9Hailey huffed as she walked up the stairs to the bullpen, pausing at the top to catch her breath and rub her back.
She was 37 weeks pregnant, but felt like she was ready to pop at any second. She hated that she didn't feel like herself and she just wanted pregnancy to end. Yes, she was creating life, but gosh it was awful…especially since it was the middle of June and the heat was getting unbearable.
Kevin looked up from his desk and smiled, "Hey, look who's here."
"Hey," Hailey breathed and walked over to him.
Adam stood, "You want to sit."
"I can make it to my desk," Hailey said and walked past him, "Where's Jay?"
"Interrogation," Kevin turned and held her chair steady as she slowly sat.
Hailey nodded and rubbed her hands over her stomach.
"Everything good?" Adam asked.
"Needed to get out of the house," Hailey breathed.
Kevin chuckled, "Didn't your maternity leave start Friday?"
"Yeah," Hailey scooted her chair over to grab Vanessa's abandoned one and put her feet on it.
"It's Tuesday, that sure didn't last long," Adam laughed.
Hailey rolled her eyes and groaned softly, "Everything hurts."
"I'll get you a water," Adam said and walked past her to the breakroom.
Kim and Jay walked in the bullpen excitedly talking about the confession they just got.
"We are good to-Hailey," Jay stopped in his path, "You okay?" He hurried over to her and knelt next to her chair, "What's going on?"
"If I have to sit alone at home for the next three weeks, I'm going to die," Hailey hissed.
Adam came back with a bottle of water, "Here, Hails."
Jay opened it for her, "I don't like that you're here, though."
Hailey roughly grabbed the bottle from him, "You're the reason I'm here in the first place," she quickly drank the water, keeping her sharp eyes aimed at her husband.
"Crap," Kevin whispered and turned away.
Kim and Adam followed his lead, both sitting at their desks and becoming incredibly interested in their computer screens.
Jay pursed his lips and stood. He'd heard that comment multiple times over the past eight months. It started when she was throwing up in the locker room trying to still work while having morning sickness. It continued when Platt forced her on desk duty. He heard it when she couldn't shave her legs and cried that she was ugly. He even heard it when they went out to eat once because the smell of the pizza sauce gave her a headache.
"I'll take the day off," he said, "We'll go watch movies at home."
Hailey shook her head and wiped the water from her mouth, "So that I can ruin your career? I don't need that pressure on me."
"Let's go," Jay set a hand on her shoulder, "Need help getting up?"
"I'm not handicapped," Hailey snapped before slowly standing.
Jay held his breath and tried not to lose his temper.
Vanessa walked up the stairs, "Hey! I thought I saw your car in the parking lot," she quickly moved to hug Hailey, "How are you?"
Everyone stopped, not knowing how Hailey would react in her current mood.
But she surprised them all by hugging Vanessa back tightly, "I'm good. Pretty uncomfortable, honestly, but otherwise I'm fine."
Jay shook his head and grabbed his keys off his desk, "Let's go, Hailey."
"Can't you see I'm talking to someone?" Hailey asked, turning to face him.
Jay's fist clenched around his keys and he breathed deeply.
Vanessa's eyes widened, "Oh, Hailey, you can go, it's okay. I can stop by later tonight, sound good?"
Hailey softened as she looked back at her, "Yeah, that's fine. Text me before?"
"Of course," Vanessa gave her another quick hug before walking past her to her desk.
"Now I'm ready," Hailey mumbled and started walking toward the stairs.
Jay followed her, staying two steps behind her and trying to avoid making any noise possible as to not upset or annoy Hailey.
When they finally got to the parking lot, Jay walked with her to her car.
"What're you doing?" Hailey asked as she unlocked it.
"I'll drive home with you," Jay said and opened the passenger door for himself, "Someone can pick me up in the morning on the way into the district."
Hailey sighed and sat in the driver's seat, "Whatever."
Jay shook his head and stared forward as Hailey drove to their house.
Once in the driveway, Hailey paused before turning the keys and looked at Jay.
Jay glanced at her, "You good?"
Hailey swallowed, "I…why are you married to me?"
Jay's eyebrows shot up, "Excuse me?"
"Why would you marry a monster like me?" Hailey whispered.
"You are not a monster," Jay shook his head and unbuckled his seatbelt to try and get closer to her.
Hailey started crying and covered her face, "I've been treating you terribly."
"You're pregnant," Jay ran his hand over her ponytail, "You can be pissed off because you're uncomfortable. Take it out on me if you need to; I was the one who caused this."
"Like I didn't want this," Hailey sniffled, "We decided that we were ready together. This was not just you. I'm the one who threw out my birth control anyways."
