81Shuddup Hill 4: The Retard Version
Chapter 16: Final Fantastic
"GAH! SPIDERS!" Elyne screamed.
"Eewwwww…" Henri thought, at the sight of seeing those disgusting spiders erupting from the person's mouth.
"Hehehehe… Hello, Henri." The ghost finally spoke, with his mouth full of spiders.
"A-anDrool?" Henri muttered.
"Huh? AnDrool's a spider?" Elyne asked, staring at the creatures moving around AnDrool's mouth. "So, which one of these spiders is AnDrool?"
Henri and AnDrool sweatdrop.
"Not the spiders, you dumb pussy…" Henri groaned, at her stupidity. "… its the floating fat fuck."
"Oh…" She said, embarrassed.
AnDrool shook at his head.
"Why are you here, AnDrool? I thought you hated spiders?" Henri asked, turning to the fat floating ghost before them.
"Well, ever since I'm dead, I can't seem to be able to get out of this fucking place…" He moaned. "… and now the spiders are my new best friends…"
Henri sweatdrop.
"At least you got your spiders to keep you company…" Henri comforted him.
"Is that an insult?" AnDrool shouted, spitting out some spiders at the couple before him in the process.
"Hey! Watch it… this dress is expensive, okay?" Elyne cried, furiously brushing away the saliva-coated spiders that had gotten onto her dress and stamping the poor eight-legged creatures with her shoes.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" AnDrool screamed, seeing his beloved spiders being squashed to death. "YOU SHALL PAY DEARLY FOR KILLING MY SPIDERS!" AnDrool continued to scream, charging towards the two of them.
"Oh shit!" Henri gulped.
"What? What'd I do?" She blabbered.
"Dammit, Elyne… why'd you step on his spiders for?" Henri shouted.
"The spiders were gross, okay?" She said.
"ROOAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" AnDrool shouted, coming up on them fast.
"RUUNNNNNN!" He screamed, pulling Elyne along with him.
And so, the two imbeciles began to run along the flight of stairs, while AnDrool gave chase after them, spitting out spiders at them.
"Come back here, you bastards!" AnDrool shouted.
Unfortunately, Elyne clumsily tripped over the stairs and fell, pushing Henri to the ground in the process. "AHHHHHHHHHH!" Elyne screamed, falling over.
"GAH!" Henri cried, as he was being pushed to the floor.
AnDrool finally managed to catch up with the two. "Wahahahahaha… now, you shall pay for killing my precious spiders!" He roared, with loads of spiders crawling out as he opened his mouth, trying to bite his ass.
"GAH! My ass!" Henri screamed.
"Henri… quick, the arrow!" Elyne called out to him.
Henri suddenly remembered the Arrow of Obesity. The very arrow that had killed Sinthia and Jester. He quickly pulled out the arrow from within his pants and stuck it directly at AnDrool's mouth just before the fat ghost's got the chance to bite him.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" AnDrool screamed. He began to crap and pee involuntarily as tremendous amount of smoke started to rise from his head. Henri and Elyne watched in awe as the spiders started to melt away.
(Poof!)
And then there was nothing.
(Later…)
Henri and Elyne arrived at the Generator Room.
"Argh! My head hurts…" Henri groaned.
"What's wrong, Henri?" She asked, when her eyes suddenly caught sight of something moving in the dark towards the far end of the room. "H-henri… what's that?" She asked, pointing to the shadows at the extreme for end of the room.
"I don't know…" He grumbled, straining his eyes at the shadows before them. "… let's see if we can find some switches…" He said, feeling around the wall next to him when he managed to find a flip switch. Henri then flicked it.
The lights to the Generator Room turned on.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Henri and Elyne screamed.
In front of them were a dozen purple Teletubby clones.
"Hi there sexy!" All the twelve Teletubby clone giggled in unison.
Henri immediately felt his blood drained away from his body. He quickly leaned against the wall for support.
"Henri… what are we gonna do?" Elyne asked, staring at the bunch of Teletubbies starting to march towards them.
