As you probably would have predicted, it would take forever to update the story. My apologies for the long waiting time! Anyway, I would like to welcome RoguePhoenix2007 to the COTT fanfiction area here (: In addition, happy birthday to Bella-emerald-eyes!
Well, now that the author's note is just about over (I am never too 'talkative' with this particular story, I've realised), let me get on with the story. Reviews quite bring the sunshine into any author's life, and I'm not excluded, so make this author happy and I'll shower you with the cyber-COTT cyber-chess cyber-pieces from The Game Plan (I've always had a fair amount of interest in them).
To Forget
My shoulders shook as I spoke, disbelieving. "What did you say again?" I asked slowly. I refused to believe it.
"Who... Who are you..." Theresa repeated weakly, and her eyes fluttered shut.
I nearly screamed. I wanted her to wake up and tell me it was all a big joke, and all that she had done succeeded in scaring me out of my wits. But she had no response; she merely lay limp on the ground. I longed to pull her into my embrace and have her magically say my name, but I didn't dare to. The pain... It cut through me more than anything could ever have, even more than falling off a cliff.
The chilly breeze blew through the forest, and I shivered. I felt so alone and defenseless, without hope. I was chilled to the bone.
I brought out my PMR, but it had been crushed. I sighed. I didn't know what to do - to carry her away, or not to? No form of communication, nothing. No map, either! Frustration then burned in my insides, and I yelled aloud, angry at the world, angry for our fate -
A sudden rustling of bushes aroused my alertness. I glanced up, frowning. I looked sadly at Theresa and gritted my teeth - I was prepared to fight to the death to protect us and what we used to be.
Then, to my surprise, I heard a familar "Ow! Could you please watch it?" and he suddenly spilled into view.
"Neil?!" I cried out in relief, too happy for words.
Neil's eyes widened, and excitedly he called out into the forest. "Hey, I've found Jay and Theresa!"
Immediately, more rustling of the undergrowth surrounded me, and my friends joined me from all around. They all looked so relieved and thankful that I was alive, and probably thought Theresa was too. Sure, Theresa was alive, but the part of her was essentially dead - her memory.
I sobered at the thought, a downcast expression over my face. They all looked me over, bruises and all, and Atlanta, Herry and Odie enveloped me in a friendly group hug.
The minute they let go, however, their gazes fell on Theresa, and they froze.
Atlanta was the one who spoke first, calmly first, then growing more panicked by the second. "Theresa... Is she okay?"
I didn't know what to say. Speechless, I mutely nodded.
A bigger grin framed Atlanta's face and she gave me a tight hug, of which I could see out of the corner of my eye, Archie was jealous with disapproval. "I'm glad the both of you are alright!"
Again, I just nodded simply, wondering how to tell them all of this. Maybe out of all their relief they failed to realise the stony silence that haloed me. I looked like someone just died.
I finally spoke, and there was silence that followed. Perhaps there was something about me that exuded a sense of seriousness, so much so that they all fell silent. "She's injured," I said, gesturing to Theresa lightly. "We have to take her back to see Chiron now. I think she's lost a lot of blood."
The silence lasted for a while, but Neil effectively broke it.
"But she's okay, right?" Neil asked, without waiting for an answer. Apparently, the sight of Theresa inhaling and exhaling was enough to convince him that she was well and alive. He trudged ahead, not hearing my answer.
I sighed, and softly I mused with some bitterness to myself, "As okay as memory loss can be." With that, I watched as Herry, the strongest of us all, carefully picked up the motionless Theresa and carried her. Then I followed them all, the last of the line.
As Chiron was treating her wounds, I was the only one who lingered outside the door. I couldn't bear to see them staring at Theresa with glazed, happy eyes, when I knew. I knew everything.
I think Odie could guess something was up. When I was treating myself with the bandages and all, he stayed behind to ask if something was wrong. I just remained silent, and he respected my privacy by not probing further. It's really times like this where I felt so guilty, so terrible...
Suddenly, the door burst open and Atlanta came out, eyes wide with excitement. "Jay, come in! Theresa's awoken!"
