Summary: We go back. The past reverberates, it eases us into a future in the midst of formation.

a/n: Time to rewind to the beginning of freshman year. Chapter title comes from Gravel to Tempo by Hayley Kiyoko.

Check out Difficult Situations ch. 2 for a bit that didn't make the cut but takes place some time between this chapter and the next.

Summer break always feels never ending, at least in the beginning.

Days and nights blur together in some weird, dreamlike amalgamation of "too warm, can't sleep" and "too warm can't stay awake", only for one to fade into another and become another-another again, then dissipate.

It is only when the end is near that everyone and everything you wish you could hold onto for fear of what a tomorrow that doesn't yet exist may bring begins to slip away.

But in longing and wanting, memory lingers, indulges her with its flutter-like flux.

She lets it run its course, lets every sensation, breath, thought and feeling settle into her body the way they always do.

It's an animacy only she knows, a hear-me-out without the consequences of saying or doing anything at all.

And like lungs after pushing out air in less-than-gentle falls, they return, fall into place. And so she returns, drawing in those same, same longings.

It was almost 7 in the morning and Akarsha stood in front of the bathroom mirror with her toothbrush.

She already missed the comfort of her bed, not because she was sleepy. Despite being a night owl, unlike her younger sister, she was blessed with being an early riser and for that she was thankful (...though, just knowing that she HAD to wake up early made it even more difficult to stay in bed).

Maybe it made more sense to say that she missed the comfort of summer break. When it was summer, time dragged on strangely until it didn't; sometimes it felt like you weren't aging even though you were. If aliens existed, maybe on their home planets, earth's summer was the equivalent of a few days.

She missed summer, not because she had anything cool or exciting to get up to or dozens of people to see or meet. No, it was more about what she wished she could delay.

Akarsha rinsed her toothbrush and put it back in its place and reached for the Listerine; she couldn't start off the school year with her mouth smelling like scrambled eggs. (Or she could; it'd just give other kids even more reasons to not be... 'eggstatic' when they have to interact with her.)

She was going to be a high school freshman and no matter how far away four years 'til graduation seemed, questions about her future from curious relatives or total strangers would only continue to increase exponentially.

And, of course, the only ones who knew not to ask about their futures were the ones being chided and questioned.

Even her older brother Rajindar knew not to ask. (But when did he have to fear about anything ever?)

Most of their parents' attention over the past summer break was dedicated to preparing Raj for his future at Stanford and dragging Akarsha and Kavya along on congratulatory visits to and from tireless relatives, who had other underlying motivations to fulfill-mainly their burning desire to know how he did it and what the real key to his success was. What other answer could Raj give besides "work hard" when the truth was much, much harsher and contradicted their very reason for being? Unhappy with his responses, probably because of a mix of language barriers and its vagueness, they'd ask again and again becoming more and more insincere about it, not that it ever amounted to what any of them hoped for.

It wasn't odd for Raj to receive as much attention as he did from their parents (and their entire extended family) to begin with. Being the eldest prodigal son of three kids made him and their parents very lucky, whether Akarsha liked it or not.

And she didn't.

After all, how could she not be jealous of how much better they seemed to treat him compared to her, at least sometimes?

It's not like she didn't care about his hopes, dreams or whatever the hell it was. She wasn't that shitty of a person (at least, not yet, probably).

Whatever it was, everything, he made it look like it was just easy to do things right and not screw up. Raj graduated top of the class without it even ever being his intention; all of the other awards were just add-ons. And if he could do it, couldn't she get to something close if she 'really' tried and was a little or a lot of something else, her parents reassert again and again with their usual enthusiasm and goofy gestures. According to their parents, there was no end point for how hard a person could try; the world was as fair as you made it out to be. Their optimism was cruel.

Akarsha finished gargling and spat out the Listerine, watching the unnaturally bright blue liquid slowly roll down the sink until she caught sight of something disappointing.

