Disclaimer: I have not, nor will I ever own Invader Zim.

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This rental car is a piece of trash. One turn taken too fast on this windy mountain road, and I swear it's going to fall apart! The damn thing shudders every time I press the gas pedal, and I know I've taken my life into my hands with this. The lady at the airport definitely swindled me good... No matter, nothing is an obstacle in the name of science! Or at least, that's what dad says.

As far as I can tell, the military has investigated hundreds of towns all around this area in the last week. However, they haven't looked at all of them, which leads me to believe they know something I don't know about the alien, or who it may be traveling with. I know I won't find any aliens here, or at least my chances are small, but I'm hoping to learn what, or who, the government is looking for.

Slowly crossing the last hill, I can see it. There's a small cluster of houses and assorted buildings buried in the corner of this valley, almost like it's trying to hide. Definitely a good spot for paranormal activity… that church looks quite old - Focus, Dib! Ghosts can wait, an alien is something no one can call me crazy for! But if I see any ghosts on the way, that would be a nice bonus to this whole experience. Although, if I prove the existence of alien life, I'm sure people will take me seriously about everything I say. Wouldn't that be nice.

Finally pulling up in what appears to be one of five streets in this town, I park the car and observe my surroundings. This seems to be a residential area, kind of, as the only general store is at the end of the road, and that house looks like a toy shop… nevermind. There's a few people here and there, and so far they all look like normal, non alien-harboring fugitives to me. I'm careful not to accidentally destroy the car in the simple process of getting out of it, and I pick a boring looking house to jump-start the coolest adventure in my entire life!

Knocking on the simple white door I can feel a sense of adventure and excitement rush through me. What if this house has the alien? Is it friendly? What does it look like? Maybe I got lucky and the government idiots missed it, oh, think of all the things I could learn from it! This could be - it's an old lady. Damn.

"Can I help you, young man?" She looked at me suspiciously, and even though she looks like a discount Betty White, I have to remember to not trust anyone…

"Yes, you can! My name is Dib Membrane, I'm a paranormal investigator. Tell me, have you seen any military types asking questions around here lately?" It's a straight forward enough question, but she has the audacity to sigh at me, as if I wasn't trying to save humanity here!

"Yeah, they were 'round here two days ago. They didn't talk to me, though. Guess I'm not importan' enough for them. But I think that the government needs to keep their noses outta our business! Don't know why they would come 'round here anyway. There's nothin' here." As if she suddenly remembered she was talking to someone, her glazed, zoned out look vanished as she glared at me. "You with them?"

"Absolutely not! I'm trying to… to catch them! Yeah, they're doing, uh, illegal stuff? And I'm trying to prove it!" That was possibly, the dumbest thing I've ever said. Please, please, please fall for that. She leans back a bit and considers me. I knew I shouldn't have worn the trench-coat to a small town. It's not exactly friendly attire.

"Alright then." Oh thank god, she accepted that. "Look, I heard from Susan that they only talked to one house 'ere. They practically interrogated Bob Donnahy, down at the end of the street." She points to a dark grey ranch house about a few hundred feet away. "Now, he's a good man and he ain't never done anything wrong. No reason he should be in trouble with anyone." And with that, she slammed the white door shut.

"Um… thank you!" Idiot, she's not even listening. Okay, Bob Donnahy, end of the block. There I go, saving the world! In this little town in the middle of nowhere, Pennsylvania. It's a nice enough town, I guess. It's not my cup of tea, but it's the perfect place for something sinister to hide. I'm not going to lose faith that the alien is here, but I would have to be the luckiest man alive to simply stumble upon it here.

Reaching the old weathered porch door, I cross my fingers and wish for all the luck in the world as I knock. After a few seconds of waiting and the far away sounds of birds, I can hear footsteps beginning to approach the door, and then a tall lumberjack type guy, who I can only assume is Bob, opens the door. He's looks like a hallmark card's idea of a outdoors-man. Flannel, beard, big boots and all. It's almost impressive how dedicated he is to the stereotype.

"Whaddya want." He barks out at me.

