27Title: Bread
Author: El
Summary: Daisuke receives banana bread from a mysterious stranger… One-shot
Genre: Humor
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: (sings while strumming guitar) There once was a girl by the name of El, who owned not a cent of Sugisaki's fortune, and as sad as this tale might seem, well, she was content just writing fanfics.
Author's Note: Another humor once-shot from me! XD I'd like to thank TheOneYouCallWe for making me think about writing this fic. It was just a crazy idea I had a while ago, but I never dreamed (or maybe I did?) about making it into a fic…
WARNINGS: Um… some character death… you'll see.
Bread.
This is what was sitting in the package that Daisuke Niwa found on his doorstep that morning.
Bread.
And not just any bread, oh no. This loaf was made of the finest bananas in all of Alaska. At least, that is what it said on the brown packaging.
He and Dark were in the middle of their morning routine: arguing about breakfast and whether Daisuke would talk to his Sacred Maiden that day. Dark wanted French toast with mint chocolate chip ice cream and prunes on top.
'Why in the world would you want something like that?' asked Daisuke, disgusted.
'Dai, I can barely taste that toast you have every day from back here,' complained Dark, knocking on a part of Daisuke's mind that the red head could not see. 'I want something with flavor, something interesting!'
'But… prunes? With mint ice cream?'
'EAT IT.'
Daisuke sighed and walked downstairs, wondering if his mother even kept prunes in the house. He walked past his grandfather, who was sitting on the couch watching the morning news.
"Oh, Daisuke, will you get the newspaper for me?" asked Daiki.
"But you're watching the news," Daisuke pointed out.
Daiki frowned. "So? I want to read the comics!"
Daisuke sweat-dropped and trudged over to the front door. Upon opening it and stepping out to retrieve the morning paper, he tripped over the brown package.
"Ow!" he exclaimed.
'Hey Daisuke,' Dark said suddenly. 'Can you put your mouth around the door knob?'
'What? No! What did I trip over?'
'Dunno, your feet?'
Daisuke rolled his eyes and stood up. He picked up the package and, staring at it, walked back inside and shut the door behind him, completely forgetting his grandfather's newspaper.
And thus we come to where we began this story.
"Who would give me banana bread?" wondered Daisuke aloud.
'Banana bread?' Dark jumped up. 'OOH! EAT IT! I WANT SOME!'
Daisuke winced. "But who sent it to me?"
'EAT IT! EAT IT!' screamed Dark.
"OKAY, OKAY, I'LL EAT IT!" yelled Daisuke, cringing horribly.
"Dai, are you okay?" asked Emiko, entering the kitchen with a concerned look on her face.
Daisuke smiled awkwardly. "Y-yeah, just having a morning discussion with Dark." His mother nodded and made her exit, leaving Daisuke to unravel the mystery of the mysterious… mystery. 'Anyway, I'll eat it if we find out who sent it.'
'Check the card,' said Dark, shrugging.
Daisuke looked at the badly wrapped package. "Card? I don't see one."
'Maybe it's inside the bread,' suggested Dark in a tone that implied this explanation was entirely sane.
Daisuke sweat-dropped and picked up the bread, revealing a red envelope. He titled his head to the side curiously and opened the packet. Inside was a white letter in which this was scrawled in a flowing, unfamiliar script:
To the annoying Niwa twerp:
You don't like me, and I don't like you, but here's some bread. Uh… Get well soon.
From a fiend – I mean – a friend who does not wish to kill you
'That writing looks familiar,' Dark mused. There was a pause, then he whined, 'Dai-chan, I'm hungry!'
Daisuke ignored him and examined the banana bread. He looked at it. He poked it. He asked it, "Do you know the muffin man?" (It did not answer.) He sniffed it. There did not seem to be anything wrong with it.
'Just EAT IT!' Dark said, annoyed and famished.
The red head shrugged and lifted the loaf to his mouth, but before he could take a bite, the doorbell rang. Puzzled, he set down the banana bread and went to answer the door.
'NO! MY bread!' cried Dark, attempting to reach out of Daisuke's mind for the loaf. 'No-ooo-o-o-o-o-o-o…!' he sobbed.
Daisuke opened the door and someone fell onto the doorstep inside the house, panting.
"Hiwatari?" asked Daisuke, surprised. "What are you doing here?"
Satoshi Hiwatari stared up at the red head for a moment before standing up, still breathing heavily. Daisuke watching him as he calmly brushed himself off. Suddenly, he lunged forward and grabbed Daisuke's collar.
"Did you eat it?"
"What?" Daisuke asked stupidly.
"DID YOU EAT IT?" asked Satoshi loudly, panicking.
Daisuke's puzzled expression deepened. "Eat what?" Dark sweat-dropped, hoping that the Commander was not talking about the banana bread.
Satoshi stared at him for a moment, and after a long deliberation, said calmly, "Did you get any mail today?"
Daisuke nodded energetically. "Yes, someone sent me some banana bread."
The bluenette paused. 'Banana bread, Krad?'
'Who says I sent anything to him in the first place?' asked Krad angrily. 'You asked what I was laughing about, and I said that I had given someone a present! For all you know, I could have excreted on someone's lawn.' Satoshi chose not to think about this.
"Anyway, don't eat it," Satoshi said to Daisuke, shaking his head.
"Wat wof fhat?" Daisuke asked between bites.
If Satoshi were the type to fall down anime style, he would have.
"Niwa, you idiot!" he yelled. "That was from Krad! It was poisoned!"
Daisuke blinked. "Poisoned?"
Satoshi stared at him. "Yes, Niwa, poisoned. You know, toxic, life-threatening...?"
The red head looked at the banana bread in his hand. "YOU BETRAYED ME!" he shouted at it. Then he slammed the door in Satoshi's face and ran up to his room, sobbing.
'MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!' laughed Krad evilly.
Satoshi reached into the plane of their minds and wrapped his fingers around the fallen angel's neck, strangling him. 'How dare you poison Niwa!'
Krad laughed even harder, or he would have if he was not being choked.
Meanwhile, Daisuke the little baby boy with the puppy dog face that makes you want to jump him and –
Anyway, Daisuke was sobbing into his pillow while Dark cursed the banana bread with an imaginative string of words, some of which Daisuke had never heard before, and some that he guessed were in German. Seeing that this was not helping Daisuke to stop hiccupping into his sheets, Dark stopped and watched him for a while, deep in thought.
'Hey, Daisuke,' he said carefully.
"W-w-what?" stuttered Daisuke pathetically.
'If… if you're going to die…' Daisuke wailed, interrupting Dark. 'No, wait! I'm not finished! If you're going to die, maybe you should do everything you've always wanted to do.'
The red head sniffed. 'Like what?'
Dark thought for a moment. 'Like see if your mouth is big enough to fit over the door knob!'
Fin
Author's Note: Heh heh… Sorry for the Daisuke bashing. XD I love him… *huggles* Don't worry, he didn't die. See, the goodness of banana bread overcame the evil of the poison! ^^ Ah, I dunno. Please review!