Akarsha sighed at the sight of her limp, wavy strands of hair awkwardly framing her face. Volumizing shampoo and conditioner seemed to do little to nothing to give her hair the lift they promised. (Though, it probably didn't help that she went to bed with damp hair.) There wasn't much to work with, so Akarsha divided her hair into two sections and combed upwards, pulling the first section towards the top of her head. She gently twisted it into a bundle and secured it with an elastic and two bobby pins and began working on the other half of her hair. She liked to think that the buns gave the illusion of more voluminous locks, but whether or not it actually did, she liked it styled this way.

Just watching Raj frustrated her, sometimes it pissed her off... It only made how half-assed she was moving through life more obvious no matter how hard she tried, if not to the world and her parents, then to herself.

But watching him scared her more than anything. What scared Akarsha most about watching her brother prepare to go off to college was that she couldn't even tell if he was actually happy. Did he even know if he was happy? Had it ever occurred to him to ask this question? Did it matter enough to him or to anyone else-to their parents, to their aunts, uncles, their grandparents, their dead ancestors or Akarsha even?

How's someone who's only a few years older than her supposed to know what he's doing with his life and not somehow just fuck it all up and light it on fire?

Maybe that was what was most overwhelming about it all. It was a reflection of their parents' soon-to-be- No, their already persisting hopes for Akarsha-a pressure that was going to follow her throughout high school, whether she liked it or not. This was normal.

Akarsha stood in front of the bathroom mirror and carefully inspected her reflection. Teeth - check, hair - check, face - ...could be worse, outfit - she's great love her, backpack - on.

Now to contact Diya.

Akarsha: ayyy

Akarsha: ay diya

Akarsha: you awake?

Diya: what. ...ur outside my house?

Akarsha: yaa dud

Akarsha: dudueudueudud

Akarsha: dudjsfklsjdk

Akarsha: dude.

Diya logged off.

Just from looking at Diya, it was easy to tell she was far from a morning person and her disinterest in fussing over her looks worked in her favour.

It didn't surprise Akarsha that her parents wanted her to befriend someone she had little in common with.

"Hey Diya."

"What?"

"Would you kiss a girl for one million dollars?"

"On the cheek?"

"..."

"Sure... Yea. That."

If anything, Diya seemed to be facing a similar predicament. It's not like Akarsha didn't know her parents were hoping that by associating with the taller, "well-mannered" (their words, not hers), drop-dead gorgeous (ok, this was all her) girl, some of her not-garbagey essence (also her words) would somehow rub off on her. But if they were gonna be stuck together, they might as well not be miserable about it when there was plenty of time and other reasons for them to be miserable in the near future.

Diya was like a pretty, hot, buff statuette, someone who seemed to be leagues above everyone else. That is, until she laid on the ground, playing dead. It's like she took the 'drop-dead' part of drop-dead gorgeous too literally by giving her the world's best first impression and weren't first impressions forever? ...Like, imagine being so garbagey someone's gotta pretend they're dead just to not interact with you.

After screaming for a whole two minutes, Akarsha's first thought was to check if Diya was still breathing and check for a pulse. Upon discovering Diya was very much still alive (...with the way she was scrunching her eyes closed, she couldn't not be alive), Akarsha's thought process went from "man, this girl's a freak" to "I like that" in a split second and was followed by her grabbing a couple of ice cubes from the freezer and sticking them down the back of the other girl's hoody, because how could she not get back at her for 'scaring' her? She wasn't scared for real, it's not like she actually thought Diya was dead, but, with her luck, sometimes you're better off assuming the worst before shit hits the fan.

Unironically, the result was the most animated she had seen Diya since their parents left them unattended. She would pay to see it again. Sure, Akarsha got whacked and Diya definitely wasn't even using 100% of her strength and it still hurt like a bitch, and sure the fiasco ended with her younger sister Kavya entering the room with very poor timing, but it was easily one of her top three most funniest memorable moments from a summer that dragged on until it didn't of course. Her sister was definitely scarred for life, though. Poor girl flung her yellow sticky hands toy onto the ceiling and shrieked for a whole two minutes and has since then quivered in fear at Diya's presence. Akarsha's joke about it looking like a pee stain from where they're standing probably didn't help, but hey, in her heart, she knows that if her sister was in the same position as her, she'd make the same joke; don't knock it 'til you've tried it.

