3Right Lesson, Wrong Time
Sephiroth looked up from the book he was reading as Aeris brought their baby daughter Sera into the living room.
"She looks well-rested from her nap," he remarked as he set the book down, smiling at his youngest child.
"Yes, but now she's hungry," Aeris said as she opened her blouse with one hand.
"Need help with that?" Sephiroth asked.
Aeris shot him a coy look. "Not 'till tonight…"
"Buh-buh-buh-buh!" Sera babbled.
Sephiroth looked slightly alarmed. "She'd better not be trying to say what I think she is…"
Aeris rolled her eyes. "She's eight months old. I hardly think 'boob' is within her capabilities."
"All of our children have had unconventional first words," Sephiroth reminded her, "Keter's was 'beef'-"
"No, it was 'om-nom-nom'!" Aeris argued.
Sephiroth glared. "That is not a real word. Keter's was 'beef', Remi's was a very loud 'no', Aleph's was 'book', Malkut said 'yuck', Raziel said 'boom', and Samek said 'uh-oh'. The law of averages dictates that this one…" He poked Sera's nose as he continued, "…will pick something mortifying."
"I doubt it," Aeris said as Sera reached impatiently, "Okay, Sera, can you be patient, so you don't end up stabbing me?"
Sera managed to latch on while keeping her summoning horn out of the way.
"I can't believe you're actually joking about that…" Sephiroth said, shaking his head. Sera was supposed to be a planned C-section upon detecting her summoner's horn in the ultrasound, but an unexpected early delivery during a power-outage had caused internal damage to Aeris, rendering her unable to carry more children.
Sephiroth still felt guilty having still been on one of his missions when that had happened. Aeris had seemed to bounce back, though, reassuring her husband that seven children were plenty, and now they finally had that second daughter they had always wanted.
"Seph, we've both been injured by our exceptional brood at one point or another. Whether it's by claws, horns, brute strength, fangs…oh, I'm so glad you don't have fangs, Sera. Nursing Raz was…" She trailed off, shuddering.
"It's what you get for saying it would be cute if we had a baby with fangs," Sephiroth told her.
Aeris scowled. "When did I even say that?"
"When you were pregnant with Keter."
"How do you remember these things?"
"I can fly by flapping a single wing which completely defies the laws of physics, and you wonder how my memory is so accurate?"
"You could fly even before you grew the wing," Aeris pointed out.
"Again…laws of physics."
"Okay, Mr. Special Snowflake…"
"Mama!" Samek's voice reverberated across the hallway.
"Oh, not now…" Aeris said, shaking her head, "I'm not coming out there lop-sided. This one's all you, Seph."
Sephiroth stood up and went to the doorway leading to the hall. "Your mother's feeding Sera right now, Sam!" he called out.
"I WANT MAMA!" Samek shrieked.
"Why?" Sephiroth called out.
"Do you two really have to shout at one another?" Aeris asked, rolling her eyes.
Sephiroth let out a sigh as he left the living room. He walked over to Samek and Raziel's bedroom, stepping into the doorway. "Why do you need your mother?" he asked.
"I have to potty!" Samek announced as he cupped his hands over his crotch.
"Well, then let's go over to the bathroom and I'll give you a treat afterward," Sephiroth suggested as he held his hand out to his son, not understanding why he needed Aeris for that.
"Raz already dere!" the almost-three-year-old complained, "Mama gave him bubble bath and he busy! Mama have to stop bath."
"Why don't you use the upstairs bathroom instead?" Sephiroth asked, still holding his hand out.
Samek shook his head vigorously; his black and silver hair flying side to side.
"Why not?" Sephiroth asked wearily.
"Ugly potty!" Samek insisted.
"Why is it ugly?"
"It pink!"
"Ugh…" Sephiroth groaned, torn between impatience toward his son's fussiness and sympathizing with him over the aesthetic dilemma of sitting on a pink potty. Aeris had bought the potty last week, claiming it was cute, and that it was on sale for 75 percent off. Indeed, the bargain had satisfied him at the time, but now he had to ask himself: would he himself had used a bright pink potty at that age, had he the choice?
…Unless Hojo had forced him to, the answer would certainly be no. And the idea of Hojo forcing him to use whatever was available was all he needed to decide on the next course of action.
"Then we'll ask Raz if you can open the door and quickly use the potty," Sephiroth told him, still holding his hand out for him and starting to feel somewhat silly.
"I ask and Raz said no," Sam whined as he began hopping up and down, doing the "pee-pee dance".
"I'll ask him," Sephiroth said as he grabbed his son's hand and led him down the hall. He knocked on the door to the bathroom.
"It's still bath time!" Raz said from behind the door.
"Your brother needs to use the bathroom," Sephiroth announced.
"I need my privacy!" the four-year-old shrieked, "Mama said we all need privacy!"
