19This probably is the longest chapter I've written and although I wanted to get more reviews before I posted it, I feel all happy and ish, so here ya go.
Don't forget to review. I don't own jack. my disclaimer is on the page.
I'd like to thank all the reviewers and especially to pip'235 for the suggestion/inspiration.
this is dedicated to her.
Dentists are the spawn of evil.
True that.
And here you are..the final installment of 'One More Day'.
Chapter Three: My Heart Will Go On.
Jude fiddled with her wedding rings as a bell tolled in he distance. It was midnight, officially Christmas Eve. "Merry Christmas.." she whispered to no one inparticular, snuggling under the thick down quilts that covered her bed.
It'd been a long Four months. Four months, thirteen days, and thirteen hours since Jude had last seen Tommy's human face, without having to look in photographs and magazines. It'd been even longer since she'd seen him healthy, and lively. Despite the four months, the paparazzi stalked outside of her house during the day. Hoping to catch a glimpse of the mourning rock star, leaving at least to give her privacy during the twilight hours.
And it'd been a grueling three months, four days and six hours since she last sung in front of a crowd. Note that was in front of a crowd, she hadn't stopped singing. She sung the twins to sleep at night, she sung during the day in the tub, but she never sung for the entertainment.
At the the last moment, she decided to cancel her American tour to stay at home, sleeping. In her dreams, he saw Tommy again. Lively, healthy, beautiful. They spoke, hugged, kissed, even made love. She dreaded the alarm clock and unplugged it, throwing it out the window effectively. Only to go out the next day to buy one.
After a while, she couldn't sleep no matter how hard she tried to lull herself into a dream-like state, and before too long she got the bright idea to take sleep-aids, to do exactly that. Which meant, she'd take anything as long as it made her sleep. Beside her bed on her nightstand, sat a opened bottle of Tylenol PM's, two pills beside the bottle and a cup of water towering behind it.
She already felt the two pills from earlier taking their affect as they flowed through her blood stream. Her eyes grew heavy as she slid her hand from under the quilts and grabbed the two pills and gulped the water to chase them down.
"Here I come, my love.." she whispered as her eyes slid shut.
In her dream, she stood in a bright meadow, a long flowing white dress tickled her ankles. From behind her, Jude heard her name being called by Tommy. A wide smile found its way to her face as she turned around to face him. He in turn was dressed in a 16oo's era-styled shirt, lacing up the front and a pair of slacks. Not his usual attire.
An array of blonde curls shimmered in the sun, framing her porcelain face. "Oh Love, you're more beautiful than I remember.." he murmured, touching her cheek softly with the back of his fingers and he leaned his forehead against hers, his hands moving to cup her cheek.
She sighed contentedly, never remembering being this happy in a dream. She almost felt as if it was real, but didn't ask afraid in doing so that she might break the dream. The pads of his fingers were still rough as if he'd just got done strumming a guitar as he ran his fingers across her forehead, down her temples, across her cheeks, then brushing lightly across her plump lips.
"Babe..what is the matter?" she asked, noticing the look in his eye as she held his face between her hands. He sighed, covering her hands with his and sliding them off his cheeks to hold them between them.
"This is the last time you'll see me, dream wise, for a long while.." he said, not looking at her. She shook her head fiercely, tears already growing behind her lids. "Yes. Love. Yes, you need to. You have to. Look at what you did..Christmas Eve, you stayed in bed..doing nothing." he murmured.
"I didn't just not do anything.." she defended. "I thought of you.." she whispered, looking up in his eyes. "Remember our first real christmas together..?" she whispered, stepping closer to him. "Our little Charlie Brown christmas tree," she smiled, her eyes twinkling. "I don't believe you OR I fell asleep that night." she said suggestively.
"That was the best christmas of my life." he murmured, reaching up and twirling a curl around his slender finger. "I securely remember you stating 'I think we scared away Santa'." he chuckled and shook his head, then turned serious again. "Still, Jude..Did you even go shopping for the twins?" he asked, putting his finger under her chin to raise her eyes to his.
