2Survival of the Star
I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!
...III...
ANNOUNCEMENT!
I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!
SUMMARY:
On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!
The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.
...responses...
...III...
King River stood on his stump proudly before his 'recruits.'
"Evening ladies and Marco, are you ready for the most grueling, most agonizing, most back-breaking 5 weeks of your life?"
"What? Starfan you told me this would be a vacation!" Said Marco annoyed.
"You told me we were going to skate world!" Said Jackie annoyed.
"You told me Star was transferring!" Shouted Britney annoyed...she bought out her party bus to celebrate the loss of her rival out for nothing...
Kelly shrugged, "They told me we were gonna stab something..."
Starfan and Janna shrugged as Star looked at them confused, "Yeah, we totally lied to get them to come..." They admitted. "Well, not to Kelly. That's totally going to happen.
Star groaned, "Okay, I could sorta get why you did that to get Jackie and Marco...but why did you bring BRITNEY here?"
Janna shrugs, "Hey if were going through this nightmare, were dragging her with us-
Britney glares, "Listen you little-
"Enough!" Shouts River suddenly, "Regardless of why you came here. Your stuck here now. The mountain pass of this part of the forest won't defrost again for another 5 weeks, and the weird minerals in the ground here disable all forms of interdimensional travel...so you might as well get comfortable!"
"Wait, back it up. What are we doing?!" Asked Marco confused.
So River explains how since the time of Solaria, it was decreed that once a year a Future Queen must dedicate 5 weeks of training to the forest of death...to make sure she's combat ready...this year however, she must also pick an 'entourage' to serve with her when it's time for her to Queen...provided they survive of course...
Britney snorted, "I don't have to deal with this, I'm rich!" She turns around and walks off...
"Uh, I wouldn't go that way if I were you!" Shouted River...which Britney of course ignores...
SQUICK!
A long, horned tongue leaps from the ground and skewers her, the creature is about to drag her it's mouth-
CHOMP!
-When both it and Britney are eaten by a giant spider-
CHOMP!
-which is then eaten by a giant man-eating plant-
CHOMP!
-Which is THEN eaten by a flying manticoar-
CHOMP!
-Which is FINALLY eaten mid-flight by a mountain-sized behemoth...
The Behemoth pauses...looks around...then content there was nothing bigger then him around...he shrugs and walks off...
Everyone gapes in horror...except Star and River(this sort of thing happened ALL the time here, after all...)
River sighed then got thoughtful, "Say...would it be safe to say, she hated your guts, my dear?"
Star sighs, "Sadly yes." She admitted reluctantly...
River smirks, "Then I might just have an idea or two to bring her back..."
...many hours later...
"I'M WHAT!?" Screamed Britney.
Janna laughed, "You were SHIT...we took that monsters poo...and reanimated. So finally I can say for all intents and purposes that YOU- Brtiney Wong -are a walking pieces of shit."
Britney just gaps in horror.
River sighs, "I's a shame this Johansen resurrection spell only works on people who hate your guts...AND were killed after being digested into fecal mater." Pauses to look horrified "Sweet corn, my ancestors had a messed up sense of humor..."
He coughed, "Anyway, we've wasted enough time, we need to get started-
"Wait, Dad. Not that I'm not glad- in principle -that you brought Britney back to life...but why was it so important to you? Loathe as I am to admit it...she hates my guts...so why would you want someone like that in my future council?"
River sighed, "Believe it or not...it's important to have at least one person who hates you in your inner-circle. They don't give a crap about your feelings or sugarcoating, they'll give you unbiased, pragmatic advice. An outsiders perspective that isn't blinded by personal ties or sentiment to the kingdom and it's people...of course...that assumes that their competent...and of course, it's best to balance this type of persons advice with the advice of others who actually care about the kingdom and not just their bottom dollar-
"HOLD IT!"
They all turned to see an enraged Wong, "Who said anything about me wanting to be apart of this insanity? I hate Star with every fiber of my being-
"You are of course, free to not take the assignment." Agreed River. "But the fact of it is, want it or not, like it or not, for at least the next five weeks...your stuck here..."
He points toward the forest, "Now you can either risk it on your own..." A bloodcurdling roar came suddenly from that direction. "My word, I couldn't have timed that better." He whispers under his breath impressed before continuing his conversation with a now very terrified Wong. "-Or you can stay with us. I can't say it'll be safer, but if nothing else you'll have my guidance, general knowledge of the area and strength in numbers." He says while gesturing to the group.
Wong sighed, "I'm NOT becoming blondie's advisor." She says flatly as she walked back to joint the group.
River nodded, "If that's what you want. But who knows? We'll be here five weeks at least...maybe you'll change your mind. After all nothing helps people bond better then a near death experience." He looks thoughtful, "Or am I thinking of 'nothing makes a more bitter group of enemies?'" He shrugs, "Eh, either way. I'm sure it'll all work out."
He turns to the group, "Right, were doing this the Johansen way! No weapons, no gear, no money, no clothes and no shelter!
"Wait, was that second to last one?" Asked Marco.
Star blushed, "Wait, Dad. I don't think we need to-
"TALLY-HO!" Shouts River as he throws some magic dust about...sending all their stuff into a pocket dimension...leaving them all completely naked...
"EEEEK!" Screamed Jackie, Wong and Marco.
Star simply looked annoyed and flustered as she covered herself with her hair.
Starfan meanwhile was ecstatic..while Janna seemed apathetic...until he she saw Marco...
"Oh, yweah! Now it's a party! Ah, looks like your willy got taken away tooo..." She teased playfully much to his mortification...
"WHAT!?" Shouted River as he ran toward the group- almost everyone vomited at the sight of naked middle-aged man -and forcibly pulled away his hands to check, giving EVERYONE a good view.
"I'm terribly sorry, my boy! I must've used to potent a batch and...OH." Realized River awkwardly...
If Marco could die of shame...
River hastily let's go of his hands and coughs nervously. "Er...right...sorry lad, not much I can do for you there...well, on the plus side. At least I don't have to worry about you doing anything with my daughter anymore-
"DADDY!" Shrieked Star scandalized...all the while trying VERY hard not to laugh at Marco's...'shortcoming...
Clearly Jackie and Starfan were trying hard to...
Janna and Wong on the other hand...were laughing on the floor.
"Wow, nice needle-dick you got there! Woof! Maybe this whole thing won't be so terrible after all..." Teased Wong.
"Congratulations Wong. You just volunteered for cesspit creating duty..." Said River flatly, desperate to get back in his daughters good books...
Wong gaped, "Wha- But Janna was-
"Janna is too useful to waste on that chore, I'm going to need her for foraging..."
Wong looked like she was about to complain-
"Either pull your weight or we throw you to the woods..." Said River firmly...
Wong groans...but complies...
River nods...then turns around to start assigning duties...it was going to be a LONG five weeks...
TO BE CONTINUED?
AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!
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