5"Hello, welcome to Walmart!" The enthusiastic greeter gave the five men and small child a wide, soulless smile as they entered the store. The air conditioning was a nice transition from being outside in the American heat. None of the Nordics were quite used to it.
"So, this is the place America said we'd find what we need?" Iceland asked, suspiciously eying the greeter who was still smiling creepily at them.
"Yep! This is the place!" Denmark exclaimed. "At least I think it is. You read the directions right, right, Sve?"
Sweden nodded. He had his arm around his wife while said wife looked over their shopping list.
"Do they sell Pokemon cards here?" Sealand asked as he bounced around like a frog on a trampoline. "What kind of candy do they have? OOH!" He pointed a finger at the aisle labeled 'Toys' excitedly. "A whole row of toys! Can we go over there? Can we? Can we?"
"There is also a section of dog leashes," Norway noted in monotone, then gave a glance to the fidgety child. "You can buy one for your spawn."
Finland chuckled. "Oh no, we already have a perfectly fine leash for Hana!"
"That wasn't what I-"
"WOAH CHECK IT OUT!" Denmark interrupted with vigor, attracting the gazes of more than just his family. A nearby mother steered her child away. "Look, Nor! Buns!"
Norway flickered his ear in annoyance. "Why did you single me out for that?"
"I thought you liked hot buns~" It was clear that Denmark was not referring to the baked goods. Norway saw something very wrong with the picture here! For some reason, Denmark was not being strangled. Well, he'll just have to fix that.
"Down, Nor! Down!" Iceland grabbed his brother's shoulders and tried to pry him away from Denmark, who was quickly turning a concerning shade of blue.
"Maaamaaaaaa!" Sealand whined, tugging on Finland's shirt. "Can we get McDonald's after this?"
"We have food at home, Sea," Finland chided softly, nudging the child's hands off of him. Sealand pouted and turned his attention to Sweden.
"Paapaaaaaa-!" He began whining again.
"We're not going to McDonald's," Sweden stated gruffly. Sealand began to emit a sound similar to that of a tornado siren. "But if ya behave I'll buy ya one toy." The tornado siren stopped and Sealand grinned.
"Then what are we waiting for? Let's get shopping before it gets too hard to be good!"
"Alright, alright," Finland laughed lightly and patted his son on the head. He glanced over to where the other three were. Denmark was leaning against a wall and catching his breath after he had been freed from Norway's constrictive grasp on his throat, courtesy of Iceland yanking his brother off and pinning him to the ground. Finland handed the shopping list to Sweden and clapped his hands together. "Well! Now that Norway and Denmark are done playing, I don't see what's stopping us from doing just that! Quickly now, before security throws us out for causing a scene."
The five Nordic men and the British gremlin hurried off into the aisles of Walmart to get their items. First stop was the alcohol area so Finland could buy some vodka or maybe some other, stronger stuff.
"Why on Earth isn't there any salmiakki koskenkorva in this store?!" The Finnish man cried in exasperation after searching all the alcohol shelves and not finding a single drop of licorice-flavored liquor.
"Maybe 'cause it's a Northern thing!" Denmark suggested, neatly dropping a case of regular old beer into the cart. Finland sighed and just grabbed five bottles of vodka in disappointment.
"Mama, why're you buying all that juice?" Sealand asked curiously, tapping one of the vodka bottles.
Finland smiled at him. "Because it makes mommy feel a lot better when he's sad!"
"Ohhhh." Sealand nodded in understanding.
"Drunkard," Norway muttered, but carefully concealed what he said behind a cough. Iceland snorted and Finland looked at him.
"What was that, Norja?" He asked with a sickly sweet smile. "I didn't quite catch it."
"Nothing," Norway said, waving a hand dismissively. "Let's just keep going."
And so they did, heading straight for the next thing on their list, which was-
"Hey, do they even sell dry ice at Walmart?" Denmark asked, scanning the signs above each aisle for the right item.
"Yeah, really. And why do you need dry ice anyway, Nor?" Iceland questioned his brother, giving him a suspicious side-glance. Norway shrugged.
