January 2019

Mulder woke with a start and sat up. His heart was racing and his ears were ringing, anticipating the crying he thought he had heard. Glancing at the bassinet, he listened, but heard nothing.

Just a dream, he thought, as he laid back down and let out a breath. Scully was asleep beside him and the last thing he wanted was to wake her, especially over nothing. They were working on getting Faith on a sleep schedule and it was having its ups and downs.

Last night had been great, but the night before… he shook his head with a sigh. Scully had been nearly beside herself and he hated to see her that way.

Tonight, he had made a vow to himself to keep an ear out and be the one to get up with Faith, should she start to fuss. They had gone to bed almost two hours ago and he had already fallen asleep on his first watch.

But damn, it was hard to stay awake when that little girl seemed to have a schedule of her own, and trying to alter it was incredibly tough.

He turned his head and looked over at Scully, smiling at her open mouthed heavy sleeping. He wondered if she would even wake up right now if Faith did begin to cry. Sighing, he closed his eyes and attempted to simply rest and not fall asleep this time.

Then he heard it. A sound he knew had not been a dream after all.

Quietly and carefully leaving the bed, he walked over to the bassinet. Looking down he saw that Faith was awake, her big blue eyes looking around with the aid of the light from the small night light in the room.

When her eyes landed on him, she slowly smiled at him and he grinned, all thoughts of tiredness gone. Glancing back at Scully to be sure she was still sleeping, he gently picked Faith up and walked out of the bedroom.

"Little miss," he whispered, stepping into her bedroom and closing the door, the extra night light they had added, removing the need to turn on another light. "What are you doing up? You are supposed to be sleeping. I know you're not hungry yet."

He sat down in the rocking chair and laid her on his lap, looking down at her in her expertly wrapped blanket. She smiled at him again and his heart melted. Lifting her to his shoulder, he leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes.

"Oh little girl, you have no idea the power you wield," he whispered, one hand rubbing her back and the other on her bottom. He sighed as he rocked her, humming softly as the chair made a soft whishing sound.

"I feel as though I've told you a lot already, in your short couple of months, how much your existence means to us, but I'm sure that I will never stop telling you, so be prepared to hear it for the rest of your life."

He fell silent, listening to her little grunts and sighs as he held her close and rocked her. Sighing contentedly, he thought of the future they would now have, the happiness she would bring to them and he smiled.

"When I was little," he said softly, rubbing her back. "After your Auntie was gone, I was always lonely. My family life wasn't ideal before that, but… I vowed to not have a family when I grew up, not wanting to screw it up." He opened his eyes and let out a sigh, thinking of the past, and how it had been screwed up, despite his efforts to avoid it.

"I can't think about that," he whispered, shaking his head and closing his eyes. "I tried. We both did… My girl, this time it will be different. Not because we love you more, but because of the circumstances. It was out of our hands, especially your mama's. There will be days, when you're older, that you will see your mama looking at you with a look you will not be able to identify, and it might confuse you. I don't want that for you. I want you to know the past, the good and the bad, because that's what made your mama and I who we are." He smiled, his fingers running gently over her dark silky hair. Pressing his lips to the top of her head, he kissed her softly.

"The good and the bad, Faith… that's what makes life worth living. Without the bad, you can't appreciate the good and without the good, the bad seems never ending. Balancing the two is difficult, let me tell you," he said with a soft chuckle. "I'm sure I will tell you often, but it's the truth. And the good in my life, for over twenty years, has been your mama. She is my balance, my light in the dark. And you… you have definitely added to the balance of good in my life." He heard her yawn and he laughed with a shake of his head.

"I know. Your dad can really prattle on and I'm afraid that will be something that never changes. But, I'll be quiet now. You need to get some sleep before your tummy wakes you up. Sleep, my love."

He kissed her head again, breathing in her intoxicating smell. He rubbed her back softly, before he moved her to the crook of his arm, staring at her as she fell asleep, her yawns so big for someone so small. Smiling, he marveled at the perfect person they had miraculously created.

"I love you," he whispered, putting his feet on the footstool as he closed his eyes. "So much." Holding her closer, the rocking of the chair pulled them both to sleep.

"Mulder. Hey."

He opened his eyes and saw Scully's sleepy-eyed face in front of him. She smiled softly and then looked down at Faith.

"She woke up again? I didn't even hear her," she said quietly with a sigh.

"She was like a ninja tonight, that's why you didn't. Lying there wide awake, happy as could be," he said with a yawn and she chuckled.

"She's really got you figured out, Mulder," she teased and he smiled with a shrug, knowing he could not disagree with her. He was already putty in her impossibly tiny hands.

"She looks so peaceful, I hate to wake her, but if I go much longer, I fear my breasts will explode," Scully said, stroking a finger across Faith's eyebrows.

"Well, none of us want that, so let's switch places and I'll get you whatever you need to avoid that horrible catastrophe," he stated and she laughed softly.

He stood up with a groan, his back complaining at sleeping in a chair, even if it was only for a little while. Scully sat down and he handed Faith to her, leaving the room to get the nursing pillow.

Bringing it to her, he helped her to adjust it, and get as comfortable as possible. She opened her buttoned pajama top and pulled down her nursing bra, bringing Faith close to latch on and begin feeding. When she did, Scully sighed with relief.

"Explosion averted," she breathed, and he chuckled softly, listening to Faith's little sounds. He sat on the footstool and reached out to touch her small head, again marveling at the perfection of her.

"She wasn't crying? I really didn't hear anything," she said and he shook his head.

"No. I had a dream and thought I heard her crying, but she wasn't. I heard her make a noise and got up to check her before she could disturb you and she was staring up at me with those big beautiful eyes, wide awake. Then she smiled and…" He shrugged and she nodded with a grin.

"Yup, she's got you figured out," she whispered and he nodded with a smile, as she laughed quietly.

Closing her eyes, she began to rock the chair slowly, her fingers running lightly over Faith's head. Shaking his head, he stared at them, happy beyond anything he ever could have imagined.

As Faith had the first of her nightly feedings, no words were spoken in the quiet of the night.

But then again, when love could be spoken silently, no words were needed.