3CN mental illness, Schizophrenia
Elwing's surprise appearance had gnawed at Elrond for a long time. Against his will, he had noticed quite quickly that he was willing to give her one last chance, which had put a considerable downside to his mood. Celebrían had advised him neither one nor the other, but like his two uncles and friends, she had let him know that she was there for him.
Six months later, an invitation from Elwing to visit her at her home had arrived at their estate.
Ten years had passed since then. His children seemed to have forgotten Elwing in the meantime and hadn't asked for her anymore. In general, they had never asked why they had only one grandmother but three grandfathers. Elrond was very happy about this fact.
When, after a complete decade, the now yellowed and dusty letter fell into his hands again while cleaning out his documents, all of this came back to him, the anger and frustration, both about Elwing and himself, and generally about his complicated family history. So much would be so much easier if Elwing and Earendil would just quietly and secretly no longer exist in his life.
But they didn't, and even here - especially here - he could not deny his roots. Elwing and Earendil were not air, and he had to realize that he just couldn't see them as such.
Elellinde and Anarhin were still children, but grown and matured. They knew that they had had siblings in Middle-earth, nephews and nieces, and they knew what fate had befallen them. Perhaps it was now time to initiate them into older family history.
Celebrían endorsed this decision, even suggesting that Elwing's invitation might still be valid. Elrond took heart and told their children that they would go to visit relatives and amille would accompany them. He wanted to have his uncles by his side, but they told him that this was probably not a good idea; his birth parents had experienced too many negative things with them, which certainly made them much more inaccessible.
Only during the journey did Elrond reveal the destination to his children. Elellinde and Anarhin did not say much about it, but he was sure they understood him and his motives.
And then the white tower finally rose high into the sky before them. Seagulls circled around the building in large numbers. Vingilot was moored to an odd construction nearby, hovering in the air, the sails limp. It was a strange sight.
Elrond stood at the door and knew neither forward nor backward. Celebrían gave him a reproachful look.
"What is it?" he asked.
She sighed and rolled her eyes. "You are once again so terribly dithering, that is", she said. Without further ado she stepped past him and rang the bell that hung next to the door.
It was silent for a while, and Elrond, already quite relieved, already wanted to leave. Then, however, they heard hurried steps and rumbling. Shortly afterwards the door was opened, and a dark-haired elf appeared. Elwing.
" But we so seldom have visit...," she spoke openly, but interrupted herself in the middle of the word when she recognized the surprise visit. Suddenly, nervously, she straightened her dress and ran her hair.
"I didn't think you would accept the invitation after all," she said. Apparently, she had internalized that Elrond preferred to keep his distance even in language.* Her eyes fell on the twins and a smile fell on her face. "But I am glad. Come in, even though I am not at all prepared for such a surprise visit."
They followed her into the tower apartment. Everything was quiet, like a sleepy afternoon at home. Every object was in its place, not a speck of dust to be seen. Elrond wondered if there were any servants and how Elwing spent her day. But a feeling told him that there were no servants here and that Elwing herself was responsible for the excessive order.
"Actually, Ardamíre is still asleep at this time, but since he has to leave soon anyway, he won't be too angry about getting up a little earlier. Especially under these circumstances," Elwing was sure. But something in her tone of voice and facial expression made Elrond suspect that something was making her uncomfortable. He followed her without comment. His children looked around with big eyes and surely had many questions. But they held back and waited until their time had come. Celebrían held his hand and let him know with her look that she was there for him, no matter what they might face.
Elwing led them up a staircase a few floors until she stopped in front of a closed door. She knocked and waited until a disgruntled grumble came from inside. Only then did she open the door. Elrond wanted to turn back.
"Darling, Elerondo is here with his family," Elwing said into the room.
Elrond could see past her into the room. A large bed stood there, in which someone was stirring. Inertly, the figure rolled around and struggled to get out of the varnish. The blond man, who sat on the edge of the bed with a sleepy expression, must be Earendil.
"They are telling him to go away and so should Elerosse," he said soundlessly and with a completely motionless expression. Then he shook his head. "No, no. Let them stay and listen to what naughty brats they are. They say that, yes!"
Jerkily he stood up and turned to the window as if he wanted to give the guests the cold shoulder.
Elrond was not the only one whose face was in confusion. This muddled and rather unkempt figure should be his father?!