"Kill me, Elyne. Kill me!" Henri pleaded for Elyne to kill him.
"Henri, what the fuck are you saying?" She shouted. "We've survived this long to give up! Wake up, you sissy face!" She continued, slapping him on his head with her handbag.
"Ouch! Fuck you bitch! I've had enough headaches as it is already…" He cried.
"Hehehehehehehehehe…" The Teletubbies laughed in a horrible horrible manner that sent shivers to their spines.
"Oh god! I don't think we can get away with this… there's simply too many of them for one to handle…" Henri cried.
"THAT'S IT!" Elyne exclaimed. "Henri, you are so clever!"
"Wha-?" He blabbered, looking at her like an idiot. "What'd I say?"
And so, Elyne bravely stood up front and briskly shove her hand forward to signal for the Teletubbies to stop. Unfortunately, because of her poor aim, she accidentally slapped one of the Teletubbies on his face.
"Ouch! Dammit, bitch!" The Teletubby clone groaned.
"Oops! Sorry…" Elyne apologized.
The Teletubby continued to stare at her.
"Alright... look, I know all you Teletubbies want Henri…" She said. "… yeah?"
The Teletubbies all roared with excitement.
"But there's only one of him, and so many of you. So, here's what we are gonna do… there are twelve of you here and one Henri…" She said, pointing to a whining Henri next to her. "Let's all have a challenge… a fight… a battle of death. Whoever is the last Teletubby standing, he will get to win a one-night-stand with our hot and sexy Henri in the Water Jail."
"WHAT?" Henri shouted, looking at her in shock.
"Woo-Hoo!" The Teletubby clones cheered.
"WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING? DO YOU EVEN HAVE A BRAIN?" Henri shouted at Elyne. "ITS MY ASS YOU ARE TALKING HERE, YOU BITCH!" Henri screamed.
"Shut up, Henri… you are ruining my plan…" She whispered to him.
"Huh?" Henri said, staring at her stupidly. "W-what plan?"
"The trick here is to let them kill each other... get it?" She told him. "Watch and learn, sissyboy."
"HEY! I'm not a sissy, okay? I may look a little feminine with this hairstyle, but I'm not a sissy…" He argued.
"Whatever…" She muttered, dismissing his speech.
Henri sweatdrop.
"Okay… let the fight, begin!" She said, using her hand to signal at the Teletubby clones.
RRRRROOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRR!
(Moments later…)
All twelve of the purple Teletubby clones were down on the floor either dead or badly injured.
"Oooooh… ahhhhh…" Henri stared in awe at the sight before him.
"Let's go… sissyboy!" Elyne said.
And so, Henri happily trotted behind her and they arrived at the other end of the Generator Room. Henri tried his hand on the door and he opened it, only to reveal… DUN… DUN…DUN… DUNNNNNNN… yet another spiral stairway.
"No… not the spiral stairway… AGAIN!" Henri groaned.
(Later…)
Henri and Elyne entered the door located at the end of the spiral stairway below. They had entered into the Apartment World.
Flashback…
A bunch of silly-looking people were sitting around a bon fire, at the backyard of the Apartment, sucking at their thumbs. Suddenly, a corny music sounded out from nowhere. A blond teenager then stood up and he started mumbling.
His name is Tydus.
"Hi everybody. Listen to my story…" Tydus said.
The others simply disregarded his presence as they continued to suck at their thumb, staring at the fire.
"HEY! I SAID, LISTEN TO MY FUCKING STORY, YOU MORONS!" He shouted, kicking the sand on the ground directly at the group.
"GAH!" They cried, rolling around the ground.
"My eyes… my eyes…" One of them was rubbing at her teary eyes.
"Bletch!" The other one spat, as he was furiously clawing at his tongue to rid of the sand-y taste in his mouth.
"Ack! I-I… I, I can't fucking breathe… there's sand in my nose!" Another one cried.
"Okay… settle down, people and listen to my story… for this may be my last chan-" He said.
