39A/N: As of this moment, this is a one shot. I'm considering expanding it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck
Chuck stared at the e-mail from HR… again. He was worried it was another one regarding Morgan (It had been five weeks, so he was due) but it wasn't… it was worse.
He had worked for… he hated even saying it. CIA (Computing In Action) for a few months now, and while he loved his job and the autonomy he was afforded, the mindless verbiage and business-speak he had to listen to some days made him want to vomit. He was sure if he heard about synergy one more time, he would jam a pencil into his hand such that he could scream, and no one would think he was insane for just randomly screaming.
He knew there were problems at every job. But when you worked for Lester Patel and Jeffery Barnes, what did you expect? The men who had become overnight sensations in Germany as a cover band had created their own company, and since they didn't work on anything but Macs, had to hire an entire team to make their products for all other platforms.
Chuck stared at the email, then dropped his head onto the desk, reaching for the phone. He dialed the number, and waited for his sister to answer.
"Hey, Ellie," Chuck began. "Have you got any plans this weekend?" His heart sank. "Both you and Devon have to work all weekend, huh?" He stared at his email, and saw one pop up from Morgan telling him he had signed up for the retreat.
"What?" he asked. "Oh, it's just… work." He listened for a moment. "You know what, let me read you the email."
Fellow Employees,
The offices of CIA (Computing In Action) would like to welcome you to a weekend in team-building. Remember, by attending this weekend seminar, we are offering you a week off paid vacation. And, of course, your lovable sex-god CEOs will be performing while on this retreat. That's right, JEFFSTER will be performing for your listening enjoyment!
Sincerely
Kayla (New head of HR, since the last one quit in protest over having to write this email)
"No, Nancy quit two weeks ago," Chuck reminded Ellie. "The new head of HR… well, was the head of HR, was Stephanie." He paused, grinning at his sister going on and on about how it as a miracle Jeff and Lester hadn't been sued. "If I'm not mistaken, Kayla has her associates in business management and is starting on her HR degree in the fall." He grinned, listening to Ellie. "Nope, she doesn't have a clue that you really shouldn't refer to your bosses as sex-gods." He sighed. "I guess I'm going to the retreat. Yeah, see you next week. Love 'ya." With that, he hung up.
"Chuckster!" Lester said, sticking his head in Chuck's office. "Noticed you hadn't signed up for the team-building retreat yet… you are, right?"
Chuck didn't answer for a moment. "I'm checking my calendar, Lester-"
"Charles," Lester said pleadingly, walking in and sliding into the seat across from him. "I have to have you there, please. I'm begging you."
"What did you do?" Chuck asked.
"It's the crazy woman in marketing," Lester began.
"You hit on her," Chuck said, not asked.
Lester held up a finger. "Hit on is a strong connotation, Charles…strong."
"You creeped her the hell out," Chuck continued.
"She scares me, Charles. Scares. Me," Lester stressed. "I apparently gave off my natural pheromones, and when she became confused-"
"You hit on her and she threatened to sue you?" Chuck offered.
"I could see how some might take it that way," Lester conceded. "The problem is she's good, it's just… I don't speak her language."
"She never wants to see your face again," Chuck interpreted.
Lester bounced his head back and forth considering. "Again, some could see it that way. But that's what this weekend is about. The I.N.T.E.R.S.E.C.T."
"Can we just say the word intersect instead of spelling it out?" Chuck cut in.
"If you must," Lester said, clearly disappointed. "This weekend is about making connections with other departments-"
"You want me to partner with her and better explain what we do, so she can put out better marketing and make you more money," Chuck said, tired of the double-talk.
"That's a great idea," Lester said. "Absolutely wonderful."
"No," Chuck said, leaning back in his chair. "No, I'm not cleaning up your mess, and I'm not going to some stupid retreat where some poor woman has had to suffer from your shenanigans."
"I'll do anything," Lester said, sliding to his knees in front of Chuck's desk, his hands together, pleading.
"You will quit begin a creep to the women around here?"
"Charles, you offend-"
"Nope," Chuck said.
"Fine," Lester replied.
Chuck sat there quietly. "What if I agree to meet with her, and if we," Chuck stressed, "her and I talk, and if we agree, I'll go."
"Thank you, Charles, thank you!" Lester gushed.
"I've agreed to nothing yet," Chuck reminded him.
"We are so excited for this retreat," Lester said, ignoring Chuck.
"Oh, boy," Chuck muttered, watching Lester go off into his dream world.
"With Interoffice Nurturing Team-building Exercises Resulting in Sharing Employees Cognitive Thoughts we'll rule the computing industry!" Lester said, seeing the dollar signs.
"Be a shame if the woman from marketing sued you, so all that money you make from ruling the computing industry goes to her," Chuck reminded him.
Lester's head dropped, and he turned to look at Chuck. "Charles, why do you have to destroy my good thoughts?"
"Why do you have to harass women?" Chuck countered.
