3Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of its associated characters!
Summary: Naruto knew, didn't he? / Surely Sasuke knew it too... SNS, modern AU, one shot. Chapter one is Sasuke's POV, chapter two is Naruto's - pick who you'd like to read first!
A/N: Aaah! This month's fic! I had it done and then I started replying to comments and I got to one by MadeNew and it sent me right back into pure inspiration mode. So this chapter is Sasuke's POV, but the next chapter is Naruto's POV of the same events. They don't need to be read in order, so pick whichever you'd like :)
Warnings for mentions of underage alcohol consumption (depending on where you live), and alcohol is a theme throughout the fic. There are also references to child abuse/neglect.
Thank you all for your patience and lovely words!
Alcohol, and a Moment Alone
Sasuke's POV
The first time it happened, they were still in high school. Naruto was drinking—and holding up fairly decently, Sasuke thought, although he wasn't altogether sure how long that would be lasting. Sasuke, on the other hand, had stayed properly sober, thank you. He was in no rush to become more of an idiot than he already was, and if it had been up to him, he wouldn't have been here at all.
But, well.
Someone had to take care of this moron.
"Whew," Naruto sighed, "okay. That's better."
"That's freezing," Sasuke said, following him nonetheless. "You're insane."
"You're insane!" Naruto laughed, spinning around. "I figured you'd love it out here. Look!"
He spread his arms out and spun around again, his drink splashing threateningly towards the edge—
"Not a person in sight!"
"I can see one person," Sasuke deadpanned, and Naruto—
"Whoa—"
"Moron," Sasuke said, as Naruto stumbled his way into his resigned, slightly-panicked arms.
"Sorry," Naruto mumbled, swaying. "I'm okay. Whew. M'dizzy."
He laughed, looking up at Sasuke with that new, dazzling excuse of a smile he'd had a habit of pulling out recently. Only when he was in a—a particularly good mood, Sasuke had noticed. Not that he'd been—not that he'd been noticing, of course he hadn't been, but Naruto was an idiot and Sasuke was used to taking care of him and he—and he—
Sasuke glared down at the concrete.
"Aw," came Naruto's voice, closer than a moment before, "damn. Still hate it, huh?"
Sasuke looked up.
"What?"
"You—" Naruto waved a hand, but all it did was make it to his hair again. "I dunno. Thought you might have fun. M'sorry for dragging you here. Wanna go?"
"What are you talking about? This is fine."
Naruto laughed.
"You look grumpy as fuck. Wanna go?"
"I'm having a perfectly grand time watching you make an utter fool of yourself," Sasuke said, crossing his arms tight. "Please, continue."
Naruto dissolved into giggles.
"Y'know, when you wanna be 'specially assholish, you start talking exactly like Itachi—"
Sasuke swatted him over the head.
"You're an idiot," he said, as Naruto continued to laugh, "and I thought you came here to socialize. Stop wasting your time with me."
"I've already socialized, asshole," Naruto said, bouncing his way right back in Sasuke's personal space. "Don't tell me what to do."
Sasuke shoved him away, and Naruto laughed, swaying back until he hit the wall of the building behind them. Sasuke had a moment of alarm as he suddenly sank to the ground, but—
"Are you—are you sitting? It's below zero out here!"
"I wanna sit," Naruto said, as if it was perfectly reasonable. "Fuck off. Come sit beside me."
Sasuke huffed out an exasperated breath, but dutifully did, swinging an arm over his knees as he pulled them close to his chest. His jeans were absolutely useless against the cold stone underneath them.
"Thanks," Naruto said, a veritable flame beside him in comparison to the air, "I feel weird."
"You are weird," Sasuke responded immediately, not looking back. "How so?"
"Mm," Naruto hummed, "I dunno. Just weird. Is Itachi picking you up after this?"
"He's picking you up too, moron."
Naruto looked back at him.
"Wh—huh?"
Sasuke scowled.
"What?" he asked. "Did you think I would just leave you stranded here? He drove us."
"Yeah, but—I don't—it's—um." Naruto shifted uncomfortably. "My—house gets, um, locked. At ten."
Sasuke closed his eyes, and reminded himself to breathe. It was a familiar feeling—this rush of anger so powerful that it made his head spin—and Sasuke hated that it was. Sasuke hated that it was. Sasuke—
"They lock you out."
Naruto didn't reply.
Sasuke's eyes snapped open.
"What was your plan?" he asked, staring Naruto down— "To sleep on the street? Hide in the trees? What—"
"I didn't have one," Naruto snapped back, and Sasuke was silent. "I didn't—whatever. It doesn't matter. S'too late now."
Sasuke put Naruto's cup on the ground and put his hand in his hair.
"...My window unlocks from the outside."
"Your—huh?"
"My window can be unlocked from the outside," Sasuke said again. "It's broken. I haven't bothered fixing it. If you push it up in the right way, the whole thing comes free."
"Sas—"
"And tonight you're staying over anyway."
Naruto stopped talking.
Sasuke leaned back against the brick and stared firmly at the trees.
"...Stupid," he added, for good measure—just so Naruto knew.
"...Whoa," came Naruto's soft breath, and Sasuke turned just in time to see him swaying, blinking far more often than necessary. "I think—I—uh—"
He laughed—
"You've had enough to drink," Sasuke said, swiping Naruto's cup away from him. Naruto rocked towards the motion but didn't fight it, turning away ever so slightly, so Sasuke couldn't see his face.
"Yeah," Naruto said, with a voice that both managed to be breathless and awfully thick, "yeah, um. Want the rest of this?"
"If it means you'll have some water," Sasuke said, propping his own cup at Naruto's feet, "I'll drink whatever you want."
Naruto laughed.
"You're gonna regret saying that," he said, hiding his smile in what had formerly been Sasuke's water.
"I might," Sasuke replied, pausing before he brought the drink any closer— "This isn't the drink that Kiba mixed, is it?"
Naruto coughed out a laugh.
"No! No," he said, rocking back against Sasuke, "I had to pour that shit out. Who mixes beer with tequila?"
"An idiot," he said. "What am I about to drink?"
