70Obi-Wan was aware of the silence that followed the end of the message. The silence crashed all around him, making his ears ring and his head ache. He was aware of Ahsoka and Anakin's eyes on him, and somewhere in the distance, Obi-Wan heard the buzz of a maintenance droid. What that droid was fixing, Obi-Wan wasn't sure. Maybe some other apartment.
"When did you get this message?" Anakin asked at last.
"Just a little while ago," Ahsoka replied. "I came as fast as I could." Her eyes flicked between Anakin and Obi-Wan. "I don't understand," she said at last. "When I was on Mandalore, Bo-Katan didn't say anything about Satine. So how…"
"It could have been just a different hologram," Obi-Wan heard himself say. "Perhaps Satine left a message for her sister."
"That didn't sound like another hologram," Anakin said, looking at the holoprojector still sitting in Ahsoka's hand. "That voice was clear. If it was a hologram, we would have actually heard that part."
"Hologram technology is always advancing," Obi-Wan said. He looked down at the holoprojector in Ahsoka's hand. "We can't tell if that's Satine for sure. And Ahsoka said it herself—Bo-Katan made no mention of Satine being alive. Quite on the contrary, actually." He kept his voice even, tried to ignore the little tremor in his own voice at the end. He cleared his throat.
"But that was Satine's voice," Anakin said. "And she sounded like she was responding to something Bo-Katan said. Why would Satine mention Mandalore changing otherwise, especially when Bo-Katan just mentioned Ahsoka and Rex's work?" He appeared in front of Obi-Wan's line of vision. "You can't seriously think that was just another hologram."
"I can," Obi-Wan replied, looking at Anakin. His head hurt.
Anakin let out a frustrated sound. "Why are you being difficult about this?" he asked. He gestured towards Ahsoka. "She heard it too, right?" He looked at Ahsoka, presumably for support. And not to Obi-Wan's surprise (and rather instead to his frustration), Ahsoka nodded.
"I don't think Bo-Katan meant for us to hear Satine," Ahsoka said, "which was why this makes everything so much more suspicious." She stuck the holoprojector back to her side. "Satine was quiet, and her voice was mostly muffled. We weren't supposed to hear her." She looked at Obi-Wan. "If that was supposed to be just another hologram of Satine, then Bo-Katan wouldn't have needed to hide it."
"There," Anakin said triumphantly, turning back around to Obi-Wan. "See? She could be alive."
Obi-Wan felt cold. "She couldn't," he replied. "I watched her die." Not just watched. Felt. Right in his arms, her body becoming limp in a way that Obi-Wan had already grown too familiar with.
"We thought that Maul was dead," Anakin pointed out. "And we also thought Echo was dead. Both turned out alive."
"This is different," Obi-Wan said. He met Anakin's eyes. "I was with Satine in her last moments," he said. His voice felt far away. Everything felt far away. Obi-Wan was back in the throne room, crouched over Satine's crumpled body. How he had crashed to his knees then—how there had been a deadly silence like there was now, only then the silence had been punctuated with Satine's pained gasps, and then her whispered last words—
"Thank you for showing us that, Ahsoka," Obi-Wan said at last, concentrating on the spot between Ahsoka's montrals. "I'm glad to hear of your update from Bo-Katan. Now, if you'll excuse me, I believe I have some other matters to attend to."
He only had just started to take a few steps towards the door before he felt Anakin grab back his arm. So terribly demonstrative, that one. Still, Obi-Wan turned around.
"That's it?" Anakin asked incredulously. "You're just going to leave?"
"There's nothing more to discuss," Obi-Wan replied. He flicked his eyes up to meet Anakin's and looked away. Anakin was too close, too intense. "Please let go of me, Anakin."
Obi-Wan half-expected some dramatic protest, but to his surprise, Anakin dropped his hand. Still, Anakin's expression remained as insistent as ever. "I don't understand," Anakin said, stepping back. "How can you just—" He cut himself off and shook his head. "I don't understand," he repeated.
"There's nothing too complicated to understand," Obi-Wan heard himself reply. "I simply choose not to jump to conclusions."
