Alibi in a Can

A Rising of the Shield Hero adfic. Yeah, one of those after all this time.

You can contact me at tsommer

Purely humor oriented and short. It's a bit odd with its format so that's going to be a bit jarring. It's like script format without actually being in script.

All my stuff is stored at and a03 now.

Yes, Naofumi's dialogue is intentionally silly. It's an advertisement for goodness sakes.

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Everyone in the throne room looked on as Malty accused the Shield Hero of what she called unspeakable acts, which she was able to articulate quite well. Sexual assault of a most base nature. Looks of rage adorned the faces of all save Naofumi, who just appeared confused.

With her speech spoken, Malty allowed herself to be comforted in the arms Motoyasu, another total stranger from a different world she had just met the day before. Because, as observers noted, her track record with them had proven so great why wouldn't she do the exact same thing again?

The king, livid with rage, snarled, "To think the cardinal Shield Hero would commit the greatest sin in this country."

Naofumi held his hands up and said, "Whoa, Bruh. Totally did not do what that lying ho' of a daughter of yours says I did, and I can prove it."

The king turned purple and barely got out, "How?"

"With this!" Naofumi held up a can with the words, 'Axe Body Spray' on the side. "Observe." And he promptly gave himself a healthy dousing.

As every woman in the room got a whiff of the scent, they rushed over to the Shield Hero and surrounded him in adoration. Even Malty threw herself at him with lust in her eyes.

A man in a nicely tailored suit, more appropriate for the world Naomfumi came from than this feudal one, appeared as if he had been just off screen. Microphone in hand, he used an announcer's voice as he declared, "That's right. When false accusations of rape threaten to ruin your life, Axe Body Spray is your alibi. Its irresistible lure proves all it takes is one little dose of this, and every woman will fight over the right to be in your harem."

Malty savagely forced herself through the mass of other women and grabbed on to Naofumi's leg, pulling it urgently.

The isekai hero snapped, "Back off, Psycho Bitch, or you're going to be talking to Naofumi's Pimp Slapping Hand, and that conversation's always one-sided!"

The announcer continued. "That's right folks. If you use Axe Body Spray, you'll need the abilities of the Shield Hero just to fend all the packs of women off. It also comes in Evil Overlord scent if you want to attract females of a more supernatural bent. Here's a real customer testimonial."

The announcer swept his hand to the right. Ainz Ooal Gown stood with Albedo and Shalltear practically grafted to him, their hands roaming over his voluminous black robes. "It's like casting a Chick Magnet spell, but with no magic involved. Women will find you irresistible even if you're nothing but bones."

"And there you have it!" the announcer declared. "Run to the nearest store in your isekai world and buy some before some lying ho' metoos you into a distrustful, cynical, spiteful shell of your former self."

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[END ADFIC]

And now Axe should be offering me a sponsorship any minute now. With ringing endorcements like that how can sales not go through the roof.