Author's Note:

Created for Day 5 of Spideychelle Week 2020!

Today's prompt: Roommates

Everybody here is an exact replacement for a P&R character. Guesses on who's who are appreciated! I'll start you off by saying that MJ is April and Peter is Andy. Also, this website screwed around with my formatting a little, but what can you do!


FADE IN:

ESTABLISHING SHOT: EXT. AVENGERS TOWER – DAY

CUT TO:

1. INT. AVENGERS TOWER – DAY

MICHELLE JONES stands next to the doorway of PETER PARKER's bedroom. He is visible as a sleeping lump on the bed beneath a blanket. She holds a can of Silly String and stares at it in contemplation.

MICHELLE (to camera)
Maybe I shouldn't. It would be pretty evil.

MOMENTS LATER

Michelle is liberally spraying Peter's bedroom with Silly String. She balances on his desk chair, his nightstand, and, with an anxious expression, on his bed, feet on either side of Peter's sleeping form in order to apply the Silly String higher up. Once finished, she smoothly navigates the crisscrossing strings and exits the room.

MICHELLE (to camera)
I love Peter so much. This is going to be hilarious.

Michelle lifts a cellphone to her ear and waits a moment. There is movement from the bed and Peter's arm flings out to grab his phone.

MICHELLE (to phone)
Oh my god, Peter, come quick! Tony just got an
alert that some kind of rival Spider-Man may
have breached the building!

She hangs up and turns to watch as Peter springs up from bed, immediately becoming tangled in Silly String. Instinctively, his arms flail while, with a bewildered look on his face, he glances quickly around the room. His bewilderment becomes horror.

PETER
MJ! He got in my room! The other Spider-Man
got in my room! He―

Peter's screams are interrupted as he falls violently out of bed; the bedding was twisted around his legs. Face-down on the floor, he reaches blindly upward, attempting to pull himself up with the strings he falsely believes to be strong webbing. They droop and tear and he hits the ground again. Michelle continues to peer around the edge of his doorway as he examines the broken strings in his hand.

PETER (CONT'D)
What the…? This isn't…

Peter's head snaps up and he spots Michelle watching him. He leaps up and she bolts away, running down the hall. With a jolt, the camera follows Michelle and Peter's back briefly blocks the shot as he chases her. At the end of the hallway, CLINT BARTON holds open the door of the elevator, frantically waving Michelle inside. The instant she clears the door, he lets it close before Peter can reach them.

PETER (to camera)
Well, at least we don't have a breach.

The camera pans down to show Peter's pajama bottoms, patterned with a cartoon version of his own Spider-Man mask. The crotch of his pajamas is blurred; he tore them in the pursuit.

PETER (CONT'D)
Oh, for fu―

[OPENING CREDITS]

FADE IN:

2. INT. AVENGERS TOWER – DAY

The kitchen, later the same morning. Michelle and Peter stand on either side of the island, Michelle tearing pieces off a pancake and throwing them for Peter to catch in his mouth. One hits him in the eye. He is now wearing jeans. TONY STARK enters the kitchen.

TONY
Good morning! And…

Tony spins in a circle with his arms out.

TONY (CONT'D)
…you're welcome.

Michelle and Peter exchange glances; hers shows confusion and disgust while his is full of awe for Tony, his mentor.

MICHELLE (to Peter)
(whispered)
What the hell?

PETER (to Michelle)
(whispered)
Oh yeah, sometimes I forget you haven't been
here that long. He does that a lot.

PETER
Cool entrance, Mr. Stark.

TONY
Maybe I'll teach it to you someday. For now, I
am a busy, busy man.

Michelle rolls her eyes.

TONY
Michelle! How 'bout some coffee?

MICHELLE
Get it yourself.

TONY
May I remind you that I let you live here for free?
This is Avengers Tower! It's exclusive! I could
charge someone, like, a billion dollars to rent
the apartment I gave you. I could be Jeff Bezos's
landlord! He'd be like, Tony, why are you
charging me so much rent? And I'd be like,
Uh, am I? That's so sad. Alexa, play
"Mo Money Mo Problems."

MICHELLE
Whatever.