"There's no conclusions to jump to," Ahsoka cut in. "It's just a simple fact." She pressed her lips together. "I'm a little skeptical too," she said. "Bo-Katan didn't say a single thing about Satine while we were on Mandalore, and before…" Her voice drifted, and Obi-Wan felt something kick at his chest. Ahsoka looked sorry then, and he knew that they were all thinking of Bo-Katan's first meeting in the cruiser. Of the words exchanged between them.
"This has to be a new development," Ahsoka finished. "Maybe Bo-Katan was planning on telling us sooner or later. Or maybe she just can't say anything outright. Or maybe I was wrong—maybe she got Satine to say something on purpose in that way, just enough to tip us off—"
"Ahsoka," Obi-Wan started wearily, but Ahsoka wasn't finished.
"Duchess Satine being alive would have massive political implications," she said. "It would make sense why Bo-Katan wouldn't want the whole galaxy to know the truth right now. But she's a friend—she's our friend, and she knows that some of us were familiar enough with Satine. Bo-Katan would at least give us that."
"And can you be sure of that?" Obi-Wan asked dryly. "You've worked one operation with Bo-Katan—"
"A whole siege," Ahsoka shot back. "In case you've forgotten."
"I haven't," Obi-Wan replied.
"Really," Ahsoka said, folding her arms over her chest. "Because for a second there, it sounded like you were trying to discredit my trust in Bo-Katan. Or just to discredit my trust in general." Obi-Wan detected the sharp bristle underneath Ahsoka's words. It hurt a bit, although Obi-Wan wouldn't admit such aloud. He distinctly remembered that same sharpness in Ahsoka's tone when they had been standing in the cruiser together—only that time had been the discussion of the Chancellor. Which, looking back, Obi-Wan still wondered what would have happened should Anakin and he had left Palpatine to rot on the Separatist ship, but—
"You know I'm not trying to do that," Obi-Wan said quietly.
Ahsoka's gaze softened just slightly. "I know," she replied. "But I don't understand how you can be so…"
"Dismissive," Anakin supplied. Obi-Wan met Anakin's gaze for a second before Anakin was looking away first.
"I'm not being dismissive," Obi-Wan replied at last. "Should Satine actually be alive…" His chest tightened. His head hurt. He tried not to notice the way Anakin and Ahsoka now looked at him. He couldn't remember the last time Anakin and Ahsoka had both looked at him that way—long before Mandalore, of course. It must have been even further back, long before Ahsoka had left the Order. Perhaps some mission gone awry.
"I felt her die," Obi-Wan said shortly. Simply. Don't linger. He made his face a mask of calm, tried to conceal the pain needling into his head. He was cold, too—or at least, his hands felt cold, while everything else felt too warm. Obi-Wan vaguely wondered if perhaps he should have at least tried to get some more sleep after all.
"Now if you'll excuse me," Obi-Wan said again. He tilted his head into a small nod towards Anakin and Ahsoka, and then he turned to leave. He took one step, two before the room started to flicker before him. His head hurt. He closed his eyes briefly, tried to clear his vision at least of the flickering before taking another step.
He heard murmuring from behind him. A few footsteps. But then there was the hum of the door opening in front of him, and Obi-Wan lifted his eyes to see Padmé in the doorway, her hands laden with a few bags.
Padmé stopped short. "Obi-Wan," she said, her face brightening. "What a pleasant surprise." She lifted the bags in her hands. "Are you staying for dinner?"
"I was just leaving," Obi-Wan replied, hoping his voice matched Padmé's, but the senator's eyes were already sliding away from his face and behind him. When Obi-Wan turned around, Anakin and Ahsoka gave him but blank looks, which Obi-Wan didn't trust for a minute.
"Really," Padmé said lightly, drawing Obi-Wan back to her. "You left early last night. This is your way to make things up to us."
"Exactly," Anakin said suddenly. "Obi-Wan, you owe us more of your time. That's how things work, right? Here," he added, swooping by Padmé's side, "I'll carry those—you relax for a bit. Actually…" He shot Obi-Wan a sidelong glance. "Maybe make sure our esteemed guest stays put."
Before Obi-Wan could argue, Padmé replied, "But of course." She walked forward and, taking the sleeve of Obi-Wan's robes, she added, "And look, the babies are asleep—we'll have to be a little quiet, but I'm sure you won't mind that, would you, Obi-Wan?" Not waiting for an answer, Padmé added, "You too, Ahsoka. I think we all have some unwinding to do."