"H-hi, are you Bob Donnahy?" He squints his eyes.

"Who's askin'." He crosses his arms and frowns at me.

"Well, my name is Dib Membrane, and I'm a para - I'm investigating the strange involvement of government agencies in this town. I heard they talked to you?" Instantly his frown becomes a scowl, and he moves to close the door.

"We're done here." He says. Thinking fast, I jam my foot into the doorframe just before the door slams shut.

"Ow!" That was not a good idea. "Wait! I'm not with them! I'm against them, promise! And, uh, please release my foot." Slowly, he opened the door, letting me awkwardly stumble backwards in pain.

"You're against 'em? How can I trust that?" He looks at me the same way the old lady from down the street did.

"Well," I straighten myself up as best I can. "Do I look like a government official?" I gesture at my trench-coat, and he laughs.

"Nah, you're too scrawny to be in the government. You look like you haven't done a hard days work in your life."

"Gee, thanks." I do work hard! It's just not manual labor.

"Come in, kid." He steps aside and holds the door open for me. Walking in, I follow him to the living room where he gestures for me to sit in an old floral armchair.

"Hey, thanks for letting me in, I really appreciate it. I promise I'm not here to interrogate you, or anything like that. Um, you have a lovely house, where did you get-"

"Skip the small talk kid, what're you here for." He reclines in his chair, and practically glares down his nose at me.

"Okay then, I'll get right to it. I'm actually following the government, I think they're looking for… something, but I want to find it first. If they find it, no one will ever know it was even there. And if I find it, I could do some good with it. I think. Does that make sense?"

"Sure."

"Well, I heard that they came to this house, and I've been tracking them, you see? And for some reason they aren't investigating every town, and even in the towns they do go to they only ask for certain houses… Making a long story short, what did they ask you? What do you have to do with this? What are they looking for?" He stares at me quietly and taps his fingers against the arms of the chair. After a few moments, he sighs and stands up.

"They didn' want to talk to me. Come on, I'll show you." He walks out of the living room and up the stairs. I scramble to follow him, excited about this possible lead. Although it doesn't sound like he has the alien. When we reach the top of the stairs, he opens a door on our left, and gestures me inside.

"This is my daughter, Charlotte." The bedroom was a pale blue, and sunlight was pouring in through the open window opposite the door. In the bed was what looked like a teenage girl, but she was thin and sickly looking, asleep in her bed with IV tubes and heart monitors hooked up to her. Her long black hair was dull and limp, and she had dark circles under her eyes. Her bedside table had a fresh bouquet of flowers, but there were dried flower petals here and there on the floor, indicating she had been here a long time.

"I don't understand." This girl was no alien, and she couldn't possibly have had anything to do with the crash. What would the government want with her?

"Those idiots were lookin' for something specific, that I'm sure of, but they didn't do enough of their research. Charlotte was in an accident two years ago, you see? She hasn't woken up yet, but I know she will. She's got nothing to do with whatever they want."

"I'm sorry." What do you say in a situation like this?

"Unless you drive a 1976 ford bronco, it's not your fault, kid." I do not drive one of those. The room falls silent. I take our shared time in the uncomfortable atmosphere of Charlotte's bedroom to refocus my mind on the task at hand.

"But… I don't get it, what did they ask you for?" He huffed.

"These two soldiers came knockin' at my door, wanting to speak to Charlotte. I told 'em that wasn't possible, but they insisted. Said they had reason to believe she may be involved with something."

"Involved with what?"

"They didn't say, I asked that too and they said it was top secret. I told them again she wasn't available and they got pushy about it. This young one, probably some sort of new guy, started yellin' at me. Askin' me where Charlotte was on the night of Friday the 20th."

"Friday the 20th…" That's the night of the landing! Obviously Charlotte was in no way involved, so what would they want with her?

"Yeah, that's right. I was about to tell them to fuck off when the leader came outta his car and stormed up to the house. Some major or colonel, I don't know. He apologized for the new guy's behavior and asked to talk to Charlotte. I told him no, again, and to get off my property. He says it's a 'matter of national emergency'. Can you believe that?"