"Uhhhh," Naruto said, very reassuringly, "uh. Um. Sakura gave it to me?"
"Incredible."
"Sas—!" Naruto laughed, flopping further into Sasuke's personal space. "It's fine! S'not bad. Try it."
Sasuke made a face.
"Trrrryyyy iiiiiitttt," Naruto whined, digging the back of his head into Sasuke's shoulder. Sasuke grunted in pain and shoved his arm behind Naruto's back, shifting them both so the moron could sit where he apparently so desperately wanted to.
Naruto giggled.
"Thanks. S'comfy. Where's—um—"
"Your water is by your foot. Don't kick it."
"Yeah, yeah, I—I won't. You gonna drink my drink or do I gotta?"
Sasuke sighed, and lifted whatever this was to his lips.
At least it was nearly empty.
"Mm," he deadpanned, as the burning slid down his throat, "tastes like shit."
Naruto dissolved into laughter.
"It's not that bad! It—"
"There is syrup in my mouth."
"Aw, crap, I forgot you hate sweet stuff," Naruto said, laughing. "I—you don't have to drink that, here, gimmie—"
"I will give you absolutely nothing," Sasuke said, pulling the cup out of his reach. "Don't—moron, you—"
Naruto snatched the cup out of Sasuke's hand, and that was the last of that.
"There!" Naruto announced, waving the empty cup in the air, surely unaware that he was very much still straddling Sasuke. "Whoa—"
Sasuke caught his wrists before the entire moron toppled over.
Naruto grinned.
"Gotcha," he said, and Sasuke had no idea what he was talking about.
He was right, though.
"Idiot," Sasuke said, and Naruto's grin widened. The happiness was back in his eyes, glittering in full blast as he laughed at Sasuke again. And Sasuke didn't fight him—didn't fight the way Naruto's weight was sinking, the way he was leaning closer—as if he could, when he was so—
Naruto leaned in, and Sasuke's eyes fluttered closed.
He should have expected Naruto's lips would be warm, Sasuke thought. He should have known this would take his breath away. He should have known how weak he would feel—how useless, how utterly unable to resist, he—
Naruto sprang back.
"Think I'm gonna be sick—"
He flopped over, and Sasuke scrambled after him.
The second time it happened, Sasuke was in his room. He was alone in his bed, finally starting to fall asleep after he'd forced himself to admit it had grown late enough that Naruto wouldn't be bursting through his window anytime soon. It felt as if he'd been here nearly every other night after Sasuke had given the invitation. When they had…
Sasuke heaved out a breath, rolling over.
It had been several months. Almost four, and Sasuke was still obsessed with the memory. Naruto wasn't—he knew. Naruto's memories were a blur. He hadn't realized just how much the idiot had had until he'd been sick from it all, and now—well—
There was very little from that night that the moron could actually pick out.
Which was fine. It was good. It was a relief, Sasuke told himself, he was relieved, desperately so, because the fallout of Naruto remembering the way he'd kissed Sasuke would have been—
Crash.
Sasuke nearly leapt out of bed. There was—
"Jesus fucking Christ," Sasuke said, falling back against his bed as his heart beat a hole in his ribs. "Do you not believe in texting?"
"I—" Naruto said, with one leg hanging through the hole in Sasuke's room. "I—I don't have my phone. Um. Sorry, I—"
"Your feet are bare," Sasuke said, staring, "Naruto—it's barely even spring, what the fuck are you—get inside, get—"
He wrenched the idiot in—who apparently had little more than a flimsy pair of pajamas to his name—and shoved him back into the bed, tossing all the blankets around him before he went back to deal with the window. Seriously. No self-preservation.
"Sorry," Naruto said, and the blankets were already falling off his shoulders. Sasuke glared at him and pulled them up again—tighter, this time—
"Um. No, hang on, I brought—"
He grinned and poked his hand out, holding a bottle of—something clear and alcoholic. God.
"Alcohol again?" Sasuke muttered, snatching the bottle from him to shove it somewhere safer. (It was freezing, too.) "I thought you learned your lesson."
"Yeah, well, I—" Naruto let out a small, hesitant laugh. "I—I snatched it as revenge. They keep 'em out on the porch in winter. Um. I don't have much else to offer you, though, I—"
"Don't offer me anything," Sasuke said, snatching Naruto's hand out of the blanket to press it between his own. "You're freezing."
"I'm okay," Naruto whispered, and Sasuke turned his glare on him. It made Naruto immediately flinch away.
"Don't," he started, "um. Don't call anyone, okay? It's better if I—I'm moving out next month, and I just...I just want to go."
Sasuke breathed out.
"I just want to go."
"Fine," Sasuke said, dropping Naruto's vaguely warm hand to start on the other. "But you should just start coming here straight from school."
Naruto laughed.
"Yeah, Itachi'd love that."
"Itachi wouldn't mind."
Naruto threw him a disbelieving smile, and Sasuke pressed his lips together harder. Fuck this. He hated this. He felt so useless when Naruto—
"Relax," Naruto laughed. "It's not that bad. I coulda snuck back in and I didn't."
"Don't blame yourself," Sasuke said, and it sounded like a snap. He hadn't meant it to. But he just—
Naruto laughed at him again.
"You get all like," he wiggled forwards, "puffed up when you're mad. Is that why your hair gets so spiky? Like a chicken—"
"You're on your own," Sasuke muttered, throwing the blankets back over him.
"Sure I am," Naruto said, and Sasuke refused to turn around. "Um—sorry to wake you though. I figured—I thought, since it was Friday, we could—"
"We can," Sasuke said. "I'll...grab us some glasses."
He spared Naruto one more glance before he left. That certainly explained why the idiot hadn't been responding to him tonight, but—
Slap.
Sasuke sprang three feet into the air. Itachi pulled his hand back from the counter, raising an eyebrow before Sasuke looked back at what he'd slapped down—
A...key?
"What—?"
"Will you kindly tell that boy," Itachi said, turning around, "to use the front door."
Sasuke spun all the way around, the excuse right on his tongue—
"—amn heart attack."
Itachi's door closed.
Oh.
