73Hello, Folks. This is series of drabble-y things I have been writing over the course of the past two weeks, as a way to relieve my emo-y tension and keep it far, far away from the other stories I am writing. I thought it was all cool, and I liked it, until I realized that I am nowhere near the first person to publish a Shikamaru journal, and I'm certainly not the best. But I loved writing it and it makes me giggle, so there ya go. That said, I think Shika-chan may be a bit OOC, but I tried really hard to avoid that. The thing is, I think it's really difficult to keep him in character because he made what appears to be a drastic change during the timejump. I remember when Shikamaru was "the complaining idiot". Now he's the stoic, reliable, kick-ass genius type. I mean, I suppose some of it can be explained by character development, but most of it must have happened during the jump, because we didn't get to see it all. So it can be hard to know which way to go. At any rate, this is set in the Shippuuden time frame, but with more of an "Original Naruto"-brand Shikamaru feel. At least, that's what I think. I'm probably analyzing it too much.
Have fun, and please review if you feel so inclined. I'll accept the good and the bad. Thanks!
ETA 11/25: Changed status to "In Progress" and added a second chapter. Cha!
February 22,
Dear Diary,
Today was pretty ordinary. I got up too early, I trained too long, I wasted a lot of time listening to Ino whine about something, and I got yelled at by Mom for "looking so bored" while she was talking. I ate rice and miso for breakfast and yakiniku for lunch, and God this is so stupid.
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March 18,
So, Kurenai gave me this. I'm not sure why she thought I would want it. I mean, yeah, it has Asuma's last written words in it, and that means something, but it's not as if he said anything terribly poignant. There are a couple of diagrams that he drew, and a few notes. Kurenai kept all the full journals, and if Asuma left any words of wisdom, they must be in those. They're certainly not in this one.
I guess she wants me to finish it; it seems to bother her that it was left mostly empty. I'll honor her wishes, but I doubt very seriously that these journal "entries" are going to be what she's expecting. I don't have anything to say, and I don't want to do this. At least I never have to let her read it. Actually, I never have to let anyone read it.
I hate my mother!
Wow, that was therapeutic?
I'm going to bed.
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March 21,
Here I am again, all ready to write about my life. Yep. My fascinating life.
Argh, I hate this! I've been refraining from saying this, but I do not understand the point of having a journal. And I definitely don't understand why Asuma would have one. No offense to him, but journals are for women. No one but a woman would think her words were so special that they should be recorded for future generations to gaze upon. If a man had something that important to say, he would carve it into the side of a mountain or something. A woman would never do that; she'd probably get dirt under her nails. That's why women have journals. I'll bet Ino has a lavender one with fairies on the cover. And the pages are pink and smell like baby powder. Okay, okay, baby powder was stupid. She probably sprays the pages with perfume. And she kisses each one. Heh, that's gross. I actually gave myself goosebumps. So yeah, journals are dumb and I'm not a girl. I have nothing to write and 93 pages left to write it on. This sucks. If something really interesting doesn't happen soon, this whole journal is going to be me griping about how much I don't want to be writing in it. What a great homage to Asuma's memory.
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March 30,
Well, something interesting happened. If by interesting, you mean unbelievably annoying. Catastrophic, even. Okay, I'll end your suspense: Ino is living here. With us. In my house. I can't believe this. Now I am going to have two fire-breathing dragons nagging me daily, and absolutely nowhere to go to have any peace. How did this nightmare happen, you ask? Let me explain: Ino's dad was sent on an extended mission three days ago. Normally, this wouldn't be cause to destroy the life of a young man who never did anything to anyone, but we have that heightened security alert in the village right now, and Inoichi was concerned about leaving his wife and daughter alone that long. Of course my dad offered to keep an eye on them, since Inoichi is like a brother to him, and that's what brothers do for each other. (That's what Dad keeps saying, anyway.) So they're staying with us for now. There's so much estrogen in my house I can't breathe. Ino is raging around all the time, griping about how she's not a baby! (The more you say it, Ino, the less I believe it.) She can take care of the family and the property! (But when will you find time between brushing your hair and looking at yourself in the mirror?) And Mom spends half of her time pretending that she's thrilled to have house guests, and the other half threatening out of the side of her mouth that Yamanaka-san had better keep out of her kitchen. I think I actually heard her mutter "draw back a nub" when Ino's mom was stirring the soup last night. Yikes.
