37Nothing's gonna come out of it.
Nothing's gonna come out of it.
Nothing's gonna come out of it.
It's been Amy's mantra for days now. And she hopes she's repeated it enough times so it becomes true.
She can't be in love. Wasn't she who spoke the words about love being an unnecessary cultural construct that adds no value to human relationships?
But back then, even as she was saying it, she's actually hoping to appeal to him. So maybe they could still hang out. Maybe they could still be friends. Because playing hide and seek with him during that time bothered her more than she cared to admit.
By far, he's the most interesting and fun person she knows and she'd hate to lose him. She'd hate to lose a friend. After all, they're boy/friend/girl/friend status. If that arrangement does not stress being friends enough, she doesn't know what will.
She's just surprised he brought the idea of her maybe falling hopelessly in love with him when all she wanted was to perpetrate a ruse.
Love is in the least, laughable. It's not what she feels. Not when she listens to him drone on about what's bothering him at work. Or when he whines about Leonard or his other friends. Or when they make time to call each other. And most definitely not when he listens to what she has to say like he actually wants to hear it. Like what she thinks is important to him.
It's not love, she knows this. It's more like a kinship. A kindred soul touching another.
Through Sheldon, she met Leonard. And Penny. And Bernadette. Raj and Howard, too. It's nice to count off names of real people. And they're more than the fingers on her one hand. She likes them all. She likes Penny the most.
But then again there's Sheldon. Not like Penny, not like all the others. Sometimes she'd look at him and ask herself, 'Who are you? What are you to me?'
Well, Penny teaches her a lot. Her academic accolades could've lasted two people's lifetime, but the lessons she gets from Penny are invaluable. And if Penny says nothing can come out of whatever she has with Sheldon, then she's probably right.
So, what gives?
He told her she kissed him that one night. She did. Amy Farrah Fowler made a move on a guy and the guy let him. And the guy was Sheldon Cooper. That's crazy. Really, how much did she drink?
She thought about him lying but he's got a tell when he lies and she didn't see that when he's recounting what happened.
Did she really get to suck faces with him that night? Also, did he kiss her back?
He went on to tell her she vomited on and off for 40 minutes. He stayed until he's sure she's fine.
They're friends but he didn't need to do that. She decided to get drunk herself. Still, he bothered. Why did he bother? She's sure as hell not going to do that for him. He's already got Leonard and Penny for that.
But again, did he kiss her back? Somehow that's what she really wanted to know. The thing she wanted to remember. Yet, this constant wondering is an exercise in futility because they already agreed to a reset. Wow, some machines they are.
This isn't love. She even has her papers to prove it.
She took a deep breath and repeated the words.
Nothing's gonna come out of it.
Nothing's gonna come out of it.
Nothing's gonna come out of it.
His face slips through her mind and the question floats back again, 'Who are you? What are you to me?'
A/N: Inspired by Episode 08x16: Amy: I'm not gonna fall in love with Sheldon… That's what I said before he pontificated his way into my heart.