"Maybe…" I mutter to myself.

"This clown says they think Charlotte might've done something that Friday, and they wanted a saliva sample and to ask her some questions. I'm so fed up that I grab that colonel and show him Charlotte, and then he-"

"Wait, hold on. Did you say saliva sample?" They wanted Charlotte's DNA?

"Yeah, didn't say why, though. I didn't think to ask, just wanted them to get the hell outta my house."

"What else did they ask you?" I'm getting good intel here!

"That's it. The boss apologized, and left. Heard him yelling at the soldier about doing better research, though."

"Yeah… okay." Damn. Dead end.

"Does this mean anything to you?"

"It might, actually. Let's go downstairs and talk." This room makes me feel so sad. Bob nods, and I follow him back down to the living room and we take our seats.

"Tell it to me straight, kid. What is this all about?"

"Well, as far as I know, the government is looking for… something. For some reason they thought your daughter was involved."

"Obviously she wasn't." He muttered.

"Yeah." I winced. "The question is, why though. See, I think they have a DNA sample from someone who has this thing. The thing they're looking for? And that's why they wanted to talk to your daughter, because she must have the traits they're looking for."

"They sure ain't doing that much research beforehand."

"That's probably because they're rushing… They want to find this thing as soon as possible, and they're probably interrogating every single person that fits the profile. Since they weren't interested in you, maybe they're only looking for women. Or a certain hair type, or maybe even an… allergy or something! I don't know…" I wish I had more information.

"Look, kid. I don't know what this is about, and to be frank, I don't wanna know, but I think you got some brains, yeah? You'll figure this out."

"Thanks, Mr. Donnahy, I sure hope so."

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"Hold still! I can't get the details if you keep moving your head!" I'm trying to draw Zim for my art project, while he works on Gir at the same time. To say the least, it's not working all that well. He laughs and tilts his face up to look at me.

"I am busy, you want to draw, fine." He smiles. "I want to fix Gir." Rolling my eyes and trying not to smile back, I counter.

"You agreed to this, remember? The least you could do is be still!" I have a rough outline of his face already down on the paper. In the drawing, he's looking down, focused intently on what's beyond the page. I know that to be Gir, but my art teacher won't. He has the slightest smile, and his right eye is squinting just a little bit more than his left. I must say, his smile is beginning to be quite infectious.

"Aoseí." Whatever. "I do best, okay?" With a cocky grin, he returns to working on Gir, and I'm resigned to focus on drawing, even when he moves his head all over the place.

As time goes on, I'm able to get more of his face. The small scar on his cheek, the new one from the crash on his forehead. The way his browline creases when he's focused, even though he doesn't have eyebrows. When I move to color, I find it difficult to completely capture the brilliant colors of his eyes and skin. I have noticed that his eyes aren't entirely one uniform color of red. There's a part of the eye that's a tiny bit darker than the rest, I think that's his pupil. It's hard to see, but now that I've noticed it, it makes it easier to tell where he's looking. It's fascinating, really. I'm almost done, and beginning to admire my work when a beeping noise rips me from my train of thought.

"Lezichí! Kaí finoízh gach!" I did it! Looking up at Zim's outburst, I see his face is full of glee, as Gir's eyes light up to a deep red.

"Holy shit." Gir's eyes flash a couple of times, then he abruptly sits up on the coffee table. Gir then does what looks like a salute, crossing his left arm over the front of his body with his hand in a fist. I notice Zim wince at this, as Gir finishes the salute.

"Gethid Ibugaolkeí Repwochúr, aígejaí pa a zhuwukh!" Gir's voice sounds metallic, and fake. Like an early version of Siri, I suppose. Zim sighs and rolls his eyes.

"Gir, pap gach bufe." Zim says.

"Wait, what did he say? What was-" Before I can finish, Gir's eyes flash to blue and he jumps up onto the table and screeches.

"Aíb khí eg? Kaí kho núʻol!" Where are we? I'm… hungry? That's weird. Zim looks shocked, his mouth dropping open in surprise. Gir turns and points at me and screams again, every time he talks the little line that symbolizes his mouth lights up blue.