My blood turned cold. Frozenly, I made a slow effort through the door. Just the sight of Theresa made me feel sick. She was terribly bruised, her forehead in thick gauze. I wished I could turn back time and change this. I wished I could turn back time and let me be the one who was injured. Most of all, I wished she remembered me.
Of course, it could be my negative side talking. Maybe she was in a slight coma just now and didn't remember who I was. Now that she was awake and well, she would remember me, and I would have worried for nothing. Maybe.
Somehow, I felt that things were about to get a lot worse.
I stepped into the room. Indeed, Theresa's eyes were open now, and she was groaning yet again and struggling to sit up. Herry helped her up.
I slowed my steps as I reached her bedside, and I almost felt like turning away now. The expectant looks on everyone's faces as Theresa looked up at us... I swallowed hard, the harsh memory of her words coming back to me. I saw that look of gratefulness on her face fade into one of confusion, and I knew it was coming.
"Thanks for saving me, but who are you guys?" Theresa questioned, smiling that sweet smile - only she wasn't who she was anymore. She had forgotten everything - us, love, me.
I shut my eyes. Shock had slapped disbelieving expressions onto each and everyone of my friends, and they would notice I didn't seem surprised. I bit back a sudden rush of guilt, regret and too many emotions.
"You're kidding, right?" Herry laughed nervously.
The clueless look on Theresa's face told him otherwise - no, it told us otherwise.
Archie turned to me, perhaps ready to comfort me. Then he realised it. "Jay, you - you knew about this already? You did, didn't you?! That's why you were so quiet... Why didn't you say anything about it?!"
Because I didn't know how to.
Because it hurts me just as much as it hurts you.
Because I don't want to accept it.
Because I don't want to believe it.
So many possible answers swept into my head like a hurricane almost instantaneously, and they were all valid reasons.
"Because I couldn't," I whispered instead, devoid of rationality. It summed up all my answers in a very vague way.
Archie opened his mouth angrily, then shut it abruptly, turning away. I guessed that although he claimed Theresa was nothing but an annoying Drama queen, he was also affected by this. They were, after all, quite close friends once they put their arguments and differences aside. He was upset that his own leader - me - had withheld this important piece of information from the rest of the team. Yet, as he turned away, I caught a glimpse of his expression, and I think for once he had thought through what exactly had kept me from telling my friends the truth, and he somewhat could imagine my difficulty.
Odie finally spoke up. "Jay, we deserved to know."
Herry came up to me and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. He continued for Odie. "But it's alright, Jay, we understand."
I sighed, and it was all I could do. I knew not how to speak, or maybe because I didn't know what to say that could make anything better. Atlanta's shoulders were shaking as she looked at Theresa, her backs facing us. I could tell she was crying. Archie had stalked away to a corner of the room, perhaps pretending not to care. Herry and Odie looked pained, and I could see the gathering of the tears in their eyes.
Neil had swallowed uneasily, shooting occasional glances at Theresa as though he couldn't believe it. I felt like going up to him and nodding at what he was doing, at the same time telling him, "I can't believe it either." But I didn't.
"Uh, would anyone tell me what's going on?" Theresa's beautiful voice pierced the tension-filled atmosphere.
I looked up, wide-eyed. It almost seemed like she was back to normal now. However, as she stared at us, her gaze jumping from each of us and finally coming to settle on me, it brought me back to reality. She remembered nothing of us, and possibly nothing of the gods and Cronus as well. The innocent lilt in her voice reminded me of what she used to be, only her voice now sounded too innocent. It contained traces of naivety in it, and it would have, rightly so, if she had forgotten about Cronus, the deaths, the cruelty we had all witnessed that had almost pushed us all into a jaded mindset.
I broke down. I hadn't wanted them to see their supposedly strong leader cry, but I couldn't hold it back. The minute they saw me cry, the thin line stopping them snapped too, and soon we were all crying. Theresa stared on at this spectacle of sorts, confused.
Night had fallen fast tonight, faster than it seemed to usually. At this second, Hera appeared at the door. She was, as she was always, stately, poised and regal. This time, though, I detected a slight trace of something in her, and she looked more tired than she had ever shown herself to be.