"You are damn right this is your last chance, you sick fuck! Khimari gonna break your fucking neck!" A blue beast interrupted and pounced onto him.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Tydus yelped, before he was being pinned down.
"Stop it, Khimari…" A lady called out. "… and let go Tydus. You are gonna break his neck!"
"?" Khimari paused, loosening his grip. "Y-yes, Lady Luna… Khimari loose grip on Tydus."
"T-thank you… Lady Luna…" Tydus whizzed weakly, rubbing at his bruised neck.
"You don't have to thank me, Tydus… you know I simply can't just let Khimari break your neck…" She replied.
"Ooh… I knew she liked me… HA!" Tydus thought.
"… because I WANT TO BREAK YOUR NECK MYSELF, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!" She continued, screaming as she reached for his neck like a lunatic.
The others sweatdrop.
(After scuffling around for an hour or so later…)
The entire group sat around the fire, getting all dirty and panting out of breath.
"Hey! Where's my Volleyball?" Waka asked.
"Ask that fat Lolo over there… maybe she hid it under her dress… hahahahaha…" Awron joked, pointing at her obviously bulging stomach.
Lolo sweatdrop.
"Stop the crude joke, Sir Awron… she's not fat… she's just pregnant." Waka defended her.
"I'M NOT PREGNANT!" Lolo screamed.
"But I thought… I-I, I… you… oh…" Waka flustered.
Lolo gave him a look of disgust.
"Uh, Riku… what are you looking for?" Tydus asked.
"My Cake Candle. The one that I always used to light my bombs…" Riku replied, still searching at her pouch. "… i-its missing."
"GAH! Khimari good luck charm. Khimari good luck charm is missing too!" The blue creature said.
"Ha-ha… you stupid little… um…" Awron laughed. "… uh… um… hey, what the fuck are you anyway, Khimari? I mean, you are neither a human nor an animal…"
The others suddenly turned their attention to the blue beast before them.
"Khimari is a…" The beast looked ill at ease, having to disclose his species. "… cat."
"WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…" Everyone laughed.
Khimari sweatdrop.
"Alright, fine… as I was saying, you stupid little kitty cat…" Awron paused, wiping at the tears in his eyes from all the laughing and at the same time shuddering at the thought of calling the blue beast a kitty cat. "… how could you loose something as important as a good luck charm?"
"By the way, what IS your good luck charm anyway?" Lolo asked.
"Khimari good luck charm is a cute little Stuffed Cat. It represents Khimari's sexual aura…" The blue beast replied.
Everyone jawdrop.
"Looks like we've got some fucking thieves here in our group…" Awron said, looking at each and everyone of them in suspicion.
"I'd agree with you, Awron and-" Tydus said. "Huh? What the fuck? Anybody see my Billiard Ball?"
"Who the fuck would carry a Billiard Ball around?" Luna asked.
"Um… me?" Tydus replied, innocently.
Luna sweatdrop.
Unknown to them, a person in colorful clothing was secretly peeping at them from behind the bushes. Next to him were a Volleyball, a Cake Candle, a Stuffed, and a Billiard Ball.
"Hehehehehe… looked like my plan is going smoothly…" The person thought. "… very smoothly."
End of Flashback…
"Henri, what the fuck is happening around here?" Elyne asked. "The Teletubbies, the ghosts, and the weird places… it felt like some tasteless nightmare or something…"
"I-I… I don't know…" Henri replied, scratching at his head.
"Henri, you are so dense, I bet you don't know anything." She said, annoyingly.
"Yes, I do." Henri said. "Test me. Ask me anything."
"Anything?"
"Absolutely anything." He said, confidently.
"Okay… what is one plus one?"
"Uh…" Henri pondered.
(Forty-six minutes later…)
"Three?" Henri answered.
Elyne sweatdrop.
"Whatever… let's just move on." She said.
The two of them carried on their journey when they came across a parked vehicle.
"Look Elyne… a note on the windscreen." Henri chuckled, picking it up.