Sasuke breathed out.
Oh.
He slid the key into his hand. He hadn't...maybe he should have known Itachi would know. Naruto wasn't exactly quiet...but…
Damn it, Itachi.
He shook his head, fighting the smile as he reached up for the two glasses that were most likely to live an encounter with a blonde moron. The key sat neatly in his palm—Naruto's key, apparently, which he'd have to convince him to keep safer than his phone—as he carried them back to the bedroom.
Naruto was still a bundle of blankets, when he looked back. Still hunched over, huddled together—but he looked up, throwing Sasuke an awkward smile as Sasuke rolled his eyes.
He slid the glasses onto the table and shoved the key into Naruto's hand.
"Wha—"
"From Itachi."
Naruto's mouth opened and closed.
"I'm debating sewing it into your hair," Sasuke continued, opening whatever Naruto had brought, "considering your incredible ability to misplace things."
He poured them both a glass, not looking back—even as Naruto let out a breathless laugh.
"I—no, I'll—"
Sasuke looked back.
Naruto grabbed his ankle and pulled it to his face, using his teeth to untie the too-long string he'd wrapped around it weeks ago.
Gross.
Naruto dumped the beads all over Sasuke's bed.
"Moron," Sasuke muttered, scooping them up. Naruto was trying to thread the key through the string, now, but he couldn't quite seem to do it—there was a shake to his hands that hadn't been there a moment ago. Sasuke sighed, shoving the beads onto the bedside table so he could do it himself—
"Sorry," Naruto mumbled, as Sasuke wove it through.
"You only ever apologize for stupid things," Sasuke said. "Where do you want this?"
"Um. Around my neck?"
"Lean down."
Naruto dutifully bowed his head, and Sasuke stretched up a little further so he could see the back of his neck. He tied it loose—loose enough to be hidden, if Naruto should want it—but tight enough that it wouldn't be coming undone anytime soon. And then a few more knots, for good measure.
"Done."
Sasuke pulled back, and Naruto clutched the key in his hand.
"Thanks," Naruto whispered, not letting go. Sasuke swallowed and looked away. The drinks were a convenient distraction, and Sasuke used them fully—passing Naruto his and bringing his own to his lips. It—
Sasuke spluttered and coughed.
"This is disgusting," he hacked out, shoving it back onto the table.
"It's straight," Naruto said, the laughter colouring his quiet voice. "Most people mix it with some juice or something—"
"I'm getting juice."
Sasuke turned on his heel, and Naruto's laughter followed him. They had some orange juice in here or something...he'd only brought his own cup, though, so he was really better off just bringing the whole carton with him back…
Sasuke pushed his door back open, and eyed the bundle of blankets—which had significantly flattened.
"Sorry," Naruto mumbled, the only part of him visible being the hand that had stretched out to slip the glass onto the table. "I didn't—m'more tired than I realized. Sorry, I'll—"
"Stay down," Sasuke said, as soon as the blankets started shifting again. "Go to sleep, moron."
The bundle shifted again, and Naruto's sleepy, red-rimmed eyes looked up at him.
"You sure?"
Sasuke rolled his eyes.
"No," he deadpanned. "I demand that you wake up right now. Fuck your needs."
Naruto laughed.
"Okay, 'kay—dick," he mumbled, and Sasuke swiped around the bed to fix up the table before everything smashed to the floor. He'd hide the beads somewhere they wouldn't roll off into whatever void he was sure they would find—the bottle could go to the floor. He ought to take Naruto's drink, too…
Sasuke grabbed his book and his drink—with juice, this time—and settled in beside the moron. Naruto's eyes were closed and his breaths were slow...his hand stayed still over where the key sat, and the blankets were still bundled around him. Sasuke would be lucky to get any at all, tonight.
Sasuke brought the drink up to his lips, and stared firmly at the wall.
It had been...annoying, recently. Annoyingly prevalent—these stupid thoughts and ideas and urges. It had taken him long enough to admit that Naruto had very firmly secured his place as Sasuke's best friend (although one and only friend might have been a more accurate statement), and now...this…
Sasuke breathed out.
He didn't want any part of this. He was sure it was only temporary, anyway. Naruto was—he was—okay, yes, he was someone who meant far too much to Sasuke. Ever since his parents had—
Well.
It had just—it had just been nice to have someone who didn't gawk at the sight of him. Or look like they wanted to burst into tears—god fucking knew that Sasuke had been close enough to that at all hours of the day. Sasuke had been frustrated and hollow and so fucking angry, and Naruto had got up in his face and goaded the ever-living shit out of him until he had lashed it all out at once—
At Naruto. On Naruto. He'd felt even more hollow, after that.
But Naruto had only laughed. Called him an asshole and asked him what he was planning to do on their "vacation".
It was a suspension.
It had been a start to something that had been...irreversible. Sasuke hadn't been able to stop it. And now Sasuke could hardly begin to imagine his life without a blonde moron at his side, and he had certainly never planned to care for someone this much, not again, but none of that—
None of that mattered.
He needed to kill these feelings before they could really begin. Cut them off and let them die. Naruto had certainly never begun to develop them, and that meant they had no place here.
Sasuke shoved his empty cup away and started on Naruto's. One of them ought to finish these, anyway.
"Mm—ph…"
Naruto mumbled out a breath and rolled over, finally letting go of the key. All that managed to do was free his arm to flop over Sasuke—seeking his body heat, no doubt. Not anything more. It was nice, though, to see his face so...soft. Peaceful. No fake smiles, no too-loud laughter. Not that he'd been doing much of either recently, but ever since Sasuke had somehow developed the ability to see through it all, it had been driving him absolutely insane.
The alcohol burned down his throat, and Sasuke slipped down the headboard a little bit more.
But Naruto would be happier soon, and Sasuke would...likely be with him. Sasuke had gotten his early acceptance to Naruto's first choice university already, and as firm as Naruto's doubt in himself was, Sasuke knew he'd get in, too. It was unlikely that Sasuke's own first choice would accept him, anyway, after the early letters had come and gone—which left Sasuke secure in his knowledge that this time next year, he'd...still be exactly where he was.
