Jameson - "Greetings, friends, this is 2 time Pulitzer prize winning reporter John Jonah Jameson. Editor and Chief of the Daily Bugle and the voice of TRUTH. Bringing you the latest news, the greatest interviews and the most hard hitting facts that the Liberal media doesn't want you to hear. So, first session, we have some guys to kick off our VERY FIRST of these Podcast things. What the hell even is a Podcast anyway, sounds like something i put on my rod when i go Salmon fishing up at Pulaski. Trust me, when the chips are down and everything seems like it's all going to hell and some web-slinging MANIAC is terrorizing your city, there is absolutely nothing in the world like going up to Pulaski, casting a line, letting it sit in the water and having a few cans. Especially when you have the greatest guy in the world to share it with, someone like, oh, i don't know, maybe a son who's a Colonel in the Air Force AND is going to be commanding the next manned mission to the moon? John Jonah Jameson III. Nobody could be more proud of their son than i am of him."

Jameson - "But, this is going to be a hell of a boring show if i only talk about good things, let's get into the doom and gloom of the world, because that's all that anyone is willing to listen to. So, Battle of New York, I know, everyone just keeps on beating ON AND ON AND ON about it and nobody in this godforsaken country's liberal media wants to shut up about it. We fought the aliens and we showed them why God loves America. But, it seems like we impressed them so damn much, that some have moved here. Sounds good, IT'S NOT! BECAUSE, UNLIKE GOOD AMERICAN ALIENS LIKE SUPERMAN, THESE ONES SEEM TO HAVE TAKEN A LEAF OUT OF SPIDER-MAN'S BOOK! ROLL THE CLIP!"

*As the clip fades out, a faint voice can be heard saying. "Sir, remember your heart."*

Narrator - "This was once a quiet little suburban town with no real problems. But that all changed 3 months ago when unknown assailants waged a battle across the town, costing the lives of several. Now, it seems that a number of new aliens have been spotted helping out around the town. Just listen to these testimonials!"

Young Childs voice - "IT WAS AWESOME, HE WAS RED, HAD, LIKE, 8 ARMS AND HE THREW THE MONEY MACHINE RIGHT AT THE GETAWAY CAR!"

Narrator - "Did it catch the thief?"

Old man's voice - "OF COURSE IT DID, BUT THAT GUY STOLE A TIN OF BEANS WORTH 50cent AND BROKE $200 WORTH OF STUFF DOING IT! IT'S A MENACE!"

Witness 3 - "It was the tightest s**t you have ever seen. man. Guy makes a run for it, before he knows it, he's got a wall of crystal in his face. This green Emerald-headed guy walks up and BOOM! Bad guy p******s his pants right there and then. Man whoever you are, Emerald-guy, just know I LOVE YOU!"

Jameson - "God, the mouth on these people... Anyway, to talk about the possibility of Aliens moving to Earth now that we have made ourselves known the wider universe, we have several guest speakers with us to discuss it. First, Melinda May, high ranking member of S.H.I.E.L.D. and supposed expert on Extra-terrestrial life."

May - "Thanks, i'm glad to be here."

Jameson - "How the hell can you be an expert on these things? Are you telling me that the nutjobs and their cornfields weren't entirely wrong?"

May - "Mostly, but i have studied everything we know on the matter."

Jameson - "Next is Charles Xavier, head of the Xavier Institute for Gifted Children and expert on Mutants and Mutant Rights activist."

Xavier - "Thank you very much."

Jameson - "Mr Xavier, what do you mean by Mutant Rights? I mean, when i first started the news gig, i learned, pretty quickly, that getting mutated was probably a bad thing, i mean, you seen any of those photo's that've come out of Chernobyl? Tell you one thing. I like my skin EXACTLY where it is and exactly the colour that it is...! Not that there's anything bad with having different coloured skin. I just, well, you know exactly what i mean."

Xavier - "Oh, Mr Jameson, i know EXACTLY what you mean. But your concern is justified, there is a difference between mutants and mutated people. Mutated people are regular people like Miss May here that have been exposed to something that has changed their DNA at the base level, for example, Doctor Reed Richards and his team. Mutants are born with a special gene that we have labelled the X gene. It's predominantly carried by males and it passes onto our children. Sometimes the gene can lay dormant for many generations. You, yourself, might be a carrier and never know until your grandchildren reach puberty, at which point, their wonderful gifts would become known to the world."

