13What I overheard…
Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters all belong to Amy Sherman - Palladino. No copyright infringement is intended and no profit will be made from this story.
Author's Note: This is a story told from Lorelai's POV. It takes place after Christopher Returns. Lorelai overheard what Emily has said to Rory
And thanks to llanoestacado for correcting my grammar. You're great.
I came from my Dad's study. It was a crazy night – Mom had invited the Haydens' over and of course it was a disaster. How could she have ever thought it wouldn't be?
Well after Dad practically kicked Straub out of the house, because he attacked me and Rory – not that Christopher said anything – I went to his study to thank him. And then we had our first real talk since… well maybe since forever.
He finally told me how much I hurt him and Mom. I've never seen him this way. Mom apparently wasn't able to leave her bed for a month. I almost can't believe that. I'd have never thought my leaving would've had such an effect on her – or maybe it was missing Rory? That her precious grandbaby was gone? But no – deep inside I know it was about me.
I remember the first time I called her – two weeks later. She barely said a thing and I thought that she was so mad that she didn't want to talk to me. So I hung up and didn't call her for another two weeks. (Mia insisted that I'd try again.) But maybe she simply wasn't able to say anything, because she was close to crying – and God forbid that Emily Gilmore cry in front of anyone. I imagine how I'd feel were Rory to leave me… But no we're different – that would never happen to us.
Then Dad told me that he wanted to kill Christopher back then and finally we hit the old topic of me getting married to Chris. He still doesn't care about me and my feelings and that it would've never worked out. He only cares about what is the right thing. I left his study with nothing resolved. Not that that really did surprise me, but in a way I had hope when I saw him talking to Straub – defending me. But he was only defending the Gilmore name.
I wanted to get out of that house as soon as possible, so I searched for Rory. I sent her away when Straub started to attack her – I wonder where she is. I was about to go upstairs to my old room, when I heard voices from the kitchen. I still remember every word of them.
"…he was one of the top lawyers in his field - a very arcane aspect of International law. And he's always been so active in his community. His charity work has never diminished over the years."
I can't believe that Mom is doing that to Rory – talking about Straub in that way – wasn't she there – didn't she witness how he treated her granddaughter – and me? Not that she'd worry about me, but Rory? I was about to butt in when I heard her next words.
"Oh let's face it - he's a big ass."
Rory laughed a little and I can't believe that she just used that word. I had a hard time not giving away my hiding place. But now I was hooked – I had to know what else she had to say.
"Rory, I know you heard a lot of talk about various disappointments this evening and I know you've heard a lot of talk about it in the past. But I want to make this very clear - you, young lady, your person and your existence have never ever been - not even for a second - included in that list. Do you understand me?"
I was speechless, in a way I still am. I'd have never expected my mother to say something like that. Tears were coming into my eyes and I slowly retreated when she offered Rory some food and talked about other, more pleasant things like school to her.
With those few sentences she said everything Rory needed to hear that evening – everything I needed to hear for a long time. Why can't she talk to me like that? Is it me? What did go wrong?
I ended up on the balcony with Chris again – such a stupid thing to do, I even forgot Luke because of it. When we finally left, Dad was still in his study and Emily was Emily – a formal goodbye, see you next Friday and that was it. I even wondered if I'd imagined that she said those sweet things to Rory only an hour ago. But I know that I didn't imagine anything when Rory hugged her and whispered a 'Thank you' in her ear, before kissing her cheek. And for a second she got an emotional and warm look while looking at Rory and even shorter while glancing at me. After that it was all 'Drive safe' and nothing more.
I tried to talk to Rory that evening – I couldn't tell her I overheard them, but she was pretty much okay – thanks to Mom.
Now I'm on my way to Mom. I thought for days about it and maybe it is me. She can talk to Rory like that, perhaps because Rory is open to her, doesn't have a history, isn't expecting the worst. And maybe Mom really didn't see the catastrophe coming – maybe she really has that picture of the perfect family in mind. Rory with her parents and two sets of grandparents. 'Cause I've to admit, my parents are a million times better than Chris'. They never rejected Rory. And now Mom even told Rory that she never was a disappointment to her – Rory - not me, but well, I know that I am a disappointment, and I can even understand that. They had great plans, I was the brightest in my class – I would've done great in college. Sometimes I'm asking myself how my life would've been if I'd gone to Harvard (not Yale – I was a rebel, as soon as I realized how much Dad would've wanted me to go to Yale – and how close to home Yale is, I made up my mind to go to Harvard – and I think I would've succeeded with that). Now Rory will go to Harvard to be what I wasn't.
