11This is just a one shot (I think) that I'm writing to kill my damned writers block….
Title: Never truly alone.
Summary: It's about Inuyasha after his mother death. Well basically it's about Izayoi after her death, watching her only son struggle with his life.
Izayoi –POV
"Okaa-san!" a voice whimpered in my ear, the sweet and young voice of my only son. His gentle soul was pierced with grief; even in my condition I could hear the bitterness strike his words. "Okaa-san" Tears started to pool down my cheeks, though they weren't my own. The world was dark; I could tell even if I opened my eyes I could see very little. But I didn't want to see the tiniest image of my son, not right now.
I knew his bright eyes were clouded with depression and glossy with tears, I could see his adorable ears droop till the point they were invisible, matching with his snow white hair. I didn't want to see him like that, my baby of only 6.
"I don't want to be alone" He whispered in my ear, his tear strained voice stopped suddenly. I could feel the weight on my battered body grow, as more blood squished from the hard and now damp ground from under me. I couldn't stand going with out seeing a look at his face, one last look.
So I opened my dark eyes to see his sleeping face. It wasn't the peaceful lightness that I found on the expression of my little angel. It was the tear stained one, his closed eyes held an almost invisible pink. His expression was, as he didn't want to sleep, like he had no choice. The idea of my death wore him out finally giving him no choice other than to surrender in the ache of his body. It was probably for the better.
I remembered when I watched him sleep in my arms for many years, peaceful. I allowed my arms to snake around him because I knew.
I knew this was the last time I was ever going to hold him again, and by the way his arms circled my body gently I could tell that he knew it to. This was goodbye.
I watched his sleeping figure till I felt darkness weigh down on me, the darkness of death and truth of leaving him alone for the rest of his life.
Goodbye, My Inuyasha.
Thoughts echoed in nothingness pounding back in my own ears. I couldn't feel the pain anymore. Not the physical pain at least but the pain of knowing my little baby was fighting alone was enormous. I hope he will forgive me.
"Izayoi" A voice of not my own was now jumping around in nothingness to. It was a deep mans voice, familiar yet so long forgotten.
"Come… my Izayoi"
"I-Inutaishou?" That was my voice… my voice that sounded incredibly happy despite the feeling of dread I only just experienced.
"Yes, my darling. I have waited for you…" The last note of his voice dropped to a saddening tone. He knew that Inuyasha was alone. I could see his large figure now, the battle armor he once wore, and his long silver hair that my son inherited, tied high at the back of his head.
"Inuyasha" I choked out. I couldn't be happy knowing that my son wasn't. My husband nodded head sadly, his golden eyes knowing and understanding. He reached out his large hand to me "come," he told me "Come, and we shall watch him till the day he dies"
"I will always be there for you Inuyasha…. never forget that" I lengthened my much smaller hand and his fingers clasped my hand. He brought me forward, and soon the darkness was devoured my light, suffering for taking me away.
The ground under me felt like it was no longer existent, our long hair danced in the light, it was beautiful, tinted with pink, tinted with joy. So there I was. I was hovering over the site of my death and hovering over my little boy as our limp bodies embraced one last time.
"Remember my darling," his voice wasn't expected, causing my transparent self to jump slightly. He smiled that smile that melted my heart the day I met him. Now the deep rhythm of his voice didn't sound so grave, happier as he finished his sentence.
"For as you swear never to leave Inuyasha, I swore not to leave you"
He pulled me closer to him, forcing my eyes to his. He cocked his neck to capture my lips, the kiss our souls shared after so long, I allowed myself to enjoy it. It was a shame that little 4 year old Inuyasha wasn't in the background, gasping in shock as his childish voice hinted the immature disgust as he shouted 'mama! Daddy! Eww, kissing give you cooties!'
"And I never left you side" he whispered in my ear, pulling away just as the morning quickly appeared over the horizon and Inuyasha started to stir.
Inuyasha- POV
I groaned as pain seared through me. My head ached; my stomach turned and I couldn't move, as of something made of lead was wrapped around me.