Jameson - "Heh. Me being a carrier would explain why my son is a national hero, but he doesn't have to put on red tights to be it. Here that, m'boy! Your mutation is being the best damn American out there, a diagnosis given by Doctor Xavier here and you can put that on your resume."

"Professor." Malinda corrected.

Creed - "If we could dispense with the Pro-Mutant propaganda for just a moment."

Jameson - "Ah yes, i apologize. The Jameson Podcast is a political no-mans-land where we give everyone a fair shake and to do that, i want to introduce you to our final guest, Graydon Creed, leader of the Friends of Humanity movement and staunch anti-Mutant activist."

Creed - "I am happy to be here as well."

Jameson - "So, what's with the Mutant hate?"

Creed - "Simply put, I don't feel safe with people running around with super-powers completely unchecked. It's like handing every man, woman and child in America the Nuclear Football. Petty squabbles can escalate into people throwing buildings at each other, nights of passion setting tower-blocks on fire, it's like everyone has perfect conceilment of a gun and I want regulations put on these people."

Jameson - "Fair point. So, we have a few theories about what these creatures could have been. Miss May, what do you believe about the theory that they are aliens?"

May - "Well, firstly, this isn't 1950 anymore. We KNOW that there are aliens out there. We don't know how many or even what most look like. The Battle of New York was perpetrated by shape-shifters. It is entirely possible that these creatures are all aliens, but it is equally likely that they might be mutated humans."

*"A disgusting thought..." Creed mumbles under his breath, just audibly enough to be picked up*

May - "These beings are... Strange, but they are visitors here and we at S.H.I.E.L.D. would like to get in touch with them."

Creed - "Are you taking steps to apprehend them? We have testimonies from many people that these creatures are a danger to the public, as duly elected representatives of the law, you are bound to bring them to justice."

May - "Strictly speaking, they haven't done anything wrong, as mandated by the Superhero vigilante laws introduced after the case of Lee vs Kane, where the Supreme Court found that individuals are allowed to keep their identities secret, if they believe that it is in the best interests of protecting their friends and family."

Creed - "That seems rather selfish to me. Yes, THEIR friends and families are protected, but what about my friends and family? I consider all humans my friends and by not coming forward, they are putting them in danger." His voice wasn't raised, it was cold and callous, logical.

Xavier - "I believe that we are straying away from the point here. I have done some research myself into these creatures and i do believe that they may be mutants. I have worked with several telepaths in my time, my own telepathic abilities are not unknown to the world and from what i can tell, these creatures, when they show up, have minds very much like a humans... Although a little more primitive, like a child's mind. Granted, i could not possibly say more without interacting with them personally."

Creed - "See, even the M[BLEEP] says that they are dangerous."

Jameson - "WOW! BLEEP THAT!"

Xavier - "M[BLEEP] is a very derogatory word and i would care for you not to use it, please. And i didn't say they were dangerous."

Jameson - "Yeah, you can't say anything like that on here. God knows i don't need HR on my ass again."

Creed - "I apologize to you, Mr Jameson. But Professor, of course you said they were dangerous. Minds like children. If there is one thing that history has taught us, it is that immense power in the hands of those not responsible enough to weild it properly are the single most dangerous creatures on the planet. The Nazi's, the Soviet Union, the Brotherhood of Mutants, all of these groups weilded untold power with no regard for human life and have killed millions."

Jameson - "Oh yeah, those Brotherhood wackjobs. I bet Spider-Man has a bumpersticker for them. Seems like his kind of people. "RISE UP, MUTANTS, YOU'VE NOTHING TO LOSE BUT YOUR CHAINS!" and all that commie crap."

Xavier - "The Brotherhood is misguided, but not evil, as you suggest." Charles explained

Creed - "Well of course you would say that. Isn't Erik Lensherr, one of the most dangerous men in the world, your friend?"

Xavier - "I will not hide that he WAS my friend, but that was until Erik adopted his misguided beliefs. I believe that he is still a good man, he has just been pushed into his situation by people that are not willing to accept others different from themselves. Much like many other misguided activists like Malcolm X from the African-American civil rights movement."