I'm there. I thought about it for days – that I want to thank her for being so nice to Rory, for saying those things to her – but now I don't know what I'm doing here. We'll never change. I'm about to drive off and being one hour early to my business class, when Mom pulls up behind me. Shit! Does fate want to tell me something? I never was a coward so I'm getting out of the car.
"Lorelai, what are you doing here?" she asks surprised.
"I – uh, I just had a little time before my business class and thought I'd see how you are,"
She's looking at me suspiciously.
"Well – that's nice. Do you want to come in?"
"Sure,"
Again I get a weird look. The last time I came here I wanted something – money to be more correct. I wonder if she's thinking the same – I bet she is.
"How are things going at work?" she asks me.
"Fine – they're fine," I reply.
The maid takes our coats and we're going to the living-room.
"Is everything all right? With Rory?" she continues.
Of course she's worried about Rory.
"Yes – Rory is fine,"
"Good,"
We're sitting there in silence. I'm cursing myself. You, young lady, your person and your existence have never ever been - not even for a second - included in that list. Why can't I tell her what I want to tell her? Why didn't I write a letter? But that's ridiculous as well.
"Do you want some coffee?" she offers.
"Coffee would be great," I answer.
Mom's ordering our coffee and I wonder for how long she'll be that patient. So I quickly think of something to ask her.
"How's Dad?"
"He's away on business until tomorrow – in Chicago,"
"Oh,"
So she's alone – I wonder how many times she's sitting here alone. The maid comes in with our coffee. After she took a sip Mom turns towards me with her determined look. Now the real questioning will start.
"What do you want Lorelai?"
"I want to see how you are," I defend myself – knowing that this would happen and therefore being prepared.
"After last Friday you want to see how I am – sure," she says sarcastically.
Rory, … disappointments this evening and … in the past… your person and your existence have never ever been …included in that list. And now would be the perfect opportunity to tell her that I overheard her and Rory, but before I can manage to say something she continues.
"What do you really want?" she firmly asks.
"Why don't you believe me?"
"Because you never come here to see how I am," she says and I think I hear a bitter undertone.
And she's right. I never did. So I have nothing to reply this time.
"How much?" she interrupts my thoughts.
"Excuse me?"
She looks at me with her 'do you really want me to spell it out for you' look.
"How much money do you need?"
"I don't need any money," I quickly say.
She's again looking at me very suspicious. Why can't I say to her 'Thank you Mom for telling Rory the things you did' what is so difficult about these words?
"Why would you think I need money?" I ask instead – already knowing the answer.
"Because that's the reason you come here," she quietly admits.
I want to tell her that's not true, that this time it's different, that I came to thank her, but I can't.
"Well not this time," is everything I manage to say.
"Well - ," she says, not knowing what to say either.
"I have to go – otherwise I'm late for my class," I say though I'm still 45 minutes early.
I'm getting up to leave. Mom follows me to the front door.
"Well it's nice that you came to see how I am – and that you had so much time for me," she says still sarcastically – and still not believing me.
How can she? I don't believe myself. I consider to just ignore this and to head out with a simple 'Goodbye' when I again have her voice in my ear. How she called Straub an ass. If he only knew. I can't but smile a little, but since I'm already facing the door she can't see it. Do you understand me? Yes I did understand her, and she needs to know. I'm not a coward. So I turn around to face her once again.
"Thank you, Mom," I say sincerely.
For a moment she just looks at me – astonished.
"For what?" she finally asks.
Again I'm about to just leave – she's smart she can figure it out, but I remember her brief look when she said goodbye to us that night.
"For telling Rory the things you did," I'm able to say and I'd like to add 'that meant a lot to her – to both of us actually', but this time I'm really backing off.
At first she's still looking confused, but then she remembers as well. I know the exact moment when she realizes what I'm talking about. Her look gets soft again. I'm nearly out the door when she finally replies.
"You're welcome,"
THE END
Okay, so do you like it? There were so many ways to end it. I hope you like the one I finally chose.