I groaned as pain seared through me, my head ached with the knowledge no one of my age should know, my stomach turned with the sickening smell of sweet blood that dried on my body and I couldn't move knowing that my mothers arms were holding me, protecting me one last time.
I carried on like that for a long time. I lugged my mother's body near a river and buried her body. If I could I would of burned her body then scattered her remains in the river so her wild spirit would be free to traveled with the bending stream. I was sure she wouldn't appreciate being carried painfully threw the current, dead and decayed, and I knew a poor civilian wouldn't appreciate finding a dead woman wash up on shore some where far from here.
No, being buried would be good enough. And if it wasn't it was the best she was getting, I didn't care for her anymore. She left me alone in the cold world, cold shoulders, cold looks and cold words. It was a cold world.
See. That's how I carried on. Holding a grudge against my dead parent but secretly wishing she would hold me one last time and wipe away my tears as I thought about her.
Weeks later it was time for my birthday. I decided on this day only was I going to allow myself to talk to my mom, to forgive her and to apologize. So I did, when the sunset and the moon rose, I sat aside the fire that took me forever to build. The time I turned 6. Mom had refereed to me as a 6 year old before her death many times, but on this day what she said was finally true. Just maybe a part of me wished that when she told me I would be accepted would finally come true as well.
I took a deep breath, sorting out my words carefully. I had my speech and I closed my eyes. I concentrated on finding her spirit, I figured some where with dad, happily dancing around and kissing, ignoring me, leaving me alone. Again. That thought made me loose my courage and tears shot down my cheeks for another night.
What if she wanted to die all along? Leave me alone like she did… she wouldn't want to be bothered again would she?
Hanyou.
That word had to pop up, didn't it? My eyes opened, but I forced them closed again.
'Hello? Mom?
How's it been for you? Great I would guess. I bet you're with dad, huh? That's to be expected he loved you. It's my birthday ma, and I'm officially 6! Are you proud? Or are you angry that I'm bothering you even after your death. I'm sorry, but I have a few things to tell you. Promise to listen?
I will start my list by saying I miss you lots. I love you. By saying that I guess I have to tell you that you're the only human I will ever love. I hate humans, and I hate demons. I hate. I'm doing fine on my own. I guess you could say I'm a big boy now, huh?
I laughed bitterly.
Food is a little hard to get though; I don't think my body can last on berries alone for much longer I need meat soon. Is it worth it ma? Is death worth it?
More tears pooled down my closed eyes, and my face formed a scowl. How dare she, I remember thinking, how dare she leave me like this!
Is it worth leaving me to suffer! Why didn't you just kill me to get away! I'm sorry! What ever I did that was so horrible I'm sorry for it!
I knew it was wrong then. It was obvious she loved me, but my brain was furious, I was feeling sick from lack of food, I couldn't think from lack of sleep and I found myself forcing it out on my mom. I hope she forgives me.
Izayoi- POV.
It was a few weeks later, after the day I watched my son burry me with his own hands. I guess you could say it was depressing, I knew it was for him. This day, though, was special for both of us. I wished I at least could of shared this day with him, the day of hid birth.
That day was uneventful. I watched him wonder like the many days before, only to settle down in an inconspicuous location, a small opening surrounded by trees. I normally wouldn't agree with him in such a place alone but what choice did I have?
Night came quickly, darkness almost conquering as the sun descended. I watched Inuyasha fumble with wrongs, twigs and leaves to finally create a small spark of fire for warmth. A small pile of berries was assembled, half eaten for supper, grouped around the fire. He then sat his small and bruised body next to a tree. It looked like he was waiting for something.
The moon rose, and his eyes shut. I could feel something tugging at my spirit.
'Hello? Mom?
That was the voice that I waited so long to here again, My dead heart wrenched to hear his gentle voice, call out to me happily. But this time he sounded scared, like he was unsure I would care to listen to his words. I noticed he hasn't said anything to me since my passing and I was scared he was angry with me for dying.
How's it been for you? Great I would guess. I bet you're with dad, huh? That's to be expected he loved you.