Sephiroth let out a frustrated sigh. Aeris had lectured Raziel on that very subject last week after twelve-year-old Remielle had caught him peeking at her while changing. After somehow stopping Remi from stuffing him in the hollow trunk outside, Aeris had spent the better part of an hour explaining to Raziel the importance of privacy(no doubt worried that he might walk in on her and Sephiroth at the wrong moment). Now he apparently had learned his lesson all too well.
"Are the bubbles still there?" Sephiroth asked.
"Yes."
"Are you still in the tub?" Sephiroth asked.
"Yes."
"Then you've got privacy," Sephiroth explained, "Now may we please open the door? Sam will only be a minute."
"…'Kay."
"Thank the gods and goddesses above…" Sephiroth muttered as he reached for the door handle. To his chagrin however, the handle wouldn't turn. "Raz, did you lock this door?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Everyone else does. 'Cause of privacy!"
"Daddy…!" Samek whined as he began hopping up and down again.
"Stop hopping around," Sephiroth told his son, "It'll only make you have to go even more."
Samek obeyed and stood still while continuing to cup himself with his hands.
"Raz, can you please come out of the tub, unlock the door, get back into the tub, and let us know when we can come in?"
"'Kay…"
Sephiroth could hear his son climbing out of the tub, his wet feet slapping against the tiles as he walked over to unlock the door. Of course; he had forgotten to tell Raziel to dry himself off first, so now there would be puddles on the floor. He heard the clicking of the lock, the sound of Raz walking back to the tub…and apparently jumping back in making a loud splash. Great…more water all over the floor.
"Okay, you can come in, Sam!" Raz announced.
"Praise the gods…" Sephiroth droned as he opened the door to let Samek in. "Walk very carefully, Sam," he warned his youngest son, "The floor is probably very wet."
Samek then got down on his hands and knees to crawl to the white potty that lay in the corner.
Sephiroth winced. While he admired his son's ingenuity, he knew the boy's pants would be soaked from the knees down when he was through. Oh well. Better to change pants soaked with water than pants soaked in urine.
After a moment, he heard Samek speak up:
"Daddy…?"
"Yes, Sam?"
"…I missed."
"At least he Raz takes privacy seriously now," Aeris giggled as she and Sephiroth watched Sera on her little blanket set in front of the couch. The baby was rocking back and forth on her hands and knees while Remi sat in front of her, trying to coax her into crawling.
Sephiroth had spent half-an-hour cleaning up both Raziel and Samek's messes in the bathroom before rejoining Aeris in the living room and telling her and Remi what had transpired.
"I'm just glad Raz stopped peeking," Remi groused, "and he won't peek at Sera when she's older."
"Now we just need to figure out how to stop you from stuffing your brothers into the hollow tree whenever they make you angry," Sephiroth said pointedly.
"When I stuff them in there, they stop doing whatever makes me mad," Remi reasoned, "Natural consequence."
"Let your father and me deal out the consequences," Aeris admonished her daughter.
"If you'd stuff them in there, I would," Remi argued, "But you don't do it, and they keep bugging me!"
"You do, and they keep bugging you," Aeris pointed out.
"I hope you don't take to doing the same thing to your sister when she gets old enough," Sephiroth said warningly.
"Never!" Remi exclaimed, offended at the very idea. She picked up her baby sister and held her tight. "She's too sweet to be a pain like our icky brothers are, aren't you, Sera?" She then ruffled Sera's black hair affectionately before setting her back down again. "C'mon, Sera- can you crawl?"
Sera began rocking back and forth again, only harder this time.
"Well, if you can't crawl, how about talking?" Remi suggested, "Can you say 'Remi'? Huh? Re-mi…"
"Don't overwhelm her…" Sephiroth warned her.
Sera immediately let out a frustrated ear-piercing shriek, causing Sephiroth to wince, while both Aeris and Remi covered their respective ears.
"...Or else she'll do that," Sephiroth finished.
Just then, Samek came into the living room. "I pooped now!" he announced proudly, "Didn't miss!"
"Praise Shiva," Sephiroth droned.
"Oh, well, let's go flush that poop in the big potty and then we'll go get you a treat!" Aeris said enthusiastically as she stood up and walked out of the living room toward the bathroom. Samek lingered behind.
"Daddy, when I use big potty?" he asked, referring to the regular toilet.
"When you can poop without falling inside of it," Remi quipped.
"Poop!" Sera spoke suddenly.
Samek's eyes widened and he ran down the hall. "Mama, Sera talked…!"
"Poopoopoopoopoo..." Sera went on, pleased with herself.
"Oh, Sera…" Remi hung her head in utter defeat, as did Sephiroth. "This is what happens when you have too many older brothers…it figures you'd say something gross as your first word…"
"You were the last one to say it to her," Sephiroth argued.
Aeris rushed into the living room. "What did she say?" she asked excitedly.
Sephiroth groaned.