"Things and reasons," he said. "America sells strange things, so maybe."
"I'll just ask an employee!" Finland chirped. He looked around for a moment, scanning for that dark blue Walmart vest until he spotted a young man watching them from behind a DVD rack adorned with that very vest. Finland smiled and waved to him. "Ahm! Excuse me! Do you by any chance sell dry ice here?"
"Dry ice?" The employee asked. The tag on his shirt read 'Jason' in bold letters. He looked a little fidgety. "Dry ice.. Um… Y-Yes, we do."
"Wonderful!" Finland clapped. "Can you please show us?"
Jason nodded and waved for the group to follow him. Sealand glared at his back.
"This guy seems a little sketchy to me," the little fort whispered to no one in particular, loud enough for the five Nordics to hear, but not loud enough for Jason.
"Sealand, don't be rude," Finland scolded.
"It's true though!"
"Sealand," Sweden grumbled. "Remember what I said about the toy."
Sealand frowned. "Is telling the truth misbehaving?"
"In this case, yes."
Sealand was about to try and argue when Jason suddenly stopped in front of an aisle in a weird dimly lit part of the store.
"Here is it," he said. "This is where it always is. Always here. Never moving…"
Everyone but Finland gave him a weird look. Sealand made a "see, he's suspiciiooouss" gesture. Finland just smiled.
"Thank you very much, Jason! Have a lovely day!" Finland beamed and pulled some dry ice off the shelf and into the cart.
"Yeah, a lovely day today…" Jason muttered. He slowly backed out of the aisle. "Today and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next…" He continued his mumblings as he walked away.
"I feel like he's going to stab me with a pitchfork while I'm sleeping," Iceland commented once Jason was far away from them.
"Totally. Eugh." Denmark shuddered and looked over his shoulder to make sure Jason was really gone. "I did not like his vibes, man…"
"Mama, can we leave this aisle now?" Sealand asked, pulling on his mother's shirt. "It's creepy. Even creepier than uncle Norway!"
"Does Walmart sell muzzles?" Norway shot the child an unpleasant look as he asked. Sealand squealed and ducked behind Sweden's leg.
"Yes, we can go now," Finland said. "The next thing we need is some frozen things. Come on!"
Finland led the group out of the creepy aisle and towards the frozen food section. Norway cast a wary glance over his shoulder as they walked, just barely catching the dark blue of a Walmart vest spinning out of sight.
Upon arrival at the frozens aisle, Finland skimmed through their list once more. "Mhm... Mhm… We need peas, mixed fruit, fish, ice cream and-"
"Woah! That's a really big toy!" Sealand gasped. He had stopped in front of one of the freezer doors and was staring aghast at what lay beyond it. "Mama! Can we buy that?"
All five Nordics turned their gaze to what Sealand was so excited over.
"What in the name of-"
Japan poked his head out of the freezer, holding a bag of frozen peas in one hand and a pad of paper in the other. "Ohayo, these peas are a bit overpriced."
Denmark burst out laughing. Even Sweden looked surprised.
"Wh- Japan! Why in Ukko's name are you in the freezer?" Finland shouted, nearly dropping his list from shock.
"Price checking," Japan said.
"From inside?" Iceland questioned in bewilderment. Japan nodded.
"It is much easier than taking things out one by one."
"Woah! Super cool!" Sealand cheered. "How are you not freezing cold?"
"Anime powers," Japan replied. "Ano… By the way, is Denmark-san alright?" Denmark had fallen on the floor and was now rolling around in uncontrollable laughter.
"He's fine!" Finland assured. "But are you sure you aren't cold or- Norja, what are you doing?!"
Norway plucked the price sticker off of the bag of peas that Japan was holding and placed that sticker onto Japan's forehead. Then, to the further shock of everyone present, he picked Japan up out of the freezer and placed him into the shopping cart.
He regarded his family's dropped jaws with disinterest.
"We're buying this," was the only explanation he bothered to offer. Japan looked too stunned to object, and Denmark was thrown into more roaring peals of laughter. Iceland examined the sticker that was stuck to Japan's head.
