25RJ
I think it's obvious that Fudge and I didn't have the best relationship.
When other people hear this, they give me sad looks and tell me, "Aw, that's sad. She's your sister."
To be fair, she was only part of my life for six months.
When Sammy called me with the news, I had mixed emotions. To be honest, my first thought was that Fudge was a bit of a pain. I remembered the last time I saw Fudge...
She and Sammy were sat in their own booth inside Flo's, talking and laughing.
"What are we talking about over here?" I questioned, sitting down opposite them.
Immediately, they stopped talking and looked at me.
"Nothing", they replied in unison.
I didn't believe them for one second. Sammy and Fudge always had their secrets. I wanted more than anything to be in on it, but whenever I was around, they seemed to just... shut down.
"Mmhmm", I muttered, unbelieving.
"So... What have you been up to today?" Fudge wondered, clearly just trying to change the subject.
As we all ate our dinner, I told them about the day I had in Radiator Springs, but I couldn't help feeling like something wasn't right. Like they had their own world and I wasn't really part of it. I felt left out.
Besides, the more I thought about it, the more I realised that they didn't spend much time with me. They were often chattering away and laughing about... I didn't know what. Or they were watching Lightning race, which I guess was cool, but it was something we could do in Thomasville. I thought Sammy would have said the same thing, but she didn't.
"I'm fine here", she assured me.
I think she just wanted to hang out with Fudge instead of me.
Sammy whispered something in Fudge's ear and they both giggled.
"What?" I demanded.
"Nothing", they repeated.
Sure looked like nothing to me.
For me, the last straw was when I suggested we watched Star Wars, my favourite film franchise.
"Um..." Fudge began awkwardly. "I'm not really into Star Wars."
"Come on, you'll love it!" I promised her. "You'll watch, won't you, Sammy?"
"Actually, Fudge and I had plans to tour the Doc Hudson Racing Museum", she answered.
That was it. I scrunched up my napkin and threw it on the table, stood up and marched out of the cafe.
"RJ?" they asked in surprise simultaneously.
Sammy ran after me. "RJ, wait up!"
"I've had it!" I shouted, throwing my arms in the air. "I can't stand Fudge! I can't stand how close you are! I wish she was never born! Never!"
"Don't you think you're being a little ridiculous?" she questioned in that usual, blunt way that I was used to people using. That was how we did things in Thomasville. "You ain't five anymore."
"Well, look at how much time you've been spending with her instead of me! You're not even that into some of the stuff you're doing! Since when did you care about cute cats on the Internet?! 'Cause earlier, they seemed to be the greatest thing in the world to you!"
"You know I don't like cats!" she responded. "Dogs are way better, but Fudge likes cats."
"So, why go along with it?"
"I'm sorry", she apologised. "Look, I'm not trying to leave you out of things. I'm just worried about Fudge being left out."
"Now, you're being crazy", I informed her.
"No I'm not", Sammy countered. "We've had each other for seventeen years. Now, all of a sudden, she's here and she's worried she's not going to be as close to us as you and I are."
"That's ridiculous!" I insisted.
Sammy shrugged. "Try putting yourself in Fudge's shoes."
I tried, but it didn't clear anything up for me. Everyone liked Fudge way better than me. Sammy had always wanted a sister, so now that she had one, she always wanted to do stuff with Fudge. The RS gang all treated her like she was something special. I knew if the gang from Thomasville met her, they'd all love her too; probably even forget about me because they loved to talk racing and so did she. Why the hell was she worried about being left out? Clearly, everyone thought she was so great!
"Look", Sammy went on, "why don't you come with us to the museum and then the three of us will hang out, try to find something we'll all enjoy."
Well, that was a lot easier said than done. We couldn't think of anything all of us would like doing. Even the suggestion of watching a movie didn't work; there wasn't a single movie we'd all watch. I couldn't help getting frustrated. Sammy and I were very different, but at least we had some stuff in common. Fudge wouldn't do anything.
"It makes sense that she's adopted", I commented to Sammy when Fudge said she didn't want to watch Mary Poppins, which both Sammy and I loved. We used to watch it with our mother all the time.
