2A/N - I had originally planned for a couple parts to this story, but it just wouldn't come out on paper. Instead, the story called for uncertainty and doubt. In my mind, that means gaps in the story. So rather than force the story I wanted to tell, I let the bits and pieces play themselves out. You can fill in the gaps if you want ... or you can assume (like I am) that grief makes us only really remember the beginning and the end of the story. The nuances in between are lost. So, without further ado, on with the story.
Los Angeles, CA - July 8, 2020 2:36 p.m. PDT
The tall blonde woman stood against the wall of the hospital while a toddler clung tightly to her leg. The little boy buried his face on the woman's thigh. Hospitals are scary places to little boys, especially with people talking loudly and machines wailing. He couldn't know that the blonde thought the hospital was scary, too. She could only look on as the woman she loved was hurriedly wheeled past her, an EMT straddling her performing CPR.
She would never remember what the emergency room nurse said to her as they were escorted to a waiting room. It was all a blur. The accident, the 911 call, the ride in the police car as they followed the ambulance here. She would remember none of it. All she would remember were her wife's last words as she left the house with their son.
"I love you, Brit-Brit." Those deep brown eyes crinkling at the edges as she smiled brightly … one last time.
Pasadena, CA - 4:05 p.m. PDT
Mercedes Jones was just finishing in the studio. Her first album had been a moderate success and she was back in the studio recording songs for her next one. Artie sat in the mixing booth, working with the producers. He knew Mercedes' voice and felt that there was more production value to be gained before calling it a wrap. Both took their craft seriously, which is why neither was getting much sleep these days. Mercedes had just finished running through the track for the twelfth time that day. In the booth, Artie was all smiles. This one was the winner. She just knew it!
Artie's grin turned to a scowl as someone entered the booth. From where she stood, she couldn't tell who it was. It wasn't unheard of for an artist or another producer to drop in on a studio session. The Los Angeles music scene may have been large and the record companies huge, but they were a tight-knit community. So, for Artie to be upset, it must have been a studio assistant or some other lackey. Artie didn't like interruptions, especially when he was working his magic.
All Mercedes could see was a feminine hand with a phone in it. The hand shook, the person it belonged to obviously quite insistent that Artie take the phone. She could tell he was exasperated, but a few seconds later, his demeanor changed. His face became a blank slate and pale. He reached out, took the phone, and put it to his ear. Mercedes couldn't tell what was being said, but from Artie's still countenance, it couldn't be good.
He handed the phone back, took a few seconds to compose himself, and wheeled back to the panel.
"That was Brittany. There's been an accident. They're at Cedars-Sinai."
Mercedes immediately forgot about the album and headed for the door. She and Artie were in the studio's Escalade five minutes later.
New Haven, Connecticut - 10:22 pm EDT
Quinn Fabray sat lazily in her apartment, binge-watching some ridiculous reality series. This is what she had been reduced to. The pandemic had already moved her classes online in March. She had finished them in May and had her Master of Fine Arts in Theater Studies, but hadn't yet made the move to New York. She had a job lined up as assistant stage manager at the Gershwin. Rachel had been playing Elphaba in this season's production of Wicked. She had pulled some strings to get Quinn an interview. It was unlikely that a newly minted MFA, even from such a prestigious university as Yale, would have been able to land such a gig.
Quinn still felt kinda bad about using her relationship with Rachel, but the brunette didn't mind. She knew that Quinn needed some closure. Of all the original Glee Club, Quinn's road might've been the rockiest. Pregnant at 15 and almost paralyzed at 18, she had made it into Yale and thought she wouldn't look back. But, Yale hadn't been the panacea she thought it would be. Always on the edge of disaster when faced with adversity, the bitchy high school cheerleader turned reformed and outgoing valedictorian had almost immediately returned to her old ways. If it hadn't been for Santana and Brittany, she probably would've dropped out, returned to Lima, and married Puckerman.