She made a noise in the back of her throat, that sounded discontented. "See." he said, releasing their hands and stepped away. She quickly wrapped her arms around his abdomen. "No, I'm blind." she retorted. "Just stay..even if it is only in my dreams.." she said into his chest.
He firmly pushed her away by her shoulders. "I can't go on without you..what am I supposed to do?!" she cried, the tears finally showing and sliding down her porcelain cheeks. He hated that even in her dreams, the tears still affected him in the same old way.
He grasped her face, and pulled her into a brusing kiss. He knees grew weak with delight, and her pulse began to race. And just as quickly as it began, it ended. Her arms slumped to her sides, and her shoulder sagged in defeat.
She opened her eyes to look at him, but he was gone. In his place was a letter, written in his scrawl.
Jude,
I know this is hard for you, second time around. Dreams are sweet, but so is life. Go, enjoy it..without me.
Don't let my memory hold you back. You're only twenty-seven. I don't know when we'll meet like this again..
with all my love & then some..
Tommy.
She dropped to the meadow ground, sobs racking her body as she curled up and rocked and rocked.
And in that exact moment, Jude shot up from her bed, cold sweat running down her temples and hot tears sliding down her cheeks. Her throat felt unreasonably sore, like she'd just been to a screamo concert and as she went to reach for the cup of water, she seen it was knocked over in the midst of her dream. Her new bedside clock read the time of: 2:15 a.m.
Despite the sleeping pills she took not even four hours earlier, she felt like she'd drunk four cups of coffee. Her eyes were wide open and despite wanting to close them, she didn't.
She kicked the blankets off, and slid herself out of bed. Padding barefoot out into the hallway, she grabbed the hem of her knee-length nightgown and wiped her eyes. She kept walking, then stopped abruptly at the end of the hall in front of a glass door with the shades pulled down. She took a deep breath as she set her hand on the brass doorknob, turning it and pushing the door open. She breathed in t he vanilla scent like she'd just blown out the candles she'd have burning when she wrote.
Her hand blindly groped the wall for the light switch. As soon as she found it, she flicked it upwards and fluorescent bounced off the walls and into her eyes. Their home studio reflected the one at G-major, down to the stool in the middle of the recording booth. She stepped forward, running her fingers over the soundboard gingerly and spotted a piano in the corner.
Approaching the piano timidly, she let her fingers press the keys at random. A smile stretching across her face as a melody was produced. She grabbed a piece of paper from atop the piano, and found a pencil. She lowered herself onto the plush green carpet, soft like the one she had in her room. Her room...she liked 'their' room better.
An hour later, her song was perfectionized. Looking at the paper littered with scribbles, cross-outs, slashes, and rewrites, she felt like recording it at G-Major. Recording it here felt too personal. With the paper still in hand and nightgown still on, she jogged out of the room, switching the lights off as she left. She made it downstairs, and grabbed her long jacket, throwing it on and slipped into a pair of boots.
She grabbed her keys from the peg and raced out the door. The snow fell widly as she stood on the front steps for some minutes, watching the white flakes flutter from the dark sky down to the ground. She walked carefully down the steps to her freshly salted driveway, thanks to the next door neighbor Mr. Guiness, and hopped into the H3, shoving the keys into the ignition and starting it abruptly.
She drove on autopilot to G-major, thankful for the snow, four-wheel drive, and christmas break for police officers as she sped through downtown Toronto, disreguarding all traffic lights and signs. She made it there in a quarter of the time, and parked in front of the bright orange building standing strong in the building snow storm.
She swiped her keycard and yanked the door open, stepping into the warm building, the warmth reaching her bare legs which were freezing now. She glanced around the dimly lit lobby and dropped her keys and key card on the receptionist desk before walking to studio A, the song paper still clutched in her hand.
She threw her jacket over the swivel chair, beginning to warm up the soundboard. In the back of her head she knew that this would probably be the last song she would release in a long time.