At Naruto's side.
He let out a breath and shoved the second empty glass next to the first. He probably needed to brush his teeth again, but the dark and the quiet was settling into him, too. He shuffled down and until he was laying properly—tucking one arm under his head so he could turn to face this...moron.
Sasuke breathed out.
There really was something...stupidly beautiful about him. Obnoxiously so. Sasuke usually got by by blaming it on his eyes, but even asleep, Naruto looked...just…
Impossible.
Sasuke tucked a bit of Naruto's hair away from his face. The last time he'd been this close—well—that was exactly the memory he was trying to stuff down into the furthest corner of his mind.
It was here, now, though.
It was here. Sasuke swallowed and let his eyes drop. Naruto's lips looked just as soft as they had felt that night. Soft and warm and Sasuke just needed to forget about it, but how could he? How could he, with Naruto, right here? With only the briefest memory of ever feeling him? If he—if he could just—if he could just have that moment, again—once more, if he could—
Sasuke pressed forwards.
It—it wasn't much. Sasuke didn't let himself stay for long. Just long enough to know. Just long enough to tide himself by. It was a small, chaste, close-mouthed kiss, and Sasuke felt it like a breath. He felt it like the wind was knocked right out of him—he pulled back and he gasped, biting the back of his hand as he tore himself away.
He turned around and laid, reeling, with his back firmly to Naruto.
He stayed that way for the rest of the night.
The third time it happened, they were well into university. Well, Sasuke was, and if the small glimpses of Naruto's life he'd managed to glean were to be believed—Naruto was doing just fine. He was alright. He'd likely have been doing better if Sasuke wasn't such a fucking coward, but then, wouldn't they all—
"Oh," said Sakura, who had strongarmed Sasuke into being here, "there he is."
Sasuke turned.
And there he was.
Blonde, tanned, and far taller than Sasuke remembered him being—far more muscular, too. If this is what Sakura called "doing okay" then Sasuke—
Blue eyes met his, and the smile slid off his face.
Fuck.
Fuck.
He hadn't meant to. He hadn't meant for any of this—Sasuke had gotten his early acceptance and then Naruto had gotten his acceptance and for a solid week of bliss, they'd been sure they would end up together, but—
But then Sasuke had gotten another offer.
Sasuke wrenched his eyes away.
"Sasuke!"
What?
Naruto laughed, grabbing him by the hand to pull him into a one-armed hug. Sasuke stumbled into him and then stumbled right back, blinking—
"Good to see you, man," Naruto said, clapping him on the shoulder. His smile didn't at all match the seriousness in those eyes—that narrowed gaze that bored a hole right through Sasuke's heart—
But Naruto slipped right by, as if it was nothing.
"Oh—whoa, Kiba! No way!"
Naruto laughed himself away, and Sasuke remembered how to breathe.
"Mhm," said Sakura.
"Fuck off," he snapped at her, but it sounded more like a gasp—
"You could just text him, you know."
"Fuck off," he snarled, shoving his way through the crowd. Sakura had no idea. She couldn't even begin to know. It was far too late now for any sort of apology and it was better off this way anyway. Naruto was better off—one look at him could prove that. He was fine without Sasuke, it was Sasuke's own fault, and he—
He needed another goddamn drink.
Sasuke spun on his heel. He could just leave. He knew he could leave. He knew that Sakura had obviously planned this, from how fucking relentless she had been about him being here. But Naruto was—Naruto was—
Sasuke stopped, one hand on the door to the kitchen.
Naruto ran a hand through his hair, laughing at something someone other than Sasuke had said. Not a fucking photo he'd managed to see had captured an inch of this. Naruto had grown—into himself, into what he could be, and Sasuke—
Sasuke hadn't aged a day.
He shoved his way into the kitchen, scowling. Useless—fucking useless, and just as weak as he'd always been. He finished the rest of this drink and started on the next one—a mix, because he was an idiot, with that particular brand of vodka Naruto had stolen from his foster parents when they were still in high school.
It still burned just as strong.
Sasuke heaved out a breath, staring into the glass.
There was no point to this.
No point at all. One look at him and the smile had been struck from Naruto's face—replaced by that fake thing Sasuke had come to despise. It was best, really, for him to quietly finish this drink, and disappear.
Like he had before.
He swallowed, and pushed the kitchen door back open, glass in hand. He could duck into one of the other rooms—one where there were less of them, and make his way out of here. Out of this mess. He couldn't talk to Naruto—not now. Not anymore. They were better this way. They were—
"Dare," said a voice, and Sasuke immediately knew who it was. It should have stopped him in his tracks, but he turned the corner instead—
"Ooh," said a different voice, "kiss the next person who walks in."
Sasuke stopped.
Naruto's eyes zeroed in on him.
"Okay."
What?
Naruto stood up.
"What?" Sasuke asked again, out loud, this time—
"Can't go back on my word," Naruto started, shifting around the chairs in the room, "can I—"
Naruto stopped, and looked him dead in the eye.
"—Sasuke?
Sasuke couldn't breathe.
Naruto balled his shirt in his fist and wrenched him forwards.
There was no hesitation in this kiss. No tenderness, no chastity, no soft question and no delicate answer. Naruto pressed him into the wall and wove him from the inside out, filling him with anger and frustration and desperate, desperate longing—
And then, it was gone.
Naruto pulled back, and his gaze wrote an essay in Sasuke's mind. It wrote a poem, it shouted a speech into his brain, and Sasuke breathed in to reply—
Naruto turned around.
"How was that?" he asked, laughing as the group cheered. He wove his way back to where he'd been sitting before, and Sasuke fell back out of the room—
He left his drink on the counter, and stumbled his way home.
The fourth time it happened, Sasuke was drunk.
Drunker than he'd ever been. Sasuke had never been one for alcohol, but—well—it was too late now. It was too late to turn back, too—he was already up the stairs, up to apartment 304, up to the back entrance, which had a screen door and the real door, Sasuke slammed his fist on it a good five times—
"Yeah, I'm comi—"
Naruto froze.
Sasuke stumbled forwards and kissed him.