Unfortunately, a mostly funny memory was ruined when their parents stepped in. They never showed up when Akarsha was the one screaming, but maybe she wouldn't take herself seriously either if she was in their position and maybe that kinda sucked too that she felt that way. Their parents were 'nice', avoided hostile confrontations, and others (mostly other kids) always said that they were surprisingly easygoing, but maybe that was because they were so good at believing they could lighten whatever burn or seething word they offered their children, that all could be improved if you 'really tried' and then all would be well and okay and not shitty or terrible and absolutely the worst. Always jovial, Akarsha and Kavya's dad 'lightened' the mood by reassuring Diya's parents that all was alright and there were "no serious injuries", but when things were 'okay', it always had to be at someone else's expense and among parents there were always comparisons. A "sorry my kids just get a little over excited" was merely the opener for a wink "try not to take after your older sister too much" wink and only seemed to open the floor for a "no it's okay, I'm sorry she's like this." Like a hand that holds one at a distance but never far away enough to be completely out of view, parents were apologetic to each other and kids were apologetic for existing.

Anyway, Diya didn't say a whole lot, not because she had nothing to say but because she seemed to be perpetually anxious and cautious. But maybe this was the start of a beautiful friendship or maybe this was exactly what happened when your parents picked your friends. Or both.

Though, today she seemed to be particularly on-edge.

"Say, what do you wash your face with?"

"...Huh? Yeah."

"No, I said, what do you use to wash your face?"

"I just splash my face with cold water."

Really?!

Diya looked at her with suspicion.

"...You're kidding me, right? Where's the humour in that? You're joking with me right now man, man, that ain't even funny, man. Not funny, man! Life's unfair. Nothing new."

"..."

"You're weird."

Their school was a short walking distance away from their neighbourhood. And thank god it was.

Everyone was gathered in front of the doors, hovering over sheets of paper announcing homerooms. Diya easily towered over everyone there, even the guys.

"!" Diya's eyes lit up with a glimmer of excitement. Her giddy smile was both a sight for sore eyes and something Akarsha had never seen before. What was she so happy about?

Akarsha stood on her tippy toes.

Shit.

Akarsha could barely even see the list with all the people in the way. Fuck. All these nerds, worried about their first day of high school. ...Not that she wasn't included in that group.

"Hey, do a homie a favour 'n check what room I'm in?"

With little effort, Diya glanced back towards the lists of names and answered Akarsha with a dull look, "Same as me."

"...And thaaaaat'ssss?"

"Ms. Lau. Room 103."

"K. Thanks, babe."

"Don't call me that."

"K, sugar, honey, egg, flour, baby ...rabies."

Diya continued to stare at her blankly, as if somehow expressing her disappointment. She couldn't be sure though, especially when she seemed pretty zoned on the walk to school.

"Anywho, I gotta take a wizz. Catch you in class."

"...Okay."

Akarsha skipped to the girl's washroom.

Who was Diya talking to? Another girl?

Diya didn't just walk up to a complete stranger and start talking, she'd know. It took, like, a whole five meetings for her to actually start responding to her.

Didn't look like anyone familiar, not that Akarsha was 'well-connected'. With her brother going off to college, her parents had to downsize their house, hauling her and her younger sister's asses to an entirely new neighbourhood. They didn't move far; in fact, they were only a 15-20 minute drive from their old house, but it was a different school district.

It looked like 2008 was the year of fresh starts, like, only an entire eight months in. She didn't have to expect anything strikingly new, same mostly Asian populace or whatever. But, while moves like this were normally stressful for kids, she felt like she was a little too old to care.

No, that was a lie.

Everyone else already had too much on their plates to worry about, so why make it worse than it already was? Kavya who was about to start middle school, on the other hand, was very vocal about her frustrations. Their parents' morning quips weren't working and of course they weren't.

