It's in the quiet moments when he feels her presence the most, as if she stood right beside him. It's then that he hears her voice, steady encouragement spoken so honestly that it almost hurts while building him up into what he strives to be. But, it's only in the stillness when he isn't focused on steady, work, or somehow striving to be the Prince that his citizens and especially Shirayuki would be proud of, when he feels that he loves her.

It's only when he's paused between work, when he debates whether he really only sees her as a friend; it is then that he pauses and remembers far more than her red hair that first drew him to her and far more than her encouragement that pushes him to be a better man. In those moments, he sees bright green eyes that remind him of the herbs and plants that she loves so much. It is then when he sees her smile, tender and built strong, that makes him pause and think of the woman that became so much more to him than her pretty apple red hair did.

It's then when Prince Raji feels he shouldn't quit working, because it's then and only then when he trembles to think of confessing feelings for her that he knows Prince Zen won't approve of. It's only then that makes regret and guilt pool in his belly, as he thinks of maybe a warm hand in his or the dance they shared or perhaps what would happen if he stole a kiss or two, away from the shelter of prying eyes.

He knows better, and Prince Raji doesn't doubt that she'd slap him again if he even so much as tries to kiss her, and that it would be harder than the first time. Despite being the First Prince of Tanburan, he knows he has no right to kiss her, to feel her in his arms, when it isn't just two friends dancing together. It's this that makes him feel truly alone and hopeless; the realization, if he thinks too hard and too much, that he won't be allowed to really be with her as something other than a prince she befriended.

Prince Raji knew that his chances with her left before he even knew that she'd be so much more important than just something to fill his ego with. He knows now that asking her to be his concubine and only allowing her to say yes, made her someone he could never be with. He knew that that decision of his meant that she met Prince Zen, and Prince Raji would be a fool to think that Prince Zen and Shirayuki were anything but the best for each other.

He now knew that really Shirayuki was much more unique and much more precious than her apple red hair was. Shirayuki is fully someone in his eyes now, a friend that he cherishes, but also someone that he regrets falling for. So, he'll try to forget his feelings for her despite his siblings meddling, and maybe one day, he'll finally convince himself that she is only his best friend.

It's one of those moments that put him into a stupor he must shake himself out of, as he goes through the library to find his next read, something to make a mark in his memory as something important. Prince Raji will one day be King Raji, and for Shirayuki, at least, he needed to be ready for that day, whether the thought of her becoming Prince Zen's bride settled way in his heart or not.