21A/N: This story was written just for fun, to keep me amused duringmy endless concrits on pokémon fanfiction here at This will be a series and features Joe the police officer; the MS-agent who takes care of the pokémon fanfiction for the deletion squad of the Mary-Sue Fanfiction Headquarters. (Isn't thata long sentence. OO) Possibly all and any Mary-Sue types will be addressed.
Disclaimer: I do not own pokémon, but I do own Joe.
The police officer made his way through the house, checking every nick and possible hide-out. He could smell that something was wrong, thank heavens his Mary-Sue alarm had warned him that once more the pokémon world had been invaded by the foul creatures. At first he had visited Professor Oak, Professor Elm and Professor Birch, asking them whether or not a new trainer had visited them to get a – rare – starter, but that had not been the case. The next – obvious – question was whether or not they remembered the existence of another Professor. But their answer had shown that that was not the case, no Professor Pine to worry about.
Next halt had been Ash's house, where he was now. He had asked them whether or not they had seen a girl of unmistakable beauty, but Ash's mother had answered that they hadn't had company in months. This left him with the option of going to find the other main characters or make a stop at Rocket headquarters. But, thank heavens, before he had decided, rustling was heard from outside and a pokémon had jumped through the window, landing ceremoniously on the kitchen table. He recognised it to be an Eevee; a prime Mary-Sue pokémon that had often alerted him of their presence. Strangely enough it had been almost two months since he last saw one – a horrid blonde creature with black ears and a ridiculous collar – so he was slightly surprised to see one again.
Rushing outside, hoping to catch the Mary-Sue, he advised the mother and son to stay together and keep all windows and doors closed. Creeping silently around the house he could not help but appreciate the sturdy uniform the Mary-Sue Fanfiction Headquarters had given him. Pokémon was a rather dirty fandom at times and the twisted perception of little kids often resulted in him climbing mountains and wading through deep rivers. It was a tough job, but amusing nonetheless. After all sending the Sues back to where they came from – probably a horribly bleach world with computers and a dull life – with violence or the force of reality was very amusing. He always preferred the latter; it was more of a shock and less savage. He hated getting himself and the pokémon fandom dirty.
After a bit of crawling the police officer – Joe – reached the back of the house. There stood a few trees and some bushes, but fairly far apart, not very useful for stalking Sues. As soon as he scouted the area for their presence he saw a figure sitting under a tree. Carefully he crawled closer, using a few of the bushes for cover. Luckily the figure seemed busy doing other things than care about who was crawling towards her, for she didn't see him. Grinding his teeth at her appearance – a radiating redhead with a thin figure and voluptuous curves – he could just hear sniffing. Apparently she was crying.
Big pearly tears fell down from huge green eyes. Congratulating himself about applying MS-resistance earlier this morning he got to his feet and walked towards her with a brisk pace.
"Miss Sue, what seems to be the problem?"
The Sue looked up with big eyes, a delicate hand brushing away some of the tears. A weak smile lit her face, showing her extreme beauty; Joe was close to puking.
"My parents were drunk again, sir, they beat me and my dad even broke my leg! It hurts so badly, sir, I could only just make it here!"
Looking at her leg he could see no blood or bones sticking out, only a wide gash with a few drops of red liquid. Before he was able to comment on that, however, the Sue continued; sniffing and hiccupping in a failing attempt to come across as sad and in need of help.
"I send Diamond in the house to look for Ash, he will help me! He's my cousin after all and he cares for me a great deal! Oh and do you know why I called her Diamond? She was a birthday present from my mom – before she became evil you see – and she had diamond coloured eyes so I bought her a diamond coloured collar – before we became poor you see – and now she's the prettiest Eevee in the whole wide world!"
The Sue gave him a cheery smile, but Joe just glared at her.
"I have to disagree, Eevee are becoming vastly overrated and no matter what colour combination people come up with their usual brown colour is still more fetching, since it's so very rare to behold these days."
"But sir.."
"Don't interrupt me. Let me share some information with you. That leg is not broken. If it was then it would be covered in blood with possible pieces of bone sticking out of it. It would hurt so much you would not be able to sit here so casually and you would most definitely not be able to walk on it. Another thing; Ash cannot be your cousin. You see if I believe any Sue who says that he'd be having over a 1000 cousins and I doubt his family is that productive. Now, either you go back to the computer you came from and give your author a nice slappin' or I will order your deletion. Do I make myself clear? Oh and the red hair, green eyes combination is sooo cliché!"
"But sir!"
"Did I make myself clear, young lady?"
The Sue started sobbing loudly, barely audible words about recognition and 'Diamond' leaving her striking red mouth. With growls and uttered swear words – all PG of course – she grabbed the bag she'd been holding and got to her feet. Suddenly all signs of a wound evaporated and the Sue walked back the way she'd come. Joe made sure to tag her so she wouldn't be able to get back in.
Proud of this day's work he returned to the house to collect the orphaned Eevee and change her into a Pidgey or Rattata, sans the diamond eyes of course. Hopefully the next day would be just as fulfilling.