Michelle goes to sit at the breakfast table, grabbing Peter's hand on the way to bring him with her, while Tony reluctantly gets his own coffee. Michelle and Peter settle at the table, her legs draped across his lap, and fill plates with food arranged along it. Michelle pretends a breakfast sausage is Tony saying, "Mo Money Mo Problems," and stabs it vigorously with a fork while Peter watches her face, smiling. Suddenly, Clint drops from the ceiling, landing in a superhero crouch.

TONY
Hey! Clint Eastwood!

CLINT
I smell bacon. Move, Stark.

Tony jumps aside as Clint hurries to the stove.

TONY
Hey, man, watch the t-shirt. This is a vintage
Sabbath tee from their performance at―

Clint raises a hand and clenches it into a fist, signalling a desire for silence. Seeing the empty, grease-filled pan, he turns, nose twitching.

CLINT (to himself)
You elusive minx.

As Clint continues to sniff his way around the kitchen, JAMES RHODES (RHODEY) enters. He frowns.

RHODEY
What's wrong with him?

Rhodey points to Clint, now standing on the counter to observe the kitchen from a higher vantage point.

TONY
Who knows? Anyway, did you get the invite I
forwarded to you?

RHODEY
For the event at the Stark Hole Lounge next
month? Hell yes. VIP treatment, baby.

Michelle narrows her eyes.

MICHELLE
Don't you guys own that place?

TONY
What's your point?

Rhodey stares at Clint as he begins rifling through cupboards.

RHODEY
Ok, but seriously, can somebody tell me what's
going on with Barton?

STEVE ROGERS enters the kitchen and looks up at Clint in alarm.

STEVE
Oh, not again.

CUT TO:

INT. KITCHEN – STEVE TALKING HEAD

Steve faces the camera. In the background, Clint continues to climb all over the kitchen.

STEVE (to camera)
Since I came back from the war, and the ice,
I've noticed that every year around this time,
the city of New York goes through what I like to
call "Avengers Season." The name was my idea.
What is Avengers Season? Well, it's when the
weather starts getting warmer and people start
acting more―

CLINT (from the background)
TURDISH.

Steve laughs awkwardly, still facing the camera.

STEVE (to camera)
Well, he's not wrong. More people are out and
about and tempers rise with temperatures.
There's more road rage and therefore more
car accidents. There are more French fry
vendors and therefore more seagulls shitting
on people's heads.

MICHELLE (from the background)
LANGUAGE!

STEVE (to camera)
Anyway, there's a lot more crime and who do
people turn to? Us. Clint, over there…

Steve turns to watch Clint throw things out of the fridge in his search for bacon.

STEVE (CONT'D)
…he's as capable as any of us. More capable
even. As an archer, he has a very sharp eye for
spotting the instant a friendly conversation
between two kids at a community pool shifts
towards the potential for a ruthless attempted
drowning, but he also has a few… unusual rituals.
One of them is consuming as much meat as
possible at every meal.
(pause)
I think we let him live out at that isolated farm
for too long.

CUT TO:

The Avengers and Michelle are assembled around the breakfast table. Clint has a heaping plate of bacon in front of him.

CLINT (to Michelle)
I can't believe you hid it under my chair and let
me turn this kitchen upside down.

MICHELLE
Yeah, but it's all the bacon there was, plus, you
can't honestly say you didn't enjoy, like, the thrill
of the hunt or whatever, so I was really doing
you a favour.

Clint smiles at her, bacon grasped in both hands.

CLINT
That's my girl.

Clint eats with ferocity.

TONY
Cool with everybody if we consider this a
brunch? It's getting kind of la―

STEVE
Ok! We've got a lot to do today and we need to
get started.

Steve looks around the table, expression changing from eager to worried.

STEVE (CONT'D)
Has anybody seen Bucky this morning? I need
Bucky to be here for this.
(shouted)
BUCKY?

RHODEY
Jeeze, try a hearing aid, grandpa.

Tony and Rhodey high five under the table. Peter grins.

PETER (to camera)
I saw that.

RHODEY (to Peter)
Keep it zipped, Spidey. I don't want Steve on my
ass about the old man jokes until he's had his
scrambled eggs and arthritis pills.

Rhodey and Peter high five across the table.

RHODEY (to Peter)
Seriously. We should wait until Steve's at least
three coffees deep.