He didn't think. He didn't want to think. He could just kiss Naruto instead, like he'd wanted to for so—
Naruto shoved him back.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what the hell? What are you doing here?"
Sasuke blinked at him.
"How did you—how did you find this place?"
"...Sakura told me," Sasuke mumbled, the room spinning around him. "I...shouldn't be here."
He turned around. The door was closed? He—
"What? No! No—Sasuke, you—will you stop trying to leave!"
Sasuke froze.
Naruto spun him right back around.
"What are you—are you drunk?"
Sasuke blinked in reply. Did he have a response to that? Should he have? He…
"Asshole," Naruto said, and it came out as a whisper. "...Just—let me get you some water. Sakura told you to come here?"
"No," Sasuke said, blinking around him. He was in—Naruto's kitchen, from the looks of things.
Oh.
He was in Naruto's kitchen. He was in—
"Here," Naruto said, shoving a glass into his hand.
"Thank you," said Sasuke's mouth. Was Naruto taking care of him? Why would he be taking care of him? He… "You poison this?"
"I think you poisoned yourself enough already," Naruto said, a small smile flittering across his face before it disappeared—hardening into something colder.
Something expectant.
Sasuke's stomach dropped.
"I…" he started, scanning everything Naruto was with a messy, loose focus that didn't at all let him take it in like he wanted to. But Naruto looked good. Naruto looked great—of course he did. He always had, from his eyes to his jawline to his collarbones to his—
"You're still wearing the key," Sasuke said, staring.
Naruto's hand flinched up to his neck.
"That—it's—that doesn't matter. It's useless now," he said, stepping back. "Why are you here? I stopped texting you months ago."
"I know," Sasuke said, and it made Naruto's brow furrow. Sasuke didn't know why, Sasuke hadn't—
"You didn't block my number?" Naruto asked, and Sasuke—
Shit. He swallowed and looked away. It wasn't as if he hadn't considered it. It would have been easier. He could have tried. But something in him had desperately needed to know Naruto hadn't forgotten him—
Until he had.
"You look good," Sasuke whispered. "I should go."
"Wh—will you stop trying that! You fucking asshole, you're here already—just tell me why you're—"
He spun Sasuke back around, and Sasuke stumbled, splashing water all over the floor.
"Sorry," Sasuke breathed out, pushing the cup onto the table. There were paper towels right here, he could clean it up—he'd clean it up, and then he'd—
"Sas—Sasuke, it's fine, stop—" Naruto pulled him back up, "just tell me why you're here."
Sasuke stared into his eyes. God, no camera ever did those eyes justice, he—
"I wanted to see you."
Naruto stared at him. His eyes darted all over Sasuke's face and Sasuke didn't know what he found, but he—
"Okay," he said, sounding hesitant, "better question. What the fuck, Sasuke?"
Sasuke flinched, but Naruto held strong.
"Why'd you leave? Why didn't you tell me?"
Sasuke breathed in.
"I," he said, his heart the only thing he could feel through the haze of alcohol, "I thought you'd want me to reconsider."
Naruto stared at him, and then his lips thinned.
"Wow," he said, his voice hard. "Good to know what you actually thought of me."
He didn't know how long it was before Naruto turned around. He knew when he did, though, and the panic flooded through him as if it was the blood in his veins—
"I would have," he said, and Naruto stopped.
"I would have reconsidered," Sasuke said. "If you'd said anything. Like it fucking mattered what school I went to anyway. Degrees are the fucking same."
His voice devolved into a harsh mutter as he went on, and he collapsed to the floor, sitting up and staring at the tile. It had felt so fucking important at the time, like it was the most important thing he'd ever do. All people had talked about was who had gotten to which school, and Sasuke hadn't wanted to disappoint Naruto just as desperately as he'd wanted to follow in his parents' footsteps—
But what did that matter? They were still dead.
Sasuke glared at the floor, and his eyes burned.
"Sasuke," came Naruto's voice, and Sasuke's head jerked up. He'd nearly forgotten— "you're an idiot."
Sasuke blinked.
"I didn't care where you went. I just didn't want to lose you." And he laughed, there—a sharp, painful noise that had the lump in Sasuke's throat back in full force. "And it was your fucking parents'—I would have—if you had just said something, I could've—"
Naruto breathed out, waving a hand.
Sasuke's cheek suddenly felt wetter.
"I'm an idiot," he whispered.
"Yeah," Naruto laughed, incredulous, "yeah. You're an idiot."
Sasuke breathed out, something loosening in his chest—in his heart—
"Come on," Naruto said, reaching down. "You should lay down."
The fifth time it happened, they were at a housewarming party. Sakura's housewarming party, to be exact, and Naruto had expressed no less than fifteen times how fucking weird it was that one of them had managed to become an adult—
Then again, there were about twelve people attempting to cram into the same hot tub.
"No, no, we can make room!" Ino insisted. "Everybody needs to cuddle. Come on, we're all adults here, time to cuddle—"
Naruto laughed, throwing his arm around Sasuke as he moved closer for the millionth time. Not that Sasuke minded, no, but he was still expected to mind quite a bit, and so he forced himself to ignore the bursting heat of Naruto's smooth, gorgeous skin, and frown at the touch instead.
Naruto's eyes only glittered in response.
"There we go. Drinks all good?"
"I think I've got hot tub water in mine," Naruto muttered, and Sasuke ducked his head to hide his smile.
"You do?" he deadpanned. "You're practically in my lap."
Naruto laughed, responding by wrapping one arm and tucking his legs over Sasuke's shoulder.
"My hero," he sang, fluttering his eyelashes.
Sasuke shoved him into the water.
"Boys!" Sakura called. "Limits on the horseplay, please? This is a grown-up house."
Naruto shoved himself onto Sasuke's lap.
"Yes, ma'am, sorry ma'am," he said, wiggling himself back at Sasuke.
"Ugh, fuck off," Sasuke grumbled, shoving Naruto to the side—he couldn't breathe when he squashed him like—
"Okay! Okay, we all fit. Nobody move."
Sasuke froze.
Naruto leaned right back.
"Good. Now—everybody got some champagne?"
