumi's superior officer.. but on the other hand, none had ordered her to intervene with the battle, just the opposite. Soifon had ordered her to step back, also, protecting Soifon had been Miharu's assignment.

"Ugh.." Soifon grunted and threw herself on her back again, the bed squeaking in protest of such a sudden, violent move. Again the captain tried closing her eyes but as sleep didn't come to her, she forcefully, with deep concentration, forced her mind to think of something else besides the redhead. Her mind wondered to Yoruichi.. She recalled the conversation they had just before she came home. Yoruichi had looked great like always, a little tired but thats given, considering what a long day they had behind them. Soifon on the other hand knew that she had looked like crap, still did with her bloodshot eyes and tussled hair. She sighed again and this time allowed a small smile to creep up her lips. She forced herself to think what she had thought as she watched the retreating back of her former master, her lover, her Goddess.

Maybe, just maybe, things wouldn't be as difficult as she had thought.

-Chapter 018 END-

A/N: Not much to say here.. um, make that nothing actually. Oh, reviews make me go BOOM! ^^ (so be careful..)