The camera pans to Steve who concentrates on spraying continuous circles of whipped cream into his coffee cup.

STEVE (to himself)
Best thing that was invented while I was frozen.
(to the room)
BUCKY?

BUCKY
Right here, punk.

BUCKY BARNES has been seated next to Steve the entire time.

STEVE
Ok, good. Now… wait. Where are Drax
and Mantis?

TONY
Haven't seen 'em, don't care, only pay attention
to them long enough to give them new nicknames.

RHODEY
What are the new ones?

TONY
Atom Ant and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

RHODEY
Nice.

MICHELLE
Which Ninja Turtle though?

PETER
Babe, silly question. The hot one, obviously.

MICHELLE
Eww, which one's the hot one?

Peter, Rhodey, and Tony reply at the same time.

PETER
Michelangelo.

RHODEY
Leonardo.

TONY
Raphael.

They stare at each other in disappointment.

BUCKY
It's Donatello. Can we let Steve talk now?

STEVE
Thanks, Buck. As you're all aware, we're entering
Avengers Season.

MICHELLE
(mumbled)
Dumb term.

STEVE
What was that, Michelle?

MICHELLE
I said I can't wait to learn. Please, continue.

Grinning, Peter looks at the camera.

PETER (to camera)
That's not what she said.

STEVE
Guys, please focus. It's been brought to my
attention that members of our team have been
issuing fraudulent alerts, leading to kneejerk
responses that are rash and, frankly,
unprofessional.

MICHELLE
Peter! You snitched on me?

STEVE
Please, no names. I'm not trying to call anyone
out. Bucky, back me up.

Bucky edges forward on his chair, noticeably agitated and surprised to be put on the spot.

CUT TO:

INT. KITCHEN – BUCKY TALKING HEAD

Bucky faces the camera while the rest eat breakfast in the background.

BUCKY (to camera)
So... it's still not totally clear to me if I'm an
Avenger. Mostly, I think I'm just the guy who's
always around to be Steve's sounding board.
What does that entail? Well, a lot of nodding.
Sometimes I go get him something to eat so he
doesn't fuel his metabolism entirely on coffee.
He likes diner food. With a job like Steve's,
there's a lot of stress and, believe it or not,
nothing comforts Captain America like a waffle
struggling to maintain structural integrity under
a [censored] mountain of whipped creaming.

Bucky grins.

CUT TO:

Steve stuffs a huge piece of waffle into his mouth as he stares expectantly at Bucky, who clears his throat.

BUCKY
Right. Uh, what Steve was thinking was that we
need to be more organized when we respond to
threats, and eliminating panic over internal
threats will help us more quickly distinguish real
threats from pranks. Also, I don't think anybody's
trying to snitch on―

MICHELLE
Nobody asked you.

BUCKY
Steve literally just asked me to back him up.

MICHELLE
You think you understand Peter so well just
because you have some dumb thing about a
train in common.

CUT TO:

INT. KITCHEN – PETER TALKING HEAD

PETER (to camera)
Fun fact about me, I got hit by a train. Bucky fell
off a train a while ago and our tragic train stories
are something that's really helped us bond.
Makes MJ pretty jealous though. I think they
could be friends, but I'm not sure how to make
that happen. Right now, my top two ideas are
building a time machine to go back and stop
Bucky from falling off the train and still
somehow cryogenically freeze him so we have
him in the present, which would possibly change
the course of World War Two and the spread of
HYDRA, or maybe a games night?

CUT TO:

STEVE
What we need to do is communicate.

TONY
Lame.

STEVE
I want everyone to think of an idea―put your
hand down, Peter, I haven't told you what it's
about yet―for making our team communicate
more effectively so that we can avoid false
alarms in the future. It can be a new messaging
system, more specific alerts, rotating rendezvous
points within the Tower. Anything you can think
of. Tony will be more than happy to design any
prototypes you may need when you pitch me
your ideas.

TONY
Are you serious?

STEVE
Any questions?

The camera focuses on DRAX, who entered the kitchen silently during the discussion. He lifts a plate from the counter. On it are the torn remains of the pancake Michelle threw pieces of to Peter.

DRAX
What happened to my pancake?
(pause)
And where is all my bacon?