"Wow, he was right," he mused with a small chuckle. "The peas were totally overpriced."
After obtaining all the items they required from the frozen aisle, and also obtaining Japan, they made their way through the toy aisle, because it was nearby and Sealand and Denmark begged on their hands and knees to take a detour through it. It was so annoying that there was no choice but to give in.
"Holy shit!" Denmark shouted, gaining himself glares from other parents and also Finland. "Have you ever seen so many balls before, kiddo?"
Sealand shook his head vigorously. "Nuh-uh!"
The two were standing before a large display of brightly colored bouncy balls, held in place by a string net and some small PVC pipe poles.
Denmark poked one of the balls through a hole in the net. "How'd you even get these things out of here?"
"They fit through the holes-" Iceland started to explain when Denmark whipped his battle axe from out of nowhere and promptly cut the net that was containing the balls like an absolute dumbass. This maybe should have been expected since he is, in fact, an absolute dumbass.
The whole aisle filled with the rampaging bouncy balls faster than Norway could yell "Stupid Dane!"
There was a loud commotion. Then everything was dark. Once released, it was like the balls multiplied by the hundreds. There must have been more room than what meets the eye in that net. Norway pushed some bouncy balls away from him and waded his way through darkness and rubber, when suddenly there was a rush of cold air, a burst of light, and-
"Hello, welcome to Walmart!" The enthusiastic greeter gave the five men and small child a wide, soulless smile as they entered the store. The air conditioning was a nice transition from being outside in the American heat. None of the Nordics were quite used to it.
"So, this is the place America said we'd find what we need?" Iceland asked, suspiciously eying the greeter who was still smiling creepily at them.
"Yep! This is the place!" Denmark exclaimed. "At least I think it is. You read the directions right, right, Sve?"
"Wait, stop," Norway suddenly blurted, glancing around himself in confusion. "Hva i helvete?"
"Huh? Is something wrong, Nor?" Denmark tilted his head at the Norwegian.
"Are you okay?" Iceland asked.
"I'm fine…" Norway shook his head slightly to try and clear the very strong feeling of remembrance. "But didn't we just- Weren't we in the toys aisle..?"
Sealand gasped. "There's a toy aisle?! I wanna see it!"
The others ignored him.
"Are you sure you're alright, Norja?" Finland asked tenderly, regarding Norway with a concerned expression. "We only just arrived here. I didn't even know there was a toy aisle."
Norway surveyed his fellow Nordics and their looks of bewilderment at his outburst. Is he going insane? It wouldn't be the first time. "I could have sworn…"
"I kind of feel some weird deja vu too, not going to lie," Iceland commented quietly. "But it's probably nothing to worry about, so can we get on with this already?"
"Ja!" Denmark cheered. "Let's kick it into full gear, Nordic family! Shopping time!"
It was then that Norway spotted him. Jason was lingering by the shopping carts, eavesdropping on their conversation. They made eye contact.
Jason stared at Norway.
Norway stared at Jason.
Neither broke eye contact. The others had started to walk away, but Norway did not follow them. Once they had gone a bit away, Jason gestured for Norway to come closer. Norway shook his head. Jason gestured harder, his wide eyes radiating a sense of urgency. Norway sighed and decided it wouldn't hurt to humor the creepy Walmart employee that was beckoning him.
"What is it?" He asked upon reaching where Jason was standing. Jason grabbed Norway's arm and pulled him down behind the carts.
"Shh!" He put a finger against Norway's lips. "You have to whisper… Clark will hear you."
Norway slapped Jason's hand away. "Who's Clark?"
"The greeter!" Jason whisper-shouted. "His hearing is so good… so good…" He shuddered. "You have to be quiet."
"Okay..?"
"Listen," Jason put both of his hands on Norway's shoulders and pulled him closer, glancing around like a paranoid rat. "I heard what you said."
"I think that's an invasion of privacy." Norway brushed Jason's hands off only for him to place them back seconds later.
"Nonono, you don't understand. You were in the toy aisle, I know you were, that's what always happens! It happened to me, it happened to you, it's happened to others too, but they never remember. You remember though. And I remember. We remember." Jason's eyes bulged with the sheer insanity in his voice. Norway shifted in discomfort and pushed the hands away again.