Jay smiled slightly, "Yeah, but you're doing all the work. I'm just here living my life and will benefit from your nine months of work in the end."
Hailey snorted and looked up at him, "You are doing work, Jay."
He shook his head and stepped out of the car to walk around to her side and help her out. He let her lean on him as they walked inside to the living room.
"See?" Hailey carefully sat on the couch, "Right now, you're helping me out."
"Yes, but you're doing the hard work," Jay sat next to her and placed her feet in his lap, "Need anything before I start?"
Hailey watched his hands slowly rub the bottoms of her feet and started crying again, "I just don't understand how you're so nice to me when I have been so awful."
Jay tilted her chin up, "Because I love you, Hailey, I love you more than anything. You're doing something I can't do. I wish I could take all of this pain from you, but I can't, so I'm trying to do the best I can."
"You're doing a really good job," Hailey whispered.
Jay smiled, "Thank you."
Hailey struggled to sit up further and grunted, "Can you – can you help me sit up?"
"What do you need?" Jay took her hands and helped steady her.
"To hug you," Hailey finally got up enough to wrap her arms around Jay's shoulders and press her face into his neck, "I love you too. Thank you for everything you've done for me both before I was pregnant and these last eight months."
Jay rubbed her back, "I'd do anything for you."
Hailey relaxed against him before whispering, "Will you finish rubbing my feet?"
Jay laughed and pulled back, "Yes, I'll gladly do that."
"Well, don't lie, I know my feet look ugly," Hailey said while wiping her eyes.
Jay chuckled and shook his head, knowing that the best response was to say nothing at all as he shifted her feet back into his lap.
Hailey leaned against the Target cart as she walked up and down the aisles picking up more diapers and odds and ends she thought they'd need in the coming weeks.
She stopped at the clothes racks and hesitated. She was adamant that they didn't find out the sex of the baby until he or she was born, and Jay went along with it, saying he didn't care either way and could wait, so because of that, most of the clothes they had bought or were given were gender neutral and mostly white and green.
But now Hailey stood in front of a tiny dinosaur onesie pajama set and didn't know what to do. She knew that dinosaurs shouldn't be a boy or girl specific thing, but this particular outfit was mixed in with boy clothes.
Hailey looked through the colors and smiled at the yellow one with blue spots. If they had a girl, would it be the worst thing for her to wear? Absolutely not. She set it in her cart and stepped further into the clothing section.
She completely lost track of time, so when her phone rang an hour later and she had a pile of colorful clothes in her cart, she was shocked to see Jay's name and face light up her screen.
"Hey," she answered.
"Hey, where are you?" Jay asked, "I just got home and you are nowhere to be found."
Hailey bit her lip and looked at her cart, "Target."
Jay chuckled, "And what are you doing there?"
"Buying clothes," Hailey mumbled.
She could practically hear Jay smile on the other side of the phone, "Ah, well, okay, I'll see you soon."
"You don't mind?" Hailey asked before he could hang up.
"Why in the world would I mind you buying clothes for our baby?" Jay replied.
"I don't know," Hailey said quietly, "I mean, some of them are kind of a stretch to be considered gender neutral."
"And if anyone messes with our kid because they don't perfectly fit the mold of wearing tutus or being covered in mud, I'll kick their ass," Jay stated, "Buy what you want, Hailey."
Hailey smiled a little, "Okay, be home soon. I think I'm done anyways."
"Awesome, I'll start dinner," Jay said.
"Wait, can we have Chinese?" Hailey blurted.
Jay chuckled, "Yeah. Yeah, I can order Chinese."
"Nothing spicy," Hailey said and grabbed a small black baseball hat off a shelf.
"I know," Jay nodded, "See you soon."
Hailey stepped out of the shower and stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. She turned to the side and traced the soft stretchmark that carved its way onto her stomach. She swallowed and blinked back tears. She was never one to be really vain about her appearance, but something about this light purple line on her white skin really bothered her.
The bathroom door opened and Jay hurried in, "Sorry, I really have to go to the bathroom." He walked past her to the toilet and turned his back to her, "I'll be really quick."
"Will we ever have sex again?" Hailey whispered.
"Hmm?" Jay looked over his shoulder.
"Are you ever going to sleep with me again?" Hailey asked a little louder.
"Obviously," Jay answered and flushed the toilet. He washed his hands in the sink and grabbed his toothbrush.
"Look at my body though," Hailey whined.
Jay made eye contact with her through the mirror, "Trust me, I do."
Hailey sighed, "I have a stretchmark. There's nothing attractive about that."
Jay raised his eyebrows and turned to face her, "Don't do that."
Hailey stomped her foot, "Jay."