"Usped veírnú!" I didn't get that, but Zim flushes a few shades darker and seems to get a grip on himself.

"Gir, zas!" Stop! Gir immediately turns back to Zim, and shrieks again. My neighbors are going to kill me.

" 'Aongaothao, lesi!" Hello… something. Zim flinches, and squints at Gir.

"Finú tuzit kaí chin. Kaí kho Zim, veíú?" Zim speaks in a calm voice to Gir, and holds his attention for a lovely few seconds. Then, the crazy robot laughs, actually laughs, and jumps off the coffee table and runs into the kitchen. Zim and I sit in the living room in shock for a brief few seconds, until I break the silence.

"What… was that?" Zim laughs nervously and his left antennae twitches.

"I do not know. I did not fix right." He frowns.

"What was he saying?" His antennae twitches.

"Beginner thing. His name." He shrugs.

"Okay, sure. What did he say to me? He pointed at me and said something." I can hear pots and pans clattering to the floor in the kitchen, but I'm trying to block it out for the sake of my sanity. I swear on my life Zim's face darkens again, like he's blushing.

"It is not important."

"Tell me, Zim." I try to sound threatening, and his antennae lie flat against his head as he seems to consider it.

"Gir… He say you are, how do you say, nice to see?" What? Does he mean pretty?

"I'm sorry, what?" Gir comes running back into the living room with a pot on his head and jumps up on the coffee table.

"Mingich, lesi!" He yells at Zim, who sighs and corrects him.

"Zim." Gir ignores him, and continues, pointing to the pot on his head.

"Kaí vaí z̀eír gíptoíthú!" He spins and does what I think is a bow, as if to show off his new… pot hat.

"Gach khí yeívi gab, Gir." Zim speaks through gritted teeth, managing to look more and more frustrated as time goes on. I'm just annoyed that I can't understand anything.

"Zim, will you download English into Gir, please?" They both turn to me as soon as I speak, seemingly forgetting I was sitting right here. Zim chuckles nervously.

"Gaz, Gir is not fix. He say… weird thing."

"I don't care, please just do it?" Gir points at me and says the same thing from earlier. I continue to talk over him. "I'd just like to understand what's going on. Please?" Zim stops glaring at Gir to look at me, and slumps down into the couch as he seems to concede.

"Fine. I need computer." I ignore Gir's crazed mutterings and little dance on the coffee table to go and grab my laptop, bringing it to Zim, he gets straight to work. He opens up the computer, goes to google, and sets the laptop down on the table. He turns to Gir, and speaks sternly.

"Gir, kaí'oích al daov fí keíptú al mipta chuyaʻe khow no el lenzin thaíp fím el aokchúr." I want you… learn… can… the language, planet… I give up. That's way too many words for me right now, and everything going on has fried my brain. Gir's eyes light up red, which seems to surprise Zim, and he turns to the computer and moves his hand towards it. The tip of his first finger flips open, like a lighter, and some sort of cord comes out, almost like an aux cable, but smaller. The small aux cable splits up into many smaller cables, and attach to one of the HDMI ports. As soon as this happens, the screen changes.

It's like the laptop is running through every website that ever existed all at once, and I have to close my eyes and look away before I get a seizure from it. Even with my eyes closed, I can see the flashing lights of the laptop screen light dimly light up the darkness I'm craving. After what seems like an eternity of lights and the occasional sound, the light stops. I cautiously turn to look, and my computer is back to normal and Gir is standing completely still, his hand all back together.

Zim is rubbing his eyes, so he seems to have been affected by the disco lighting as well, but he straightens up and focuses his attention on Gir.

"Gir, mipta al suzh english enga?" Can you understand English? The lights of Gir's blue eyes flash a couple of times, almost like he's blinking, and then the robot squeals with delight.

"I can understand it!" Oh God, this is so much worse now that I can understand. Gir shrieks and slurs his words like some sort of drunkard, which makes Zim flinch back and flatten his antennae like he's afraid he's going to go deaf. The light in Gir's eyes seem to be some sort of screen, because parts of the 'eye' will go dark or light up mimicking the appearance of emotions. I would appreciate the clever design more if I didn't want to throttle the robot Zim worked so hard on fixing.