'Oh Inuyasha, he loves you to sweet heart' I called out to him, but from the still and passive expression I guess he didn't hear it. 'You're right hunny. I am great but I cant stand that your not'. It's hard watching your son carry on like every ray of sunshine suddenly stopped beating down on you.
It's my birthday ma, and I'm officially 6! Are you proud? Or are you angry that I'm bothering you even after your death.
'You never bother me, baby. I wish I could be there to wish you a happy birthday, and be sure you heard me. I am proud of you, Hun, you always got to know that. Most children would never make it this far, and I'm never angry with you! You never bother me… I love you' with out my noticing it, translucent tears slipped away, sliding down my cold skin. That's why he wasn't talking to me, cause he thought I was mad at him. Why? Does he think I died just to leave him? Please, let me go back to my baby!
I'm sorry, but I have a few things to tell you. Promise to listen?
'Don't be sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry fate decided to take me away.' I listened to him; I would always listen to him. I listened they day he learned how to use his voice, the day he could speak words and I will listen to the day he's here with me again.
I will start my list by saying I miss you lots. I love you. By saying that I guess I have to tell you that you're the only human I will ever love. I hate humans, and I hate demons. I hate.
He laughed, for the first time since by passing. The first time in his life this laugh wasn't right, it was pained and harsh. He didn't mean it. I noticed the tears still running down his baby smooth face. My poor darling! 'Don't hate. It's not their fault, they just don't understand. I love you, oh god how I do! I miss you too' please someone just let me touch his face again! wont someone let me comfort my blessing?! 'I'm so sorry!'
I'm doing fine on my own. I guess you could say I'm a big boy now, huh?
'Inuyasha, your not fine. Please stop being like this'I couldn't help but plead with him. These weren't his words; these were forced from an emotion he was never meant to feel: Grief, sadness, anger, and the one that killed me the most (metaphorically) betrayal.
Food is a little hard to get though; I don't think my body can last on berries alone for much longer I need meat soon.
His voice was now calmer again, telling me of his hunger. 'Oh baby, I know you hate to kill but you have to kill a wild animal. I cant help you with food like I planned to, how much times can I say I'm sorry with out it sounding old, hunny? I'm sorry, I will always be sorry'
Is it worth it ma? Is death worth it?
(So much for a calm voice.) This wasn't his, again I refused to believe he was capable of such a harsh tone, a growl, gruff and intentionally hurtful, again I had to plead with him 'don't carry on like this for the rest of your life.' I looked down at him, his bright hair, large and normally perky ears, and the brightest smile when he choice to use it. Behind those eyelids I could remember his sunny and bright eyes. He was meant to be such a happy boy; his heart was large and soul calming. He was an angel, he was meant for happiness! Am I the only one who sees that?
'I never wanted to leave you!'
His tears still didn't yield, and his calm face made a scowl. I don't remember him ever arching his eyebrows in anger like that before, his prayer stopped for a moment, I could tell he was thinking and from his demeanor I knew it was something not making him happy.
Is it worth leaving me to suffer!
'NO BABY! Please don't say that' I sobbed. Was this what my baby was becoming, did he really want to believe that horrible lie? Did it give him a sick sort of comfort? 'Inuyasha…'
Why didn't you just kill me to get away!
'Inuyasha…'
I'm sorry! What ever I did that was so horrible I'm sorry for it!
'Inuyasha! I love you! You didn't do anything wrong my joyous little darling!' Is making a lone woman very happy something to be sorry over. No, something to be sorry over is to leave you 6-year-old son to burry you body alone! 'IM SORRY!'
Inutaishou placed a strong hand on my shoulder, looking down at me with care. I sobbed more, pulling my body from a kneeling position and hugged him. "Why?" I hiccupped on his chest, hugging him tightly. He made gentle cooing sounds that eventually calmed my frazzled nerves. Together we stood and watched Inuyasha open his eyes. The belonging my soul felt before I heard Inuyasha lifted. He was done.
I decided to stop here and post a second chapter. Don't worry, for any of you who like this story I'm not stopping here.
