1,731A.N. Not a chapter as it says above. Sorry if I got your hopes up.
I wanted to give you guys an update, but didn't want to leave you with nothing to read. So, I'm adding an omake I wrote for the discord server a while ago. It isn't long, but it's better than nothing.
Update will be in 2nd A.N.
This can't be good.
"It really isn't. Well, for you at least." The black cloaked man at the bar addresses my unspoken concern as he sips his beer.
"Ladies and fire hoses, welcome to tonight's main event! The thrilling conclusion to hours of blood, sweat, and cancer!"
A particularly brave patron raises his hand. "What's cancer? And how can this be a conclusion if things just started?"
The silver bearded man glared down at the patron from his place atop a table. "Congratulations Mr. Lady. YOU JUST VOLUNTEERED!"
The silver bearded man points a long finger at the patron and intones, "MAGIC WORD PHRASE!"
The patron tries to run, but a beam of rainbow colored energy collides with him.
One second, he's just another nord. The next, he's a kangaroo with boxing gloves and a bike helmet on.
Why the hell am I here?
"Entertainment of course." The black cloaked man once again reads my thoughts.
"Mother bets 347 gizmos on the Goofy Ru-Roo!" A man in a jester's outfit calls from a corner of the room. There is a large wooden box seated in a chair next to him.
Why is the fucking Night Mother here?!
"Because she's a wonderful lady who's fun to have around." The black robed man says.
Getting real tired of that asshole.
He smiles at me. "I don't care."
Before I can say anything else, Sheo-fucking-gorath sweeps his left arm out to indicate me. "In this corner, we have THE ONE, THE ONLY, ME!"
What?
He sweeps his right arm out to indicate the nord turned kangaroo with boxing gloves. "AAAnd in this corner, we have his competitor. Give it up fooor, Goofy Ru-Roo!"
I let out a long, drawn out sigh.
This is so beneath me.
"It really isn't." The black robed man says.
Fuck you Sam.
"Well that was quite rude."
Sheogorath looks to the sky and yells, "F-F-F-FIGHT! Heh, you all thought I was gonna say fun didn't cha'?"
I'm so done right now. Nothing personal buddy, but I want to go home.
I activate Godspeed and barrel towards the kangaroo with a Chidori coating my right hand.
"TIME OUT!" Sheogorath yells, and everything freezes. The only things making any movements, are Sam, and Sheogorath himself.
No wait, Cicero is dancing. Why is Cicero dancing? How the fuck can Cicero negate TES God shenanegans? Hell, how can I see what's going on in stopped time?
"Because of perfectly logical reasons."
FUCK YOU SAM!
Sheo walks up to me and pokes me on the forehead.
He smiles maniacally at me. "I've just had a wonderful conversation with that Cerys of yours, and we've decided all your powers are tournament illegal. I don't make the rules, I just make the rules. TIME IN!"
I fall face first into the ground as my momentum carries my forward.
"Ooooo. That one hurt folks!" Sheo narrates. "Me better get up, or Goofy's gonna kick his ass!"
Ow. So much ow.
I roll onto my stomach, and force myself to my feet.
I look up just in time to see a big red thing impact my face.
"And Goofy lands a nasty right hook! I wonder what Me's gonna do now?!" Sheo yells enthusiastically.
Why the hell didn't sixth sense trigger?
"Because of even more perfectly logical reasons."
I WILL FIND A WAY TO MURDER YOU YOU PIECE OF SHIT!
"I quite doubt that boy. There are a few of you who could manage it, but you aren't among their number quite yet."
Another red thing hits my right in the nose, and I feel blood start to drip down my face.
"Oh no!" Sheo cries. "Me got his ass kicked! But he didn't even have the courtesy to get his ass kicked! For shame Me! You bring shame upon Me's everywhere!"
Please let this be a dream.
"It isn't, but Vae does owe me a favor or two…"
This time I notice in time to duck under the kangaroo's punch, and I use my… WHERE THE FUCK DID MY CLASSES GO?!
"Away of course."
I WILL FUCKING MURDER YO…
A large force connects with my rear, and I'm sent flying.
Sheo laughs like the madman he is. "Me got his ass kicked! He has restored the honor of Me! Sadly for him however, he has lost quite splendidly. Give it up for your winner…. Goofy Ru-Roo!"
From my place on the ground, I can see the entire bar has been vacated with the exception of the gods, the box, Cicero, and some crazy girl giving Sam ga-ga eyes.
Sheo huffs indignantly. "I SAID…" He snaps his fingers, and all of a sudden the tavern is full of patrons once more. "Give it up. FOR. GOOFY. RU-ROO."
The sheer malice exuded by the god is terrifying. Please let me live through this.
"I give it 50-50 odds young mortal." Sam sing-songs.
I'm actually gonna cry.
The entire bar immediately breaks out into panicked cheers as they congratulate Goofy Ru-Roo.
The kangaroo lifts his arms up, and hops across the room victoriously.
I hear giggling from the corner of the room and look over. "Hehe, mother won! Of course mother won! Mother always wins! This is most fun! Most fun indeed!"
As if Sheo wasn't bad enough, I've got everyone's favorite psycho stabber to worry about.
"Oh quit your whining. Cicero is a fine fellow. I'm sure the two of you would get on splendidly if you gave it a chance." Sam says as he walks over to me.
Fuck. You.
He tsks. "And here I was about to give you the Bow of Shadows. I refuse to give anything to a sore loser."
Don't care. Fuck you.
"Hey Me!" Sheogorath's face suddenly appears inches from mine. "A Me should be more polite to another Me's friends!" He backs up slightly to throw an arm around Sam's shoulder. "Friends are the friendliest after all!"
Sam nods his head up and down in agreement.
"Please just let me go home." I plead aloud.
Sheo scratches his chin. "Hmm, I suppose we could, BUT WE'RE DOING THIS AGAIN! The other Me has to come with Me next time too! Oh, and make sure to bring Cerys again! She's actually nice."
What?
"Ta ta!" He screams, and I'm pulled through a portal.
I landed back in my broom closet, and just lay there.
I really don't feel like moving right now.
A.N.
So life has been kicking my ass recently. I'm not going to go into much detail, but suffice to say writing has been the last thing on my mind. I enjoy writing, but irl stuff is more important than a hobby. The story still isn't dead, but I don't know when I'll be able to get a chapter out.
Sorry, but I'm not going to give you a timetable. All that'll do is stress me out even more.
Thanks for all the support you guys have been giving me, and I'll get a chapter out as soon as I'm able.
Stay safe, and have a good one.