"Never again," Lester swore. "You're a peach, Charles, a peach!" he said, exiting the office.
"I'm an idiot, is what I am," Chuck muttered.
}o{
Chuck was cleaning up some code, when a knock on his office door drew his attention. He looked up, and it took everything in him for his eyes not to bug completely out of his head. "Are you Charles Bartowski?" the woman asked.
"I am… I am he, Charles… Chuck that is, Chuck Bartowski," he finally got out, and then dropped his head. "Good God, I am sorry," he said. She studied him a moment, amusement creeping into her features. He came from around the desk and stood in front of her, offering her his hand. "Let me try this again," he said, a bit more confidence in his voice. "I am Chuck Bartowski."
She took his hand and he swore he heard a low electrical hum as their skin touched. "Sarah Walker, Marketing."
"So, you're the woman our boss creeped out?" Chuck asked. She chuckled at that. "Annnnd I notice you didn't correct me." He turned and offered her a chair. She sat, and he sat in the chair beside her, not the one behind his desk. She raised an eyebrow at his choice in seating.
"You don't know me, so if I may explain?" She nodded. "So, for me to sit there while you sat on the other side of my desk, it's a bit of a power move, and I don't run that way. And given what you've dealt with in Lester…" Chuck trailed off. "I wish you'd sue his pants off."
"No," Sarah said shaking her head. "No one wants to see that."
Chuck chuckled at that. "Right, bad metaphor." He grinned at her. "So, you have no idea what we do here, because Lester does nothing but speak in technobabble and business speak."
"Exactly," Sarah told him. "And I refuse to be in the same room with him."
"I'm sorry about that, no one-"
"Listen," she said cutting in, grinning. "He's a creep, but I know how to deal with creeps. My worry is that I'm going to physically harm him and get in trouble." Chuck threw his head back and laughed. "So, are you to be my interpreter?"
"If that's what you want, sure, but I should warn you: I'm a bit of a nerd, tell bad jokes, and I freak out about things that probably won't interest you in the least," Chuck said, shrugging.
"Bad jokes?" she asked.
"Do you know if there's a city named Hokey?" Chuck asked.
Sarah thought for a second. "I don't think there is," she replied, her voice filled with confusion.
"That's a shame," Chuck said. "If there was, you could send criminals to the Hokey Pokey and they could turn their lives around."
She just stared at him for a second. "Get out," she said, pointing toward the door.
"It is my office," Chuck reminded her. She just shook her head refusing to smile.
"If that's the worst you've got-"
"Did you see the documentary on people obsessed with pedicures?" Chuck asked.
She stared at him, her lip trembling, trying not to respond. "No, what's it called?" she asked, a grin on her face.
"Clip Toe Maniacs," Chuck replied. Sarah stood up and started for the door. "Where are you going?"
"Lester's office," Sarah replied turning back to him, grinning. "I think there's less a chance I might hurt him than you."
Chuck grinned at her. "You know his plan was for us to pair up at this retreat, and then work together going forward?" He stood and headed back toward his seat behind his desk. He glanced at her. "Guess you dodged a bullet."
She studied him for a second, a grin on her face. "Yeah, guess I did." She started to leave, put her hand on the door frame and looked back at him. "So, I'll see you Friday morning at the retreat?"
Chuck bent down, and clicked accept on the email invitation to the retreat. "Looks like it," Chuck told her, straightening. "You're a marketing person."
"I am," she said.
"Would you ever name something what this retreat is being called?" Chuck asked her.
"What, intersect and all the buzz words with it?" Chuck nodded. "Hell, no." She chuckled. "Wouldn't surprise me to find out some fly-by-night runs it, and those two bozos are getting conned."
Chuck laughed. "So, if this… uh, partnership works out… will that require us to spend a lot of time together?"
"Probably," Sarah said, pressing her lips together.
"Do you think that would require us to… I don't know, call each other, text each other, outside of work?" Chuck was trying to keep his features calm.
"Possibly," Sarah replied. "We might even have to go to each other's homes late at night and work together, unless you'd rather do that in a more professional setting, like the office."
"This office?" Chuck asked, pointing down, making her giggle. "We could both be in footie pajamas, watching cartoons, while eating mac and cheese out of a box and it would be more professional than this place."
"You're not wrong," she said, slowly walking away, but her fingers hanging on the door frame like she didn't want to go. "So, I'll see you tomorrow… retreat-partner?"
"You will," he drawled. She removed her hand, waving her fingers at him and walked off. Chuck stood there a moment, then leaned where he could see down the hallway to see if she was still there. When he saw she wasn't, he pumped his fist to his side. He then quickly straightened, ran his hand down his shirt, and sighed. "I mean, she's probably not into me, but if I have to go to that stupid retreat, at least it's with someone halfway cool."
He sat down and began to work. "I'm sure she's not in to me…"
He found himself whistling as he worked.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed this one shot…It's not a one-shot is it?