Anakin was watching him again. Obi-Wan made sure to eat at least a few bites before he could say anything. But Obi-Wan hardly tasted the food. He chewed, swallowed, repeat. The conversation was full of little nothings: Luke and Leia had woken, and they bounced a little in their high chairs as Padmé and Anakin alternated between spooning food into their mouths.
Ahsoka's chatter took up most of any remaining silence. Updates on the task force efforts, updates on a holodrama that she had started watching with Rex. ("We like the funnier ones," Ahsoka shared. "We tried to watch one of those soap-y ones, but we couldn't get past the second episode. So much drama.")
The conversation eventually switched over to Padmé's afternoon in the Senate—and Padmé only gave an exasperated little smile as she mentioned that things were still a little hectic, of course, but: "I'm sure things will settle down eventually," she said. "People are still adjusting to peacetime, and many senators have been getting mixed reports on the state of their home worlds." She had looked around the table. "But I'm sure most of you know that already."
There had been an awkward silence at that, the only sounds being the distant clink of silverware and the speeders outside.
Now Padmé looked around the table again. "What's the matter?" she asked, a crease appearing between her eyebrows. She set the spoon she had been using to feed Luke down. "You three have been acting strange ever since I got here."
The silence lasted another few seconds before Ahsoka cleared her throat. "Speaking of mixed reports on home worlds," she said, pushing her plate away, "I received some interesting updates from Mandalore. From Bo-Katan, actually."
"Yes," Padmé said, her eyebrows still drawn together. "How is Mandalore?"
"Things are still…difficult," Ahsoka said. "Of course. But Bo-Katan said that she was already looking into how Mandalore could assist in the task force. Offering positions, housing units for veterans of the Clone Wars."
Padmé relaxed. "That's wonderful," she started to say, but Anakin cut her off.
"It's not just that," he said, flicking his eyes over to Obi-Wan. "Ahsoka didn't actually speak to Bo-Katan herself. That was just in a recording. There was something else."
This time, Padmé looked at Obi-Wan too, the look on her face quizzical. When Obi-Wan didn't say anything, Padmé turned to Ahsoka. "I see," she said slowly. "What exactly was there?"
Ahsoka reached for her holoprojector. She placed it on the table and looked around. "We've already discussed what this could be," she said. "But…well." She played the message, and this time, Obi-Wan could have sworn the message was clearer—louder—than before. He heard her again. Undeniably, painfully, wonderfully, terribly her.
Only Luke and Leia's babbles filled the apartment.
Then Padmé asked, "How long have you had this message?"
"I only just heard this a few hours ago," Ahsoka replied. "I came here as soon as I figured out who was speaking." Obi-Wan was grateful that for once in the evening, Ahsoka wasn't looking at him. "I know this is a lot to unpack, and I know this couldn't come at a worse time…" Her voice drifted into incredulity. "But this has to be addressed, right?"
"If Satine's alive and allowing clone troopers to stay on Mandalore, then yes, of course," Padmé replied. She hesitated.
"Why do I feel like there's a but coming?" Anakin muttered.
Padmé gave Anakin a look that Obi-Wan might have enjoyed on other nights, but tonight, Padmé's unimpressed half-glower didn't do much to ease the spirit of the apartment. "But," Padmé said, "these things are delicate." She looked at Ahsoka. "I agree that has to be Satine, and I'm glad that's Satine, but…" Her brow furrowed. "Mandalore is fragile enough as it is. Judging by the quiet from that planet already, I can't help but think that most Mandalorians don't know of Satine's…recovery either."
"Then why bother slipping this message?" Ahsoka asked. She looked around the table. "You all heard the message," she said. "Bo-Katan isn't an idiot. She wouldn't have slipped that message in unless she needed us to address that issue."
"But would you be able to do that?" Padmé asked gently. "You're already spread thin with the task force duties."
Ahsoka's shoulders slumped a little, and Obi-Wan felt bad for the girl then. Because she was a girl—really just a child, forced too quickly to grow up like the rest of the children who had fought in the Clone Wars. But Ahsoka straightened her shoulders in the next second, her chin lifted. "Just a day," she said. "I can go check the scene just for a day."