"It's already nighttime," Hera spoke, troubled. If not for the thickness in the air, Neil would have probably mentioned that she was stating the obvious.
I cast a short glance at Neil, who for once hadn't pulled a wisecrack. Then I gave Hera my fullest attention again. Somehow, I wondered deep down inside me whether she had some remedy.
"I want all of you to return to the dorm."
I gaped, slack-jawed. I was sure my friends mirrored my expression. Theresa was lying here without any memory, and Hera wanted us to go home?
I clenched my jaw bitterly. The brownstone wasn't even home without Theresa!
Apparently, Atlanta was already onto my train of thought, or at least something similar to it, for she immediately replied indignantly, "But we can't leave Theresa here, all alone! She's our friend, and -"
Hera raised a hand commandingly, and Atlanta fell into silence. "There is nothing you can do here," she answered sharply. I had a feeling it came out sharper than she intended, for I could see the telltale sign of a wince that followed straight after.
"Excuse me, Ms Hera, but I think there is," Neil said suddenly. Everyone turned to look at him in surprise, like he was the last person on Earth we thought he would actually speak up - because, well, he was. Seeing everyone's stares, he frowned. "What?" he asked.
Nobody bothered to answer his question.
Neil continued quickly. "If we stay here, there is a chance Theresa might just remember everything and us," he tried pathetically.
Hera shook her head dismissively. "No, all of you can't stay here, the seven of you are crowding her. The gods will need to talk to her and see what can be done for her memory."
I bit my lip. "If seven of us are too much, can - can one of us stay?" I swallowed hard, bearing all of my friends' attention.
The tall goddess frowned as if in thought. She was perturbed. "Jay, I would really love to have any of you stay, but she doesn't remember any of you, and she would be considerably uncomfortable with a stranger."
I ambled unconsciously to Theresa's side, the thought strange and haunting to me - Theresa, uncomfortable with me? My beautiful girlfriend was watching this exchange with fascination and perplexity.
"No, she wouldn't!" Herry protested. "I mean, she's Theresa. Theresa would never be uncomfortable with any of us." He looked hurt; the possibility of Theresa being uncomfortable with her best friends couldn't even have been imagined until now. I realised with resignation that Hera had a point.
"Anyway, what makes her think that Theresa would be any more comfortable with a bunch of oldies," I heard Archie mutter to Atlanta.
If Hera heard it, she showed no evidence of it. She crossed her arms, signifying a certain finality to it. "My decision is final," the queen of the gods declared firmly. "All of you have to go back to the brownstone now. You can visit her tomorrow, or if we happen to have any news of Theresa, we will inform you."
She gently ushered us out and closed the door behind her.
I felt lost and detached as I followed my friends in a daze. I barely heard Archie grumbling under his breath, or felt the solemnity of it all.
All I knew was that I wanted Theresa.
By the time we reached home, it was quite dark. Apparently, Athena had heard from Hera beforehand that Theresa had lost her memory. She didn't even ask us about the battle with Cronus, which I frankly had initally forgotten about, and later decided not to care.
No one spoke during dinner, except when asking to pass the salt and pepper. It was a cold day, unsurprisingly, and after dinner, I felt thoroughly sick. The thought of leaving Theresa in the school, all alone, was terrible. The weather was rather chilly; would the gods even look after her well? I hadn't recalled seeing a blanket for Theresa.
As I stood, I tightened my grip on the table, as though I depended on the wooden structure to stand. My teammates' eyes were all upon me again. They probably were worried at how I was taking this all, and I had been abnormally quiet tonight, even quieter than I usually could be.
"I'm - I'm going to my room," I said aloud. It came out sounding lame and made me sound like I needed to account for my disappearance from the table.
Before anyone could say anything, I had already left and was clambering up the stairs.
The doorknob felt cool to the touch as my hand rested upon it. It felt different somehow. I swung the door open hesitantly and walked into my room. Everything was just how I left it before I went sailing with Theresa.