"I think we were being forced to accompany Lady Luna to go and fight Sin…
Dammit! And to make it worst, we weren't paid! What a ripoff…
Riku was always dripping her Cake Candle wax on my private part when I was sleeping…
Khimari was always cuddling at his Stuffed Cat and boasting about his sexual aura…
Waka always tried to imitate Lolo's fat tummy by stuffing his Volleyball under his shirt…
I enjoyed balancing my Billiard Ball on my hips. It makes my butt looked fuller…
But we seemed to have lost all of our stuffs…
I'm gonna kill the thief when I find out who that fucker is…
There will be a reward, when we are able to recover the four things…
I can't help but still think that we were being forced to accompany Lady Luna against our will…"
"So, are we gonna find the four things?" Elyne asked, as they were walking towards an elevator.
"Huh? Wha-? How the hell did you know about the four things?" Henri asked.
"You were reading the note so loudly, I think even the people across the street could hear you…" She replied. " Moron."
(Ding!)
The elevator door opened, and the two of them gingerly entered it.
(Later…)
The elevator soon came to a stop and opened its door. Henri slowly inched his head out to examine its surrounding.
"Psst! Elyne… I think its safe to come out…" He whispered.
"Henri, I'm already outside…" She said, rolling her eyes over, walking away.
"Uh… wait for me!" He shouted after her.
As the two of them slowly made their ways around, they saw a person with colorful clothing dancing like a girl in front of them.
"Wolter?" Henri asked.
The person turned around. It was not Wolter.
"Hey! Who the fuck are you?" Henri continued to ask.
The person panicked and ran. Henri immediately gave chase after him, but the person was simply too fast for him. And so, Henri decided to stop and returned back to where Elyne was standing.
"Look what that freak dropped." She said, presenting him with a toy.
"The Stuffed Cat!" He exclaimed.
"Not only that… look behind you." She told him.
Henri quickly turned and looked in the direction where the person had run away. There were even more items dropped on the floor.
A Billiard Ball.
A Volleyball.
A Cake Candle.
(Meanwhile…)
The mysterious person panted like crazy, as he hid inside some smelly trashbin. He slowly lifted the cover and peeped through the tiny gap.
"Phew!" He heaved a sigh of relief. "Hmmm… I didn't know that there were other people here in this apartment world. This wasn't exactly the plan…" He thought, silently.
Flashback…
The very moment he heard that Lady Luna and her team were on a trip to fight off Sin, he knew that he had to do this. And so, he went into his library and took out a book titled, "Love Rituals: How to Make the One You Love, Love You".
The book detailed all the necessary ingredients that are needed to perform the ritual. A Stuffed Cat, a Billiard Ball, a Volleyball, and a Cake Candle. The book also mentioned that the ritual can only be performed in a deserted third dimensional Apartment World.
"You are going to be mine! MINE! MIINNEEEE! Muwahahahaha!" He grinned.
"I love you… Tydus!" He muttered under his breath.
End of flashback…
"Oh whatever… the plan has to go on!" He told himself. "Oh man, this place is hot!" He continued, as he started to search around his coat for his pink handkerchief. He wanted to wipe away the sweat on his forehead before they started to melt away his beautiful makeup. But, as he was feeling around his coat, he felt that something was missing. He looked down only to realize that he had lost all the four things he had stolen.
"GAH!" He screamed, before he quickly covered his mouth. "SHIT! I must've dropped them when I was trying to escape just now… dammit! How the fuck am I going to perform the Voo-Doo ritual without the ritual items?" He thought. He could feel the sweat in his underpants.
He groaned and shifted uncomfortably inside the trashbin, to reveal a nametag on his colorful coat.
The nametag read, "Seymore".
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Final fantasy, Silent Hill, and everything else that I might have accidentally used in my fanfic.
A/N: Here's the latest Chapter. I think this chapter's kinda weird because I don't even know what I'm writing. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I think I'm going crazy. Ha! Anyway, hope that you people would like it. TTFN.