Sitting at the piano, she set her fingers on the correct keys and began playing the melody she'd planned. "Late at night in my dreams..I see you, I feel you..that is how I know you..go on." she sung, closing her eyes and letting her fingers dance over the keys lightly. She didn't see Kwest walk into the studio, or put on a pair of headphones to listen to her sing. "Far across the distance..And spaces between us, You have come to show you go on...Near, far, wherever you are," her voice went soft on the last line, and she opened her eyes to look down at the keys. "I believe that the heart does go on..." she sang it with conviction, and with singing it, she began believing it as well.
The wounds in her heart, that had taken four long months to deal with and live with, were healing with ever verse of this song. "Once more you open the door, and you're here in my heart...and my heart will go on and on.." her voice stayed a soft tone, a sweet whisper almost. "And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on.." she sped up the tempo and flowed right into the second verse. "Love can touch us one time, and last for a lifetime..and never let go till we're one...Love was when I loved you. One true time I hold to, in my life we'll always go on." she closed her eyes again, leaning into the piano as she played.
Kwest could see her pain playing out right before him, like a movie on autoplay. He remebered when Tom first told him about his job with the Instant Star winner.
'Red hair to die for..and the bluest eyes...and although I won't admit it, she's a damn good artist Kwest.'
Like him, Kwest didn't see her as a serious artist, but damn..did he always show her up. And now was one of those times. The song brung tears to his eyes, and he truly missed Tom at that moment.
"Near, far, wherever you are! I believe that the heart does go on...Once more you open the door and you're here in my heart..and my heart will go on and on..hmmm." she took a short musical break and then began singing strongly, tears falling from her tightly shut eyes. "You're here, there's nothing I fear, and I know that my heart will go on!"she held back her sobs and kept singing strongly. "We'll stay...forever! this way...You are safe in my heart and my heart will go on and on..." she hummed out the last few notes, then covered her mouth with her palm to suppress the sobs that wanted to emerge.
She scooted down a little bit and laid her head on the piano bench, just wanting to curl up and die. She looked up when she heard the connecting door from the soundbooth to the recordingbooth. "Kwest.." she breathed sitting up straight, wiping her cheeks dry and hair that stuck to her damp cheeks. Suddenly she felt self concious remembering the night gown she wore.
Kwest walked over to her without saying anything, tears falling down his own cheeks and sat down beside her, wrapping his arms around her wordlessly. "It'll be okay, Jude...I promise.." he rocked her, stroking her blonde hair. She broke down in his arms, clinging to his jacket and sobbing.
"That's..w-wh-what I'm af-afraid of, Kw-Kwest.." she stammered, crying into his chest. "I-I just don't think I can do it alone.."
He kept stroking her hair and rocking her. "Sh..girl, calm down." he whispered. "You've got all of us..Sadie, me, Dee and Michael..Darius, even." he counted off on his fingers in front of her.
"..And Mason, and Portia, Wally, Kyle, Spied.." she added, pulling up more of his fingers. She hadn't noticed she'd stopped crying. She leaned up and kissed Kwest's cheek.
"Thanks, Kwest.." she whispered, leaning back and looking in his eyes, her head tilted to the side slightly. "You're like the brother I never had.." she smiled, it not feeling painful as she thought it would be. The smile felt new to her face, as if she just learned to smile again. She knew she'd always have Tommy in her heart, and that he would always be with her in spirit. She also knew she had to move on with her life, and not let his death hold her back.
"C'mon Jude, let me take you home.." he said rising up out of his seat, and walking towards the doors to hospitality.
Jude nodded, and stood up. "Okay, I'll get my jacket." she walked towards the sound booth, flicking the light off as she left the recording booth. She grabbed her jacket, throwing it on and had the urge to look over her shoulder. She seen Tommy, or at least a figure of him, very transparent to say the least.
"Good bye, Tom.." she whispered, kissing her fingers and blowing it towards him, then turning and walking out of the sound booth, knowing that she'd live on..and that she'd have people to support her. That just made her all the happier as she walked out to Kwest and his awaiting car.
-fin-