Naruto raised his glass, and all Sasuke managed to do was keep ahold of the idiot before he fell right over—
"Okay," Sakura said, floating forwards. "Thank you all. It's been a weird, crazy few years. And it's somehow managed to work out," she laughed, "in the weirdest, craziest way."
She threw Ino a smile, and Ino made a point of flicking her hair back. Sasuke felt the soft rumble of Naruto's laugh against his chest.
"And I think that's something worth celebrating," Sakura continued—
"But if any of you puke in our hot tub, you're paying for a new one," Ino interjected, and Naruto laughed again. All it really managed to do was rock him back into Sasuke, nuzzling his hair into Sasuke's neck and pressing his back to his chest. The loose ends of the cord scraped across Sasuke's skin—with two keys hanging from it, now. Sasuke hadn't quite been able to bring himself to remind the moron to take it off...
"So—okay, whatever, no more speeches. Cheers!"
"Cheers!'
Naruto laughed, tossing a bit of his champagne back before his eyes turned to Sasuke.
"You're out," he said, leaning close to Sasuke's ear. "Share with me."
He tilted his glass towards Sasuke's mouth, and Sasuke snatched it from him before he could manage to break it. Still, it left him holding the empty glasses after they were both done, and Sasuke couldn't help but feel as if Naruto had somehow played him—
Naruto threw him a grin, and something in Sasuke's heart melted.
"Need another drink?" he asked, as Naruto leaned back again.
"Mm, yeah," he said, smiling. "But I don't wanna move."
Sasuke breathed out. Naruto settled back so easily and comfortably, and Sasuke stayed in tortured bliss as that skin slipped against his. His hips shifted, again, as if adjusting the way they sat for any discomfort Sasuke's lap might be giving him—and god, Sasuke hoped it wasn't. Between Naruto's bathing suit and his own, there were two pathetic sheets of fabric between him and something awkward and horrifying, and yet Naruto pressed back as if he didn't notice any of that at all, and Sasuke—and Sasuke—
Sasuke was dizzy, drunk and terrified.
He clenched the edge of the hot tub. Naruto pushed back, again, laughing at something Sasuke couldn't bring himself to hear, and Sasuke wrenched his mind back to himself and reminded himself to breathe. He still knew the quadratic equation, right? He could recite the periodic table. Anything to distract himself from—
"Mmph," Naruto moaned, stretching back, "you don't mind this, do you?"
Sasuke stared at his mouth.
"It's fine," he said, his grip on his mind trembling—
"You're holding two empty cups," Naruto pointed out, and Sasuke could feel his breath...his lips were already wet and he was...so very close…
"C'mon," Naruto said, his voice low and beckoning, "let's give these people some breathing room."
He hopped out of the tub, grabbing the glasses out of Sasuke's hands before he had a chance to protest. Not that he would have, really—a moment alone with Naruto was worth far more than any in a crowd, but that—that—
That type of thinking was bound to get him in trouble.
Sasuke pressed his lips together and focused on following Naruto into the house. A shout of "towels!" followed them, and it made Naruto turn—straight into the towel that Sasuke already held for him. His own was tucked under his arm.
"Thanks," Naruto said, shooting him a grin.
Sasuke nodded, choosing to stare at the grass, instead. It was either that, the sun, or something far brighter.
Naruto laughed, as if hearing his thoughts. Sasuke followed him into the house, keeping his gaze down, and not—not on anything else. Not on the swim shorts that sat so fucking low on Naruto's hips, and not on the way they somehow had managed to be the exact same colour as Naruto's eyes, either. He'd nearly had a heart attack the moment the man had walked out of the washroom, and he hadn't even been wet—
So Sasuke's eyes were down.
Very much...down.
"Oh my god," Naruto laughed, "I'm getting water everywhere. Where's the bathroom? It's not thi—"
"The next one," Sasuke said, abandoning the glasses in favour of pulling the moron in. He let go as soon as they were in, blinking as Naruto paused, in the doorway—
Naruto kicked the door shut.
Sasuke breathed in.
"I'm...going to get changed," Naruto said—carefully. Hesitantly. As if he was watching Sasuke for something—
"Oh," Sasuke said, "I'll—"
Sasuke ducked around him, and Naruto moved to the side, pressing himself to the wall. His gaze was downturned and somewhere past Sasuke, and that was all Sasuke's heart needed to freeze him still—
Naruto looked up.
For a moment, time stopped. Sasuke stared at Naruto and Naruto stared back at him—Sasuke rocked back and felt reality warp around him—warp around Naruto, twisting into some sort of vacuum, pulling, pulling, pulling, pulling—
Sasuke fell forwards.
It was barely a moment of a kiss—just long enough for Sasuke's world to right itself again, just long enough for his head to catch up to the alcohol, just long enough for him to rip himself away—
"Sorry. Sorry, I—"
"No," Naruto said, pushing forwards, "no, no, no—"
Naruto kissed him. Naruto pressed him back against the counter and kissed him, pushed their bodies together and kissed him, Sasuke moaned into his mouth—Naruto was smooth and wet and white hot, pushing their hips together in the delicious friction that had been teasing Sasuke all night—Sasuke forgot where he was and who he was and tugged Naruto shorts down until their cocks pressed together—he felt Naruto's hand wrap around them and he reeled—
"Ah—"
Naruto's mouth was hot and unrelenting, his kiss full of a passion that drove Sasuke wild, he could barely think through the haze of pleasure—their breath mixed together in vicious pants, their mouths as wet as their bodies, Naruto's cock was slick and soft and his hand was deliciously rough, deliciously fast and deliciously uneven, like he could barely focus through the feeling—
"Sas—"
Sasuke trembled.
"Oh, god, Sas—"
Sasuke arched—
"—s'ke, Sasuke—"
Sasuke came.
Reality filtered back to him in chunks. In harsh, jagged pieces—in Naruto's breath, still heavy, panting against his skin—in the cum on his stomach, not only his own—in his spine, shoved painfully back into the counter—
"I—" Naruto breathed out, and Sasuke breathed in—
"We should—um, get cleaned up."
"Right. Yes."