We have two guest rooms, so Ino doesn't even have to share a room with her mom, but every morning, as soon as the sun is up, Ino barges in here to put on her makeup. Something about the "natural lighting" in my room. Somebody kill me, please.
So, that's the state of things. What am I going to do? She drives me insane. And I have no idea how long she's going to be here. I feel like I don't even have space inside my own head. She's nagging me in my dreams now. That's why I'm in no rush to go to bed. The sooner I sleep, the sooner I get woken up at some ungodly hour by the she-devil herself.
But I have training tomorrow, whether or not I stay up late feeling sorry for myself. I guess I'd better rest for that.
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April 3,
Today sucked. For a week I've been woken up at first light by Yamanaka "Hell on Wheels" Ino, who blazes in with a sarcastic, "Morning, Lazy Ass" as she prepares to empty the contents of her makeup luggage onto my desk. Usually I just go downstairs and fall asleep on the floor until my mom comes out to have her go at me. But I guess I was getting used to Ino coming in, though, because yesterday I slept right through the whole show. I woke up at a comparatively late eight-fifteen with no one and nothing in my room except the lingering smell of Eau de Skunk Cabbage. I considered myself lucky, until this morning. Instead of waking up to Ino's heartfelt greeting and the thunk of a million glass bottles on wood, I woke up to the sharp corner of a metal pencil box flying into my head, and Ino's scream of, "Why don't you ever clean this room? It's a pigsty!"
Well, I am SO sorry! I'll remember to make sure everything is perfect for the princess's morning ritual in the future! And I'm going to have a scar from that, you know. Everyone will wonder which dangerous, S-ranked ninja I was fighting when I got that wicked-looking scar across my eyebrow, and I'll have to say, no, you have it all wrong, my blonde partner threw a pencil box at my head while I was sleeping. And they will all wonder why I didn't bitch-slap her for it, and I won't have anything to say because I don't know the answer to that myself. I guess it's just too much trouble to fight back. If I stay very still and keep very quiet, eventually she wanders off to cause problems for someone else. It's worked pretty well for me so far, so I'm sticking with it. Hooray for passive resistance! Although "head-in-the-sand technique" might be a better term for it. But, I guarantee you, if she pulls another stunt like that, she's going to find herself with a bottle of perfume crammed into each nostril.
At any rate, I spent four hours memorizing the cracks in the ceiling in the hospital lobby, waiting for someone to get around to giving me three stitches. Then I got to the training field just in time to have my head handed to me by Ino there, too. And I excused myself from dinner early, because the only thing in this world that is worse than the sound of Ino's voice when she's on a rampage is the silence of her smug self-satisfaction.
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April 11,
Things have calmed down a little. Ino seems to have gotten used to the idea of living here, and she's only going on occasional rampages now. I wish I was as adaptable as her. Maybe she's better fit for survival. If this was fifty thousand years ago, she would have climbed a tree, and I would have been eaten by the bear.
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April 12,
I have no idea what I was rambling about yesterday. Ignore it, I was tired. In reality, I have adapted some, but only in that I've gotten better at hiding. I even spent Saturday night at Chouji's to get some "fresh air". There's only one woman over there, and at least she's a great cook. But when I got home yesterday, Ino had left her makeup on my desk. I guess the pretenses, if there were any, are gone. There's no reason to take her makeup with her if she's just going to be bringing it in again the next morning. She can save herself a step if she sets up shop in here, right?
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April 23,
What a weird afternoon. Was I spirited into some strange, parallel universe? Today, Ino brought me a snack she had made herself. She said it was to thank me for "putting up with" her and her mom. (Not that her mom was ever the problem, but I digress.) I have to admit, the food was pretty good, but my guard won't go down so easily. I'm suspicious of any vestige of sweetness on Ino's part. She could be buttering me up for some reason, but it's more likely that she's in a good mood because some guy she likes glanced in her general direction. I'll keep my eye on her for a few days and see which way it goes.
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April 26,
No new info. Ino's Random Act of Kindness seems to have been just that. She's definitely calmed down a lot, though. She's putting her energy into a new project, a girls' sleepover party or whatever they're called. It's keeping her busy, and I couldn't be more thrilled. Now it's back to normal, which means I only have my mom to contend with. Heh, only. Mom's more than enough of an opponent for me. But at least she doesn't put on her makeup in my room.
.