*The unmistakable screeching sound of a chair sliding away from a table, before the sounds of someone unhooking their mic could be heard, then they began to walk away. The footsteps quickly walked back to grab the mic, holding it a little too close to their mouth*

Creed - "I don't need to listen to M[BLEEP] lies, i came here to discuss an important issue with the esteemed Mr Jameson and you want to use it as a soapbox for the vindication of your filthy mutant bed buddy. I will continue to fight for you, my friends. Humanity first."

*Footsteps again before the door slammed.*

Jameson - "Shame, i was just starting to like him. Well, i have started using Twitter and about a week before this aired, i put out to you guys, asking your opinions and comments. So, let's discuss some of the on-point ones. First up. REALAdrianTombs tweets "I agree with everything you say, seriously, SCREW THAT SPIDER-FREAK!" Not really on topic, but it's my show and i agree with it. Same as Webhead0862, yes, i'm reading one of Spider-Mans tweets, because for once, i actually agree with the menace. "Tony's Hotdog stand on the corner of Broadway and 25th is the greatest in the world." Well, Webhead, you did the impossible, you ACTUALLY got me to agree with you on something. Proof that even as a commie bastard, even he can appreciate the power of a working Joe's quality New York hotdog. So, back onto the topic. Animo1306 tweets "We should be capturing these creatures and dissecting them, finding out what makes them superior to us" Firstly, superior to us? Again, our proud United States Armed Forces proved that just ain't true at New York, but discuss away."

May - "As i have already said, technically, they have broken no laws of the US, meaning that peaceful talks is going to be our first choice. As for dissection, well, firstly, we would need to kill them. It's Vivisection to do it whilst they are still alive. But doing either to creatures that seem to be trying, if not always succeeding, to help people isn't what S.H.I.E.L.D. is about. Who knows, we may even be able to recruit them."

Xavier - "I agree with Miss May. Alien or Mutant, they clearly possess great power to destroy, but are using it for the betterment of the Bellewood community. I believe that, rather than a forceful takedown, we should observe and allow them to come to us when they are ready. Lest we turn more heroes into villains."

Jameson - "Sure... Jesus Christ did this guy have a seizure making his profile? RMTRMTWAotBBB tweets "What kind of Music do you think Aliens like?" I'm a Willie Nelson man myself."

May and Xavier together - "Nep-Tunes"

Jameson - "Wait... Aw, dammit. With the dad-jokes and everything... Uuuuuuuugh... HHammond0461 tweets "Say you captured one of these guys, how much is the US Government willing to pay for it?" Well, i think that's a question specifically for you, Miss May."

May - "Well, i am sure that the US Government will be willing to pay a reasonable reward for anyone that has information on these creatures that leads to us opening dialogue with them."

Xavier - "I think it's dangerous to say that, i don't think we want these beings to feel unwelcome."

May - "That's why i said open dialogue. Capture of them is ill-advised, due to their immense power. Just call the S.H.I.E.L.D. Tip hotline and leave any information there."

Jameson - "Alright, one more tweet and we'll rap things up. RMontoya0992 asks "What if they are just trying to get our trust, like the Skrulls did? What if this is a new infiltration attempt?" That is a damn good question."

Xavier - "I don't believe this is there intent. Granted, when the Skrulls were infiltrating, they were almost invisible to even my telepathic abilities, but their infiltration was more about replacing people. I have had the chance to talk with one after capture and... Well, the Skrulls are a people that seem very set in their ways. Rather than making brand new heroes and injecting them into the public light, they seem more intent on replacing those who are already here and in the limelight, such as Captain America and Wonder Woman. If this is an infiltration attempt, i am positive that the Skrulls are NOT behind it."

May - "Well, you can never be too sure, rest assured that S.H.I.E.L.D. is monitoring their activity."

Jameson - "Well, thanks for the input. Very glad to have you on the show. Apart from Mr Creed's... Episode, i think this went very well for a first time."

Xavier - "As do i. I wish you the best of luck with your show."

Jameson - "Well, join us again next time on Just The Facts with your host, 2 time Pulitzer Prize winning journalist, John Jonah Jameson."