With her back facing her, it was hard to get a good look at the girl; she had her black hair pulled back into a long, neat single braid that trailed her back. She was wearing a tannish brown cardigan and a navy collared knee-length dress, unflatteringly paired with light blue and gray runners and seemed to have jarringly perfect posture. A definite, straight-laced nerd. This wasn't helped by the way Diya looked like she was slouching next to her on purpose. Ah, the woes of being tall.

Wait... Was this who Diya was so excited about?

Why? How?

...Well, they do say first impressions are the only impressions.

"Diya, are you alright?" the girl looked at the taller girl with a look of concern.

"Just... nervous. New people, same people."

"Ya man, you look a little tense. Want me to massage your shoulders?" Akarsha took the opportunity to jump in. 'Cause why not? She'd have the pleasure (or more likely displeasure) of making the acquaintance of whoever the hell this was either way thanks to being stuck in the same homeroom, whether anyone liked it or not.

"Who are you." the other girl glared at Akarsha and rolled her eyes. (Okay, she already hated her, no she definitely hated her, but maybe Akarsha already hated her a little too.) She turned back to Diya, "do you know her? Is she bothering you? Do we need to call the authorities to remove her?"

Wow Jesus... What was she, her mom?

"Who am I? If you must know, they call me... Salmonella. Y'know, 'cause I'm here to ruin your life. Give you diarrhea and shit. HAH, get it. Diya, give me five." Akarsha stuck out her hand and signalled Diya to give her a high five, only to be ignored.

"..."

"Not doing it."

"Fine, be that way." Well, at least she wasn't getting the silent treatment this time.

"That's not a real name." From her tone alone, Akarsha could already tell she was the sort of person who loved stating the obvious-a smartass. A total stickler, who'd probably remind her teachers about the homework. She probably wouldn't be opposed to correcting her teachers with a 'well, actually' either. Absolutely the worst.

"Hey man, don't invalidate my culture. Bacteria have rights."

"Yes, the right to be eradicated."

Touché.

"Anyway, I never claimed that was my real name, that's just what they call me."

"Oh. If that is what 'they call you', in that case, I am not at all surprised," the other girl stated matter-of-factly.

...Huh...

Maybe she does have a sense of humour, just a really, really mean one.

"Ay, I don't normally tell people, but for you, babe, I just might."

"Enough. Why are you being so needlessly obstinate? GET ON WITH IT."

"My name, it's..." Akarsha paused grimly, "Sasuke Uchiha, from the Village of the Hidden Leaves. My favourite food is tomatoes. My older brother murdered my whole family-"

"THERE IS NO WAY THAT IS YOUR NAME."

Akarsha shook her head at the girl. "Beggars can't be choosers. For 50 cents, I'll give you the rest of my backstory."

"...This is Akarsha. She's the one my parents are making me walk to school with." Diya finally intervened.

"Excuse you. My parents are also making me walk with you. Say, what's it like knowing the first face you'll see everyday after you wake up to go to school every morning will be mine for the next four years? What's it like being that blessed."

"I see my parents every morning."

"Boo. You're no fun!"

"Diya, are you certain I do not need to call the authorities...?"

"..." Diya sighed.

"Akarsha, this is Noelle."

"Diya and I have known each other since kindergarten."

Akarsha was a little jealous. She couldn't say she's had a friendship to her name that's lasted to that extent. Then again, neither of them seemed like the sort to make friends easily (full offence), so maybe they just didn't have any other friends?

"Wow, childhood friends. That's, like, hella- Wait, hold it, your name..." Akarsha snorted, "it's Noelle?"

"Yes? ...And what might you find so hilarious about that." Noelle furrowed her brows.

"But isn't that French?"

"What."

"Your name, I mean. You're Asian, like, who named you?" Akarsha guffawed.

"My parents."

"And what? Did they christen you with a baguette or something?"

"That is complete and utter nonsense. I cannot even begin to comprehend any of the words that are coming out of your mouth."

'Can-not com-pre-hend', what is she, a robot? It's been bothering her since they started talking, but she sounds so mechanical. It's like she's carefully pronouncing every syllable.

"Ok. I got it. What do you say when you gotta use the washroom?"