Thoughts of Noah Puckerman even now caused Quinn to tear up a little. The two had gotten back together in 2015. The romance had been hot and flashy, but they were both headed in opposite directions. Besides, it hadn't been fair to him. Quinn Fabray had realized senior year that she was attracted to Rachel Berry. She broke it off with Puck shortly after Rachel and Kitty had come out. She came out to him first. He had smirked, kissed her, and told her that he would always love her, but that he was glad she could finally admit it to herself. His death in a training accident at Ramstein Air Force Base two years later had been devastating.
Fortunately, Rachel, Santana, and Brittany had been there to support her through it. They had given her the strength to forgive Puck and, ultimately, to forgive herself. Without her three best friends, she doesn't know where she would be right now.
Her phone vibrated on the coffee table. She picked it up and smiled, seeing Sam's number. She hadn't spoken to him in a while.
"Hey, Sam. What's up?"
"I don't know how to say this, so I'll just tell you. Artie just called." There was a pause on the line. It sounded like Sam was choking up. He cleared his throat and continued. "I'm sorry, Quinn. Santana's dead."
The phone clattered to the phone as Quinn's world came apart. So much worse than ever before.
Greene County, New York - July 9, 2020 8:15 am EDT
Kitty Wilde watched her beautiful fiance finish up her morning yoga routine. The lithe brunette had spent every morning since their arrival in the Catskills in March doing a complicated routine to keep herself fit and limber. Kitty was a yoga enthusiast herself but preferred the stationary bike. So while Rachel exercised outside, Kitty biked 20 miles upstairs in the loft overlooking the great room of their newly-purchased vacation house.
The cabin was nicely appointed and fairly large (Kitty had insisted on some space to grow - when they became ready to start their family). It had four smallish bedrooms, two and a half baths, and a large kitchen, along with access to hiking and biking trails out their back door. The front yard was small, but the backyard was gigantic (almost two acres). It suited the two women well.
Kitty smiled at Rachel and then disappeared back inside. Biking 20 miles occasionally made her ankle ache (a reminder of how she and Rachel had finally become an item). She flexed it a couple of times as she headed for the shower. Her hand had just reached the door when a knock was heard at the front door.
"Alexa, show me the front door." She could see the Alexa screen sitting on their dresser from the hallway. The fisheye lens may have shown a distorted view of the world, but it was enough to see a rather portly cop on their front step. "What now," Kitty groaned as she turned around and walked to the front door. The cabin was located just outside of Windham in rural Greene County. No one was around, so the blonde was at a loss why the police would be at their front door.
"Good morning, ma'am. I'm Deputy Samuel Teernan with the Greene County Sheriff's Office," the man introduced himself. Deputy Teernan had a friendly bearing about himself. He was a large man, probably around 6 feet and 240 or so lbs.
"How can I help you?"
"Does a Rachel Berry live at this address?"
Kitty was always careful about how she talked about their relationship with strangers in small towns (especially ones that reminded her of Lima).
"Yes. She does. May I ask what you want, Deputy?"
Deputy Teernan relaxed further, letting out a sigh. "I thought I recognized you. You would be Kitty Wilde, her fiance. I saw you on Precinct 22 this season."
Kitty blushed and suddenly became shy. Rachel was the Broadway star with several stage plays and musicals under her belt already. Kitty was just 23 and had graduated from Pace just last year. Rachel's manager had managed to get her a couple of modeling gigs and guest appearances during college. A casting director from one of those appearances had come to one of Rachel's shows, remembered her and asked her to try out. Kitty played Rebecca Grace, a rookie officer at a precinct in the South Bronx. The show and her character had been a hit. The first season had been extended from 12 to 18 episodes, ultimately capping at 14 when the pandemic hit.
"That's me," she smiled at the deputy. "Keep watching; next season's going to be huge."
"I hope so," he replied before straightening up, remembering why he was there. "Anyway, do either of you know a Quinn Fabray?"
"Yes. She and my fiance went to school together. Why do you ask?"
"Well, Ms. Wilde. I've got her in the back of my cruiser. She was driving erratically down Route 23 when I pulled her over. There's something not quite right with her. She isn't drunk and doesn't seem to be on anything, but she didn't seem able to keep her car on the road."
"Is she all right?"