"No," he simply said and grabbed a towel, "I will not allow you to talk about yourself like this." He started drying her off, "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on and I will not allow you to throw a temper tantrum over a single stretchmark on your stomach."
Hailey huffed, "But I hate it."
"I don't," Jay shrugged and bent down to dry her legs, "It's like a little message from Baby."
Hailey wiped her eyes, "It's a nasty scar."
Jay glanced up at her, "A nasty scar?"
Hailey nodded, "I hate it."
Jay straightened up and quickly pulled his t-shirt off, "Do I look perfect to you?"
Hailey swallowed, "Yes."
Jay raised his eyebrows and took her hand in his, "Look at this," he set her hand on a faded circle next to his stomach, "One," he moved her hand to the darker circle near his shoulder, "Two. Two 'nasty scars' that remind me every single day that I almost died and left you alone. They're a part of me, though, and I can't waste energy hating them when I have so many things to be grateful of because of them."
Hailey blinked against the tears in her eyes, "What are you talking about?" her thumb absentmindedly traced the small circle on Jay's chest, feeling the slightly raised spots that she'd memorized years before.
"These two moments in my life led me to you," Jay said softly, "I don't know if we'd have the same relationship and life that we have now if I hadn't been shot these two times."
Hailey nodded, "I agree," she wiped her face with her free hand.
Jay stepped back and looked over her, "So yeah, maybe you'll have a stretchmark or two. Maybe your body will look different or at least take a while to get back to what you're used to, but you're growing a baby, Hailey, that's amazing."
Hailey weakly laughed, "I guess."
Jay shook his head and gently tugged her against him, "I'm telling the truth when I say I've never been more attracted to you than I am and have been these last eight months."
Hailey closed her eyes against more tears and sniffled, "You're the best partner I could have ever asked for."
Jay smiled and stroked her hair, "I wouldn't want to be a parent with anyone else."
Jay stumbled out of the Emergency Department and found a bench outside to sit on. He put his head in his hands before throwing up between his legs. He coughed and spit as he tried to catch his breath. He wasn't sure how long he was sitting there before a familiar hand was set on his neck.
"Let's go get you cleaned up," Hailey whispered.
Jay numbly nodded and let Hailey lead him inside. She seemed to have already talked to some of the hospital staff because she walked him straight into the staff breakroom.
"Sit," Hailey said softly and pushed him toward the couch.
He did as she said and watched her look through the fridge. She stepped back with a bottle of water and waddled back to him.
"Thanks," Jay breathed and shakily took the water from her to bring it up to his mouth.
"Of course," Hailey walked back to the sink and wet a wad of papertowel. She returned and groaned quietly while lowering herself next to Jay. She softly wiped his face and whispered, "Voight called. He said you seemed to be having a hard time with a case. I believed him right away; you didn't sleep much last night."
"Sorry," Jay coughed.
Hailey shook her head, "Don't, it's okay," she straightened the papertowel and rested it on the back of his neck, "Can you talk about it though?"
Jay closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "This army vet was knocking some kids around trying to get them to sell for him. He-he became power hungry. Before I went outside, I heard him screaming at Vanessa about things he saw overseas."
Hailey nodded and ran her fingers through his hair, "Sounds like a tough one."
"What if I ever lose control of my anger like that?" Jay whispered, "I don't think I can be a parent."
Hailey shook her head, "You're going to be a great parent."
Jay opened his eyes and looked at her, "I've seen some horrible things. Just because I've gotten better at managing my triggers and controlling my anger doesn't mean there's not some event or moment that will send me into a spiral. What if I take it out on the baby?"
Hailey took his hand and set it on her stomach, "You are not the type of person to ever lay a hand on a woman or child. I know that you will never hurt me or Baby. You are a good man, Jay…you are a much better man than my own father. I know in my heart that you will never hurt our family like he hurt mine."
Jay swallowed and rubbed his thumb over her stomach, "But my past-"
"Does not define you," Hailey whispered, "It is your past and you have done so well at using it to drive you forward, not hold you back."
Jay nodded slightly and breathed deeply.
Hailey set her other hand on the side of his neck, "Believe in yourself like I believe in you."
Jay felt a soft kick against his hand and he smiled down at it. He slowly calmed down, matching his breaths to Hailey's, and finally looked back up at her, "Thank you."
"You're welcome," Hailey whispered with a small smile.
Jay lightly kissed her cheek, "Mind taking me home?"
"As long as you help me stand," Hailey smirked.
"I'm confident I can help you do that," Jay chuckled and stood.
A/N: Let me know what you think! I just wanted something cute and fluffy and so many of you requested Upstead with a baby…I know the baby's not born, but I hope you still like it enough! If you have other one-shot ideas, let me know!