"Mandalore's still unstable," Anakin warned. "You can't go in there alone."
"No," Ahsoka and Obi-Wan said in unison.
Anakin looked at them. "What?" he asked. "I didn't even—"
"We know that look," Padmé said. She lifted her eyes up to Anakin, and Obi-Wan saw a silent battle come between the two, until finally, Anakin loosed a sigh and sank back into his seat.
"You're right, you're right," he grumbled, much to Obi-Wan's surprise and suspicion. "I can't go." And then he turned expectantly to Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan's heart sank. "No," he said automatically.
"You and Ahsoka know Mandalore best," Anakin pointed out. "And as keepers of the peace—"
"Not yet—" Ahsoka began just as Obi-Wan replied, "That's not how this works, Anakin."
"Then how is this supposed to work?" Anakin asked, frustrated. Sensing their father's obvious annoyance, both Luke and Leia banged their fists against their seats, their legs squirming to be let out. Anakin winced, setting a hand on Leia's head. "Sorry, sorry," he said, though whether he was saying that to his children or to the rest of the table, Obi-Wan frankly didn't know.
"I think we're all missing the most important question," Padmé said softly, her warm eyes sweeping over to Obi-Wan, and he knew in the pinch in his chest what the senator was going to ask even before the words were fully out of her lips. Still, she asked—she had to ask: "How do you feel about this, Obi-Wan?"
"In the past, the Council has—"
Padmé smiled. "I asked how you feel about this, not the Council," she said, and Obi-Wan felt a flare of both exasperation and something else—something he couldn't quite put a finger on—at the ghost of Anakin's own words just earlier today.
But Padmé wasn't the only one waiting for an answer. Even Luke and Leia had quieted, and Anakin and Ahsoka were waiting expectantly.
Obi-Wan looked around. Everyone was watching him so earnestly, so patiently. Obi-Wan looked down at the holoprojector still sitting on the table. Only minutes ago, he had heard her voice again. And he knew that for all the arguing he did, the truth was still sitting before him, plain and simple. And yet, such a truth felt foreign. She could be alive. Or, no, she was alive. Somewhere, possibly on Mandalore, someone was alive and possibly waiting for some answers to reveal themselves.
And would he dare—should he dare—
"I'm sorry," Obi-Wan said abruptly, standing up. He ignored the sound of the chair scraping behind himself. "I should…" The rest of the world became a blur as he stumbled away from the table, towards the door. He heard some protests, but he was out of the apartment, walking quickly down the hallways, down the lifts—
He only made it past the front of the apartment buildings before Anakin and Ahsoka had caught up to him. Of course they would.
Obi-Wan came to a slow stop. He felt Anakin and Ahsoka stop behind him, and when they start to guide him back to the apartment, he didn't argue. He didn't argue once, not when they got back in the lift, not when they walked down the hallways, not when they made their way back inside the apartment. He didn't argue when they all sank down on the couch, and he didn't argue when Anakin grabbed a blanket and tossed it over themselves.
Eventually, Padmé walked into the living room as well. The babies floated over in a transport crib that Obi-Wan vaguely remembered Anakin building a few months ago. Padmé sank beside Anakin's side, the crib stopping a little ways from the couch. Both Luke and Leia were fast asleep, as was Anakin, his head slightly tilted towards Obi-Wan's shoulder. On Obi-Wan's other side, Ahsoka slept too, her lips just barely parted.
"I'm sorry," Padmé whispered suddenly, curling up beside Anakin's side. Anakin shifted a little in his sleep, his head lolling towards his wife, but he didn't wake. "About Satine. I know this must be…difficult." Under the dim glow of the lights, Obi-Wan couldn't quite make out her expression. But he knew that voice.
And maybe Obi-Wan's body just felt too heavy, or maybe his heart felt too heavy, or maybe Padmé was just a good speaker in that moment, because Obi-Wan found himself replying, "It is."
Padmé was quiet. "Do you think you'll be going to Mandalore soon?"
When Obi-Wan spoke next, he knew that he was speaking the truth.
"I don't know."
When the lights turned off, Obi-Wan closed his eyes too.
A/N: As always, reviews/follows/favorites are greatly appreciated!