"Pretty lady!" Gir shrieks and points at me. Well, that confirms that, although the compliment is not welcome by the most annoying four foot tall creature to ever exist. "Are we on Irk, pretty lady?" I can see Zim frown and turn away in the corner of my eye, so I figure it's best if I get the robot to shut up about Irk.

"Uh, no, Gir. We're not… there, we're on a planet called Earth. My planet." His blue eyes flicker, and the light moves upward, as if he's smiling.

"Okay!" Gir turns to Zim. "Master, where is-" Zim cuts him off.

"It is Zim, and no. We are only ones here." His left antennae twitches, and he almost looks sad.

"But, I want-"

"Eídíp, Gir." No. "Zas pa tulkarínga chuya gach. Rith." Stop… Please. The blue lights of Gir's eyes flicker downwards, almost as if he's sad.

"Okay. I am sorry." He even goes as far as to fake sniff, hops down from the coffee table and begins to walk away.

"Wait, Gir!" I say. Gir spins back around faster than I can blink and the blue lights in his eyes have moved upwards. Zim looks at me in confusion, as he's clearly annoyed. "I need you to teach Zim english."

"Ah, pav." Zim mumbles to himself.

"Really?" Gir squeals, and I try hard to keep my face neutral.

"Yes, really. Could you do something for me, Gir?" The blue light expands to fill up both of his 'eyes'.

"Yes, pretty lady!" I need Zim to manually turn down his volume or something.

"First, call me Gaz. Not pretty lady. Second, could you please be quieter? My neighbors won't like the noise much."
"Sure thing!" No change in the noise level. It was worth a shot I guess.

"Okay, um, I didn't think this far ahead but this is what we're gonna do. Zim and I are going to talk, and you're going to translate, cool?" Zim makes a noncommittal noise in the back of his throat but doesn't say anything.

"Cool!" Gir's eyes shift to red for a brief second and he salutes. As soon as it happened, the blue light was back.

"Oh, and if Zim or I actually need something translated we'll um…" I look to Zim for help, and after a few seconds of thinking he snaps his fingers. "Yeah, that! Get it?" The little robot nods. "Good." I turn my attention to Zim. "So, what happened with Gir?" Zim winces, and stares at Gir, seemingly thinking so hard his antennae are going to pop off.

"I do not know. I do not have tools to fix." He gestures to Gir. "Best I can fix."

"Okay, that makes sense. It's not like earth has anything close to the technology needed to fix Gir." Although, maybe my dad does… "Um, is there any other planet that could fix it?" Zim's eyes harden immediately and he hisses to himself.

"Isi reg fiptazínga Irkezeích, to kaí kho noj pa khúnga fií ga." The blue of Gir's eyes move up as he 'smiles' and begins to translate.

"Only those fucking Irkezeích, and I-"

"Gir! Kaí finoíchú eípwí aokh yí ngeíno'eích." Zim says as he snaps his fingers in front of Gir's face.

"I didn't snap my fingers!" Gir parrots back, causing Zim to slap his hand against his face in defeat. I'm trying not to laugh, as I don't want to upset Zim, but it's definitely a challenge.

"Well, technically you snapped your fingers that time." Zim rolled his eyes at that.

"Mi, a úgúdaolkeí." He grumbles as he snaps his fingers.

"Yes, for emphasis!" Gir says happily.

"Oh cheer up! Look, we can communicate better now, isn't that great?" He turns to me and smiles.

"Yes. Gach khí yov daov kho chuth daov tulkar daov al githaolkeí." He whispers, almost to himself, and I snap my fingers. Zim's skin darkens ever so slightly as I do this.

"It's wonderful to be able to talk to you fully!" Gir delivers every translation with such a pep that I feel it should take away the emotion that Zim speaks with, but I'm able to discern between the two.

"Yeah, me too. I'm glad that I met you, you've made my life so much more exciting."

Zim snaps his fingers.