Naruto pulled back, and Sasuke was cold again.
The twelfth time it happened, Sasuke was waiting for it. Naruto had finished his Masters degree after three years of blood, sweat and frantic imposter syndrome—and it was their apartment, for once, that was playing host to the celebration of it all. A celebration that was well-deserved, in Sasuke's opinion, although he had shared a scarce few of the same doubts Naruto had—but still...loud. Sasuke desperately craved his silence back, and he'd shut himself in his bedroom for the better part of ten minutes in an attempt to remember what that bliss was like—
"Thought I'd find you in here."
Sasuke's lips twitched.
"In my own room?" he asked, as Naruto shut the door behind him. "Groundbreaking."
Naruto laughed, and Sasuke shuffled aside so he could sit on the bed beside him. It wasn't exactly an unusual occurrence to have him here; no, Naruto had quickly and easily snuck himself into Sasuke's room as kids, and that...appeared to have formed a habit.
Sasuke's lips twitched.
A habit that not even their years apart had managed to break, apparently. Sasuke wondered if the relief in his heart had made it to his face the first time Naruto had come back. They hadn't even been living together, back then…
"Whatcha thinkin' about?"
Sasuke raised an eyebrow, held his drink to his chest, and didn't reply.
Naruto's smile widened.
Sasuke made no attempt at hiding the way he stared. At one time in his life, he might have. At another, he certainly would have. But there was no point to it now.
Naruto knew, didn't he? Alcohol, and a moment alone. Those had been the only ingredients needed, in the past...
Sasuke finished his drink, and slid it onto his bedside table.
"You look warm," Naruto said, and Sasuke snorted.
"There's a hundred people crammed into this apartment," he drawled, leaning back. "Everyone is warm."
"There's like twenty! Not even," Naruto laughed, nudging himself closer. Sasuke huffed out a breath and shifted his legs—a movement Naruto took as an invitation to shuffle right in, apparently. Sasuke sat up to match the angle of his torso properly.
Naruto's fingertips overlapped, ever so slightly, with his.
"There's not that many people."
"There are," Sasuke told him. "You have an obnoxious amount of friends."
Naruto ducked his head.
"An obnoxious amount of friends," Sasuke continued, watching the way his face flushed, "obnoxiously celebrating an obnoxious amount of accomplishment."
"Oh, like you're one to talk, med school," Naruto shot back, and Sasuke raised an eyebrow. It was only another moment before Naruto shrank back into his happy embarrassment again.
"I," he ducked his head down, twisting his fingers through his hair, "I didn't think I could do it."
"I knew you would," Sasuke said immediately.
Naruto breathed out a small laugh.
"'Course you did," he said, rocking back only to lean in closer. "I mean—as a kid, though. This is...I never thought I'd ever be smart enough to pull this off. I really thought I was…"
Sasuke tugged Naruto's hand away, pushing his own hand through Naruto's hair to beckon those eyes to turn back to him.
"Have you finally been convinced otherwise?"
Naruto laughed, leaning into Sasuke's hand. (Sasuke didn't pull it away.)
"I'm getting there," he said softly. "I think. Um…"
He looked up. Sasuke's hand loosened—it trailed down, behind Naruto's ear, to his chin, his neck, his shoulder, his arm...Naruto's gaze didn't waver and Sasuke found himself just...tired. Tired of fighting this.
Surely, Naruto knew by now.
Surely, Naruto knew.
"Oh, fuck this," Naruto breathed, and then his lips were on Sasuke's. Sasuke wrapped his arms around him and thought finally. Finally, finally, finally—every second near Naruto had felt like torture; Sasuke had held this ache in his chest for years and it lived, it still lived, with only moments like these to ease it—
Sasuke tumbled back, and Naruto crawled over him.
It was a terrible comfort. A heartbreaking warmth—having Naruto this close. It was brutal in the way it ripped Sasuke apart and wove him back together—Naruto's hands slipped under his shirt and slid up his torso, spread wide and stuck tight, gripping to him as if there wasn't an inch Naruto wanted to miss—
Sasuke shoved a hand in between them. And Naruto gasped, then—breaking the kiss three times in trembling succession, as Sasuke slipped his hand past Naruto's clothes and gripped him hard, pressing Naruto's erection against the bulge of Sasuke's pants, raising his own hips for more, Naruto's elbows buckled and he bit his moan into Sasuke's neck—
Knock, knock, knock.
They froze.
"Naruto?" came a voice, muffled by the door— "Are you in there?"
Naruto breathed out a sheepish laugh.
"Um," he called back, swallowing, "yeah."
Sasuke pulled his hand out of Naruto's pants.
"Do you mind if you—" the voice went on—
"Go back to your admirers," Sasuke muttered, scanning Naruto's sheepish, hesitant face.
"But I—" Naruto started—
"Go," Sasuke told him. "I'll be here."
Naruto swallowed, his eyes darting down to Sasuke's lips one last time.
"Promise?"
Those blue eyes met his, and Sasuke wondered if Naruto had any idea what they were really capable of.
"I promise."
The thirteenth time it happened, they were sober.
It was the next morning, and Sasuke had forced himself out into several more hours of socialization until they had drained every last drop of energy from him. Naruto had lit up the moment he'd come back, though, so Sasuke—
Sasuke had really had no choice, had he?
He let out a sigh, scanning the mess across their living room table. He'd made it about a third of the way into cleaning before the fatigue had finally caught up to him. He'd settled for resting—if only for a moment—with a cool glass of water pressed to his temple.
At least everyone was gone, now.
Sasuke let his eyes close, sinking into the cool feeling. Maybe he ought to have just kept sleeping. But he'd heard Naruto moving outside, and even the smallest motion he'd made had had Sasuke wide awake…
A glass clattered on the table, and Sasuke's eyes opened.
Beer. A full bottle of beer, that Naruto had set down right in front of him. Closed, thankfully, but—
"Ugh," he said, staring at it, "why? Don't open that."
"I dunno," Naruto said, plopping himself beside Sasuke, "it's like we need it or something."
Sasuke's mouth opened and closed.
