1I'm going to be writing a Fallout NV story. As a rough draft I'm showing you, the reader a single scene from the larger story I'm working on. I would like your opinions on the writing style and errors. The Story itself won't only be like scenes like this (These will be pretty rare actually). I'm writing my story based off of a single playthrough I just finished. I won't spoil too much, but there will be scenes that didn't happen (Like this) in game, that I feel should or would happen in context. So here's my short story
Random Excerpt from the story
He collapsed onto the ground as night fell. The mask on his face while a useful tool in cycling clean air was unfortunately very poor at allowing for normal breathing, the clanging of glass bottles and the drunken giggles of his companion prevented any other hope of sleep. He pulled off his ranger helmet and sat up as he saw the drunken smile of Cass by the campfire .
"Hey Cass, can you keep it down a bit?" He asked in a soft tone while holding his helmet
Cass looked at him with a small frown then turned into a drunken giggle. She moved closer to him while clutching a bottle of whiskey.
"I'll shut up six, if you take a swig" She held the bottle in front of him as she spoke
"Cass you know I don't like- hey!" He yelped as Cass grew a drunken grin as she sat on his lap while holding the bottle of whiskey
"The hero of the NCR *Bhurrrrp* can't hold his liquor" She stated in a half drunken slur and giggle
"Cass stop it" He tried to plead with her but she ran her free hand around his neck and pulled his head mere inches from her face
"Take a swig and I'll let you sleep six" Cass smiled
"Fine, give me the bottle" The courier reached for the bottle only for Cass to move her hand away from his reach.
"I got a better idea" Cass smirked while taking her hat off. She began taking a large swig of whiskey into her mouth.
"Cass what do-" The Courier was cut off as Cass made one last smirk before she pressed her lips into the Courier. The sting of whiskey poured into his mouth as Cass continued to force more of her whiskey down his throat. She pushed him down onto his sleeping bag before breaking the kiss. She looked shockingly….nervous before forming a smile on her lips.
"Fuck it ill deal with it later" Was her last words before burying her face into the Courier's chest and wrapping her arms around his neck. The Courier lifted his head in a combination of shock and confusion only to have the face of smiling Cass. He didn't dare to wake the Rose of Sharon, so he looked on his left side and found his leather cloak he uses for his ranger armor. He was able to untangle one of his arms as he used it to grab the cloak and drape it over them both. The Courier to his own surprise took his now free hand and wrapped it around her back and she pressed closer into his chest as a response.
"Hope your hangover isn't bad tomorrow Cass" The Courier spoke quietly with a smile as he finally closed his eyes
"My head….." Cass began squinting hard from the sunlight and she buried her head deeper into whatever she was sleeping on. The softness was odd as the last time she felt like this was when….
She looked up and saw a young face and a scar running on his lip.
"Shit…." She began to untangle herself from Courier but he began to shift and moved his arm around her. Before she could try again she looked back up on the sleeping man. He was much more relaxed than from what she could remember.
"Definitely one of the better faces i've woken up to, I guess it wouldn't hurt for a bit longer" She spoke quietly as she relaxed and allowed him to hold her. To her displeasure however he began to stir. She closed her eyes and tensed as he stirred
"Huh...what? My head…." He muttered, this nearly made her laugh but instead she kept a large grin on her face as she kept her head hidden in his chest.
"I guess the hangover didn't get you….but it certainly got me" He laughed a bit but kept his voice low which left her feeling the vibrations from his chest. She waited for him to remove his arm from her but to her surprise the hero of the NCR didn't let go, in fact, he moved his other arm around her. She heard and felt the gulp of the Courier.
"I guess we're in no rush. Another hour or two wouldn't hurt" He spoke to himself. This caught her off guard but then an idea came to mind. She began to moved up from her position on his chest and faced the Courier who was more than surprised at her awakening
"Make it three and you got a deal, Six" She spoke with a smile on her face.
"Cass I-" He was speaking before her lips pressed against him again. She smiled
"Didn't know the heroic Courier fancies a bad girl from California" She grinned
"I um…." He stuttered to her amusement and she kissed him again with him in turn pulling her closer to him.
"I'll take that as a yes, six" She almost laughed before laying back down on his chest with one caveat. She put her head into his neck and curled up in the cloak while they watched the sun rise over the Mojave.
Its going to be a week or so before I begin publishing chapters but I hope this leaves you interested in the story I will be telling (DLC will be apart of the story also)