I sat myself down at the desk, unsure of what to do next. My pen lay on the table, uncapped. I reached out for my plans consciously, and realised they weren't there. They were in my drawer. I chuckled inwardly at the memory of Theresa whisking away the key until I remembered that she never did give it back.
I sighed. There was really no use immersing myself in my work, now that I didn't have the key. I would have to ask it from her tomorrow. Since there was nothing to do, I decided to head up to the rooftop for no apparent reason.
It was a quiet night, too. I could hear the distant sounds of metallic clangs, telling me my friends were still silently at dinner. I headed for the rooftop, opening the door in full force.
The strong wind tackled me, and I shivered. I closed the door so the draft wouldn't get in, and proceeded to the very edge of the rooftop. My telescope was still in my room - the one Hermes had given me - and I hadn't felt the need to bring it out. It would have felt so empty to look through it and see the stars without Theresa. She always accompanied me during my star-gazing.
I gazed up at the sky. It was somewhat misty tonight, but still the stars shone. The light penetrated through the mist, strong, unfailing but weakened. Was this what Theresa and I would be reduced to? A weakened relationship where she never really came back to her real self?
I heard the door open from behind me, and I didn't bother to look. For a split second, I imagined Theresa walking through it, laughing at me for my worry. She would be alright, I would be alright, our relationship would be alright, and it would just have been a big, bad nightmare.
But it wasn't.
I continued to gaze up at the stars until I heard a voice.
"Hey, man, are you alright?" Odie said, concerned. He came to join me.
I shrugged. "I'm not sure," I said frankly. Raising my eyebrow and taking another route in this conversation, I started, "How did you know I was up here?"
Now was Odie's turn to shrug. "You left your room door open, and you usually spend a lot of time here with Theres-" Odie halted halfway, his face displaying his uncertainty of whether he could say her name in front of me. "Well, anyway, it was easy to guess."
I smiled. At least my friends knew me well; I wasn't alone. An out-of-the-blue thought entered my mind and I squeezed my eyes shut. No, I wasn't alone, but Theresa was.
"Odie, do you think she'll be alright?" I tried after a long while. There was really nothing else to say.
Odie seemed to be taken by surprise. He pushed up his spectacles, unsure of himself. It took him awhile to answer. "I - I don't know," he truthfully responded. "Physically, she will definitely recover. But her memory might not - might not come back." His voice fell to an almost hush. "I'm sorry, Jay. We all didn't want this to happen."
I nodded gravely. "Is there really no way?" The question that I had been meaning to ask Chiron slipped out without much inhibition on my part. I knew I was putting Odie in a spot by making him voice out the harsh reality that might happen, but I wouldn't know about these things, while Odie would.
Odie again looked uncomfortable. "There isn't really a 'way', Jay. It's more of if she accidentally comes to remember, or anything."
What was this guilt I felt churning inside me? I couldn't help myself. "Odie, is it all my fault?" I burst out. The aggravation was evident in my voice to him. Without waiting for a reply, I followed up instantly. "It was. It was all my fault. I didn't protect her, didn't save her, didn't help her! It should be me forgetting all of this, not her. She shouldn't have to be the one to suffer!"
I found my head in my hands, a feeling of shame. I couldn't even protect the woman I loved! Losing her memory was worse than losing her to death. She was going to be in such a lonely world - and because of me, too!
Odie looked distraught. "No, Jay!" He crossed his arms. "If there's one thing I know, it didn't have anything to do with you. It wasn't your fault! And trust me, Theresa's going to be alright."
I glanced up at his face, and I knew mine reflected disbelief. "How do you know?"
Odie swallowed thickly, eyebrows knitted together. "Because I just do. Theresa's a fighter, our resident psychic. She can pull through this, I know she can."
My face fell into a half-smile at Odie's trust. "You're right," I admitted. My eyes brightened slightly at the remembrance of Theresa, our fighter. "She won't go down without a fight."
Odie smiled too, though it was more of a sad one. "She'll make it. Now, Jay, you better get some sleep now. Tomorrow, first thing in the morning, we are so going to visit her and check on how she's doing."
I gave him a barely perceptible nod as we both exited the roof, hoping for a better tomorrow.