"I had the EMTs check her out before bringing her out here. She hasn't said much - just her name and that she was coming out to see Ms. Berry. Frankly, we wanted to run her into the city to get checked out, but she insisted that we bring her out here and that she would be fine once we got her here."
Kitty looked at the pale-faced girl in the back of the sheriff's car. The normally stylish and put-together blonde looked horrible. Her hair was flat, she wore no makeup and it looked like she was wearing pajamas.
What the hell is going on? Why would she drive up to visit and not tell us? And in pajamas no less?
"Well, we have space for her." Kitty gestured inside the house, where Rachel was just walking through the back door. The young brunette was clearly confused and a little concerned about what was going on. "I can help you get her stuff." Kitty moved to shut the door behind her, sensing that something was wrong.
Deputy Teernan followed her to his cruiser. "I left her car parked back on 23. I can bring it by after my shift. There was a duffle bag in the back of her car with some clothes. The bag wasn't even zipped up and everything was just thrown in there. I thought it would be better to leave it." The deputy opened the back door before fishing in his shirt pocket. "I did bring her cell phone. It's how I found you ladies." He handed the phone to Kitty as she passed by him to peer into the back seat.
"Hey, Quinn."
The blonde continued to look forward. It was almost as if she hadn't heard Kitty.
"Quinn," the shorter blonde said, touching the girl on the shoulder. Quinn startled and recoiled, but looked at her. "Hi, Q. Do you want to come inside?"
"I'm going to see Rachel," the still confused blonde replied.
Kitty stood back up and glanced over at the deputy. She leaned into the car and placed her right hand gently under Quinn's left elbow. "That's right. Let's go see, Rachel."
"Yes. I need Rachel," the taller blonde replied, slurring her words slightly as she allowed Kitty to help her out of the car.
Kitty led Quinn inside and sat her on the couch in the living room. She had already thanked Deputy Teernan who had promised to drop Quinn's car off this evening when he got off shift.
The tall blonde seemed almost catatonic; she wasn't really there. The deputy was right - you would swear that Quinn was drunk or high, especially if you didn't know her. The girl didn't respond to her name or to any questions. She only said anything when Rachel's name was mentioned.
Kitty was extremely protective of Rachel (and vice versa). She knew about Quinn's affections for the brunette and what they had done to Rachel. Quinn still had a powerful effect on the girl to this day. One that often made Kitty jealous (even though she knew that Rachel was no longer in love with Quinn). For those reasons, she was really glad that her fiance had decided to shower and leave Kitty to deal with the deputy.
Kitty looked down at her hand and realized that she still had Quinn's phone. Looking at the latest Samsung Galaxy, she realized that the map navigation was still on. That meant the phone was unlocked. She knew it was prying, but she was determined to find out what had caused Quinn to drive 125 miles in a near-catatonic state.
She opened Quinn's contacts and dialed the most recent number.
9:30 am EDT
Kitty was sitting on their bed when Rachel returned from her shower. The girl had a far-off look and seemed unaware of her presence. The brunette hung her towel up and snuck up on the blonde, naked. Kitty felt a pair of slim tan arms slip around her body. Rachel's thumbs grazed Kitty's breasts, normally a huge turn-on leading to a pleasurable day spent in bed. Today, however, the blonde just leaned back into her fiance and smiled sadly at her.
"Hey, Rach."
Rachel knew that there had been a visit from the county sheriff. She had been curious, but Kitty seemed to have it under control and, frankly, she was kinda sweaty. Apparently, the older woman had been wrong to choose a shower over her curiosity. Something clearly had the young woman concerned.
"What's up, Kit-Kat? Why the long face? The locals giving you a hard time about something?"
The women had done their best to stay low profile, although Rachel's vegan lifestyle occasionally made that difficult, especially out here in the sticks. She wondered if their secret hideaway had been found. Maybe someone was making waves. The sheriff's office might've been letting them know about paparazzi (increasingly difficult to avoid with Rachel's success and Kitty's next-big-thing stardom).
"No. It's nothing like that. Although Deputy Teernan is a fan of mine, he was dropping off a package for us," the blonde replied, standing up and walking to the window. She needed space right now - so she could be strong for both women. "Why don't you get dressed and then we'll talk?"