Naruto ducked his head, running a nervous hand over the back of his neck before he sat back up.
"I—" he started, "we—"
His voice cut off, and he ducked his head back down with tight, unhappy lips. The look of a man the words just wouldn't come to.
Sasuke could certainly empathize.
"It's a convenient excuse," Sasuke said softly, and Naruto's head jerked up.
"Is that what you—after the fifth time, Sasuke?"
Sasuke's lips twitched.
"Not for me," he answered, and Naruto was struck silent.
Sasuke pulled his feet back, but didn't leave. He was too tired to stand. Too tired to run, too tired to fight. This was a truth too strong to fight, anyway.
He'd certainly tried.
"I don't mind," Sasuke started slowly, looking at the imperfection in the wall behind the TV—an attempt to cover a stain, and all white paints were not, apparently, created equal— "if it's only physical. For you."
"If it's—"
"Don't tell me if it is."
It was a snap—a panicked response that had left Sasuke's lips before he'd even had the chance to—
"Please," he added, after a moment, the emotion in his chest weighing it down so heavily that Sasuke felt as if he was holding his breath— "it's...better if you don't say anything. Either way."
"Fuck that," Naruto snapped, and Sasuke's head jerked up just in time to see Naruto's wide, angry eyes— "I've been in love with you for years."
Sasuke's hand slipped off the armrest.
"What?"
"Sas—are you serious? I thought you knew. Fucking hell, I thought you knew—didn't you read—I thought you didn't block me!"
"I didn't—"
"Then what the hell?! Don't tell me I was actually fucking subtle for once—"
"You hated me."
Naruto jerked back.
"I never hated you," he said, staring. "I was pissed as hell, but I—I could never hate you."
Naruto let out a laugh, running a hand through his hair.
"Why d'you think I was—I was so—if anything, I was just fucking jealous about Sakura. You ghosted the shit outta me, but you talked to her—like," he let out a thick, hurting breath, "like all the time. Um—"
"I didn't—"
"You did. I'd ask her about you, and she'd know you were okay. Don't—please don't lie to me about—"
Sasuke snatched his phone off the table and shoved it under Naruto's nose.
"Scroll up. I've barely spoken to her since."
He had Naruto for that, nowadays. The girl had always been closer to him, anyway, and she'd known full well why Sasuke was contacting her. It took Naruto about ten seconds to hit the last message before he'd drunkenly stumbled onto Naruto's doorstep—begging for his address in something that Sasuke wasn't sure could be called a sentence. The messages before that were all the same—
A single question mark.
He'd send another one if she didn't supply him with enough. She tended to, though, alongside a heavy dose of guilt—
'He's okay,' said the one Naruto was currently reading. 'He passed his psych midterm. He's pretty happy about that. He kept saying he was going to fail. I've been trying to convince him otherwise, but I'm pretty sure there's only one person he'll believe it from.'
And then, a moment later—
'You really won't talk to him?'
Sasuke hadn't replied. They were all some variation of that, really. But it was enough for Sasuke to know that Naruto was alright, and even doing well, on some days—
"You fucking asshole," Naruto breathed, wiping something from his face, "why didn't you—you could've just—lurked my Facebook or something—"
"I did," Sasuke said, staring at the wall again. "You automatically friend anyone who asks. Even ones that don't even have a display picture. Moron."
Naruto stared at him.
Sasuke, with a bravery given only to him by the words still ringing through his head, met his eye.
"This whole time?" Naruto asked, and Sasuke—and Sasuke—
Naruto launched himself into Sasuke's arms.
"You ass," he said, clutching Sasuke to him with a grip only rivalled by Sasuke's— "you fucking asshole, you've been in love with me this whole—"
Naruto pulled back, his eyes wide and red-rimmed—
"When?" he asked, clutching Sasuke's shirt. "Tell me when."
Sasuke breathed in.
"You don't remember," he said softly. "I don't think you meant to. When we were in high school, at that party you were too drunk at—"
"I remember," Naruto said. "I remembered the whole time, but you never fucking said anything, and then you kissed me when you thought I was sleeping, and then you—"
"You were awake?!"
"Of course I was awake! You kissed me!"
"You kissed me first!"
Naruto barked out a laugh, ducking down to press his forehead to Sasuke's neck.
"Yeah," he said, his voice muffled and breathless. "Please tell me I can do it again."
He pulled back, and Sasuke took in every inch of his dazzling, brilliant smile—
"Please do it again," he breathed, and then that smile finally, finally, finally pressed to his. In a brilliant, broken, laughing kiss—filled with disbelief and exhilaration, and a new form of dizziness Sasuke hadn't known he could feel—was he dreaming? He must be. He must be dreaming. It was impossible, this was impossible, this—
Naruto broke the kiss and settled, breathing heavy, into the nook of Sasuke's neck.
"I'm gonna start crying now," he said. "Don't be offended."
Sasuke breathed out a small laugh and tightened his grip.
"Given that our first kiss made you vomit," he muttered, "I'm not sure how to take that."
Naruto pulled back with a laugh, slapping at Sasuke's shoulder. His eyes were red-rimmed and awfully watery, but the smile on his face made up for it a thousand times—
"You ass! You know it wasn't that."
Sasuke's smile widened.
"One can never be sure," he said, and Naruto punched a soft fist into him again.
"Asshole," he said, ducking forwards again. "You ass. I'm—you—"
Naruto swallowed, cutting himself off in a breathless laugh. Sasuke found himself feeling somewhere similar, staring at Naruto in some sort of awe—
"Moron," he said, brushing some of Naruto's hair back.
Naruto caught his hand before it could go.
"I can't believe you didn't know."
Sasuke breathed out. Him. Him? How could he have known? How could he have let himself believe even anything close? Naruto was built out of everything good in the world and Sasuke was blessed to even walk at his side, let alone—
"Say it again."
Naruto's smile widened.
"Sasuke," he said, eyes brilliant and earnest and Sasuke's heart swelled—
"I'm in love with you."
A/N: And there's Sasuke's version of the story :) What did you think? Did you read Naruto's yet? Let me know!
See you in a sec,
- Kinomi