Clint and Michelle exchange a wary glance while Peter looks at the camera and winces.

CUT TO:

3. INT. AVENGERS TOWER – MANTIS TALKING HEAD

Steve, Tony, Bucky, Rhodey, and BRUCE BANNER are visible through the glass wall of a conference room. They sit around the long table, having a discussion. MANTIS stands outside the room, smiling at the camera.

MANTIS (to camera)
I have a great feeling about this project, and so
do they! Literally! Everyone feels so happy
today! I have only lived here a little while and I
don't know that much about the Avengers―who
most of them are, what they do all day, which
room is Kevin Bacon's―but I think this is the
best thing they've ever done. Once they decide
what they're doing. That doesn't matter as
much as having fun though, except that Steve
told me it matters much more than having fun.
Yeah, I love it here!

CUT TO:

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM

Steve looks frazzled as he examines proposals for the new project. At the opposite end of the spectrum, Tony appears unconcerned, leaning back in his chair. Bucky and Rhodey are somewhere in between these two reactions. Bruce picks up each proposal as Steve sets them aside. Mantis sits at the ready, delighted by her wheelie conference chair.

STEVE
The proposals we've got aren't bad, but there
aren't enough of them. That's the main problem.

BRUCE
And a lot of them sound pretty dangerous.

Bruce holds up a piece of paper.

BRUCE (CONT'D)
This one suggests pneumatic tubes…

TONY
Doable. A little retro, but on the plus side, that
fun whooshing noise.

RHODEY
Why would we run tubes all over the place?
It's the twenty-first century. We have phones.
We have a system running this entire building
that we can access any time just using our voices.

TONY
Are you calling tubes excessive?

RHODEY
Yes, and not in a good way. This isn't a suit, Tony.
Who are you going to show off your pneumatic
tubes to?

TONY (to Steve)
Alright, Cap, you heard him. Tubes are tied.

STEVE
(sighing)
Tony.

TONY
You got a better idea? Which one of these
is yours?

STEVE
It's not about trying to push my own idea. I'd say
let's go with any of these if I thought they had
merit. Hell, I'd say let's go with all of them.

MANTIS
That is a great idea! That would make
everyone happy!

BRUCE
Except, no, Mantis, it wouldn't. Like I was
saying, some of these are dangerous.

MANTIS
(sadly)
Oh.

TONY
Pneumatic tubes aren't dangerous. Just don't
stick any of your appendages inside them.
America's virgin sweetheart over there knows
what I'm talking about.

Steve sighs again.

BRUCE
You never let me finish. The tubes would be
dangerous, because the submission, while based
on a classic pneumatic message-delivery system,
suggests a scaled-up model that we would get
into and be…

Bruce gestures violently with his hands.

BRUCE (CONT'D)
…sucked to our destination. Tony, shut up.
Everybody knows what you want to say. The
point is, we can't give into ideas like this
because we're desperate for a solution, Steve,
or because we just want to see what would
happen, Tony.

STEVE
Well, Bruce, you're the scientist, so, if you're sure.

MANTIS
Oh! This is too bad! Bruce? Isn't there a way to―

BRUCE
No.

MANTIS
That's terrible.

Everyone looks dejected. Suddenly, Peter runs into the conference room. Michelle follows.

PETER
Did you already pick the idea? You haven't seen
my idea yet!

Rhodey looks wary, but refrains from commenting.

PETER
Here.

He hands a piece of paper to Steve, but Tony snatches it out of his hand.

TONY
Whoa!

Steve takes the paper back.

STEVE
It's―

PETER
A ginormous elevator! I was thinking how you
said about new messaging systems and I didn't
really have any ideas for that, so then I was
thinking about rendezvous points, and I thought
an elevator might be great because it could go
to every floor to get everybody, it keeps us in
one spot, and MJ was reading Charlie and the
Great Glass Elevator
out loud last night. I think
Road Doll was really onto something.

RHODEY (to himself)
Yeah, or on something.

MICHELLE
Babe, it's Roald Dahl.

Despite her correction, Michelle puts an arm around Peter's waist and leans into him. She gives him a proud smile before turning a harsher expression on the group.