April 28,
I have to take a moment to say that I don't have any idea where I'm going with these journal entries, but I'm happy that I've filled some pages. I've just finished reading through them and I realize that it's been nothing but griping about Ino, but since no one's ever going to read it except me, it doesn't really matter, does it? If Kurenai ever comes looking for it, I'll have to say that it spontaneously combusted or something. (Good one, Me!)
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May 6,
Ah, bliss. What's that sound? You don't hear anything, you say? That's because Ino has been gone all evening, and she's not coming back until tomorrow. Even her makeup went with her. Mom, Dad, and Yamanaka-san all went to bed (heh, that looks funny when you write it that way), and it's nice and quiet in the house. Two months ago I would have been asleep by now, but I've learned that I have to enjoy rare moments like these when they come, because they are few and far between. I'm sitting at my desk with a hot cup of tea and listening to the sweet, sweet music of no one nagging me.
But, in all honesty, things really aren't as bad as they could be. Not anymore. Maybe Ino's just out of things to bug me about, but there haven't been many instances of
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May 7,
Shit shit shit shit shit.
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May 19,
I have to write about this. I've tried to start a dozen times, but I don't know...I just don't know. I don't know what to say. Oh, God. This is crazy. I'm crazy. What have I done? What do I do? I did something...so stupid. Can I say it? Well, I know I can't say it. Can I write it? I have to try.
I had sex with Ino.
! I wrote it! I did it! I can't believe I did something so absolutely moronic. I swear to God, it was an accident. Two of her girlfriends brought her home early from that sleepover party I wrote about. They had been playing some dumb drinking game and, I don't know, either Ino can't hold her liquor or she's just really bad at the game, but she was smashed. The thing is, it was nothing like I thought it would be. I always thought a drunk girl would be smelly and disgusting and puking everywhere, but, no, not Ino. Ino was, just, totally hot. Her hair was down and she was looking at me so...like...like she wanted me. And she just attacked me! She started kissing me on my face and my neck in this sexy way and I completely lost it! I'm so humiliated to even be writing this right now, but I can't keep it in any longer. I had sex with Ino! I screwed her right there on the living room floor! And it was really stupid. I mean, I had to hold my hand over her mouth to keep her quiet. But it was unbelievable. It's been two weeks and I can't think about anything else. The thing it, now I can't even look her in the eye. What makes it even worse (better?) is that she doesn't remember a thing. Or, she says she doesn't, but I believe her. She's acting pretty normal. She seems to think I was her cohort in sneaking her upstairs and into her room while she was drunk, and she's being almost overly grateful. She hasn't nagged me about anything in two weeks. I think she scared herself, though. She told me she's never going to drink again, because she doesn't like blacking out. She's afraid that she might be taken advantage of if she lets herself get that way again. Oh, God, I think I'm going to cry. I am a horrible human being. I mean, it's horrible that I...did those things with Ino when she wasn't in her right mind, but it's really, really horrible the way I keep thinking about it. Over and over again. And every time I see Ino I start thinking about what she looks like naked. And I start imagining her doing...things, and I just don't even know if we can go back to normal. Ever. I mean, I can't tell her. Maybe I should, but I can't. No, I definitely should. It's her body, right? She deserves to know what happened. But I just can't do it. I have to hope everything will be okay.
But I don't think things can ever be the same.
.
May 22,
I found Ino's underwear behind the couch this morning. I wonder if she noticed it was missing?
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May 30,
Oh, no. I think I'm falling in love with Ino. Maybe it's just infatuation. But now, on top of regular, run-of-the-mill, hormonal teenage boy fantasies, I'm starting to have some other, weirder ones. Sometimes I just want to put my head in her lap and fall asleep. Sometimes she's sitting next to me and I...I kinda want her to rub my shoulders. Is that weird? Why the hell am I asking a notebook a question? The answer is, yes, it's weird, because we're talking about Ino here. The girl that's been driving me crazy for years. She's so damned annoying I want to strangle her sometimes. But other times I want to take her away and marry her and make lots of babies with her and take care of her forever and ever. Sheesh, I'm even making myself gag. How did I let this happen? I have to be the biggest idiot on the planet.
Note to self: When hot, drunk babes throw themselves at you, do not, I repeat, DO NOT FORNICATE!
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June 4,
Despite my misgivings, things are starting to go back to normal. To a degree. Ino has apparently moved beyond her gratefulness for all of my "help" the night of the party and is back to nagging me to get up earlier and clean my room. Is this what I want? Do I want to live like my father? Do I want to be in love with a woman that keeps my balls in her purse?