"What's that supposed to mean?!" Fudge demanded angrily. She was tiny, kind of cute (yes, even I;ll admit that) and not athletic in the slightest, so I didn't find her at all intimidating.
"Well, you're a lot different from Sammy and me", I explained.
"So?!" Fudge's eyebrows scrunched up. I'd noticed they did that when she was angry. "You think I'm some kind of freak just because I don't like Mary Poppins?"
"No!"
"Well, that's what it sounds like!"
"Hey!" Sammy shouted and the two of us shut up right away. "Fudge, cool it! RJ, be nice!"
"I am being nice!" I protested.
"The comment about Fudge's adoption was uncalled-for", Sammy replied drily. "Now, both of you, grow up and let's decide on something to do."
"Let's just watch Mary Poppins", Fudge decided.
"That cool with you?"
"Yeah, I mean I wanna be part of this family and if watching Mary Poppins is what it takes, I'll do it."
Who wanted you to be part of this family? I wondered. I sure didn't. I'd made a big stink about her not liking Mary Poppins, but I wasn't sure if I wanted her to have an experience so close to my heart.
Sammy shrugged. "Okay. As long as there's no fighting."
Better not say what I was thinking, then.
I guess it was just as well. Fudge was asleep before the movie finished, so for most of it, it was just Sammy and me watching. I was grateful for that.
Fudge, I thought again, is not part of our family.
My second thought when I got the news was that I was genuinely sorry that she died. Sure, I still thought she was a pain, but she was still a person, who had touched so many lives. She was a daughter, a sister... She was my sister, even though I didn't act like it.
That was what led to my third feeling: guilt. I had been rude and dismissive of Fudge, almost from the start. Was that because I was jealous? I guess, I realised. I'd never thought of myself a jealous person. Well, sure I got mad at Derek Lee, the kid who'd bullied me since kindergarten, in ninth grade because Penny Lewis loved him instead of me, but I'd always assumed that was sensitivity, not jealousy. Now that Fudge was gone and I was reflecting on the relationship I'd had with her, I felt like I was going to have to rethink some things.
I'd only returned to school from winter break a couple of days before Fudge's death. Still, I was quick to pack up my stuff, call a goodbye to my roommate, Travis Richards (he and I got along, but we weren't close friends), and head down the hallway to sign out of school to go to Radiator Springs. By then, word had spread of Fudge's death, so there was a lot of whispering going on in the halls.
"I heard she got hit by Lightning McQueen while he was going two hundred miles an hour!" Benny Simon told Travis. Benny, an orange Mini Cooper, was always telling stories that were exaggerated; if not completely false, so everyone's learned to take what he says with a grain of salt.
"Of course she wouldn't have survived!" Derek Lee was shouting, making sure his crowd of bozos, who practically worshiped him, could hear every single word. "She would've broken, like, a million bones and smashed her skull wide open!"
"It's so tragic!" an auburn-haired girl named Anastasia Jefferson commented to Penny Lewis, who was her best friend. "She was only twelve! Her poor parents must be heartbroken! And poor McQueen must feel like it's all his fault!" That was soft-hearted Anastasia all over. "RJ!" she called out when she noticed me. "We've just heard about your sister! I'm so sorry!"
"His sister?" Derek Lee echoed, surprised.
"Yeah, well, half-sister", I clarified. "I didn't even know until over the summer, so..."
Anastasia hugged me. "You must feel awful... Let me know if there's anything I can do, all right?"
I smiled softly. Anastasia was such a nice girl. Too bad she wasn't my type. "Thanks."
"Same here!" Penny Lewis hugged me too. Penny, that gorgeous blonde I'd had a crush on for years (heck, I wouldn't have even learned to love photography if I hadn't joined photography class in sixth grade to be near her), was now hugging me. "I am so sorry for your loss, River."
She knew my name!
Pretty soon, all of the kids who had barely said a word to me were gathering around me with kind words and condolences. It felt pretty great. I hadn't been that upset about Fudge, but who was I to knock this back. Even Derek put his hand on my shoulder and told me I was welcome to hang out with him and his bozos.