MICHELLE (CONT'D)
Tell my boyfriend how good he did or I'll sell all
the chairs in this conference room and tell
people the Avengers had their naked butts
on them.

Mantis wears an expression of disgust and shifts from sitting in her chair to perching on it with her feet. Steve ignores the second part of Michelle's comment.

STEVE
Peter, this is great! It's… strange. But that just
makes it even more great! I like the simplicity of
the idea. Like you said, it's accessible and we
already know how to use it. We shouldn't take
those benefits for granted.

PETER
Cool!

MANTIS
Cool!

PETER (to Mantis)
You think so?

MANTIS
It is literally the best idea I have ever heard!

BUCKY (to Peter)
Yeah… don't be too impressed by that. Most of
the ideas she's ever heard have probably come
from the mouth of Drax.

PETER
Mouth of Drax. Great band name! Dibs!

MICHELLE
You aren't in a band.

Peter appears to consider this for a moment.

PETER (to everyone)
Can the next group project be us starting a band?

RHODEY
(kindly)
Buddy, these aren't "group projects" like in
high school. You work here.

STEVE
Great! Good meeting, everybody. We're going
ahead with Peter's ginormous elevator and we'll
just put a pin in that band name.
(pause)
Has anybody actually seen Drax today?

MANTIS
He could be in this room. He often stands so still
that he becomes invisible.

BRUCE
I saw him earlier. He said he was going to cook
a bunch of bacon. Does that sound weird to
anybody else? I can't tell anymore. Apparently,
something happened to his breakfast yesterday?

STEVE
That was his own fault for leaving it unattended.
Well, any input before we conclude, Clint?

CLINT (audible through ceiling)
Sorry, this doesn't interest me in the slightest
and I suddenly have somewhere very important
to be.

There are quick scurrying sounds from above to indicate that Clint is moving through the vents in the direction of the Tower's kitchen.

STEVE
Alright. Nice work, everyone. Thank you for your
contributions. Tony, go ahead and get started
on building our new elevator!

CUT TO:

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – TONY TALKING HEAD

TONY (to camera)
So now I'm supposed to just build these people
a massive elevator strong enough to carry the
weight of the full team and their gear, fast
enough to "assemble" us against a threat more
quickly than any of our existing methods, and
extensive enough to access every floor. All this
because Peter doesn't like to be pranked? This is
a massive engineering project. I'll be reassessing
the structure of the Tower at every turn. There's
no way not to. And where are we going to put
this thing? [censored] Does anybody but me
have any concept of how much this'll cost? Do
they think I'm made of money?

The camera holds on the face of Tony Stark, known billionaire, as he continues to look beleaguered.

TONY (to camera)
Dropping ten grand on a new suit isn't the same.
At the Stark Hole Lounge, you dress to impress.

CUT TO:

ESTABLISHING SHOT: EXT. AVENGERS TOWER – DAY

Construction vehicles line the curb in front of the Tower.

CUT TO:

4. INT. AVENGERS TOWER – DAY

Michelle and Peter clean the remains of the Silly String from Peter's bedroom, left by Michelle's prank earlier that week. In spite of the tedium of the task, Michelle smiles to herself.

MICHELLE
I can't believe you left this shit all over your room.

PETER
I thought it added something. Like, with all the
strings that looked like webs, it seemed like this
might actually be Spider-Man's room.

MICHELLE
But it is your room. You don't have to make it a
whole theme. All your stuff doesn't need to be,
like, branded.

PETER
(thoughtfully)
I guess that's true.

He turns and the camera pans to follow his line of sight. Dum-E is visible, ineffectually cleaning Silly String off the floor.

PETER
Hey, DJ Dum-E, don't forget to do the corners,
and can you change to a different song?

Black Sabbath's "Iron Man" no longer plays.

MICHELLE
See how annoying personal branding gets?

PETER
Yep.

Peter looks into the camera and shakes his head in confusion. He returns to brushing debris off the walls as Michelle sighs, shoulders drooping.

MICHELLE
Are you actually mad at me for doing this?

PETER
For Silly-Stringing my room? Of course not.

MICHELLE
Then why did you snitch on me to Steve?

PETER
Oh, I was just scared that if something really did
happen and I couldn't tell the difference
between a prank and an attack that it might put
you in danger. I'm super into the idea of a Silly
String prank war, but I'm more into protecting you.