"Jason, I would like to refer you to my psychiatrist, because you definitely need one," Norway said. Jason's face fell.
"You think I'm crazy," he murmured. "You think I'm out of my mind. You're just like everyone else, huh? Thinking I'm nuts? Telling me I'm not smart enough? Telling me I'm not pretty enough to be an actor, huh? Well jokes on you dad, I'm of average good looks! So there!"
"...What."
Jason bit his lip and made a sound like a constipated goose. "Mmnh! Not the point! Listen, you gotta come with me, you gotta get outta here- you gotta help me get outta here, man. Walmart is a death trap."
Jason's hands had once more found themselves upon Norway's shoulders, and this time Norway didn't hesitate in smacking them off and giving Jason a cold glare. "One, stop touching me, and two, I don't trust a single thing you said but fine, I've nothing better to do."
Jason beamed. "Thank God! Okay, come with me." Jason grabbed Norway's hand, evidently ignoring Norway's first statement, and he took off running down the aisles, occasionally ducking behind racks to avoid being seen by other people and employees. Norway heard his fellow Nordics in the alcohol section as he and Jason ran past, but he already knew what they were up to in there. At some point, Jason screeched to a halt in front of an employees-only door, pulling Norway to a stop next to him.
"This is it," Jason said. "This is the way out of this time loop."
"How do you know?" Norway asked. It just looked like a slightly disheveled door to him, no magical presence at all.
"The guy before me told me," Jason explained. "He died long ago, though."
"If he knew where the exit was, why didn't he just leave?" Again, it really just looked like an ordinary door. Norway could not fathom how this was anything of significance.
Jason's eyes widened like a deer in headlights. "Because he said that any unworthy employee that touched this door would die a painful dea-"
Norway pulled down the door handle and the door creaked open. "Mh, no, it's just a door."
Jason gawked at him for a solid five seconds. "You… You did it! You must be God!" He exclaimed loudly.
"No," Norway said. "If you trap me in this room and try to sell my organs, I will have sir Nils Olav rip you to bits."
Norway stepped through the door into the dark room behind it and he walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. And walked.
And suddenly he found himself standing in the check-out line. Or, well, not standing actually. He was being carried by the frighteningly large Sweden. Denmark and Sealand were in front of them, poring over a small shelf of Pokemon cards. Finland was loading items onto the conveyor belt, including a small Transformers action figure, which must mean that Sealand was a good boy. Iceland was on his phone to the left of where Sweden was standing, and Japan was on the right.
"...What." Norway shifted around until he fell out of Sweden's arms and landed on his feet on the shiny concrete floor.
"Oh hey, you're awake," Iceland said, looking up from his phone.
"Welcome to the land of the living," Sweden grumbled.
"What's… going on?" Norway asked, looking around. Everything seemed to be normal…
"You passed out in the toy section." Japan peered around Sweden's thick form to answer. "After Denmark-san released the balls, that is. Are you feeling alright?"
Norway gave him a thumbs up. So it was all some weird-ass dream, then. Of course. What a cliche.
"Is that all you'll be buying today?" The cashier asked Finland once she had scanned all the items he put down.
"Yep, that's it-" He started, but was cut off by Japan suddenly appearing on the conveyor belt. The price sticker was still on his head.
The cashier nervously glanced at Norway. "Sir, you can't-"
"Scan him," Norway deadpanned. She gulped.
"W-Well…"
"Do it."
The cashier, rather flustered, brought her manual scanner across the barcode on the tag, then turned back to Finland.
"W-Will you be paying cash or credit?" She asked.
And so, with their items bagged and paid for, the Nordic five plus Sealand and Japan headed for the exit of Walmart. As it turned out, they were going to go to McDonald's after all, because Sealand was persistent as hell, like an annoying little mosquito. While they were exiting the store and the greeter wished them well, Norway spotted out of the corner of his eye a nearby employee with a name tag that read 'Jason' winking at him.
He vowed to never step foot in Walmart again.
