2would love some input on this story here (i don't own outlawstar)
(with the McDougal brothers before chapter 2)
"Hey ron you feeling better" asked the little brother, "yeah and I'm ready to get revenge on gene and party" said ron while getting up. "well I heard that they are on their way to the temple of the dragon for the amulet" said harry, "alright let's get there ahead of them and kill them" said ron while going to their ship, "right behind you" said harry following close behind.
(on the outlaw star)
"All systems go" said gallium "right let get to the temple" said gene while making the jump. What they saw was breathtaking; a giant pyramid inside a dome, "wow that is amazing" said melfina. "Yeah and think of what's inside" said jim "alright let's go in and get the amulet" said gene. They got inside with no problem and found that inside was a labyrinth and a big one at that. "shit that is a problem" said gene "we could just blast through" said aisha "and bring the whole temple down on our heads" said jim "there's some writing here on the wall" said suzuka "what does it say" asked melfina.
Those who seek the amulet be wary of what's ahead, those who aren't careful will end up dead.
If you wish to enter unharmed, the chosen one whose will shall destroy the stars shall enter.
"The chosen one whose will shall destroy the stars, who is that" asked aisha, "maybe it's gene" said jim. "How do you figure that jim" asked gene. "Well you killed hazanko and he was the leader of the 108 stars so maybe that's it" said jim. "it's worth a shot, the rest of you stay here" said gene while heading off. "just come back alive gene" said aisha "I will and maybe I'll be sporting a new amulet when I get back" said gene before he was out of sight. The gang didn't know it but right behind them were the McDougal brothers ready to kill.
"hello ladies" said ron making the gang jump and face them, "what the hell are you doing here I thought you were dead in the galactic leyline" said jim "well news of our demise was greatly exaggerated and now we're here for some payback" said harry before shooting at them.
Gene was having a little trouble with the labyrinth but he was managing not to set off any traps, just when he thought he made a wrong turn he found the treasure chamber where the amulet was kept. "damn thought I was lost for a minute" said gene to himself. He went to get the amulet when a see-thru blue dragon with black claws and red eyes appeared. shit I can't take this thing on it's a spirit for crying out loud gene thought. The dragon eyed him and went in closer to get a better look; he looked over gene and finally spoke "who are you and why are you here" said the dragon "the name's gene starwind and I'm here for the amulet," said gene in a confident voice. The dragon nodded and went back to the amulet before it disappeared it said, "You are the one." Gene grabbed the amulet and ran back to the others
(back with the others)
the McDougal brothers were making sport of the gang melfina was hiding, jim was out cold next to melfina, aisha was fighting ron and not faring to well, and suzuka was fighting harry with much difficulty and half a bokuto.
"now maybe you with half a weapon you will quit" said harry, "I will fight and live McDougal" said suzuka but while charging at harry she was shot in both legs and collapsed "one down one to go" said ron and he shot aisha with a caster #5 and she was thrown back but still conscious. "now for melfina" said harry while walking over only to back off by a warning shot from gene. "what the hell are you doing here" asked gene looking ticked off. "oh we came to get some payback and after beating these guys I doubt you'll do better" said ron. Gene was walking to aisha and picked her up bridal style and brought her to melfina's hiding place and did the same for suzuka, after doing that he checked to see if they were ok. "how are you guys holding up" asked gene "my legs are of no use but I'll survive" said suzuka, "I don't have any energy left and my insides hurt like hell" said aisha, "I've been knocked around a little" said melfina. "alright I'll handle this" said gene while going to face the McDougal brothers.
"alright let's do this" said gene ready to fight "but first we have a little gift for you" said harry while saying this a missile shot out of his gut and hit the spot where mel and the others were at. "NOOO" yelled gene while running to the spot of the explosion and saw that it left nothing of the others.