"...What purpose does this question serve-"

"THAT YOU HAVE TO OUI OUI? HAH." Akarsha clapped loudly and cackled.

"Stop it... STOP." Noelle raised her voice.

"Aaaaannnnddd what are you gonna do about it if I don't? Just what are you gonna do?"

"STOP. NO, I DEMAND YOU PUT AN END TO THIS BUFFOONERY AT ONCE."

"I DE-MAND YOU PU-T AN END TO THIS BU-FOON-ER-Y AT ONCE. BEEP BOOP."

"This is ridiculous. You are ridiculous. I could leave any time."

"And abandon poor Diya? Why not join the club? Hmm... No. Wait ...French... Frenchie? Nah. Something that packs a punch, it's gotta be perfect. ...I GOT IT! Frenchman."

"WHAT?!"

Akarsha spots something by the chalkboard. Yes, yes. Perfect. She grabbed it and hid it behind her back.

"I hereby christen thee... Frenchman." Akarsha waved around the wooden yardstick, whacking Noelle on the head and shoulders.

"OW. STOP IT. OUCH. STOP. I REFUSE TO LET YOU CALL ME THAT."

"You can't refuse. I've already christened you. It's official. Done. Too late-"

And something changes.

Akarsha feels a gaze holding her in place, her eyes are skittish, try to be anywhere not here.

But your eyes, they never waver. They accept each moment as it passes, maybe even linger.

They urge her forward.

Her breathing stifles.

Akarsha wakes up.

a/n: More DiyaAkarsha (She Plays Bass by beabadoobee energy), y/y.

I'm not 100% about this chapter, but maybe it's enough that I'm even 30% okay with it.

Both Akarsha and her younger sister screaming for a whole two minutes is them sharing the same braincell. Kavya 'got' (i.e. stole) the sticky hand from the treasure box at the dentist; nobody (not even Diya) is able to get it down from the ceiling. Diya feels bad and embarrassed about the whole thing (she correctly blames Akarsha partly though for the ice cubes). When she hears about Kavya's birthday, Diya ends up giving her another sticky hand toy (in her fav colour yellow) to apologize and is instantly forgiven. Diya gives Kavya piggybacks and is very happy to be praised for her strength. However, Akarsha jokingly asks for a piggyback in the same tone a cisboy stranger asks "where's my hug"; to make Kavya happy, Diya piggybacks them both at the same time. Diya with little effort can lift them both, but, unfortunately, Akarsha does not have the muscle to hold onto Kavya and they tumble. It's an absolute mess. Akarsha makes a bad joke about anime training weights to downplay what a bad idea it was and ends up showing Diya the infamous Rock Lee vs. Gaara chunin exam clip in full 240p glory (and Diya kinda loves it). ...Maybe I should've just written a whole story about how Diya and Akarsha meet? Maybe one day.

Fun fact: the worst part about writing this chapter was having to conjure up an unfashionable outfit for Noelle, who probably, despite having a wardrobe filled with subdued, conservative tones/textures, does not know how to pair things. I'm mean, but am I wrong?

At first I was going to write something that explicitly mirrored the previous chapter, but I wanted this chapter to be closer to how flashbacks as dreams are portrayed in the game. My understanding of Akarsha is that she is more willing to immerse herself in her feelings, but is not necessarily willing to accept the vulnerability that comes with being honest and not turning things into a joke, so she'd rather be insincere (think along the lines of "They are my emotions to feel/ Nobody can poison my feelings if they're never revealed" from Hayley Kiyoko's Mercy / Gatekeeper); the problem is she sucks at hiding how she feels and becomes overwhelmed. Noelle is repressed but the more she unlearns and the world opens up to her, she tries to suppress in a way that mimics that familiar repression, so her dreams walk the line between detached and visceral. Also, both Noelle and Akarsha are very annoying even though they both (...mostly and sometimes debatably) mean well. Diya is stressed about the imminent self-introductions and seeing how easily those two can have a back-and-forth despite being strangers makes it WAY worse and they do nothing to help. This is long-winded.

Anyway, take care.