I guess the real question is, do I have a choice?
No, the real question is, does it matter? Because no matter how I feel about Ino, there are a few more steps between where I'm standing and matrimonial/carnal bliss with her:
1. If I were ever in a relationship with Ino, I would have to tell her what we've done. What I've done. To her. And I can never do that.
2. I'd have to convince her father to let her marry me. The most unmotivated, disinterested ninja in the history of all ninjadom. Yeah, that ain't gonna happen.
3. I'm saving the most obvious for last, for a bit of dramatic irony. Ino doesn't love me. I don't even show up on Ino's radar. That's been the hardest thing for me to come to terms with, but I know I'm not even close to her standards. She likes pretty boys. She likes the cool, popular types. And she's pretty, cool and popular enough herself to snag one. She doesn't need me. She has never needed me, and I've never even been a consideration for her. It's obvious to me, but I have to be honest: it hurts. But I'm not the kind of guy to throw myself at her, no matter how much I love her.
Though, sometimes, I really wish I could be that kind of guy. Just for a few minutes.
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June 6,
Today's a special day. It's the one month anniversary of the day I lost my mind. Maybe I'll celebrate by getting drunk, myself. But we've seen where that leads. And I somehow doubt that I would be quite as seductive as Ino when inebriated. I think, instead, I'll celebrate by going to bed early. Maybe this time I'll do myself a favor and I won't imagine that I'm taking Ino with me. Yeah, right.
.
June 8,
What's wrong with me? I don't understand how I can feel this way about Ino, of all people. She's one of the most bossy, annoying, bratty women I've ever met, and that's saying something. Also, she's very vain. Which is frustrating to me, because she really doesn't need to worry about her looks that much. She's so heartbreakingly beautiful, even without six layers of frosting on her face. Especially without.
Still, she may be bossy, but she's also tough and strong and cool. She never lets anyone take advantage of her (cough) or tell her what to do. I never, never thought I would want to spend my life with a woman like that. But I do. When's she's gone from the house for the day, I miss the sound of her voice coming through my door, clearly, from all the way downstairs. It sounds terrible, but I don't want her father to ever come home. But he will come home, eventually, and this house is going to feel so empty. But I'm not going to worry about that right now. I'm just going to enjoy having her here.
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June 11,
I've got to get it together. Ino's getting suspicious. Or worried. Or something. She keeps asking me if I'm sick, and using medical techniques on me to figure out what's wrong. There's nothing medically wrong with me, baby. There might be something psychiatrically wrong with me, but that's a different story.
On the flip side, Ino herself doesn't seem to be doing so great. I think she should do some medical techniques on herself.
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June 17,
I'm not sure if I made it clear before, so let me state it again in no uncertain terms: I am the biggest idiot who ever lived.
Ino is pregnant.
She confided this to me last night. She looks terrible. She's healthy and everything, but she's just shocked and confused and incredibly worried. I don't feel honored that she came to me first; I think she literally has no one else to turn to. I think she might have told one of her girlfriends, except that she obviously has no idea how she got pregnant, and she's suspicious that they might have been in on some sort of devious...thing. I don't know what she's thinking. That her friends stood by and watched her be gang raped or something? But I can't blame her; I'm sure her head isn't on straight right now.
She has no idea what to do. She can't tell her parents, not yet. She has no story to tell them. Are they going to buy that she honestly doesn't know what happened? I mean, that's actually worse than knowing how and when it happened. It makes her look like a whore. She swears to me that she's a virgin, or was. I believe her, but I probably have a more objective point of view than her father will have.
I never meant to cause her so much pain. I'm going to have to suck it up, be a man, and tell her the truth. And I will. I don't know how, or when exactly. I'll just have to wait for the right moment. She's going to hate me, I know this. But I can't keep lying to her.
However, I have something even bigger to think about right now, so I'm going to think about that.
I'm going to be a father.
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June 20,
It didn't take as long as I thought to fill this journal up. I think I'm going to buy another one. Shocking, I know. Writing in it has become such a habit that I don't feel right if I avoid it too long. Plus, I have way more crap to write about Ino, and no space left to write it. I told her tonight. I told her everything. But I'll have to wait until I buy another journal to write about it. I guess I'll do that tomorrow.
-N.S.