"You don't have to be alone", he'd told me sympathetically.
"You're heading back to Radiator Springs, right? You need help carrying your bags?" Anastasia offered.
I stopped to think about that for a second. The funeral wasn't for another week. I guess there was no harm in sticking around at school for a little while.
"Where the hell have you been?!" Sammy demanded when she greeted me at Ornament Valley Airport.
"What do you mean?" I wondered, puzzled. "My flight was on time and then I had to go to baggage-"
"No, not now! This week!" she shouted. "Your sister's just been killed in a tragic accident and you're only just showing up now?! What the hell's the matter with you?!"
I couldn't tell her the truth. I knew, even then, that it would come across as selfish, but I did kind of enjoy it. I'd been getting a lot of attention and sympathy I felt was overdue without being that upset over losing someone. (Don't get me wrong. I was sad that Fudge had died, but she and I were never close, so I wasn't exactly heartbroken over it either.) I hesitated, wondering what reasonable excuse I could give Sammy. "I... I didn't really know Fudge all that well. I just wanted to give you guys some space."
Sammy rolled her eyes. It was a good reason, but she knew I was lying. "You got everything?"
"Yep."
"You got a change of clothes for the funeral? It's in five hours and we've got three before we make it back to town."
"Yes. I just didn't wanna put my suit through a plane ride."
Sammy was silent for the entire cab ride back to Radiator Springs. I wasn't sure if it was because she was still mad at me or because she was so upset about Fudge. After all, the two of them were a lot closer than Fudge and I were. A couple of the times, I asked her if she was okay and she just responded with an absent, "Uh-huh."
That didn't clear anything up, so as we were getting out and heading over to the Cozy Cone, I decided to throw caution to the wind. "Are you mad at me?"
"Do you think I'm mad at you?" she quizzed me.
"I- I don't know."
"Well, if you've done something to make me mad, then I'm mad. If you haven't, then I'm not mad."
"I haven't done anything!" I protested.
She flashed me this phony smile. "Then I'm not mad."
Yeah. She was mad. In my defense, I realised in hindsight that I probably should've given those who knew Fudge best some space.
I had two hours to go over to offer my condolences to the Radiator Springs residents and then shower, change and make myself presentable for the funeral. I spotted the townsfolk over at Flo's V8 Cafe.
"There you guys are!" I called out, suddenly unsure of what to say. "How... How you doing?"
Everyone looked my way, but nobody answered.
"I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what happened to Fudge. I know she and I didn't always get along, but... but..."
I stopped talking when I realised all twelve of the townsfolk had broken down in tears, even the seemingly unbreakable ones like the army sergeant and the police sheriff and the old, kind of senile one. (I didn't know all of their names.)
"This is all my fault!" Lightning McQueen wept.
"Stickers, let's not do this again!" his girlfriend, the blue Porsche (I think her name was Sally or Allie or Sadie; something like that), begged sympathetically.
"Or I will have to kill you!" Luigi shouted at McQueen.
"Luigi" the sheriff scolded.
Luigi lunged for McQueen, shouting in angry Italian and everyone held him back.
I was overwhelmed by the emotion and fled, making a dash for the shower in my cone; I'm sensitive and a mostly caring person, but I didn't know how to handle that.
Well, I was overwhelmed later on too as a lot of people were emotional. It started at the memorial service when Sammy and I went past a photo of Fudge.
Sammy gripped my arm tightly and tears welled up in her eyes. "Look how beautiful she is!"
I just nodded. I didn't think she was that pretty. I mean, she was okay, but she was no Penny Lewis.
I sat in the back row of the room as the Radiator Springs residents went took turns going up to the makeshift podium.
The sheriff cleared his throat. "We gather here today to celebrate the life of Brittney Angel Rossi-Topolino."
Angel. I had known that her real name was Brittney, that she was twelve and that her birthday was June sixteenth, but I had never known that her middle name was Angel.