Michelle stares at Peter, smiling gently. He doesn't notice as he continues to clean up.

MICHELLE
That's lame. You know I could kick fake
Spider-Man's ass.
(pause)
Besides, my room's right next door. You don't
have to worry about trying to get to me, and if
you are worried, I can time you while you
practice sprinting from your room to mine until
you puke.

PETER
Aww. Second, less-good idea―we make a hole
in the wall between our rooms.

MICHELLE
Not just… a door?

PETER
(dejectedly)
Oh yeah.

MICHELLE
But I don't want a door, I want you to make a
hole in the wall. How are you going to make it?

Sound fades out as Peter starts explaining. Michelle glances at the camera and smiles.

CUT TO:

5. INT. AVENGERS TOWER – TONY TALKING HEAD

Tony faces the camera while construction work on the new elevator happens in the background.

TONY (to camera)
Don't tell Steve this, but I'm actually really glad
he made me point man on this project. I forgot
how much I love bossing people around. I mean,
I also love working alone, but the feeling of
giving random people instructions just has that
certain je ne sais quoi.

CUT TO:

A hallway, just down from the construction site. Tony and Rhodey survey the scene.

RHODEY
Quit calling it "je ne sais quoi." It's ego, man.

TONY
(outraged)
Ego? Me?

RHODEY
That's not a criticism. You think I haven't been
throwing my weight around with this
construction crew? The foreman saw me earlier
and asked if I was War Machine. I crossed my arms,
real intimidating, and said, "Yeah, that's right."
Where do you think that man is now? He went
out to get me a specialty coffee from a place all
the way across town.

TONY
First of all, baller move. Second of all, this is
going to take forever without the foreman!
Steve annoys the hell out of me, but, annoyingly,
I also don't want to let him down.

RHODEY
(unapologetic)
I'm sorry, Tony. My charisma is a very
powerful thing.

Steve comes striding down the hallway. Clint follows with a look of resignation.

STEVE
Hey, how are things going? Are they going well?
Tell me they're going well. Please, Tony, this has
taken so long already, I need to hear that things
are going well. When will we have that elevator
functioning? I'm scheduling a drill for five o'clock
tomorrow morning. We're on schedule, aren't
we? I need to see some results on this so the fact
that I gave the go-ahead for the construction of
a really big elevator doesn't seem like a strange
misstep. Why is this taking so long? But it's all
fine. I'm sure it's going really well.

TONY
You think this is taking a long time? Did you
expect it to be quick when we essentially bored
a hole up the length of this building?

Steve's expression tells Tony that he can't handle the wisdom of this project being questioned right now.

TONY (CONT'D)
Yeah, Cap, everything's great.

The camera slides sideways to focus on Drax, who is walking towards the open elevator shaft.

DRAX
Is it nearly complete?

Drax trips over a series of construction materials and equipment, all of which are propelled forward, disappearing down the shaft. He glances over at Steve, Tony, Rhodey, and Clint.

DRAX (CONT'D)
They should not have left such a mess.

TONY
Drax! Come on, man!

CLINT (to Steve)
You've seen enough. Why don't you go sit
someplace quiet and put your head between
your knees?

STEVE
Is that what you do when you're stressed?

CLINT
No, I go down to the target range in the
basement and put as many arrows through the
targets' throats as it takes for me to feel calm
again. I know you used to have a thing with
punching all of the heavy bags until they split,
but I can't suggest that right now.

STEVE
Because I should find a more productive outlet
for my frustration. Got it.

CLINT
No, because I had a feeling at least one of the
idiots in this place would knock something down
that open elevator shaft and I spent the morning
lining the bottom of it with the heavy bags. Peter
was going to throw up some webs between the
floors too, so nothing would fall too far.

STEVE
Great thinking! Thanks, Clint.

DRAX
Whoa, whoa!

Drax tumbles backwards into the elevator shaft. Long seconds later, the rest of the team hear a distant thud.

CLINT
Looks like Peter forgot about the webs.

STEVE
Oh my god!

TONY
He'll be fine. We're only on the… which floor
is this?

RHODEY
Seventeenth.

