2AN/ Spoilers for 'The Fires of Pompeii.' TARDIS POV, mart of my TARDIS 100 series. The BBC owns every bit of Doctor Who, I just enjoy writing about it. Thank you for reading.
I remember all too well, my Doctor, that horrible choice. One planet or the universe. A relatively small population or everyone everywhere. It should be a simple choice, but it wasn't. You had to destroy our home planet to stop the universe from being destroyed. It was a terrible choice to have to make, but you made it, and you and I survived. We survived the fire and the dust and the ash.
I know that long after that fateful event you still think about it… and you wish in your hearts that you could have gone back to that planet and saved them. We could have taken them away, maybe not all of them, but just a few. Oh, if only we could have. There is no way we can go back now though. The Time War is locked in time - impossible for us to ever go there again.
And now, that horrible choice is being echoed again on Earth. One city must be destroyed to save the whole planet. Again there is an explosion. The ground beneath me trembles and I detect rising amounts of ash and harmful gasses in the air from the new volcano. The Pompeiian family in the villa I was left in are terrified, clinging to each other in a corner. If we are left here, then thousand years later their silhouettes would be found in the hardened ash, as would mine.
But of course you wouldn't let that happen to me. You rush up with Donna and saw the family. Thinking you can't save them, you continue on and unlock my doors. Even though Donna is well outside of me, I can still hear her protest. She is insistent, desperate that you not leave. You ignore her calls, preparing my controls for dematerialisation.
"Doctor, you can't leave her behind…"
"She'll come." Your tone is tight as the memories haunt you.
It isn't until Donna first hears the sounds of my engines grinding and whooshing that she comes through my doors, ash still clinging to her clothes and hair as it does to yours. She is in great distress, her mind swirls with it.
"You can't just leave them!" she screams.
"Don't you think I've done enough?" you snap in the same tone you spoke to me with. You refuse to look at her as your tweak a few controls. "History is back in place and everyone dies."
I sadly remember a different regeneration of yourself dancing around this self same room, overjoyed. 'Everyone lives! Just this once, everyone lives!' Where, oh where is that joy now?
Donna still will not take no for an answer. "You've got to go back!" She points to my door angrily. "Doctor, I'm telling you, take this thing back!"
You hit a brake and I shudder to a halt, making the two of you almost lose your footing. I rumble deep in my heart. Donna pants with anger. Tears have made streaks down her dirty face. You still refuse to look at her. Her voice sore from shouting, she says quietly, pleadingly, "It's not fair."
"No, it's not," you agree, attention still mostly on my signals and switches, though very aware of Donna.
Donna shakes her head a little, looking at you in a new light, remembering what she'd recently learned about you. "But your own planet. It burned."
You look at her intently now, trembling ever so slightly. She doesn't know what this hurt is like, not really. "That's just it. Don't you see, Donna? Can't you understand? If I could go back and save them, then I would. But I can't." There is a pause… and none of us are sure if you are talking about saving Pompeii or saving Gallifrey. "I can never go back. I can't." Your gaze dropped again. "I just can't. I can't."
"Just someone. Please," Donna asks quietly, choked up with her own emotion. "Not the whole town. Just save someone."
You look at her, holding eye contact with her for a long time.
The fire of passion for life burns within all of us, my Doctor. You have lived with the guilt of not going back to save someone before. You don't have to live with it again.
Once you have decided, you don't hesitate a second longer. There is no question who you were going back for. I rematerialized in Caecilius' villa, my light shining through the thick ash and falling rubble. You open my door and stand there, backlit by the glow of my interior. They think you must be a god, A Lord of Time indeed. "Come with me." You hold out your hand and we save them from the volcano.
Something that early humans had to learn quickly is that a fire is both a blessing in a curse. A fire can save your life if it is small and contained. It can keep you warm and keep your inspiration and morale alive. However, if it goes out of control, then your joy can be burned up with it. This time, thanks to Donna, we prevented your fire from getting out of control again. Saving that family from Vesuvius was no proper substitute for saving your brother Time Lords, but it was still something. A warm ember to combat the firestorm.