Elwing looked at them with an apologetic expression. "Perhaps I should have warned you," she said softly. "He is...ill, say the Valar, the price of his deeds, and no one can cure him. It is his destiny, says Lady Varda. He hears voices that tell him all kinds of things, but he always calls the voices 'they' and never says who they are. Sometimes he has trouble truly perceiving his surroundings or sees things that are not there."
Elrond didn't know how to handle that. This was definitely not the welcome he expected. Maybe he could have been warmed up to Elwing somehow; she seemed genuinely eager to make amends to him. But this ... Maybe he judged too harshly if this really was Earendil's illness talking, but he just couldn't help himself.
"Please give him a chance," Elwing begged him. "He deserves it. It hadn't been so bad before and his clear moments were more frequent. Today, he is mostly only master of himself on his ship. He can't help it, it's the work he does."
But the reluctance remained for now. A slight despair crept into Elwing's eyes and she quickly turned to her husband.
"Darling, why don't you come and greet our guests," she said, reaching out her hand. Earendil looked at her skeptically, but then he let himself be led to the visitors like a small child. For quite a while he looked silently into Elrond's face, while the latter noticed that he had an unpleasantly great external resemblance to his parents. Discomfort crept up on him.
"Blood traitor," Earendil said straight out of the blue.
"Atto ...", Elellinde hesitantly spoke for the first time.
"Elerondo, calm," Celebrían admonished.
Elrond noticed how the old anger came back into him. Sickness or not, that went too far! For many thousands of years no one had dared to call him such insults. He clenched his hands into fists and was about to retort when he was interrupted by Earendil.
"Blood traitor," he repeated without expression. "Betray your parents, your roots. You never cared for us, preferring to get involved with these kinslayers. And now you come crawling out of your nest of vipers, thinking we're gonna give you a sympathetic ear. No, you don't."
"Ardamíre, enough!" Elwing stepped in and tried to save what could be saved. "You know that's not true, so don't say things like that."
" They say it, so it's true. "
Especially the lack of emotion with which Earendil spoke shocked Elrond. This pathetic creature before him was no longer a man, but a slave to his own twisted thoughts. Without comment, Elrond turned on his heel and stormed down the stairs. It was better than doing something rash.
"Elerondo!", both Celebrían and Elwing shouted in unison and rushed after him.
He only stopped at the front door, the two women and the children caught up with him.
"This has gone too far," he hissed at Elwing. "I was hoping we could talk reasonably. But not this! He's completely mad!"
"Elerondo, please!" Elwing begged more and more desperately, and took his hands. He tore himself away from her. "Please," she said again softly. "He is not himself."
"Who else could he be?" he bawled out. "If he were able to say anything else, I would think again. But not like that!" The last one he shouted. Breathing heavily, he looked at Elwing and noticed the tears streaming down her eyes. "Children, we are leaving," he said, struggling to keep calm. He turned away, the soft crying of Elwing accompanying him.
"Don't go," she sobbed. "I have already lost a son. I cannot lose you as well."
Elrond quickened his pace and closed his heart to the despair of the woman. Fleetingly he wondered what it would be like if he or Celebrían were in Elwing's situation. Then he pushed the thought back. This would never have happened, they had always loved their children. As if Elwing could say the same thing about himself! He and Elros had never been allowed to experience a mother's love.
"Perhaps you do them an injustice," Celebrían said softly.
"Perhaps ...", Elrond said even more softly, gritting his teeth to hold back the tears that came to his eyes. This visit hurt more than he would admit to anyone.
For, in secret, the little child he had been so many years before had come forth again. And this child had hoped to have a family like everyone else. But he had been bitterly disappointed.
* So, here we have a little translation problem. In German we have three diffrent options to adress someone: the informal du (you), the formal Sie (you) and the antiquated and no longer used Ihr (you), which Elwing uses here. After a quick research I learned that English used thou for du an you for Sie, but I thought that to odd for a text in a otherwise rather modern English, so I decided to resolve the problem with this note.
I'm aware that Elrond isn't exactly playing nice here. Now a disease is an explanation, but not an excuse for bad behavior, but one could argue that more empathy is needed. However, I think that this is very difficult for Elrond at this moment. Schizophrenia is and will remain a terrible disease that you really don't want anyone to have.
Since FFnet does not allow to answer on anonymous reviews but I do not want to leave some things uncommented: Earendil does not suffer from Schizophrenia because he deserves it, but just because such illnesses exist. No one deserves a mental illness, not even the most horrible person in the world, and those illnesses are certainly no punishment. We don't know a cure for Schizophrenia yet and I deeply dislike the trope of magical healing of any sort in sff.