The more I listened to them talk about Fudge, the more I realised there was so much I didn't know about her. I hadn't known that she loved to write or tried to keep frogs and snails as pets or that she tried to avoid snacktime at Fillmore's because she didn't want his vegan food.
This was a person, I reminded myself, looking around the room. Just about everyone in the room was crying, but not me. Was I sad? Sure. I just wasn't sad enough to cry. She was a pain to me, but she had touched so many lives. When we stood up to move into the reception, I realised that Fudge and I had had a couple of good times together.
The day after Fudge and I had the argument about Mary Poppins, she and I were walking around the town. We were just talking and laughing about nothing in particular.
"Yeah, it's pretty cool, living around here", she commented. "You know, I love the waterfall. It's just a peaceful place to sit and it's really nice and cool. You can feel the water splashing against your face."
"I see. You must love living here."
Fudge nodded. "I sure do. I love the people and the the natural beauty." I liked how proud she was of her hometown.
"It is a photographer's delight out here", I agreed, snapping yet another photo.
"I know I'm definitely adopted", she commented with a small laugh. "I'm no good at photography. All of my photos are so blurry."
I couldn't help laughing a little bit. "Well, I guess you couldn't get all of our genes. You're only a half-sister, after all."
I thought Fudge would get mad, but she just hummed in agreement.
I smiled. Fudge was okay. You know, when she wasn't always hogging Sammy or looking for an argument.
Now that she was gone, I guessed I was going to miss her. Maybe.
I recovered from Fudge's death a lot quicker than everyone else. The day after the funeral, I headed back to school and was ready to get back into the swing of things. However, what helped me get through it was how kind my classmates were being.
"RJ's back!" Benny Simon called out as I made my way back up to the dorms.
"Hey, RJ! How you doing? You feeling okay?" everyone quizzed me as I found myself surrounded by my classmates.
"I'm fine, I'm fine!" I assured them all, shouting a little to be heard over the dozens of voices.
"Are you sure?" Anastasia asked me worriedly.
"Yeah, I mean, it must've been horrible what you've been through." Penny hugged me.
I hugged her back. "Yeah, it hurts, but I'm trying to be strong."
Penny smiled. "You are so brave, you know that?"
I couldn't help returning the smile.
"Hey, RJ!" Travis called out. "Mr. Young wants to see you about the homework you've missed. Whenever you're ready. He said to take your time making up the homework."
Just when I thought my situation at school couldn't get any better.
That was how it was until spring break. All of the kids wanted to talk to me, let me know they were there for me and all the girls hugged me. For once, I knew what it felt like to be the most popular kid at school. Plus, I didn't turn in a single assignment in that time and my teachers didn't even care. The only thing is that I had to act like I wasn't enjoying it as much as I was...
But to be honest, I hadn't really thought about Fudge since the funeral.
Don't judge me. It's not that I didn't care about Fudge's death because I did. It's just that I barely knew her and so, it didn't have much of an impact on my day-to-day life. Besides, this kind of thing didn't happen to me very often.
I was eager to head home for spring break where I could just act normal and not have to get any extra attention.
To my surprise, Sammy was home during that time.
"They just sent me home", she told us. "They're saying I need time to grieve."
I wondered why an insurance company in London would just fly one of their employees over the Atlantic to grieve, but I decided not to question it. I didn't get to see my sister- my real sister- often and I was grateful for whatever I could take. However, that turned out to be a very bad thing for me.
Late one night, I was watching Star Wars while Sammy sat at the family computer. She said she had some work to do on there. I didn't know what work or if that was even true, based on the conversation we had.
"So, how you doing?" she asked me.
"Yeah! Great."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah!" I insisted, wondering where this was going.
"You know, you didn't seem that upset over Fudge at the funeral."
"Well-" I began.
"I guess it just hit you hard later, huh?" Sammy asked in almost an accusing tone.
"What?" I questioned, confused.
"You just got a message from Will Johnstone. He hopes you feel better by the time school starts. You've had a rough start to the year."
"Oh..." I could see where this was going.
"And another one from Derek Lee. He's inviting you to a party tomorrow night. Derek hates your guts! Why would he invite you to a party?!"
"Yeah, um..."