Rachel was growing more confused by Kitty's stand-offish behavior. Whatever was going on had her rattled. She knew that personal space was how Kitty preserved her feelings and emotions - so like another blonde they both knew. Rachel had found out the hard way to take the hint when offered, so she puttered around the couple's bedroom for the next ten minutes or so getting ready for her day.
"Okay. I'm dressed. So, what is it," Rachel finally asked. She may have sounded a little exasperated.
"It's not an it. It's a who … and a why." She paused, playing for time "Deputy Teernan dropped off Quinn. Apparently, she was driving here when she was pulled over for driving erratically."
"What?!"
"I don't know all the details, but I was able to piece a few things together while you were in the shower. Something terrible's happened, Rach. It has Quinn downstairs in a near-catatonic state," Kitty's bottom lip quivered, but she sucked in a breath and continued. "And I think that when I tell you, it's going to do the same to you." Tears were streaming down the blonde's cheeks now. "Rach, Santana and Holden were in an accident yesterday."
"Oh my God, are they okay?" Kitty's tears were enough to tell her that they weren't. But, it's funny how your brain works in these situations. You can see it coming, but your brain desperately wants to avoid the pain and simply won't acknowledge it … which makes it all the worse the truth arrives.
Kitty sniffled a couple of times before shaking her head no as she told Rachel. "Holden's okay. He's a tough little boy. From what Sam said, he was riding his bike with Santana when a car jumped the c-c-curb." Kitty was struggling to hold it together as Rachel gathered the girl in her arms. Tears were streaming down Rachel's face now as well. "Sa-San-tana p-p-pus-hed him out of the w-ay. Oh God … Rach." Kitty grasped onto Rachel and held on for dear life. Rachel barely heard the blonde whisper, "She gone, Ra-ach."
Lima, Ohio - July 24, 2020 6:34 pm
It seemed wrong that something so ornate and pretty should simply be placed in the ground for all eternity. But, that is what would happen shortly. The casket containing Santana Lopez would soon be lowered into the ground … and with whatever dreams the four women standing over it shared with the raven-haired former cheerleader.
None of them could leave until the coffin was finally lowered. It just didn't seem right somehow. They had been through so much; it was almost as if, by watching and waiting, they could turn back time and stop the inevitable from happening.
But, we don't all get our happy ending. Quinn was only too aware of that as she draped her right arm around Brittany. There were several points in her young life that things could have ended badly. Sometimes, your happy ending changes … and sometimes they just end.
Finn Hudson, Noah Puckerman, and now Santana Lopez. Three friends and all of her dreams with them snuffed out. Her first love, her daughter's father, and the woman who helped her discover herself. Three special people who would always have a place in her heart.
Brittany broke the silence, "Sing something, Rach."
The brunette sniffled a little as she raised her head from Kitty's shoulder. "What?"
"Sing something. Santana's going on a long trip. We should tell her goodbye somehow."
Rachel sniffled again, though she was smiling. That was so Brittany. "Okay, Britt." Rachel thought for a minute, but Quinn surprised all of them by starting.
"When I am down, and, oh, my soul, so weary
When troubles come, and my heart burdened be
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence
Until you come and sit awhile with me."
Rachel took the next part, joined by Kitty, still supporting her fiance.
"You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be"
Quinn joined the two women with Brittany still wrapped in her arms, tears streaming down her face.
"You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be"
The three women were stronger this time, Rachel's soprano cutting through the quiet din of the cemetery.
"You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be"
Rachel finally broke down crying and Kitty led her off to their car. Quinn and Brittany took the final chorus - Santana's best friend and her wife sending her on her way.
"You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be"
Quinn fell silent, leaving only Brittany's voice carrying on the breeze.
"You raise me up to more than I can be."
The two blondes said their goodbyes separately, each making a promise to Santana.
The cemetery fell silent, save for the occasional bird chirping or rustle of leaves in the trees.
As Quinn reached Rachel's car, she could swear she heard Santana's voice.
Sometimes all we have are dreams. Chase them for they are stuff of living.