Then something inside gene snapped he was outraged that McDougal would do this and have a smile on his face while doing it. Gene lost jim, melfina, suzuka, and aisha. The people who loved him and he wanted revenge. Gene turned to face them and let out a yell which turned into a roar with the ferocity of a lion and the power of a dragon. Then gene felt weird, his rage gave him strength and the angrier he got the stronger he became, mix in the situation about wanting revenge and suddenly gene changed into a c'tarl c'tarl transformed state only with black fur and red stripes and red eyes too. The McDougal brothers were shocked by this and started to fire at the beast but it jumped out of the way and went after harry. "what the hell is he" yelled harry before the beast slashed thru his left arm making harry scream out in pain,it gene transformed but it wanted more and went for the right arm but was pushed back by a shot from ron. It roared and went after ron and slashed him in half with blood spraying everywhere. "you'll pay for that you asshole" yelled harry while trying to shoot it. The beast had had enough and pounced on harry and slashed his head off with more blood spraying everywhere.
Once the McDougal brothers were dead it layed down to mourn the loss of the others when a rock hit the ground, it turned to look what it was full of malice when it spotted melfina and the others. It looked at them and saw they were fully healed and awake and were starring at him with eyes the size of a basketball. It went over and saw that everybody was scared, melfina was closest and when it got close enough it nuzzled her and purred softly. "I think that this is gene" said melfina while stroking its fur, "really" said jim in awe. "it appears so who knew that he could do this" asked suzuka while she started to pet it also and the purring grew louder. Aisha remained silent and started to also pet gene to really get him going when she remembered something. "so how do we change him back into a human" asked jim "well he has to control the beast from within so I'm guessing he's going to be this way for a while" said aisha. Everybody looked at gene and wanted him to return to normal.
(inside gene's mind)
gene was walking in a room with some fog on the ground looking for an exit when a beast appeared "who are you" asked gene, "I am your c'tarl c'tarl blood" it said. "where are we anyway" asked gene being a little curious, "we're in your mind and you have given your body to me" said the beast. "what the hell do you mean by that" yelled gene, "when you were mad at the two who killed your loved ones you transformed and brought me into the world and now I live inside you" it said "how do I turn back" asked gene "you need to cage me but I won't let that happen" it said while charging. "I'm sure we can come to an understanding" said gene knowing there is no way of winning, "what do you have in mind besides us" it said making a joke. "we share the body I keep my personality and form while you can give advice and other attributes" said gene "I like it but you will have some physical c'tarl c'tarl attributes" it said. like pointed ears and a tail and my appetite and the ability to transform" it said, "lose the tail and we have a deal" said gene, "deal" it said before disappearing and then gene hit the floor ready to pass out.
(in the real world)
everybody was petting gene and suddenly he started to change back once it was done he got up and saw the others alive and well, he breathed a sigh of relief and went over to them to see if they were alright. "You guys ok" asked gene "we're fine but how are you gene" asked melfina in a voice of concern. "Peachy I have the amulet so let's get outta here" said gene leaving while the others followed. Sensing something was wrong gene asked them " is something wrong with me" "actually you have changed a little" said jim trying not to get him mad. " if you mean the ears don't worry about it, I'm still the same guy" said gene. Finally, aisha couldn't stand it anymore and grabbed gene in a hug from behind "gene I'm sorry" said aisha, gene managed to turn around and ask why she was sorry. "the byakko family is a c'tarl c'tarl royal family and one of the most powerful families in the empire I'm sorry for not telling you" said aisha. "don't worry about it aisha I'm not mad now I can be able to marry as many brides a I like" said gene giving the girls a gleam of hope and happiness in their eyes. "but first you have to be recognized as a royal in the eyes of the empire" said aisha a little worried. "how do I do that" asked gene, you have to go to the empire and give proof" said aisha. "well lets go to the c'tarl c'tarl empire and prove it" said gene, "hey gene where's the amulet" asked jim. Gene reached in his shirt to get it but found it wasn't there, he looked thru all his pockets and found nothing but then noticed something, a tattoo of a blue dragon on his right shoulder wrapped around the star. "here" said gene pointing to the tattoo "what" yelled jim. "listen before I got the amulet a blue dragon spirit came out and scanned me after that it went back into the amulet after telling me it would always be closer than I think." Said gene "ok" said jim, "now then lets leave and get to the empire" said gene.
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