"You son of a b**ch!" Sammy raised her voice.
"Hey, that's our dead mother you're talking about", I reminded her.
Tears pooled in Sammy's eyes, but she remained strong. "Are you using Fudge's death to get in with the cool kids?! You are, aren't you?!"
I didn't say anything; I couldn't think of anything to say. It didn't matter, anyway. My silence was enough for Sammy.
"I can't believe you would do something like that!" she screamed, smashing her mug on the kitchen table. It shattered into a million pieces. Even for my hot-tempered sister, this was a new level. "This is a little girl who died! And you're using this to your own advantage, you sick, self-centered b**tard! What the f**k is wrong with you?!"
Ouch. It sounded pretty bad when you put it like that.
"Her poor parents are devastated, I'm devastated, the entire racing community is devastated! An entire f**king town is devastated! Do you even care?!" She brought up Skype on the computer. "You're gonna call Luigi and Guido right now and apologise!"
"They wouldn't know-" I started to protest.
"I don't care!" Sammy shot back. "I don't care! That's beside the point! You are taking advantage of their daughter's death! Did you do the same thing when I lost Jamie and Cody?!"
"No!" I answered hurriedly and it was true. "I cared about Jamie and Cody!"
Well, that was a pretty dumb thing to say. Sammy screamed until I thought she was going to rip her throat out. Then she Skyped Guido and Luigi.
Actually, it was just Guido there. I don't speak much Italian, so I didn't understand their conversation (I didn't even know Sammy spoke Italian; I bet Fudge knew, though!). Although, I think I got the gist of it: Guido told Sammy that Luigi moved back to Italy, Sammy was sympathetic, Sammy told Guido what I did and Guido gave me a dirty look.
"I- I'm really sorry", I stuttered, not even sure if Guido could understand me. I didn't know how much English he spoke. "It was insensitive of me to do that and I am very sorry. Fudge was a great girl and I miss her so much." Okay, maybe I was exaggerating a little.
Guido's only response was to burst into tears. I felt awful. This man was hurting so much and I'd just made it worse. I had to remind myself of what I'd realised at the funeral: Fudge was a pain, but this guy loved her very much. For some reason.
Sammy shot me a dirty look as she ended the video call. "I hope you're satisfied. You've broken a grieving father's heart even more!"
"You didn't have to tell him!" I protested once more.
Sammy grunted in disgust and stalked off, carrying the computer with her.
When I returned to school, I was expecting a big welcome and hugs, everyone asking me how I was doing.
"Hey, guys!" I called out, trying not to sound too happy.
To my surprise, nobody looked up when they I came in. It was almost like the time between winter and spring break had never happened.
"Hey, Derek!" I tried.
No answer. In fact, I got shoved out of the way, so more kids could get closer to Derek.
"Mr. Rose?" Ms. Nolan stopped me in my tracks. "Do you have your project on a genetic condition?"
"No..." I replied.
"It's six weeks overdue", she reminded me, sounding annoyed.
"I know, but..."
"On my desk by next Friday, or you'll be doing that instead of photography club." With those cruel words, she drove away.
So, I guessed the special treatment was over. Either Sammy had told everyone at my school what I'd done or karma was real.
For the rest of the year, I trudged through a normal routine at school: boring classes, eating meals by myself, photography club after I'd caught up on all of my assignments. I'll admit, after that, I did end up forgetting about Fudge. It was almost like any role she had in my life never happened; it had vanished with the kindness my teachers and classmates had given me.
I couldn't wait to head home for summer vacation.
"Hey, everyone!" I shouted as I entered Thomasville, wanting everyone to come and greet me.
"Oh, there's the selfish b**tard", Sammy deadpanned.
"Sammy, that's your brother you're talking about", Smokey reminded her, but not with as much rebuke as I would've expected.
"Are you still mad at me?" I guessed, looking at my sister.
"Yep", she replied. With those words, she spun on her heel and marched off.
"I can't believe it!" I exclaimed. "She's still mad at me!"
"Well, it was awful, what you did", Louise pointed out bluntly.
