A/N - This is based on whats happened in my own life and the poems are mine. R R if you want people.

Disclaimer - i dont own the charactors. i dont own anything in this , but the plot and story is my base.

Paper and Blood

"Is this what you really want?"

"No" I say it as if it's casual.

"THEN WHY! Why are you doing this to us?" I move the phone sharply away from my ear as she screams at me, she doesn't like shouting at me.

"Because I have to, I've already hurt you enough and I'll carry on until there's nothing left and we're too bitter to work things out. I have to. For us." the words come out but I say them without thinking I do everything without thinking, like I drown through life. I can hear her crying on the other end; her endless tears bring me back to reality.

"Don't cry, its best for both of us. I just can't do it any more." The last few words break into a whisper. But I speak again without thinking, like a robot with orders.

"O...okay..." I can hear her sniffling and trying to stop her tears as she chokes on them. But I stare blankly at the wall, not being affected by the harshness of what I've done.

I love her,

But I've hurt her too much,

I've caused all her pain,

So I'll torture myself instead,

With every day a nightmare,

Every second agony,

I refuse to cry,

Stopping my willful tears.

My soul is screaming,

Or am I hollow? Or just emotionless?

Craving the love, I just don't deserve,

I don't trust myself,

With her feelings, With her heart,

I've broken my own.

I hang up the phone and follow my feet to my bed; maybe if I stare enough it will fall down and kill me. I hear someone shouting something up the stairs in a rushed tone and wonder what's going on. The door slams shut and my parents cry with laughter as they get into their car.

"Just another fucked up day for me" I say with a sad smile as I realise I'm now forever alone.

"Well done Hermione, you've just fucked up the best thing that's ever happened to you because you're a fucking idiot." I curse myself until I run out of breath and drift off into my thoughts.

Hours turn into days; days turn into weeks. I still haven't heard from her and I wonder if she's okay. I quickly grab the knife from my desk and run the blade sharply across my arm. I watch as the blood trickles down and splashes onto the heaps of unwashed clothing on my floor. I begin to go lightheaded with the combination of starving myself and blood loss. I fall to the floor.

"I love you Gin," I say in a barely audible whisper. Pain courses through my body like never before and as tears begin to sting harshly in my eyes. I drop the blood stained parchment I was clutching to the ground.

You're all I've ever wanted,

Ever dreamt of.

I broke our hearts I shattered mine,

Out of selfishness? I don't know why.

But I love you,

All the pain we've ever felt,

Is all my fault,

You don't deserve that pain,

It's all on me,

With your agony I die,

It was for the best, for you and me. Forever and ever

I love you