Clint, Steve, Tony, and Rhodey exchange looks of alarm, then rush to the opening of the elevator shaft.

CUT TO:

5. INT. AVENGERS TOWER – DAY

The Avengers stand at the door of the new, ginormous elevator, fully equipped in uniform, aside from Bruce, who has not turned into the Hulk for the occasion.

STEVE
Who wants to get in first? Ok, I will!

Steve rushes inside before anyone else has a chance to volunteer. Bucky follows, then the rest of the team trickle in. Peter carries Michelle in a piggyback. Only Drax remains in the hallway, supported on crutches.

BRUCE
Um, Michelle isn't technically part of the team.

PETER
Oh, she's not here as part of the team, she's just
standing in for Drax.

BRUCE
MJ, you're nowhere near heavy enough to
substitute for Drax.

DRAX
(laughing)
Of course she is not! She weighs no more than
one of my terrifyingly large and deadly hands.

Everyone gives Drax a weird look, but he doesn't notice.

PETER
Fine, then she's standing in for the Hulk.

Bruce stares at them for a minute.

MANTIS
It is ok, Bruce. I think they just want to
be together.

She smiles at Peter and Michelle.

PETER
Yeah, MJ's moving into my room soon, so we're
getting used to spending more time together.

STEVE
What? No, she's not. You two are not
living together.

MICHELLE
We're technically already living together.

BUCKY
There's a big difference between being sharing
a hallway and sharing a bedroom.

TONY
Hell yeah, there is! Up top, Terminator!

Bucky frowns and denies Tony his high five.

MICHELLE
Well, if you guys don't like it―

STEVE
Great, thanks for offering to keep things the
same. I think that would be for the best.

MICHELLE
I was going to say that it's too late. We already
have a huge hole in the wall connecting our rooms.

BUCKY
What? What happened?

MICHELLE
None of your business.

STEVE
Peter, what happened to your wall? Why didn't
you report it? We've been putting so much focus
on handling internal incidents lately!

PETER
I didn't think I needed to. You and Bucky said all
that stuff about distinguishing real threats
from pranks.

STEVE
Meaning...?

MICHELLE
Meaning he knows it wasn't a real threat
because he made the hole himself.

RHODEY (to Tony)
Guess you're going to have to do another
structural assessment.

BUCKY
Uh, can I just ask, why isn't this door closing?

The camera pulls back to reveal the elevator wide open while Drax still watches those inside.

DRAX
The problem is the buttons. They do not
work well.

BRUCE
What do you mean?

DRAX
When I tried them earlier, they required many
presses to function.

BRUCE
Exactly how hard were you pressing?

DRAX
(seriously)
As hard as I could. You should try the
button again.

MANTIS
Ok, Drax!

STEVE
No, wait―

Mantis pushes the Door Close button repeatedly and the elevator door finally shuts. However, the car doesn't go anywhere.

DRAX
(from the hallway)
I think it may be broken.

The elevator plummets.

CUT TO:

INT. AVENGERS TOWER – CLINT TALKING HEAD

Clint, hair disheveled, faces the camera, the wreckage of the ill-fated elevator project visible behind him through a settling cloud of dust.

CLINT (to camera)
Am I upset? No. We wasted an entire week on
that [censored] elevator. If Tony didn't have so
many resources at his disposal, it would've taken
much longer to construct, and that's the only
thing I regret.

Clint starts laughing.

CLINT (CONT'D)
Oh man, when that thing plummeted! I've never
felt so alive.

CUT TO:

6. INT. AVENGERS TOWER – DAY

Peter and Michelle wave forlornly to each other while Tony, standing in Peter's room, finishes filling the ragged hole between their apartments.

TONY
It's not the end of the world, Romeo.

Peter nods sadly and Tony claps him on the shoulder before leaving. Peter slumps to the floor, leaning back against the newly-repaired wall. Seconds later, Michelle walks in.

MICHELLE
Hey, loser. Thought you might be missing me.

PETER
Aww! I was!

Peter brightens and reaches out for her. Michelle pulls a can of Silly String from behind her back and aggressively empties as much of it as she can onto Peter's face before he can get to his feet. She dodges the camera and flees from the room, shrieking.

PETER
Oh, it is on!

FADE OUT.