"You don't think I know that?!" I snapped.
"RJ, give your sister a break", River instructed me.
"She hasn't been well lately", Smokey added. "We keep askin' her to see a doctor, but unfortunately, she inherited our stubbornness."
"I guess we taught her too well", Junior commented.
"She'll be fine", I insisted. "She always knew how to take care of herself."
That was what I told myself at first, but Sammy just kept getting sicker and sicker. I started to worry about her, but Smokey and the others were right. The residents of Thomasville had raised my sister to be stubborn as a mule (I must've been absent when they taught her).
"Look, RJ, I told you! I don't need to see no doctor!" she insisted whenever I brought it up with her. "I'll get over this! I'm just feelin' s**t because I'm feelin' s**t!"
"Wouldn't you feel better if you knew for sure?" I asked.
"Since when did you care about other people's feelings, ya pig?!" she spat, marching off.
Now, that's not exactly fair. What I did after Fudge died was terrible; I get it, but I'm not usually like that. Sammy knew I was usually a very caring person.
Beep, beep, beep, beep!
I noticed a light flashing on Sammy's watch, the hi-tech one she got in Japan. I picked it up and the screen on it said that Guido was calling. Oh, God! How was I supposed to answer this thing?!
"Sammy?" Guido's face filled the screen.
I guess that was how.
"Nope. It's me."
"Oh." The forklift sounded less than thrilled and I guessed I couldn't blame him, after what I'd done.
"I could go and get her if you want", I offered. "But she might not feel up to it."
"Oh?" Now, Guido sounded surprised and concerned.
"Yeah. She... hasn't been well lately. To be honest, I'm getting kind of worried."
Guido spoke in Italian, but from the way he was nodding, I knew he was telling me he would take care of it and talk to her. I felt much better.
I felt even better when Sammy agreed to see a doctor, albeit reluctantly. What didn't make me feel better was when Sammy called me and told me she'd had the results back.
"What kind of cancer?" I asked just above a whisper.
I felt worse when Sammy went into the hospital and started chemotherapy. I felt worse when Sammy lost all of her hair and grew thinner and weaker by the day. I felt worse as I watched her fade away.
Sammy's strong, I told myself. She can fight this.
She opened her mouth and I knew she was about to speak.
"Why don't you all go and get yourselves some coffee?" she suggested finally in a weak, hoarse voice. "I'll be fine by myself for a while."
"You sure you'll be all right, darlin'?" Smokey quizzed her sceptically.
"Positive"
"All right." We all surrounded my sister with hugs and kisses before slipping out of the room quietly.
Grabbing coffee was quite mundane. I don't think there's anything you really need to know about that. It was what happened afterwards that was so horrible, I knew I'd never forget it.
Smokey, River, Louise, Junior and I walked back to Sammy's hospital room and right when we were about to enter, we heard an awful sound: Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep...
"No!" I cried, sinking to the floor. "No, no!"
Nurses flooded into the room, examining my sister, but it was too late. I knew it without anybody saying it. My eyes clouded with tears as I gripped a nearby chair, suddenly unable to stand. No! No, this couldn't be happening. Not her. Not both of them. I had lost both of my sisters in one year.
And now, I knew how the pain felt.
We buried Sammy on the outskirts of Thomasville, right next to Jamie and Cody. We knew if she was going to be buried, that would be where she'd want it to be.
All of Thomasville showed up to the funeral. So had all of the residents of Radiator Springs and Sammy's workmates from London, Finn and Holley. Everyone looked to be in disbelief, shocked, sad. That was exactly how I felt.
This funeral was the hardest one I'd ever been to. It was different when this was the sister I'd known for my entire life, taken away from me too soon by the most dreadful of all dreadful diseases.
I sat there, crying a river over my older sister- the sister who meant the world to me- unable to slow my sobs. Guido was looking at me and I knew what he was thinking: Was I really upset or just using this for attention? I couldn't blame him and I only had one thought.
Karma sure is a b**ch.
I know. This is another one of the more horrible ones, but I thought it would be interesting to write RJ, even though he wasn't very close with Fudge. Please review.
